These past almost two weeks have been the best of my life. First of all, Travis. Everyday I see him or talk to him, the more and more and I like him. Seeing as I haven`t even known him for even 2 weeks, this is obviously a good sign. He is so cute and sweet. He compliments me all the time by saying things like "You seriously are so beautiful" and "You have the most gorgeous eyes" while looking right into my eyes. I feel bad because I never know what to say back. I just want to tell him how adorable I think he is and how much I love his brown eyes. He`s the best thing that has ever happened to me. He makes me feel so good. He pays attention to me and makes sure to let me know how he feels. That`s all I ever wanted. He also sees his friends a lot. Which I think is really good. He sees them more than I see mine, but that`s just because he can drive and his parents let him go off all the time. I would do exactly what he does if I could. I`ll probably be doing it next year. He`s just as close to perfect as anyone can get. Second, Table for Twelve. We had our first meeting today, and I can tell it`s going to be some of the most fun that I`m going to have. Those girls are all amazing and hilarious. It`s going to be so much fun. Thridly, summer is on it`s way. There is officially less than one week of school left. We get out next Tuesday. And even then, it`s going to feel like summer. I`m planning on going to lunch with Travis, Parker, and Jaime on Monday. Then Rachel and some of her friends are supposed to come on Tuesday, but they might not be able to. I hope they do. I want to meet her. If not Tuesday, then I will one day this summer. It will happen. I`ll make sure of it. I need to clean and study. And listen to my new screamo while at it =]

Life is amazing. Life is wonderful. I`ve seen Travis for six days in a row now. He came over yesterday and we "studied" for three hours. Actually, we just sat and talked. It was really nice. Then he came to visit me tonight with Shelby Brown. It`s so wonderful, because I know that I`m not a rebound girl for him. And he`s not a rebound boy. He thinks I`m amazing, beautiful, and he wants to date me. I basically think the same for him. Except replace the beautiful with cute/handsome. I`m happy. And I talked to Michael about it all finally. Apparently he was a bit upset when he heard, but got over it. He doesn`t care what I really do. Then we talked about how we don`t talk anymore. We resolved to stay good friends, because wasting a 2 year friendship isn`t worth it. It`s so strange, because just a little over a week ago, I had completely fallen for the boy. Now, I only see him as a friend and don`t quite see how I really saw him as more...well, sometimes when I look at him, I miss him like that. But then it generally turns into me missing talking to him. And now that I think about just everything, it make sense for us to be better friends... I`m much better with Travis anyway. It just feels right to be in his arms. But apparently people think I`m talking about Raeann now? I don`t even know her. If I`ve said anything about her, it`s been what other people have told me. I have no personal opinion on her. I`ve heard she`s a bitch and then I`ve heard that she`s really nice. Kind of cancel each other out. I choose just not to bother with the subject. I`m also super excited because I finally get to meet Rachel. She`s going to be coming down on the 5th! After almost a year of knowing each other, we finally get to meet. My life is amazing right now. I would not change a single thing about it.

