I see people Students I know Turning on me And hating me so I do things wrong When I try to do them right Why cant I be perfect At least for a night I do what I don’t want And want what I don’t do Why cant I listen to me And do what I know how to I say what I don’t mean And mean what I don’t say I wish I could be right At least for a day I impress some And piss off many Im like a dulled star Or a dirty penny No matter how hard I try Im always wrong And when I think I was right Its been the opposite all along Im sorry Im not perfect Forget all of this Im sorry im not perfect Nobody is….

Love Smiles Hugs Warmth Laughter and Hope Is what everyone else sees But in out little broken home Nothing is as it seems… Under the roof Hate Screaming Crying Stealing Lying The effect he’s left behind It wont let us be We need help Why can t any one see Please save me And take me away I cant take it I don’t want to stay Please take me away From our little broken home Make the pain go away And make the past let us go...

i cant wait till friday ..my birthday is in 6 days..i cant wait hehe ill be 17.. ~ash~

Have you ever had one of those days that are just so great and then somthing unexpected happens that just makes every problem youve ever had go away in a split second, forever...? FUCK YOU ALL OF YOU WHO LAUGHED AT ME OR SAID I WAS STUPID..I THINK IM OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW HOW I FEEL AND WHAT DECISIONS I MAKE... SO THOSE OF YOU WHO DONT AGREE WITH MY DESISON CAN GO FUCK YOURSELVES AND LEAVE ME THAT FUCK ALONE!!! P.S. Thank you walshy, amanda, and brianne for always being there for me through everything especially this... i luv you guys I LOVE YOU ERIC FOREVER AND ALWAYS!!! ~ashley~

im not typing it again...read ashlynna88

Cinderella walked on broken glass. Sleeping Beauty let a whole lifetime pass. Belle fell in love with a hideous beast. Pocahontas risked her life for a feast. Jasmine could have had anyone instead she chose a poor man. Ariel walked on land all for love and for life. It was all about blood, sweat & tears... Love is all about facing your biggest fears ~ash~

I will not make the same mistakes that you did I will not let myself Cause my heart so much misery I will not break the way you did, You fell so hard I've learned the hard way To never let it get that far Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt Because of you I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me Because of you I am afraid I lose my way And it's not too long before you point it out I cannot cry Because you know that's weakness in your eyes I'm forced to fake A smile, a laugh everyday of my life My heart can't possibly break When it wasn't even whole to start with Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt Because of you I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me Because of you I am afraid I watched you die I heard you cry every night in your sleep I was so young You should have known better than to lean on me You never thought of anyone else You just saw your pain And now I cry in the middle of the night For the same damn thing Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt Because of you I try my hardest just to forget everything Because of you I don't know how to let anyone else in Because of you I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty Because of you I am afraid Because of you Because of you

This year is offically called karma year... wuts gone around the past two years is coming back..one by one..i hope u r ready.....right tanya & cait lol *wink* ~ashley~ P.S. Payback is a mother fucking bitch dont fuck with me!!!!!!! ~ash~

Girls~ ~Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot... ~Who calls you back when you hang up on him... ~Who will stay awake just to watch you sleep... ~Wait for the boy who kisses your forehead... ~Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats... ~Who holds your hand in front of his friends... ~Who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on... ~Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you... ~Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, "...that's her." Guys* *Find a girl who calls you BABE or baby face instead of HOT or SEXY... *Who can't stand it when you hang up on her... *Who would sit there for hours looking into your eyes... *Wait for the one who doesn't care what you look like, but what's inside counts the most... *Who looks at you with the twinkle in her eyes and kisses you on the cheek instead of the lips... *Who wants to be with you in public... *Who makes you smile just by knowing she loves/likes you back... *Wait for the girl who is a constant reminder of your happiness and joy... *Wait for the girl who you give piggy back rides to in public and she still is in view of her friends, while she gets off and you hear her go: "you're the one for me, for always." Both* find someone that you can trust more then anything... -by april ~ashley~

One more day Is all I want One more time to just say good bye I need to see you one last time to end this pain to not leave me in vain you left me so fast I miss you so much with all my heart your in my thoughts your in my dreams even though you dont see I still care I cant take it any more I have to make it end ~my good friend laurie...~

Did you know that those who appear to be very strong in heart, are real weak and most susceptible? Did you know that those who spend their time protecting others are the ones that really need someone to protect them? Did you know that the three most difficult things to say are: I love you, Sorry and help me Did you know that those who dress in red are more confident in themselves? Did you know that those who dress in yellow are those that enjoy their beauty? Did you know that those who dress in black, are those who want to be unnoticed and need your help and understanding? Did you know that when you help someone, the help is returned in two folds? Did you know that it's easier to say what you feel in writing than saying it to someone in the face? But did you know that it has more value when you say it to their face? Did you know that if you ask for something in faith, your wishes are granted? Did you know that you can make your dreams come true, like falling in love, becoming rich, staying healthy, if you ask for it by faith, and if you really knew, you'd be surprised by what you could do.

im not supposed to love you, Im not supposed to care, Im not supposed to live my life wishing you were there, Im not supposed to wonder where you are or what you do, I just couldnt help myself, I fell in love with you!

