Listening to: everything
Feeling: chipper
well im not who i wanna b but is anyone who they wanna b?
ne ways im goin 2 kansas on tuesday KANSAS ROCKS!!!! fuck yea and 2morrow mornin kaylas goin to ohio and cc goin 2 wisconson cant spell that but ne waysyea i have nothin to say besides i hate this keyboard. and yea ill write later i muy promise
i wanna be loud and fun and crazy with people im not so close with
i wanna be able to be comfortable with people i dont kno so well
cuz i hate being shy and quiet
ehh it juss kills me
*
well well w/e juss thought i should say that
with me i try and avoid all that
i still havent even kissed a guy and im 16...i dunno as much as i wanna do it i feel im disrespecting myself and my future husband (crazy right?) lol
and drugs (besides painkillers) i avoid all that
alcohol is my only weakness...i dont make it a habit or anything but if some1 has alcohol in front of me i juss HAVE to drink it....kinda pathetic :-/....
there is juss so much i wanna change
i juss wanna be "perfect"
but i kno its not all about being perfect, its tryna make myself happy
i dunno....
i kno alotta people that are in ur position...things will get better
yea i kno how it is...not being able to say "no" or w/e it was hard for me too...but i realized i dont wanna be like that...i dont want guys to use and take advantage of me so i took it step by step saying no to little things or w/e and now i can say no to any guy that tries to get that far with me...i dunno
i dont think it makes u a slut though :-/
im sick of things being so stuck this way
i want...well no i need things to get better
but i dont get ur question...
wat about my story??
hmm...well i dont really have a story i dunno...ive always been shy & well i kno i have&had close friends that really cared about me but i dunno i always felt like i was on the outside, and when i moved it got worse and when i started highschool thats when it got really bad...i dunno 4 no reason at all i would juss feel so sad and lonely and unwanted....
i dunno its not much to be "depressed" about but like the LiTTelest things get me sad....my weight...even tho ppl think im anorexic i think im fat or w/e i dunno....i juss cant stand being over 100 and pppl like wanna joke me for even having that thought in my mind...it gets me even more sad
i dunno
and well i have tried well not really tried but have thought bout suicide ALOT but like....ive gotten so far as like putting all my anti-depressants in my hand...but just flusing them down the toilet cuz i couldnt do that to myself i was so scared....
ok
well
i think thas it....
wow thanks for listening
now im in a sOo much better mood
than i guess i will ttyl
x.O
Justine
than i guess i will ttyl
x.O
Justine