I cant fucking stand ppl anymore.. one of my best friends has cancer in his liver and he may also have a tumer(sp?) and omg if he dies i dont knwo what i am going to do... i cant stand all of this bullshit that life is throwing at me.. i just dont know what to do anymore or where to go to.. i mean everyone says to be strong.. My friend called me today and he told me what was going on with him and that he was at the emergency room and shit and i was like omg and i started crying and then he told me not to cry because he needs me to be strong right now and now everytime i begin to cry i think about him and i cant.. its like he shut me off like from crying.. My ex boyfriend is being such an ass and he is treating me like shit but whats new no one treats me like a person ... i cant say no one but very few ppl do.. and the ones who do cant help me right now.. Well i will bbl... Everytime I follow my heart..it leads me to him..I mean what other explanation is there - Why is it that he is all I can think about ? Why is it that no matter how upset I am..I can just see him and start smiling..Why is it when he smiles at me I get that feeling in my stomach like I never have before..And even when he had broken my heart..and hurt me as much as anyone could ever hurt me ..when he lied to me..I hated him so much ..but why..just tell me why do I still get those feelings in my stomach and smile everytime I hear his voice,name, or anything about him - if you can answer me that I'll tell you why I let him hurt me so much