THAT YOU CANT SEEM TO WANT ME ='[

its sunday night and theres nothing to do. my fingers are killing me from playing my guitar cuz there was nothing better to do. i keep telling myself that everything will be better when i go away to school and i dont live at home. but today i was thinking about how awkward thats really gonna be.. not coming home to my room or my things. it'll be a room on a floor in a building on campus. i dunno.. just kinda creeped me out today. the thought of me sitting there alone in that room. tomorrow means work again. BOO! i think im working almost everyday this week.. and while i should be happy cuz this means ill have a nice big paycheck and i wont just be sitting at home alone..work is starting to annoy me. i feel like im a slave to that place and that they dont really care about me.(which they dont lol) but they should.. im not one of those replaceable teenagers. especially cuz im not a teenager anymore. and i leave you with this because its pretty amazing. goodnight.

working for 8 hours today was not fun at all. for a moment i thought, ok this cant be too bad. then it went down hill and just sucked from there on. tomorrow im going to either call and make an appointment or go down to county and see my counselor. its something ive been putting off since the last time i went, but im def in need of a talk with sumone who wants to listen. last night i went to bed early and i watched Say Anything.. and i fall in love with that movie over and over when i watch it. tomorrow i have to work 5 til close and thats not gonna be any fun either. i just drank an entire glass of iced tea and im prolly gonna be wide awake now..ugh i keep counting down the days until i go to north carolina. i cant even put into words how much i need to get out of here and theres nowhere else i would rather go. ok well maybe there is but realistically, i miss that part of my family. and i always have so much fun with them. plus its just gorgeous and relaxing down there. i love it.. i wish i could live there. if i wanst already going to st.elizabeths i would most def look in to transferring and going to like NC state or something and live in the apartment in the upstairs of my grandmas new house. this whole entry has proved to be oxymoronic and on that note im going to get another glass of tea. - if theres no one beside you when your soul embarks, then ill follow you into the dark -

this moment went by too fast it slipped right through both her hands im still pretty but i feel like a car crash pull me over to the side of the road i dont need you but i hate that you feel like home if this is what you want to be then be it without me then i dont need you no, no then i dont need you at all i took the last....idk the lyrics im still pretty but you already knew that 20 years you will wake up in bed ask me if i even care i wont be there but you'll hate that im in your head if this is what you want to be then be it without me then i dont need you no, no then i dont need you at all your crazy, your selfish you make me so helpless i hate who i have to be without you next to me i hate who i have to be without you loving me your crazy, your selfish you make me, you make me if this is what you want to be then be it without me then i dont need you no, no then i dont need you at all

its 2 AM on monday nite or tuesday morning you can say. and there is no way to describe how my day went. went to St.Elizabeths, and all is well with me transfering there next Fall. im excited and cant wait to get to that part of my life. as far as the new car thing...its in the works. as much as my parents procrastinate i mite not see it til november, but i will have a new car b4 december. and for that certain boy who broke my heart today....

soooo after waiting 2 LONG WEEKS! my guitar finnnnaaaaalllly came in on Wednesday! and of course i stopped wat i was doing ran over and got it. lets just say...it was love at first sight ! its the best fuckin guitar ever and i play the damn thing 24/7 so at least im gettin my moneys worth haha its amazing..it really is. im really glad this week is finally over. i was havin a kinda bummer beginning cuz of sum shit with a friend but then it allll came together. ive finally decided that chemistry is just NOT my thing, and whatever fuck that shit! i dun even care anymore.....soo after taking a SI test and finding that im more of a social person i decided to go into Elementary Education. and from there i can do a lot of things... which ill get into later when im positive thats what im gonna do. but that really helps me not feel like goin to school is a waste of my time. last nite was fun...seana chrissy nicole and even ross got to join in on our fun for a while... went ice skating @ Aspen! we were alll laughing our asses off at each other... especially when seana and i busted our asses. i wound up with a HUUUGE bruise on my knee :-( but i havent had that much fun in a long time. then all us girls went to TGI Fridays for sum Cinnabon cheeeeesecake, and even tho i didnt know it..it was MY BIRTHDAY! hahaha and the silly people came and sang to me... lets just say Chrissy your next since seana and i got our dose of embarassment! today i had my guitar lesson at 11:30 which was good. i always look forward to that. thenn we went up to my aunt renees house to check out her new siding which hadnt been put up yet so we left and went to my unlce Richards house. and that absolutely made my afternoon. him and my aunt terry are the funniest ppl i know and im so sad that theyre movin to north carolina :-( but anyway so that was my day. after that i came home had dinner and then jus jammed on the new guitar for a while and watched pearl harbor. now im goin to bed cuz im ridiculously tired and bored outta my mind... SO. have a grrrrreat niiiiiiite!

