There's this game I go to bed with working out in my head. I have you in roles you may like to play. Dirty and clean, and everything in between. You'll leave teeth marks like the Jersey Turnpike down my spine. Set up road blocks with fingernails down my back. The blood will drain from my brain and the flood gates will open to my legs. My role relieves myself of these clothes and these pants that grow too tight. Below my belly button. Under my zipper. Your hands know the drill. Give my body chills until we warm up with sets of push ups of bodily proportions. Blowing my mind until it's drained of any thoughts but how to see your face scrunch up. So work harder. Here we go. Your body of silk. your skin so smooth under my tongue licking a cone from the dairy queen. Baby I'll get you so clean. Just scream those words and dig a little deeper, and if you hate me more just get the handcuffs and leave me on your bed post 'til morning arrives. You may hate me honey and I may love this. So gear up for role play sweetie I'll make you love me yet.

Casting in my mind, i skim for traces of you Wasting my time, i drip fantasies and thoughts and Recite all the possibilities in my head. Every moment now is frustration; skin wrapping and suffocating Every night is an internal journey of discovery and enlightenment: (Tonight, i learn again the ways i am nothing) Every thought is coupled with another, Blocking any possibilities of forward continuity And despite how i preach my heart, Plague my own mind with those words pouring from my pencil, I suffer this disease of mind, to scare myself and waste me away. And at the end i can safely say, i've done so much Of all the things that matter: Crying and praying, wanting and failing. I wonder what you'd do, if you saw me now What you'd think, will you feel the same? If i stroked you, would you see me as i hope? Fantasy: You stirred, i refused to sit by and watch, so i ventured close. I reached my hand out to the darkness and spoke your name. You snapped at me- and i pulled back- and spoke your name again. And stroked your face. And lay with you. And gazed into the black And i said: mine again. Together at last. I remember every smile you've ever given me, Every time you've ever held my hand. Remeber how i love you. My god , how i love you. (We're both so locked within ourselves That neither of us can speak. We feel like a fucking idiot. I'm sorry i can't be who you want me to be.) My insect float to your skin in attraction, their blood is for you: The midnight moths dance to your eyes And break into fire in the sky. But i no longer know you, and you recall me But i'm holding where i think your Hands might be.

I’m intrigued, really. I imagine what it’s like in the life of hom. he wakes up before the sun even sees the trees. Depending on the morning he’ll either do himself up or just throw on his jeans. The drive to work is only made better with music to help him pass the time between reading bumpers and eyeing hubcaps. he slips in to work to sip on his chai. Today's a tea day you see. Let’s his eyes adjust before they get glued to computer screens and ears to receivers. Making more eye contact with blueberry phones then with girls like me. My body couldn't compete with how much action that phone could give out, my mouth could grow tired with the stupid things that flow out. he reminds me of me, but on such a different level. I’ve got more face time with my work then my life. I’ve got e-mails and pay checks to replace my friends voice mails. “brittany come out. Why don’t you ever come out to play these days?” Every things business, even these shows I attend. Oh every things business even these cds. There’s so much going on, but so little to give out. And no one understand because when I get them on the line, they want to do the talking. And if there’s one thing I’m good at its the silent game. And my friend wants to go out and off my tongue rolls “I have to look at my schedule.” “It’s just dinner, jesus don’t you eat?” So I type him messages hoping his schedules clear. So I’m typing words he has to balance in. Every other boy always had the time. Every other boy always put me straight through on their line. Every other boy was on my schedule you see. So I find it funny looking through seeing what’s its like to be on the other end of me. It’s so frustrating when business interferes with communication skills I used to have. I type like I talk and it doesn't feel any different. And it’s not that sad because I’m really happy. It’s not that bad because he eventually calls me back. It’s strictly business it feels like, its strictly business I know. We’re only 16 I know, you know?