Behind a mask My face is blank from practice My feelings well hidden Deep within my heart a chamber is filled with emotions Overflowing from never having been let out. Until the point comes When they're too much to bear So I give in. And alone in my room They come out In tears Then I pick myself back up Wipe the evidence from my face Put on a fake smile And walk back into the world Like nothing is wrong. The truth stays behind Locked within the confides of my bedroom. My escape

nicks home...YAH!!!! i cant wait til tonight when i get to see him.... people r pissing me off... he hasnt even been back for 6 hours and people are already talking shit again...grrr allwell...i should be used to it by now... ~ash~

wow... My cousin scotty is in the hospital becuz he has alcohol poisining from drinking straight vodka with a bunch of his friends ... his blood alcohol level was .254... at .300 your clinically dead... hes so lucky... he was at a lake and one of the girls that was there went into the water and passed out cold... he went in and pulled her to the shore they all got into the car after they put her in and on the way to the hospital scotty passed out cold... 3 of them that were there had poisining. and the doctors had to do cpr on the girl to bring her back... she wasnt breathing and she didnt have any water in her lungs... she stopped breathing before she hit the water... if scotty had had one more drink hed be dead right now...that kinda scares me... i hope hes ok... ~ashley~

Behind a mask My face is blank from practice My feelings well hidden Deep within my heart a chamber is filled with emotions Overflowing from never having been let out. Until the point comes When they're too much to bear So I give in. And alone in my room They come out In tears Then I pick myself back up Wipe the evidence of tears from my face Put on a face smile And walk back into the world Like nothing is wrong. The truth stays behind Locked within the confides of my bedroom. My escape

u know wut... i hate it when people dis me and yet r to scared to say who they are... lol its so funny, if i have somthing to say i usually make sure they know its me saying it... i think u need to grow the fuck up and get a life instead of getting into mine... ~ashley~

my other diary is ashlynna88 just to let everyone else know... As we walked Hand in hand I heard you say “I truly understand” When I slept I felt you care With you arms wrapped ‘round me I knew you’d always be there Whenever I cried I always heard you say That you’ll love me forever As you wiped my tears away As we cuddled You promised to be my friend And I felt you squeeze And heard you say “until the end” I remember we sat And watched to sun set Under the old willow tree Where we first met As we sat Under the willow tree I was thinking You truly love me When we danced I felt it you hold me tight As if you thought Id float away into the night As we danced I could tell it was meant to be As you pulled me close And asked “Will you marry me?” As I walked down the aisle I knew I wanted to be true So I promised myself Id always love you As we laid by the willow tree In the dark of the night I felt you get up and watched As you carved a promise without a fight When I looked I saw you write I’ll love you forever into eternity And all through the night As we drove Into state after state I knew our love Would soon be our fate As I reminisce Through the memories of things you used to say I remember you promise me You’ll be with me forever and a day Now as I look into your eyes I can truly say You’ve kept your promise with out any lies As they lowered your coffin I felt a tear roll slowly down my face then disappear And swore I heard you say its ok I’m here As I now cry I remember how you said you were my friend How you’d be there to love me and care Up until the end Now I look at your grave Below a tree The tree with the promise That you had once made me As I look up At the gorgeous day I laid down, closed my eyes And felt you carry my away And with that I knew That the promise you made Was now forever true ~ashley~

ok i have one question..isnt high school suposed to make people grow up and get them ready for life??? if thats true then y the hell r people still so immature??? were juniors and 2 of my so called "friends" just disowned me...becuz im friends with someone they dont like...omg r we still in middle school??? GROW THE FUCK UP AND GET A LIFE!!! on a lighter note.... i got to see my baby today i missed him so much...even tho we both live in the same town it sux that he goes to a different school...i dont get to see him half as much as i want to ..but we watched a couple movies and hung out by the fire, it was great... tty all l8r ~ash~

its been almost a month since iv written in this..lol but nothing new has heppened except i moved into a new house..ne wys im back now so... ~ash~