the clouds cover the sky with not one bit of blue.

the rain sprinkles and it's like the sky is crying. how could it be? when it was sunny and beautiful just yesterday?

But it's something I cannot control, something I have no say on whatsoever.

I wish it could all go away. All this ugliness.

The lies, the betrayal. The lust, the hurt, the pain.

All of it. I just want sunshine. I just the sky to be a beautiful, azure blue. But no clouds. I want the sun to shine bright, and I want the wonders of the sunshine.

Maybe I have done things wrongly. But I try and I try, but yet I can't get it right.

I want to be be with someone that I cannot possibly be with. I cannot force it, I can not change it. Fate. Is there really fate?? Maybe if I had done it differently, it would change?? But we cannot change the past, like we cannot change the weather.

It will rain whether I want it to or not. It will thunder and the sky will be grey.

I distract myself with someone else, in those moments I am happy and I forget. I froget about you.

I forget that we cannot be together and that you do not love me.

I forget the pain that has been caused, the pieces of my heart you shattered. I forget that you can make me smile I forget the uncontrollable lust and jealousy that resides in me.

I forget with just one damn hello you can make it all go away so easily.

With just the hope of being able to see you makes my heart flutter and the pieces fall back together so easily. With a simple smile, a kiss and a hello.

I can't help this. I can't control it. Yet I wish I could walk away.

But how can you walk away from the only thing that can make your heart whole, if only for a moment??