I have a new found strength. broke off from people I should have. cleared "friends" lists. emptied my phone contacts. i looked back over her old stuff. read it again looking for signs i helped. when she spoke of all that was holding her together was many miles away. he was in the navy. many miles away. it wasn't you like you thought. you didn't help, she never came to you. you were the nice kid from middle school. he was the first love and crutch. him~ november 25th 2003. may 25th 08 -> you~ never. you did nothing for her pain. she said she thought of you (she meant him). she said you helped her (you did nothing). all that pain she felt, crushing her. you deserved it, never her. it never should have been her. i long to understand how she felt what she went through. how close she came to giving in. why she never came to me. everything she did to herself. now it's my turn. i -will- understand.