got my ap scores back today. i knew i didn't do so hot on the english (well, all i took was the english test) because i bombed at least 2 of the 3 essays. i made a 3, so i think i'm exempt from a semester of freshmen english at the univ. of texas in austin, so that's fantastic. i'm pretty bummed. i knew i did bad, but a 3 is just not something to brag about. a 4? that would've been nice. oh well. if i get my credits then that's all that matters, really.

so i just read through 2 old sitdiaries from freshman and sophomore year. it's funny how much you change without even realizing it, i guess maturity really does only come with age. all those times that i thought i was so beyond my years, now i'm 16 and i can look back and see how typical i was. not to say that i think i'm 16 and filled with life-experience, but at least now i can recognize that and not pretend otherwise. but anyway. i haven't written in any of these in a longass time. i've actually done some growing, really. i don't listen to emo music, for starters. and that sounds like a very minor thing, but really.. it's lifechanging. if you stop listening to that depressing stuff, you stop trying to pull drama and experiences out of your ass in an effort to relate to sad songs. {for instance: i used to listen to konstantine and blow things with lawrence out of proportion trying to relate} i listen to alot of rap, now. it's nice. i've dropped friends and made new ones. lawrence doesn't like me, so you know... there's that. i've lost faith in the word 'forever'.. and i'm okay with that. i think that talking about 'forever' is like trying to predict the future. um. i got over the whole straight edge thing. i actually never was into that, but i got over my hostility towards smoking and drinking. i hang out a few of the town drugdealers now. i've got some agnostic beliefs now. i mean, for the most part i believe god's up there.. but the bible is just such a silly thing. christians are so ridiculous sometimes. and how can you put so much faith into something like that? it's like stumbling through the dark hoping that you'll find a light somewhere. heaven doesn't make sense to me (how can you be happy all the time? wouldn't you get bored? what if you love someone who isn't christian--'well it was your duty to show them christ'.. so are you being punished in heaven for not testifying?) it's changed me alot. i guess my morals aren't quite the same. me and tom are on good terms, sorta. i think he's an idiot and a little poon, but we're cool i guess. new boyfriend. thursday was our big 4 month anniv. he's great. things are so different with him, a good different. maybe i'll write more sometime. i really don't know. but whatever. it's 2am and i'm tired.

drink up baby, look at the stars; i'll kiss you again between the bars. i'm not looking forward to this week at all. friday--> band pre-uil, and lyssa won't be there. i have to play without her with me.. meaning the judges get to rip me apart. saturday--> district uil, not too worried--i have low low low hopes. but a saturday will be wasted. monday&thursday-->calculator practice. ew. the rest of the week is gonna be a mad rush of tests. damn. i do believe that i am a pessimist. ps i don't care too much about spelling right now. you have my attention, like you've had all the while. since that first day that you made my heart smile with loving eyes and tired sighs.. you have my attention.

It's the same old story: Boy finds girl, boy loses girl. Girl finds boy, boy forgets girl. Boy remembers girl... girl dies in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year's Day.

So today was Thanksgiving. Holidays were never too major for me... Why is it that we need to set aside one day each year to be thankful? Shouldn't we be trying to be thankful everyday? It just seems silly. Anyways, I spent my day sleeping in till noon. Talking to people for about an hour. Going back to sleep at 2/2:30 ish. Waking up around 6. Going to Tomas's house. Hanging out at the theater. Going to Roderick's so Tomas & I could be bored with him. Coming home. & Now, at 1 in the morning, I'm sitting in front of my computer. whattaday. I have yet to watch Harry Potter or Walk the Line. & I reeeeally wanna see both of them. Oh well.

he knows all the words to say to make me smile. and blush. and laugh. and all that other dumb stuff. to trixie & reptile, thanks for everything.

so keep the blood in your head and keep your feet on the ground. today's the day it gets tired, today's the day we drop down. gave up my body in bed all for an empty hotel. wasting words on lowercases & capitals. this is the best song ever. dammit i love brand new. fair break is slipping away and i've done nothing out of the ordinary. AHH. :| i'm bored.

i roll the window down and then begin to breathe in the darkest country road and the strong scent of evergreen from the passenger seat as you are driving me home. then looking upwards, i strain my eyes and try to tell the difference between shooting stars and satellites from the passenger seat as you are driving me home. "do they collide?" i ask and you smile. with my feet on the dash, the world doesn't matter. fair break has begun, i hope it goes well. <3