Could it be the little wrinkle over your nose When you make your angry face That makes me wanna just take off all your clothes And sex you all over the place Could it be the lil' way that you storm around That makes me wanna tear you down Baby, I ain't sure, but one thing that I do know is Every time you scream at me I wanna kiss you When you put your hands on me I wanna touch you When we get to arguing Just gotta kiss you Baby, I don't know why it's like that But you're so damn sexy When you're mad

RIP Lou Bizzarro -4.11.06- youll be in our hearts and prayers

wooooooo!!!! i just ordered my guitar SOO EXCITED! it should be here sumwhere between 2-4 weeks!! maddd expensive i should add. but well worth it. its top of the line by Daisy Rock finally took the time to take my car to the car wash this morning and then cleaned the inside of it this afternoon. it looks so purrdy ! gotta get my Fall schedule approved tomorrow so that i can register tomorrow lol shouldnt be too bad im only taking four classes. Principles of Sociology, Child Pychology, Children's Literature, and Civil War & Reconstruction. PLUS! i have off on mondays! i cant believe we hafta register for this stuff before were even done with the spring semester AND summer sessions.. wtf?!?! w.e were starting to plan another trip to Disney World ALREADY! haha prolly sumtime in September well be goin.. so glad. i miss Disney. i wish we could go like once a year at least haha thatd be pretty sweet. im going to my cousins soccer game in a little while and then when i come home i gotta get my homework done. AHHHH! i hate homework, but its for Forensics, my favorite class (of course we all know why that is LoL) thennn... idk prolly bumming around cuz its sunday and thats what Sundays are for. well im outtie for now.. TA TA FOR NOW ;-)

so....i mostly worked all week. and after working my ass off allllllll day yesterday and working today, im so glad its the weekend!!! after i got outta work at 6 today i went to my aunts house for dinner/ Grandmas Bday! we had dinner and then watched The Chroincles of Narnia and WOW was i impressed. i had no interest in it at all and it was pretty damn good. i love my family. its time like that when im with them that im glad im not away at school. as for this weekend it should be ok. Seana gets her new car tomo !!!! YAY! lol sos thats pretty feakin awesome. i have my guitar lesson at 11:30 and my car is in the shop getting fixed...thank god. ITS ABOUT FREAKING TIME! annnnd the only thing that totally sucks is that i hafta do the Forensics Project...2/3 of it cuz Vinnie is a pain in my ass !!!!!! grr while hes off enjoying the shoooore im home working on this damn project.. blaa.. other than that i got shit ta do, so it should be a relazing weekend. hopefully ill get plenty of sleep and not be so tired next week :-/ and now im gonna go downstairs to chill on the couch and watch a movie prolly.. ill be up for at least another 2 hours... that is until i get a fone call from my fav person ever !! have a gooooood nite =) p.s. i can only be myself, im sorry thats hell 4 u dun worry.. over this next week ima be over ur ass...until i see u and my knees go weak and i give in to the sweet taste of your lips haha

fuck it.....

work from 10-6 today... so nothin too special to say, other than i need a hot shower and im exhausted. who knew that takin care of 6 babies all day today would tire me out? lol gonna jump in the shower, do sum studying?!?! then sum forensics hw, and a lil guitar sumwhere inbetween all that. got stains on my tshirt and im the BIGGEST flirt right now im so over that we'll be changing eventually got bruises on my heart and sumtimes i get dark if you want my autobiography baby just ask me.... ill write more later prolly peace out homies

i keep telling myself that things are gonan get better tomorrow, but tomorrow never seems to come. theres nothing i hate more than the feeling of being a waste of life...nothing gets better. did absolutely nothing this weekend. today pretty much sucked... nothin special. and its raining... i hate tha rain. im in a shitty mood, im gonna go lsiten to my sad depressing music and cry my eyes out cuz theres nothing better to do.

Three things that scare me: 1. being raped 2. snakes 3. the dark Three people who make me laugh: 1.Vinnie 2.Chrissy 3. Kris Three people i love: 1. My Family 2. Kris 3. my best friends Three Things I love: 1. music 2. PINK! 3. driving Three Things I hate: 1. drama 2. seafood 3. living at home Three things on my desk: 1. laptop 2. lamp 3. chem notebook Three things I'm doing right now: 1. filling this thing out 2. talkin ta kris 3. listenin to Goodbye My Lover Three things I want to do before I die: 1. get married 2. have kids 3. be successful Three ways to describe my personality: 1. funny 2. blonde 3. awesome!