My nights don’t know the word sober anymore. With the fleeing of the sun comes the popping of bottles tops or flames against green. Tonight my name is written all over a little blue pill with the impression of two hands in the shape of a heart. I’d like to think maybe this is my heart, these are my hands, this is my brain I’m frying away into oblivion. My boy he shakes his head, my boy he doesn't like it. “baby you cant go a day without it” And baby I know my limits and I know how it’s been . I got this dependency that's pulling me through, and if it gets me there I'll ride it all the way. So let’s see honey... one blue pill. Four water bottles in a green back pack across his shoulders. ONe big city with my name written all over it for just this one night. I can wait so patiently for my blood to start to flow and my pupils to dilate just like I was waiting in line as a kid at the ice cream truck. I’ll walk these city streets until the lights swallow me whole and the ground opens up and takes me in. Slowly my veins open up and my senses become senseless until I start to realize what they meant all these years. I wish someone would touch me. I cant stop touching myself. I can’t stop dancing I cant stop feeling anything I can put my fingers to. I feel so good... “its time to go” I feel so good... Until.. The bass in the car feels like it will make my insides burst out my pores. Until we are stuck in bumper to bumper traffic and he’s rubbing my back.. “baby just breathe and relax.” but that's so much easier said than done right now. I can’t stop shaking or feeling like my stomach is gonna come out my neck. The cars to my right feel directly on top of my lap. Everything’s closing in and I can’t unbuckle myself. I don’t like this feeling, I don’t have any control. I’m so scared my legs are shaking against the dash. I wish baby was here to throw arms around me and slow my breathing down to any normal pace. his touch would feel like velvet, Everything feels so good. Everything feels so smooth. I forget the world to rub my legs. I just want to forget the outside to rub my fingers through my hair. Baby this is ecstasy.

okay so i realize that the past few entrys are only pictures but well its summer and all my summer has been are pictures of great people and good times. i recently went to TN with drayton(my boyfriend) and my family.... this is the experiance! that abouve sounds so gay drayton on a horse?!? he knows how to bandle them me... i'm not really a hick i swear neither is he gotta love that face my brother he's retarded the cabin we stayed in.... drayton decided to climb it?!? showing me the art of being azn apart of the berlin wall ripiley's museum (sp) us in the biggest tire in the world a place actually named 'cooters' him just being georgeous

Im the tan one okay, so me and chelsea went to PC together this past week. we found a place called condom knowlege. this is what we witnessed.

here r some things to remind you of the times we shared together.... haha its great

second period memories wes & Amy amanda ...amanda again These incessant forevers dwell within the scads of contingency My wide-eyed glare into my new eternity Screams of love and more hatred than before The sky falls away from the moon Time and time again Just to die in self sufficiency Falling at an uncontainable speed Before it collides with the bitter cold ocean This lost reunion changes and shifts Splendor and chaos to create the greatest disproportion This reality to remain Until once again the skies come undone You scored as Punk/Rebel. Punk/Rebel88%Goth81%Stoner69%Ghetto gangsta63%Drama nerd38%Loner31%Geek25%Prep/Jock/Cheerleader6%What's Your High School Stereotype?created with QuizFarm.com ^^^ this isnt the slightest bit true... haha i shop @ AE and AF.... what a punk rocker i am

Okay, so things have definitely turned around. Friday was the last day of school Last day of school= no more Ms. Black lady After exams on Friday me and Drayton checked out together and went to waffle house ƒº (Waffle house makes me smile) then we went to THE LAND with Drayton¡¦s parents and Rico It was a fine old time. We rode 4 wheelers. We ate sandwiches. I CAUGHT A FISH ¡K complete craziness Saturday Drayton n rico cam back and we set off for THE LAND ( we decided to camp there ¡¥till Monday. And camp was what we did). we rode four wheelers. We roasted marshmallows. I was with him it was all so wonderful. The only sad thing about the ¡¥adventure¡¦ was its over and he¡¦s not here to keep me company.

laying all alone at night but i feel you here with me something about the way you touch haunts my every dream and it may be too late you may be too far away i know it's not the same but please don't tell me to forget to forget what we had i'd have no happiness i wouldn't know how to laugh there would be nothing nothing to look forward to and i'd never dream never care so let me remember let me dream of you here ¢¾ ¢¾ [outintheopen]

I was holding on hanging by a thread Clinging to 3 words you said But words are meaningless in your absence Violation's a victory Just close your eyes go to sleep. i ♥ you :(

I have a face. I keep it on a rack in the basement.