This weekend has been the best weekend of my life. To tell you that entire story though, I have to tell you what happened on Monday. Michael broke up with me. I know, shocker, right? Not so much. I was sad that night but that was the only one. Sarah had promised to hang out with me and take me to meet new people. And I`m so glad I did. Now, onto the good part. Friday: I go to school. Go home with Shelby and watch Jeckyle and Hyde. It was amazing. Then we went to the Drama Banquet at school and it was so much fun. Then after that I go back to Shelby`s to finish Jeckyle and Hyde. After that, I get dropped off at home and less than an hour later, Sarah comes and picks me up. We drive over to Travis Spicer`s house. I meet Travis, Mitch, Parker, and a lot of other people there. Then we make plans to go camping. Stuff happens and we eventually and finally start making our way over to Comlara Park. We find a campsite and take ot [illegally]. We set up camp by making a fire and pitching this huge fucking tent that someone brought. After we get all of that set up some of us start walking back to the parking space to look at the stars. Sarah, me, and Parker all sat on a car and looked at the stars while everyone else layed on the ground. Parker saw his first two shooting stars that night. Then weh we were walking back I got really cold. Travis had brought a blanket to the parking space and offered to share it with me. We did and got back to the camp. We all sit and chill around the fire and then we head into the tent. Eventually the tent gets split into two sides. Four people on one side and eight in the other. Graham had his own tent. I was part of the four people side along with Travis, Parker, and Stephanie Roth. I`m laying inbetween Travis and Parker. Eventually I realize how hard the ground is on my head and ask Travis if I can share his pillow. He says yeah, so I scoot in closer to him and we start talking some more. Eventually, we end up cuddling. At around 4:30 I realize that none of us four are going to sleep, so, I suggest that we watch the sunrise. At around 6:00 we get out of the tent because it`s starting to get light out and start making the camp up again. Our campsite was on the edge of a lake and there were trees on the other side. The sun wasn`t high enough yet to make it over the trees. So, we had some time. Eventually the sun does start to rise. I stand next to the lake and Travis comes over and puts his arms around me and we stand together watching the sun rise. It was quite possibly the most romantic thing I`ve ever been a part of. Saturday: After the sun rises we start cleaning up the camp. People leave and all that junk. Then Travis, Parker, Graham and I make plans to go to IHOP. I rode with Graham. Biggest mistake ever. I didn`t realize how cold it was that morning until I was going down country roads at 70 mph. Graham doesn`t have a top on his jeep. It sucked. When we finally got to IHOP, I looked like complete trash. The boys ordered some food and I ate it. Ha, and then we were bored and wanted to do something still. We went to McGraw Park for a few hours and just chilled. More like, Travis and I cuddled on the edge of the fountain while Graham and Parker messed around. It was one of the funniest things I`ve ever seen. Then, Travis drops me off at my house and I get ready for my acting class. I go to that and then afterwards I meet Travis, Kole, Ben, Mitch, and Parker at Artkore. Sarah and Steph were getting their rooks pierced. It was kind of fun. Travis had to go to work soon though, so he went home and changed. Then Sarah and I drove over to Ian`s house to listen to Mitch, him, and another Ben record for their band. Travis was just leaving as we pulled up. I gave him a hug and stuff like that. Then as I was walking up to the house with Sarah, she starts to analyze how Travis and I act with each other. When we get into the house and into the basement we start talking with Mitch about it. He was saying how Travis was just obsessed with Raeann [his ex] just a few days ago, and now he`s ignoring her. Apparently he started ignoring her around the same time he met me...anyway. While Ian`s playing the drums and recording, Sarah gets a text message from Travis. It says this "I think I have a crush on this cute girl named Katie." I was so excited. It pretty much was the greatest. We leave Ian`s and I get dropped off home. Then, I go out with them all again later. We eventually ended up at Dustin Matthews` for a "bonfire". It wasn`t a bonfire though. It was more like...a forrest fire. Either way, I end up cuddling with Travis again. And at one point we almost kissed, but then Sarah interrupted the moment. It was really funny though. We eventually end up kissing anyway. Kind of a lot. We didn`t make out though. Then we leave and he drops me off home. Before I got out of the car though we kiss some more. Gahh...I had only known him for 1 day and a few hours at this point. Funny, right? Sunday: I get up at 10:00 and get ready to go dress shopping with Sarah. We go to Gordman`s and I get this super cute red dress along with shoes and accessories. Then, we go to the Baccalaureate. Afterwards I go home and get ready to go to Maddie`s. I get to Maddie`s and we`re chilling when Travis and I start texting. He asks if we can hang out and he comes and picks up at around 6. We go to Graham`s house first where we watch some videos on his huge wall TV. I cuddled with Travis where Maddie was the first one to point it out. Eventually we left and went downtown to Jimmy John`s. This entire time, Travis and I are holding hands. In front of his friends. Yeah. I`m lame. We hung out there for a while. Then Travis goes to drop Maddie and I back at her house. Maddie`s still talking when he`s parked and then she gets the hint that we want to be alone for a sec. She gets out and says "Okay! I`m not looking!" Then Travis just goes in for a few cute kisses. It was really nice. Later at night, I`m trying to sleep and I get a call around 12. It was Travis. He was driving around and he felt like talking to me. We talked about Raeann, Michael, and even us. We basically established that we have crushes on each other but we`re not rebounds for each other. We kind of want to take things slow. I don`t know how that`s going to quite go, but we`ll just see. Monday: I went to Fusion Brew with Sarah. Travis showed up but we only got to see him for about 10 min. Then I went to school where so many people came to me and asked me about him and us. I didn`t know what to say to any of them. It was really...awkward. Today was just a weird day. Then, when I get home Travis and I start talking online. Later on I leave to go eat and stuff and while I`m gone he leaves me this message saying something like "You`re the most amazing, caring, kind, funny, gorgeous, nonconceided person I know. I`m so glad I met you this weekend." And he commented some of my pictures on myspace saying that I was beautiful. The only thing that bothers me is Michael. We`ve only been broken up for one week, and I already found someone...I don`t know if he knows yet. I wonder what his reaction will be...I guess I`ll find out tomorrow because most of his friends know now. All in all, this weekend was amazing. I stayed up for 42 hours straight, I met some amazing new people, met a new boy, and am just so happy.

