I can't be mad. I WANT TO BE. I need to change myself completely... I need to be a different person. I lose people by being me... Maybe if I looked or acted more like... HER. GOD... I just feel like I've had my chest torn open... IF ONLY I HADN'T BEEN SO GODDAMN STUPID... If only I wasn't such a fucking whore.... If I didn't dress like the way I do or act like I do... I DON'T LOOK LIKE A SLUT... But I am one. Maybe I need to look like one and not act like one... Then I wouldn't LOSE PEOPLE. God... What am I rambling about? He's happy... But I don't think I want him to be. HOW CAN I BE SO FUCKING SELFISH? I only care about myself... MAYBE THAT'S MY FUCKING PROBLEM. >_< I knew I wasn't meant to love anyone. I KNEW I was never meant to be loved. GODDAMMIT. I need to change the person I am. EVERYTHING has to change. Clothes and personality all included. Jesus fucking Christ... "I'm in a car underwater with time to kill. Looking back, I forgot to tell you this... I didn't care that you left and abandoned me. What hurts more, is I would still die for you."