so life has been good, work has been great and the love life is going great...my dog had her puppies, 3 girls and 5 boys, they are so cute! love you all!

so i dont really know what to write...life has been good and bad, i'm worried about some of my friends and wish i could trade them so they cant be hurt anymore, but then they are cursed to a life with cheese! :P but seriously, i have found that life is more of a thing to beat than try to make better. lol, beat it for all you got, and maybe you'll get a crumb! thats what i have to say!

so i was thinking about the mystery of life, and i have figured out that cheese is only cheese. it sometimes makes you feel like crap...or constipated, but while you eat it, there is a feeling of..."hey, this is good cheese." and to try to forget about the cheese is like forgetting the memories you have made with your good friends...even if you have slowly drifted away...they are still the cheese in your life, and once in a while you need to be constipated to really understand how they work.

so life has been one of those things that i cant get enough of, but at teh same time i really would lik eit to stop. i have been finding things harder to do, and impressing someone has been easy but hard...i have been changing, and it doesn't scare me anymore, but it has been making em question the things i have been planning. do i really want them? i mean i could do anything right now, marry anyone...go anywhere...so i have been finding it hard to settle down on one idea. i want everything, but you only live one life, and you can only do one thing at a time, and well theres just not enought time to live and do everything i want to do...dreams seem to be becoming nightmares, and i just want to wake up... "give me your heart and i will break it"

I HATE LIFE! KILL ME NOW!

aha! my feeling is fat! :P well scott and i are going to dinner tonight! hehe! FAT! well i was working on yearbook stuff even though i'm not in year book! haha! FAT! hehe! i am suddenly hyper...i guess its because i am not around gay...oops bens here...stupid...DAMN IT BEN! okay...well i guess its because ben is FAT! lol jk!

so tuesday is valentines day, and what are you going to make it? is it going to be a cozy night or is it going to be war with your emotions? i hope everyone makes the best of the night, even if it means catching up on that book you haven't been able to read for a while...just treat yourself good if you cant treat someone else good! and if you have someone to treat good, well then make their night worth it! its always better to give! :D even if its to yourself!

i dont know anything anymore, why do i try to breathe? i'm so lost, lonely and just kinda upset, and really nothing or no one can do anything....why cant i talk to anyone? i feel like everyone is jsut too busy okay this is an update, that last thing a siad lasted all of ten minutes :P i'm done!

so i am going to tc tonight, it's going to be fun. i wish scott could go though, i miss having time to ourselves, but i guess in the long run we'll have plenty of time together. so i am going to tc to buy me some clothes that actually fit me...lol. its going to be fun, and then i am going to go to sleeping tiger imports to buy me some fun stuff :P well i guess that's it.

so my step mom has it stuck in her head that my 6 month old bro can drink out of a sippie cup by himself! um no! er! i really hate the stupidity that has been invading my life! on other terms, i have decided to not become a high priestess, but to just go into herbology...that's what i am truely into, not spells, they just seem to cause too much chaos. UPDATE: okay so i finally get done with all my chores and everything and i start to settle down and start my homework when my dad comes in and says i have to watch chase while they clean...well i would've been fine with it, but i got chase when he was screaming and throwing a fit, so i told my dad i had a lot of homework to do and he says i'll be able to do it, so then i finally get chase settled down...that took an hour...then my dad walks in and says oh yeha we're done we can take him now. DUMB ASSES! but then i get into my homework,. and my dad is all like, you've been on the internet for more than three hours! and starts to yell at me about being online too much! er!

so i gave blood today, and it killed me. i feel like shit...lol, but i still saved three people's lives! :D that always makes me feel better to know that i helped someone out in the world. especially with all of the selfish acts that i do through out the day. well my kirtland class is going alright, miss amy and i talked about my portfolio and where i was going, it was fun, but i kept getting a lot of evil glances...a lot of people don't like leanne and i, but i think it's because miss amy actually tries to help us through everything, but we are actually interested in geting our CDAs.

blah blah blah...blah!

what would you do for love? isn't that a question that should be one asked frequently? so seriously think about it and get back to me...love is a silly thing, and people do silly things for it, but in the end isn't it worth it? love is love, and without love, you would just live to live, and nothing else, why just live and die, when you can live love then die?

Small town homecoming queen Shes the star in this scene Theres no way to deny shes lovley Perfect skin perfect hair Perfumed hearts everywhere Tell myself that inside shes ugly Maybe I'm just jealous I can't help but hate her Secretly I wonder if my boyfriend wants to date her She is the prom queen I'm in the marching band She is a cheerleader I'm sittin in the stands She gets the top bunk I'm sleepin on the floor Shes Miss America and I'm just the girl next door Senior class president She must be heaven sent She was never the last one standing A backseat debutaunt Everything that you want Never to harsh or too demanding Maybe I'll admit it I'm a little bitter Everybody loves her but I just wanna hit her She is the prom queen I'm in the marching band She is a cheerleader I'm sittin in the stands She gets the top bunk I'm sleepin on the floor Shes Miss America and I'm just the girl next door Oh an I'm just the girl next door I don't know why I'm feelin sorry for myself I spend all my time wishin that I was someone else She is the prom queen I'm in the marching band She is a cheerleader I'm sittin in the stands I get A little bit she gets a little more Shes Miss America and... she's Miss America I'm just the girl next door...

So i got in an argument with my dad today...lol what a surprise, but it was over me being on the net or the phone too much...so i called my mom to talk to her, and she is pretty pissed. i mean he doesn't let me leave much, he doesn't want me to call anyone or be on the net...so what am i supposed to do? i am not going to watch tv all night and rot my brain! and he is lucky that i kinda am emotionless today, or i would have just screamed and screamed at him! i am fucking 17 years old...and i have to be home by 10 and i cant be on the phone past 10 or on my computer past 11, even if i have homework! WHAT THE HELL! so yeah i talked to my mom about getting a cell phone plan, and i am going to get a second job, and well...i have decided that i can't live here next year! i am going to apply for housing at kirtland...i dont care how much more i have to pay! so yeah!

so i am making a hate but love the world cult...instead of suicide, we'll kill people! jk lol! but that would be interesting! SATANISM HERE I COME!

i hate posers! i really do! *sigh* well i can't wait until i turn 18, then i can get started on becoming a high priestess...and yes...i know...wiccan is so wierd, and its the "devils" work, but why not! if i am supposivly sinning because i am doing something i believe in, then i welcome hell with open arms...because i am faithful to my mother...and i hate how people just become a wiccan for the magic...do that with some other religion...wicca isn't just the magic...it's just like christianity...i beleive in my goddess, and i want to worship her, and live my life with her...and well if i get a gift from her once in a while for being loyal...than that's great, but all i truely ask of her is to keep the ones i love safe...lol not much different from god...but i feel more connected this way...and i want to be spiritual! so yeah...i could be called "evil" but my heart is driven to make people happy, and i will serve my goddess till the day i die...even if i may suffer after death...

so i dont have much to talk about...my dad is being dumb, but thats not new...i want to start playing d & d again...um...i am kinda bored! why does life seem so pointless? i dont understand things...i should be happy...i mean i have like one of the best lives in the world, but yet...there's something missing out of my life, and i cant reach it! *sigh* i hate being depressed!

i dont know what to say about love anymore...it keeps throwing things around, and i dont feel like i can keep up with it. sometimes, i am as happy as can be, but other times i wish i were dead because of it.

ok...i know i am not perfect, and i know that things i do aren't good for me, but i like living life, and i don't know why people make a big deal out of it...i guess thats all