On Wednesday afternoon, October 20, Mike and Ashley went out to buy groceries, as was their habit. Ashley came back grinning with glee, and I was soon to find out why. She was prattling on about having a special night with Daddy, and out of grocery bags spilled icecream and toppings for sundaes and chips and dip ingredients. But the most suspicious item was a Blockbuster Video bag. It contained two slasher movies I’d specifically warned both Ashley and Mike about letting her watch. I was furious. Again, not so much at the girl who wanted to see them. At my husband who was so weak he wouldn’t say "no".

That evening Ashley made the family crazy with her pushing and hurrying. The video-watching hour couldn’t come soon enough for her, and if she’d had her way, I would’ve sent the other children to bed right after dinner. They set up a collective howl over the special treats Ashley taunted them with, and no words on my part to Mike to control her teasing behavior had any effect. He seemed just as anxious to get the household settled down so he could turn on the tv. Both of them made me want to throw up.

Lucky me. They had rented I Know What You Did Last Summer 1 and 2, and how I hate this genre! I stayed out of the family room, but my computer is located adjacent, and I could hear even if I didn’t see. The intense freaky movie, the screams, bodies falling- I didn’t have to view them, I could see the movie plots in my mind. And every half hour or so, a child would come wandering out wanting a drink or a hug with the real intention of sneaking a glimpse of the forbidden shows. I went to bed a total wreck.

It was a struggle getting her out of bed the next morning, and she was in a terrible mood. But off to school she reluctantly trotted while Mike confided in me that he didn’t like the movies much either. I just looked at him with disdain, wondering who, really, was in charge of the family. Him? Or Ashley?

That night was a repeat of the evening before. We were going camping over the weekend, so the movies would be turned in on Friday, and she begged for another night’s watching beforehand. I was ready to pull my hair out- I could’ve used a hand in getting packed to go to the mountains, but Mike and Ashley were happily glued to the tv, munching on icecream sundaes. And Andrew woke up after midnight screaming; he’d accidentally seen one of the gorier parts of a movie before I realized he was out of bed, and he’d had a nightmare.

Ashley did not get up for school on Friday. I didn’t notice she was still in bed until after the Oakside van had left, and I furiously phoned Mike down in his office. He claimed she had a headache when he tried to wake her up, and besides, with us leaving for our camping trip, she could help me pack the motorhome when she woke up.

How is it, I wanted to know, that Ashley is allowed to watch movies I specifically requested not be brought into the house? Not only had she known this, but he also understood my instructions perfectly. Under his guidance, Ashley stayed up late two nights in a row so that she was unable to get up for school. Wouldn’t it seem reasonable, I asked, to tie perks such as rented videos into the way she behaved rather than just shower her with unearned favors?

Mike cut me off angrily. Ashley was his responsibility, not mine. He and he alone determined what was right for her. If he felt she didn’t need to get up for school, so be it, and he would deal with the consequences later. But I was to butt out and shut up. Those were his exact words. Then he slammed the phone down and hung up on me.

Appalled, I sat lost in thought after the conversation ended. What was going on here? What was wrong with Mike who couldn’t even see he was feeding right into Ashley’s emotional illness? In fact, it appeared as if he was just as ill, but whatever the case he was not coping well at all. I didn’t really know what to do except to immediately phone Kerri at home and tell her what had happened. She was as baffled as me.