I'm not sure if she could put up with me. How long could she last to how pitifully clingy I am.. I know she's probably busy, not in the mood. I still worry every time she doesn't respond quickly. Where the hell did I go wrong. What part of my life twisted me into the fucked up shell of a person I've become. Surely I was normal at some point. I can't remember when that was, how long ago. Even if she comes how could she possibly deal with me.. She'll leave, there's no way anybody could deal with me. She'll be left with nobody to protect her, not even her husband anymore. What the hell is wrong with me, I'm dragging her down with me. I can't stop thinking about how happy I'd be with her, I never think about how miserable she'll be. What happens when that dream from years past fails you and there's nothing to catch you.. I can't do that to her.. I need to go away. I need to disappear.