Can you really be so self-centred and immature that you can't handle two of your friends going to the pub without you?? When she just broke up with her boyfriend, and you're being a complete bitch?!? Unbelievable. Only you could make someone elses break up all about you. Un-fucking-believable.

You harp on about 'certain people' needing to look up the word 'friend', you haven't a fucking clue what the word means! It's a two way thing, not just what we can do for you. I expect as soon as 'Rupert' arrives you'll have no reason to talk to me at all! Fine by me. (Oh and btw, you have essentially named your car 'penis'. Enjoy. And yes, all cars ARE female. You idiot.) If you can't remove your head from your arse long enough to attempt to support and cheer up one of your supposed 'best friends' I think we are both best off having you as an enemy.

You completely spoilt dinner last night with your stupid complaining about your weight and general moodiness. No one gives a fuck how much you weigh, what you had to eat, how youre not as skinny as us, blah blah blah blah blah. SHUT THE FUCK UP! " You couldn't hang yourself, the rope would break" was hillarious. Lighten up. You shouldnt be making flippant comments about hanging yourself in the first place. You want to lose weight?? Stop scoffing the junk, and I wouldn't think about giving up the gym. Oh and STOP DRINKING. If you're signed off work with stress and high blood pressure, you don't drink alcohol!! It raises your blood pressure. And no, dancing like THAT doesn't burn off the calories.

And you're completely incapable of listening to others problems. The only time you will listen is so you have something to base your next lie on. We dont care about your fake boyfriend Alfie. And he doesn't care about you either. He thinks you're disgusting, and he's seeing someone else. Not me, before you start making those comments again, because guess what?! I'm not the backstabbing, boyfriend stealing bitch you've made me out to be! I'm the one who's apologising, and making compromises. I'm the one who wanted to talk to Tanya, BEFORE anything happened. But no, you had to tell her that me and Chris were all over each other at bowling when we weren't. And tell her that I didn't want to speak to her and didn't give a fuck about how she felt. I'm sick of all your lies. I didn't have a go at you or Chris for him taking you home, but you damn well know that. Nor do I have a problem with ex's being friends. YOU have a problem with it. Mostly that no one you've been involved with wants to know you in the slightest.

Oh and another thing. Your car is not better than mine. The financing you have chosen is a rip off. You're essentially paying £200 a month to rent a car, then after 3 and a half years you are down by £8000 but still have nothing to show for it. You don't own the car. Well done genius.

"I must of missed the marriage between certain people and I must of also missed my own funeral?! Coz I wasn't aware that i don't exist anymore!!!" Grow up and stop being so melodramatic. No one's forgotten you exist. The world just doesn't revolve around you 24/7. Or ever actually. We have lives. Real ones. With real relationships and real problems.

Lil Bit of Wine, Lil Bit of Pizza