I saw fireworks from the freeway and behind closed eyes I cannot make them go away you shooda born on the fourth of July, freedom ring now something on the surface it stings that something on the surface it kind of makes me nervous who says that you deserve this and what kind of god would serve this? We will cure this dirty old disease if you've got the poison I've got the remedy the remedy is the experience. It is a dangerous liaison I say the comedy is that it’s serious. Which is a strange enough new play on words I say the tragedy is how you’re gonna spend the rest of your nights with the light on So shine the light on all of your friends because it all amounts to nothing in the end. I won’t worry my life away. I won’t worry my life away. I heard two men talking on the radio in a cross fire kind of new reality show Uncovering the ways to plan the next big attack they were counting down the days to stab the brother in the be right back after this the unavoidable kiss, where the minty fresh death breath is sure to outlast his catastrophe dance with me, because if you've got the poison, I've got the remedy the remedy is the experience. It is a dangerous liaison I say the comedy is that it’s serious. Which is a strange enough new play on words I say the tragedy is how you’re gonna spend the rest of your nights with the light on So shine the light on all of your friends because it all amounts to nothing in the end. I won’t worry my life away. I won’t worry my life away. When I fall in love I take my time There's no need to hurry when I'm making up my mind You can turn off the sun but I'm still gonna shine and I'll tell you why Because the remedy is the experience. It is a dangerous liaison I say the comedy is that it’s serious. Which is a strange enough new play on words I say the tragedy is how you’re gonna spend the rest of your nights with the light on So shine the light on all of your friends because it all amounts to nothing in the end. I won’t worry my life away. I won’t worry my life away. I won’t and I won’t and I won’t

today me and stepnanie got way too bored and took pictures she farted i look way cooler than i actually am climbing the walls? i do it all the time stephanie is a punk rocker here is the proof

carnival Breathing doesn't matter; This motion does it for us, Forcing air as we force eachother Into affinity Pausing only to kiss, I like your air better It's the same breathe you used To tell me you loved me There's no need to say it now, Your body is saying it all Shivering, but it's not cold Biting your lip as we kiss I feel it trembling, Just like me Now your fluttering eyelids Don't cry the same Anymore They never will again These tears of joy will last forever Just like every second we are together ------- not named ?!? Surrender your wants for your needs The truth is yours to mislead In hollowed frames we stole our thoughts It's destiny You saw the best in me But it's hard when you feel so alone To face what's been known as unknown I knew it was then as I know it is now Still I wait, Living to please you Dying to seize you In what we both know is love Will we ever meet again? Just as we did then? How long has it been? How long will it be? I'll wait forever For us to be together spring break rocked my cock... as you can see im terribly burnt from the hot hot hot sun. the only sad part was that i had to go to school today. But i did get to see drayton after 5 days in PC. he was soppost to come over but.... he has plans :( its okay tomorrow is another day and i will see em soon

whatever you decide to do i still have a name written on my heart the way you look the way you walk i can see the way that we are locked into each other forever and i like the feeling. i am considering nothing and you should know this i hope that you can see the meaning behind my glance in your direction i hope that you can see me when i turn around and wave goodbye i only wish that i will see you right behind me. he said, excuse me but may i borrow your heart for a moment? i would like to sit in the sun and examine true love. im writing a poetic love story.

Bad Girls and Bad boys won't last forever Good girls and good boys make love together ♥ ♥

Heather looks so lovely thats my baby... with short hair .... i know you are prolly wondering what he is thinking. such a comforting look chelsea with Rico or whateverthefuckhisnameis again chelsea is with him. ha she is so short i had to turn the camera a bit to get both of them in the picture mille looks so lovely. ali cat and millie. they are so cute together... too bad they're striaght Mr Lewis. awe he played a great show- they just needed to write better shit Paulie.... in my sunglasses mille and alicat again.... the other chick was umm IDK her name but she was BI the butterflies tell me its LOVE I have major clevage in this picture

I used to write your name all over this notebook. Look where all these scribbles got me. My stomach turns with every reference to your existence. Contact with your life is so much safer kept at a distance. Your this fire I'm drawn to, but once too close I just end up getting burned. Even if I catch myself realizing I've gone too far- I still proceed hoping for a new outcome once again. Yet the story always unfolds the same. So what else am I supposed to do? You're wonderful. It hurts. >> yesterday he went to the park with me-- we played all day. it was bliss. he sucks at basketball. I suck at video games... we're just a match made in heavan ♥

Im soo in love with HIM