Tonight has been one of the most memorable nights ever. It was the fullest house, the best performance, and most emotional. The first act went very well. Dance of the Robe went perfect and The Gods Love Nubia was ballin`. Like usual of course. I watched most of the second act actually. Nehebka`s last dance was amazing as usual and the ending made everyone in the audience [and backstage] cry. It didn`t hit me that it was the end until Sarah was singing I Know The Truth in the second act. I was with Andrew and Samm. I started to cry and then they followed suit while we were hugging each other. After her solo was done, I couldn`t handle it anymore. Sarah was just so amazing and beautiful. Andrew and I slumped against the wall. I was still crying and he just held me for a bit. We both started crying even more when he whispered to me, "This is going to be ours next year and the year after." Just to think, that we could have an amazing musical and have it completely belong to us. I`m glad that Andrew and I are in the same grade so we can share all of it together. Sarah came backstage to change her outfit and she was crying. I went over and gave her a hug and that`s when I realized that she and the other seniors were leaving for good. That`s when I realized that they weren`t going to be there for the fun of musical or anything anymore. The show ended and during curtain call I fought my hardest against the tears. I was doing well until I thought, "This is going to be the last time I ever do this curtain call". Then they started coming out one by one. While we were greeting our fans, I couldn`t help but start bawling. Jessi and I were huge pansies. But that`s okay. The senior`s took their pictures and the guys did the victory lap. Andrew, Ben, Cam, and Puddin` all wore their funderwear. I took a picture with Wendy`s camera and it was quite adorable. This year, the girls did a good job of hiding the guys stuff while they were running. The cast party was pretty good. It was basically all just signing of posters. So, I was desperate for an after party, but my parents were douches and wouldn`t let me go to Ben`s house like the main group of people did. There`s always another time. I just know that I`m going to cry even more at the Baccalaurete [sp?]. And I really want to go to the graduation. I have to talk to Andrew and Samm about it or something. No way am I not watching those people walk. It would break my heart if I didn`t. I`m going to miss them so much.

Today has been the best day of my life. I turned 16. Finally. Tory, Erin, and others made me a locker sign. It was 6 lockers wide. It was crazy. I love them all to death. Then Shelby gave me her gift. One thing was a picture of Tinker Bell. I`m going to get it framed. It`s so cute, I love it. Then, she gave me the first book in this apparently amazing series. I get to second hour and Megan gives me the second book. I love them too. Then, Michael finally decided to snap out of his weird mood. After a month. It felt real good just having him grab for my hand and know it wasn`t forced or anything. The musical performance wasn`t that great tonight. Maddie and Katie Rae came to see me and everyone thought they were making fun of them during the show. What they were doing was pointing people and saying cool stuff they did. Mostly Ben Laxton though. They were just not prepared for him. No one is. Either way, they gave me flowers. Katie Rae gave me this amazingly cute shirt. I`m excited to wear it. Afterwards, Andrew gave me a ride [again] to Alex`s cast party. We stopped off at Casey`s first to get gas, energy drinks, and candy. But Alex had a freaking indoor pool. John didn`t bring me my bathing suit, so I had to swim in shorts and a cami. It was fun though. At first Andrew picked me up and dropped me in. It was real fun. Gosh, I love my freaking families! They keep me going. Speaking of going...