so today was a pretty boring day. woke up WAY too early, so i laid down on the couch, put on The Notebook and fell back asleep. went to work at 2:30 .. came home at 6 ish. and wow that wass my totally exciting day... NOT! after i came home and had dinner i dyed my hair. it always looks so awesome after i dye it. i just wish it would STAY that awesome haha now im gonna jump in bed watch my movie and think about how much life sux... and how much i miss sumone that i guess i shouldnt miss. its gonna be a hell of a long weekend... tomo is gonna be great tho. not really but i have my guitar lesson which makes me pretty stoked to go to sleep and wake up. i just wish that i could get you off my mind. its like everywhere i look theres sumthign that reminds me of you. it just blows... ok im gonna go watch my sappy love movie, cry my eyes out, and then passsss out! [ p!nky :-/ ]

T.h.e. W.h.o.s Who is in the house with you? Mom & Dad Who was the last person to IM you? Carolyn Who are you thinking about now?...him :-/ Who did you last talk to on the phone? Chrissy Who's house did you last go to? Who do you sit next to in your 2nd period class? no one haha Who's your favorite teacher? Dr.Levy-Chem Lab Who's birthday is next? Mine i think? Who was the last person you told you love them? yikes...dunno Who do you wish you were with right now? him Who's you favorite relative? Aunt Renee Who gets on your nerves the most from your school? HAHAHA Laura Stickle Who do you hope will take this survey? whoever T.h.e. W.h.a.t.s What was the last thing you ate? Ice Cream What was the last thing you drank? Iced Tea What color pants are you wearing? Blue Jeans What is the closest item near you that is blue? my Guitar What do you like about school? Freedom What are you wearing on your feet? Socks What instant messaging service do you use? AIM What is your favorite color? PINK!!! What is your screen name? L4UR3N x0x What is your most used away message: b ARE b What is your favorite shoe brand? Baby Phat What do you wear more; jeans or skirts? Jeans What is the last movie watched? Now and Then What song do you currently hear? Undiscovered by Ashlee Simpson T.h.e. W.h.e.r.e.s. Where do you go to school? CCM Where do you live? Succasunna,Nj Where is your phone? layin next to me on my bed Where are your parents? downstairs Where do you sleep? in my bed..? lol Where do you shop the most? Aeropostale Where did you get the shirt you're wearing? Old Navy Where did you last take a car ride to? guitar lesson Where did you get this survey? online sumwhere T.h.e. W.h.y.s Why does basically half the world have a myspace? cuz its so freakin cool! Why did you pick your myspace user name? its my name lol Why do we have to go to school? to get a good job Why did you take this particular survey? it looked interesting Why are your best friends your best friends? cuz theyre always there for me and i heart em Why do the people on the news repeat the same stuff over and over? stupid question lol T.h.e. W.h.e.n.s When did everyone become obsessed with myspace? like a year ago When did you start school? when i was 6? When is your birthday? May 15 1987 When did you last go to the mall? last week When did you last buy a new pair of pants? same When did you last burn a candle? right now! When were you last at school? Wednesday When did you last see your mom?: 5 minutes ago

"where should i go what should i do i dont understand what you want from me cuz i dont know if i can trust you or all of the things youve said to me"

i just got home from seeing Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with Chrissy. it was really good, different. but good. idk why o many people dont like it... anyway, this week has been a complete bummer. so im now working at Kidworks in Netcong. its a daycare ass you probably guessed. it sux major ass lol long hours. its only really bad when i have to go to school after working 9-6 and then school from 6:30 - 9:15. the only up part of my week was getting my guitar. its an accoustic, really pretty. and in the past week ive taught myself to play sum pretty cool shit. ive learned about half the chords. and i can play summ of 69 and boulevard of broken dreams. all kinds of cool songs. so ya thats mostly what ive been up to lately. that and trying to Finish the 5th Harry Potter book which i did indeed finish today. and tomo im starting the 6th one. its not as big as the 5th but i guess itll be good. i wish there was somethign exciting going on anytime soon, but there isnt. OO hanging out with carolyn tomo. we havent hung out in like the longest time. im sooo glad were chillin tomorrow !!! bf4L well im off to bed. im thinking about redoing my page tho. its getting kinda boring Lauren Tara XoXo... the way matt likes it ;-)

held in your arms but too far from my heart these thought will carry me through the darkest nights while your eyes rested in mine i remember the way you looked at me and the way you drew me close with one deep sigh scattering pieces of my restless mind forgetting all that we have left behind i feel like im floating on cloud nine ____________________________________________ your everything i want. i cant even describe how i feel right now. im so lost and confused. things got so good for a while, now im just stuck in this hopeless life i wish everything wasnt so hard :-( what do you do when you look in the mirror and staring at yous is why hes not there goodnite, and more tomorrow.