NO SCHOOL! hoo-rah for thanksgiving break. it's only 3 days, but i'm not complaining. i don't expect to have alot of fun this week. but oh well. i'm bored. i'm tired. blah.. [the end]

this is probably the best, not to mention the worst, idea that i have ever had. today has been so blah. tomas & his buddies went to see chiodos @ the white rabbit. assclowns. oh well, he's getting me a shirt... good enough, right? pfft. this 6 weeks, i'm getting my shit together. & i'll actually feel proud of myself. promise. ♥ ♥ ♥ ps- why am i in her top 8... better question: why am i #1 in her top 8?! i mean.. it's cool and all... but whyyy??

i haven't written in a week. partly cause my internet was down, partly cause of lack of motivation.. eh. recap of my week: monday-realized how much katti had changed. tuesday-bombed world history test. hoo-rah. wednesday-lab partners sucked. bleh bleh. thursday-report card: damn. hannah=failure (according to my parents at least...) today-groundation. shit. Algebra II-94 Teen Leadership-99 PreAP Chemistry-89 PreAP Eng.-87 PreAP History-87 Band-100 heh. my parents are *disappointed* i'm grounded because i suck at life apparently. i feel like shit. this weekend will be fun.

the world can't stop,but it can wait. today was not a good day. tomorrow will be better, it's gotta be. countdowns anniversary - 3 days :[ underoath show [that i'm missing]- 5 days :[ report card - 6 days :[ thanksgiving holidays - 12 :] :] :] today was the shiner-ben bolt playoff game. i cried.[not cause of football though] i can't stop thinking about what was going on at this time last year. [may angels lead you in]

today was nice. i rearranged my room. it seems bigger now. i'm supposed to get my new bed on wednesday. pimp shit right thurr tomorrow will suck. i'll call that right now.

reading my old SitD entries made me miss summer alot. i miss the beach. i miss katti. i miss singing along to emery at the top of my lungs. i miss warped tour. i miss riding bikes to dairy queen. i miss running through sprinklers. i miss the lack of stress. i hate this feeling. i'm gonna go open my windows and clean my room.

so, storyfest [itself] sucked... which was disappointing cause i have always had the best memories from storyfest. so yesterday almost sucked. but me and rachel decided to ditch the festivities & walked to the old primary playground instead. it was fun, the merry-go-round, jungle gym, swings, & see-saws. we ended up just laying on the see-saws and talking. later when we got back to storyfest, our friends started showing up and it was fun. so i realized... storyfest was never fun... it was being with my friends that made me love it so much. hah. yeah. gotta love small towns.

jesus walks God show me the way, cause the devil's tryin' to break me down. the only thing that i pray is that my feet don't fail me now. i like kanye west. i spent yesterday morning watching something on mtv about him. & i like him. anyways, i'm a little stressed about school. i hate the end of the 6 weeks. i haven't kept up with my alg. 2 assignment sheet at all this 6 weeks, and we gonna have a test over all that crap this week. plus in band, i have to play off my region music. i'm not going to all-region. but we're getting graded on it nonetheless, i haven't even asked for the music... everyone got their's 2 weeks ago. damn. & my band director scares me. i hate band. i hate algerbra 2 also... but i really hate band. ♥

storyfest today. ehh. i'm gonna go eventually, i need to shower first. yesterday sucked so bad. seriously... i don't think i even wanna talk about it.

♥ ♥ The Ponytail Parades - Emery In 1st Period, 2 boys had a good laugh about me having hardcore sniffles. Who makes fun of sick people, honestly? Anyways, Saturday is Storyfest. Storyfest = Pinnacle event of this town. So, am I going? Darn tootin'! Plus I'm working some booths so yeah, earning some volunteer hours. I hate Thursday... which makes tomorrow Friday (obviously) which means this week issssss A L M O S T . O V E R !!! [end pointless entry]

Complete and total adoration, My gift to you, my heart was yours, In ten weeks you shaped it, In one night you murdered it. Torn from my chest and laid at your feet, That first step that you took was the worst. Since then you've walked a thousand miles in solace and short remark, And I still have these memories, But will never see what we could have been. Remember when we talked about where we'd be a year from now? Remember when you held my hand like you'd never let it go? Remember, cause that's all you can do. We'll never make another memory, We'll never make another memory. I wish I would have died in your arms the last time we were together, So I wouldn't have to wake without you today. This time I thought things were real, You said they were, What happened? You were a priority, Was I an option? I let you see a side of me that I don't share with anyone. Promises are just words unless they are fulfilled. Knew from the beginning all I had to offer you was my heart, I'm just sorry that it wasn't enough. So, we'll go our own ways, And hopefully you'll remember these things I've told you, Hopefully you'll understand that everything I said is in sincerity. A broken heart is not what I wanted from this, But I guess I've learned from it. But aren't you supposed to learn from your mistakes? I don't consider this a mistake, I just wish the story didn't end this way, Cause I'm still in love with the person who helped me write it. Remember when you held my hand like you'd never let it go? Remember when we talked about where we'd be a year from now?