This has to have been the best weekend of my life. Aida performances have gone swimmingly. Thursday Michael came to see me with his mom and Jared and it went real well. Friday, the techies messed up and the orchestra couldn`t hear us, so that wasn`t so good. But last night was the best performance I`ve ever done. We got so many good comments. T, our director, said it was the best performance we`ve done so far. Megan`s cousin said it was the best high school performance she`s ever seen. Mike Bozarth said he forgot that he was watching a high school performance. And he went to NCHS. I can`t wait to watch the DVD. The cast parties have been just as good. Puddin`s was on Friday night. His basement is a friggin arcade. No joke. He`s got at least 5 pinball machines, slot machines, and arcade game machines, a pool/ping pong table, a big screen TV, a popcorn maker, and a vibrating futon. Me and a group of other people played Polish Pool. That has to be the funnest game ever. The drama department loves it. I had to get a ride home from Samm and she dropped me off at 1 in the morning. Saturday was Casa Monson. It was the last installment of a four year long tradition. Andy always writes paragraphs about something or other when he has papers posted around the green room saying where his house is and such. This last paragraph almost made me cry. He talked about how his freshman year, during Joseph, he told everyone that he was having a cast party and said how he went home and sat at his window, wondering if anyone was going to show up. And they all did. It got me worked up a bit. I don`t care what people say, Andy Monson is one amazing person. I`m going to miss him next year. Along with all of the other seniors. Saturday is going to be one big crying fest. We`re losing Sarah H., Cameron, Wendy, Andy, Chris, Ben, Tosha, Josh, Brandt, Shane, Amanda, Sarah E., and countless others. I`m so glad that I got involved in this years musical. It has brought me closer to so many people. Like Andrew. We were sitting in his car at 12:30 this morning [after midnight] talking about anything and everything. He`s such an amazing person. I don`t think that most people know the real him. I don`t yet, of course. But either way, I can`t wait for our next story time trade. Things between Michael and me have gotten so much better. They started to get better last Thursday and kept progessing. Today we went to Anderson park and "played tennis". We basically us hit the ball back and forth. It was fun, though. I care about him a lot. I haven`t seen Maddie in a long time, though. We`re hanging out next Sunday for sure. We need to exchange gifts and catch up on what`s been going on with each other. Talk about what we`re going to do this summer. Other than the obvious hanging out with each other almost every day. Find out what shows are going down in the area that we`d be interested in. I am excited for summer. Today it got to be 80 out. It was the greatest feeling just sitting out there and having the sun`s rays hit my body. I have missed it a lot. Winter puts me in such a bad mood. I am in love with summer. I always will be in love with it. summer days are gone away, but summer dreams are here to stay.

I finally have no rehersal tonight. That means a little time to myself. Today we had a performance in the morning for the elementary kids and 6th graders in town. They really liked the show a lot. During the curtain call, some kids were dancing in their seats and stuff like that. They were applauding and stomping. It reminded me of last year and I got such a good feeling from it. I got to skip all of my morning classes, and lunch. We were supposed to go to 6th hour but a group that consisted of me, Andrew, Ronnie, Dylan, and others walked around the school and talked to a teacher for most of it. I didn`t get to see Michael hardly at all today. That`s why we want to hang out tonight. I just want to sleep in the back of his truck. I won`t be able to see him at all these other nights. Thursday, Friday, and Saturday are performances and cast parties after them. Sunday is my only day. Oh, well. Today really was just a good day. This morning Megan, Sarah, and Ben picked me up and we went to IHOP. We met Cam there and had a good time. After Megan, Ben, and Cam left Mandee, Andrew, Wendy, and Puddin` all showed up. That was just as funny. We got to the school and got changed and did circle. I forgot how much circle gets me pumped. I had forgotten some of the things, but remembered them pretty quick. The show was famazing. I only forgot to set the pier in the second act...I won`t forget it next time. Which is tomorrow. Gahhhhh! I love musical. The only bad thing is that it interferes with the rest of your life. I stopped doing my homework two weeks ago, things between Michael and me started to get better but have kind of been put on hold again, and I haven`t seen/talked to my friends who go to other schools. Truthfully, I don`t really talk to many other people at my school who don`t do musical right now. But all the memories are worth it. My senior year, I am going to bawl my eyes out. I`m going to cry at the last show of this year, too. Once I see Sarah crying, I`ll end up following suit. How I will miss them. I won`t think about that for another week, though. I`ll just focus on cleaning and homework. Which I need to do now... "it`s me and the moon", she says. i got no trouble with that.

I just recently got back from my first day of my acting class. It was so good. In the beginning we had to open up and say how we were feeling. I said that I was a mix of feelings because I had such a great day yesterday, and a sucky day today. Also, that I was having problems with my family and my boyfriend. Then we did this other exercise where we pulled at an emotion. Kymberly had us sit in a relaxing position with our eyes closed and our heads down and asked us questions about that emotion. This time she chose acceptance. It was very good. I was crying a bit throughout the questions and there were others who were completely bawling. It was a bit like therapy. I know it wasn`t meant to be. It`s meant to allow us to understand what a certain emotion feels like. That way, we can pull on it later on when we need it for our acting. I`m a bit nervous though because next week I have to do 1-3 private moments. I`m supposed to come up with 3. Not sure why, but I do. I already have two in my mind. I just need to figure out what I`m going to do for them exactly. I don`t need to worry about it though. I`ll get it =]

I`m happy. I finally fixed my speakers on my computer. It took me forever to figure it out. I am excited for today. I`m supposed to be going shopping with Samm and Andrew in Champaign. They`re going to look for prom stuff because they`re going together and they invited me. Things got moved back though, so, I`m not so sure what`s going on anymore. Things might fall through too, but that`s fine. I`ll still see them tomorrow anyway. It feels kind of good to be up this early not doing anything. Just have some time to myself. I haven`t had that in forever. I`ve been so busy with school, friends, spring break, Michael, musical, and countless other things. I sometimes forget that I even exist. If that makes any sense. I talked to Michael last night. Things feel a bit better now. I understand where he`s coming from and he understands me. Now I don`t have to worry about what`s wrong. I kind of know now. I`m glad I do, no matter how much it kind of hurts to know. We got off the phone at around 1 last night because he wanted to call and talk to Tommy. I feel better knowing that he did that instead of just going off and thinking to himself. No more talk of that. What`s on my mind right now is my acting class tomorrow. It`s my first day. I`m so nervous. I wasn`t so nervous before. That was just because I didn`t know what we had to do. Andrew, Samm, and Shelby started telling me some of the things that we do last night. One of the first things we do is have a "personal private moment" or something like that. We have to just be ourselves but intimate. It`s confusing. I don`t even understand it yet. Andrew and Shelby told me not to worry about failing my first time though. Generally, people do. Except Samm. I don`t know what she did, but it must`ve been good. If I`m thinking correctly on what kind of thing it is, I already have an idea of what I`m going to do. I`m planning on writing "Dear You" letters in front of the class. I`ll print out pictures of who I`ll be writing about. I`ll burn a CD using songs that remind me of that person or something that we did together. I`ll listen to the songs while I write the letters. I`m just not sure if I have to actually say aloud what I`m writing as I write it or what. I`m not sure if I even have to go tomorrow. I just realized, I`m not even sure where the class is held at. I`ll call Shelby later and ask. My hair feels extra conditionery today. I used a little too much because when I put some in my hand, extra came out of the bottle. Oh, well. I just realized that it`s 20 days until my birthday. I need to get a lot of driving in. Maybe I can do some tonight, or even tomorrow. Sunday too maybe. I need to hang out with Michael and Tommy and meet Michelle. A double date sounds pretty sweet. 62 days until summer. I am so stoked. I`ve missed it so much. Even if I don`t get my licsense sometime close to my birthday, I can always get it before or in the beginning of summer. I just don`t know if I can cover 14 hours in 20 days.

I got back yesterday from spending my entire break in Florida. It took two days to drive down there and back. I didn`t mind, though. It was nice spending over a week with the Jones family. They are very nice people. I discovered I can ride roller coasters and that makes me happy. I missed out on a lot down here, though. Summer will make up for that. Only a little over 2 months. I am so excited. Even though it`s 11:30, I still have all of my homework to do, I`m extremely tired, and have to get up early tomorrow anyway. Fuck me.

I hate fighting. It`s one thing that I will waste my time on trying to avoid. It manages to find me anyway. It found me today. Heather, Tory, Veronica, and Erika were apparently tired of hearing me, Sarah, Megan, and Shelby talking about them. Whenever we did talk about the choir sucking and not getting much work done we were talking about the choir in general. Sometimes them specifically, sometimes not. Then a lot of other drama got into it. Tory and I worked everything out. I don`t have any problems with Veronica and Erika. And if Heather wants to figure things out then she can come talk to me. She should stop talking shit about me to my friends too. That might be a good idea. I know I don`t like it when my friends talk shit about people that they don`t like who are my friends, so I just assume that other people don`t like it as well. I also have been fighting with my mom a lot lately. It really affects me sometimes. Last night we fought because the power went out for a few hours, so my dad brought home McDonald`s. I hate fast food. It is so disgusting and gross. I wasn`t hungry anyway. I had just gone to Coldstone with Mandee, Samm, and Andrew less than an hour before. I got a love it size Cheescake Fantasy. It was so good. I ate it all. Therefore, I was not hungry. She was yelling at me about not wanting to eat. Then this morning she tells me that she caleld me in sick for tomorrow all day, when I actually have to be there for at least half the day. Then, she got mad at me for not being able to come back to the house to say goodbye to her. Oh, well. Doesn`t bother me none. I am so excited to leave tomorrow after 4th hour. I`m making ice cream and then heading off to the Sunshine State. Florida. It`s going to be some of the most fun I`ve had in a long time. Shelby and I both really need this vacation. We`re both physically and emotionally drained. She`s even more stressed than I am with musical but she doesn`t get into fights with her mom like I do. It evens out. I`m just so glad taht we can go together. It`s going to be so amazing. Speaking of that, I need to drop my stuff off at her house tonight. I`m going to start packing again now. Florida, here I come! i`ve got a sunset in my veins and i need to take a pill to make this town feel okay

So, I`m sitting here and I`m watching True Life on MTV. This episode is the one about autism. It makes me so sad, but so happy. There`s this boy on there named Jeremy who is so affected by this handicap, that he never learned to talk. For years the only communication he had was with his family through a peice of paper that had a keyboard printed on it. He just recently got this machine that talks out whatever he types on it, so he finally now has friends that are his own age. This story just makes me appreciate my ability to vocally be able to communicate with people. It makes me feel glad that I can yell at my friends down the hallway, calling them whores and sluts and be completely joking. It makes me so happy that I can look someone in the eye and tell them that I`m absolutely crazy for them and am so happy with them. Without that communication, I have no clue where I`d be. This makes me believe more in what my mother has always told me: "Always tell the people you love, that you love them. You never know when the last time you`ll see them will be." I beg that you follow that advice. There can be no harm in following it.

My internet has decided to be absolutely bogus to me lately. I just finally got it to work after an hour of letting it chill. I was at rehersal for about 2 and half hours tonight. I was chilling with Chris Price and it reminded me so much of last year. I miss it, but I don`t. That reminds me, it was so funny. So, before rehersal starts, I`m outside in the hallway chilling with Chris, Shelby, Megan and some other people. I look into the auditorium and I see Ben Sharples and Tristan talking with Tory and Heather. I started freaking out, though I`m not quite sure why when I look back on it. I didn`t have a problem with Ben being there, but I did with Tristan. So, I start saying stuff like "What the fuck is he doing here?!? This is my thing, he has to get the fuck out." I don`t say anything to him because I`m not ready to yell at him yet or anything. So, Shelby, being the wonderful friend that she is, goes over to Ben and Tristan and says something like "Excuse me, but if you want to see the performance, come see it in April like everyone else. You need to leave." It made me so happy. I love that girl. 9 days until Disney World with her! We working on Dance of the Robe again tonight for the first time in about a week. In the middle of the rehersal Mrs. Gilbert starts talking about energy and how some people just don`t display it very well. Then she starts walking across the front pointing to some people and telling them to get in the front so some people can watch them and learn or something. She tells Shelby and I to go up there, so we`re just kind of excited. I hope it was good...I`d rather have people watching me for being good than bad =/ I`m a little sad today though. I didn`t get to see Michael hardly at all. In fact, I haven`t gotten much of any chance to talk to him lately. Sunday we did talk a lot. We spent about 6 hours together on hour 2 month¢¾ We walked to the park and just talked a lot. It was so nice. During the school week, we don`t get to see each other a lot. I`m busy with musical and he just started tennis. We`re strong though. I know that we`re going to be fine. I`m so crazy for that boy. He makes me so happy. Today he just looked so cute and adorable. I loved it. Errr...fuggin homework. HAPPY PI DAY!! something started crazy; sweet and unknown. something you keep in a box on a street; now it`s longing for a home. and you can say what dreams are. wake me in time to be lonely and sad. and who can say what we are? and this is the season for dreaming. and now our bodies are the guilty ones who touch and color the hours. night won`t breathe. oh, how we fall in silence from the sky and whisper some silver reply.

Today has been a perfect day weather wise. It`s 78 degrees out, breezy. I just love it. In gym, Cameron Rehder and I just walked around the track talking. It was hilarious. Now, I`m about to head on outside to do some reading and work on my tan. After that I have to go to rehersal though. We haven`t blocked anything for The Gods Love Nubia. It`s kind of sad. I really need to work on getting my body in better shape for summer and such. I`ll just go on runs and walks more often. Walking is good. I like to walk. It just gives you a sense of calm and it opens your mind to lots of thinking. And even if you don`t think, it`s just nice. Stupid clouds, unblock the sun. Time to go out and enjoy it before I can`t anymore. see us winter walking after a storm. it`s chill in the wind, but it`s warm in your arms. i stumble snow blind, may not be true. we`ve all got our junk and my junk is you.

Maddie just left for Florida a little while ago. It makes me sad that I won`t get to talk to her for about a week now. She kind of is my closest friend at this time. Then comes Shelby and others of course, but Maddie and I have been friends for a couple of years. And have stayed friends. There`s not a lot else that can top that. I know there is, but fuck them. So, I just found out last night that my tonsil is infected. It`s been like this for almost a week now and it is really bothering me. I say that if it doesn`t get better by this weekend, then I`m going to see a doctor. If I have to get my tonsil`s removed, I want it to be done after Florida. I`M GOING TO DISNEY WORLD BEFORE I DIE!! It probably is going to get better though. My whole sick thing is turning into a bad cough and I`m coughing up icky stuff sometimes. =6 gross, right? So, last night made me miss SOS so bad. I can`t say that I wish that I had done more stuff in the beginning of the year, because I had plenty to do. I was in Color Guard and Court Singers. Color Guard took up every Tuesday and Thursday and eventually every weekend for a while. I`m not doing it next year, so I`ll have time to do The Crucible. Court Singers took up Tuesdays but I hope to be in Madrigals next year. I hope that doesn`t affect The Crucible. My mom actually bought a book version of the script. I`m hoping it`ll be the same thing. I want in that so bad. If I`m not, then I can be a techie or something. Errr, I haven`t felt my tummy rumble like this since the summer when I would wake up at 12 and instantly get online; completely ignoring the deep cries of my stomach. I also haven`t felt this naturally happy in the longest time. I woke up, look outside and see bright sunlight. I open up my window while Maddie got all of her stuff ready. It felt so good to have a breeze blowing in here. I just hope that I never have to close that window for a while. Spring is starting. Soon after that, summer will follow. That`s where my true happiness lyes. chirp.

Tonight is Friday and I am hanging out with Maddie before she leaves for Florida tomorrow. She as to leave at like 9 because she has a hair appointment. So, I`m going right back to bed once she leaves. I`m still going to try to convince my mom to take me tomorrow to get my ear pierced after John opens up his gifts and such. Anyway, tonight is the first official Fright Night. We started it off by going to my school`s Thespian Play. I must admit, my school`s drama and music department are the shit. Especially for how much money we get [$0]. We completely fund ourselves and do an amazing job. I`m proud of my school and am going to miss all of the seniors that performed tonight. Especially Andy. I created a certain bond with him through SOS. It`s one thing that happens with directors and actors. The play itself is actually hard to describe. Basically, they did 30 small plays in 60 minutes. It was so hilarious. They had a clothes line and 30 pieces of paper with the numbers 1-30 on it. The audience yelled out what number they wanted to see and Andy [my old director] would toss it into the audience. Well, I got him to toss me and Maddie our favorite numbers. I got 11 and she got 21. Maddie and I have no been watching about 4 hours of comedy straight on Comedy Central. We`ve heard the word "nigga" and "nigger" about 300 times already. Yes, I do love Comedy Central`s Secret Stash. Well, we`re watching hilarious black comedy. ♥ i was spinning free. with a little sweet and simple numbing me. what a dizzy dance. this sweetness will not be concerned with me. no, this sweetness will not be concerned with me.

I got to sleep-in until 10:30 this morning. It was pretty good. I haven`t slept-in that long for awhile. About 12 hours of sleep. I still feel like crap though. I started to feel a lot better last night after taking 3 different medications and eating some Shells & Cheese and pudding. The meds wore off and now I`m coughing up icky looking gross stuff. My mom says that it`s not healthy to do that. If I`m not better by tomorrow, she`ll make me stay home and will probably take me to the doctor. I think that might be a wise decision. But I really want to see Michael. It`s been about 2 & 1/2 days since I last saw him. I know that`s not a lot, but when you get used to seeing someone that you care about almost 6 days our of the week, you get a little crazy when you`re apart for more than a day. I need to shower and brush my teeth. Then I`m going to start organizing my room. Hopefully, I`ll also be able to rearrange my room. I want to move my bed to corner where my TV is. Keep my computer here. Move vanity on the wall where my bed is and put my TV next to that. Yeah...sounds nice. inside those baby blue-eyes there`s something you can`t seem to resist. and i`m olbiged to help you get your fix. but inside i`m wishing it was more than this. there`s no one i`d rather take apart.

Wow, last night was amazing. I went to the VFW in El Paso with Maddie and Bethany. We went there for the Daphne Loves Derby show. It was pretty darn amazing. First, we got there and we were an hour early, so we went to Giovanni`s Pizza. They have pretty good pizza. It was a cheesey and gooey. Then we came back, stood around for a while and waited for the bands to start playing. Stereo Dreams came on first. They`re local to here. I have to admit, I definatly hate to love them. They`re music is all about sex, but it really is pretty good. Then came on Dreams for Underwood. They`re from El Paso. They were pretty good too. The lead singer was such a flame. After them, Paulson came on. They were really good. Maddie and I couldn`t establish whether their singer was high or just fucking crazy. We kind of went with both. We were standing next to their keys player. He was such a nerd. He was also cute. At one point, we made eye contact and I couldn`t help but to smile. Then he smiled right back. It was so adorable. Then Waking Ashland came on. They were really good too. Except, the lead singers pants were waaaaaaaay too tight. Maddie and I pretty much saw everything. Despite that, their music was adorable. Then, the main attraction. Daphne Loves Derby. Maddie and I had made our way to the front and center of the crowd. Kenny Choi was right in front of us. It was then that we realized how tall he was. Taller than 6 foot, deff. All the band members were very cute. When they got all into and started jumping and stuff, it was so good. Afterwards, Maddie and I bought t-shirts and I got a Paulson CD. I really wanted a picture with Kenny, but Maddie was too scared to go up there and ask. So, I did it. Maddie, Bethany, and I all got our picture with him. It was so good. Maddie and I went home, watched Heavy [the Story of Metal], talked on the phone with Diego and got a few hours of sleep. We woke up at 9:30ish and I went to orchesis with Maddie. Her dances are pretty good. My favorite was Lainey`s. It`s just so interesting. I want to come see it so badly. Maybe I can, who knows. The only bad thing is that I`m sick right now. I definatly blame Michael. And myself, but mostly Michael for being sick in the first place. how was i supposed to know i`d never escape her ghost? it seems not long ago that she was mine to protect. i can`t get her off my mind no matter how hard I try. i`m out of options this time.

Gahh, my voice is all dead and Advanced Choir auditions are next week. I have to rest up my voice this weekend. I do need to practice Dies Irae. That song is perfect for seconds. It has amazing jumps and at one point it literally switches from the alto part to the soprano part. I need to work on sight reading and tonal memory too. I have the weekend and the beginning of the week to do that. I`m so nervous though. I hope I get in. But, speaking of this weekend, it should be pretty good. Tomorrow night Maddie is coming over for the night. Our first offcial Fright Night before she leaves on Saturday for the east coast. We`re going to have just being goofy like usual. I love that girl. Then on Saturday it`s John birthday. I don`t want what we`re going to do then. Probably not go out for dinner seeing as my dad isn`t even here. Sunday is Michael and my`s 2 month¢¾ We`re going to go out for dinner and then just come back and chill at either of our houses. I think it might be mine. I`ve been going to his a lot lately. It`s about time he came back to mine, but I hate hanging at my house. We get no privacy and my house is boring. We have videogames and stuff but all we generally do is watch movies. Oh, well. That`s always fun =] I am just a little mad though because my mom won`t take me this weekend to get my cartiledge pierced again. I want to so badly. I want to do it before I go off to Florida, that way it doesn`t hurt a lot or anything. Common sense, right? My mom is so stupid and grrrrr. At least I get to get my belly button done after Florida. That`s going to be fun. I`m thinking that I`m going to secretly gauge my ears just a bit too. Only to 14 or 12 gauge. If my mom asks, I`ll just say it`s a pair of earrings that Maddie gave that I really like, so I just don`t take them out. She`d get so mad if she found out. It`s already 10:30. I need sleep. i don`t scream, though i know it`s wrong. i just play along. i lye there and breathe, lye there and breathe. i wanna be strong. i want the world to find out that you`re dreaming on me; me and my beauty. you say all you want is just a kiss goodnight, then you hold me and you whisper "child the lord won`t mind". it`s just you and me. child, you`re a beauty. god, it`s good for lovin, ain`t it good tonight? you ain`t seen nothing yet, gonna teach you right. it`s just you and me. child, you`re a beauty. there`s a part i can`t tell about the dark i know well.

I just got back from rehersal again. Afterwards, I was talking to Haas and Robbie. Apparently they want to separate the top group of dancers even more. I really am going to work hard to get into that group. That means that I need to work on it a bit each day until next Wednesday. Unless they already have decided who`s what group and what not. I`m procrastinating from my homework. ARGGG!! FUCK MISSING SCHOOL!!!