sorry Xanga and Myspace has distracted from this sitdiary community and im sorry. Leave me some love!

im not single any more. im so happy. he is so great. sweet....he also wants a serious/ long term reltaionship. I feel like i can trust him. its great and im just really happy :-D

My parents left thursday morning and arnt going to be back till tomarrow (sunday) at 5 pm. OMG this is the best weekend ever to just do whatever the fuck that i want. ive got the house to my self at night because i make my sister stay at a friends house so that she isnt here to bother me. perfect for a party. but the shitty thing is..all the people that i want to come has to work or are grounded. and that sucks. so ill just stay home and enjoy the quietness. its great and relaxing i dont get that too often. if you wanna chat tonight drop me a msg on yahoo or AIM (yahoo!- starry_nighty) (AIM- luckyXthirteen84) talk to ya then

its been a while since ive written..i know. ive been going thru a hard time, again. April 15th one guy that i felt more for then any other guy told me that he had a gf. before we had done stuff, so therefore i felt like i was the other girl. But he called me yesterday and everything is cleared up..im not confused about whats going on. but i totally understand. but this dont mean that i dont want to be with him. I love him so much and i just dont want to feel alone any more. he is the only person who can understand me. the only one. and i know your thinking that isnt true. but it is. he made me feel beautiful. he is the first guy that has ever told me that i was beautiful and actually mean it and it made me feel so good. but when i found out that little thing i didnt know what to feel...or think of my self. i still dont. I feel like im not good enough for anything..for any one. I just want him to be mine, and only mine. i want to hear those words that come from his mouth that say I love you Steph. I miss those words. As he is sitting there and talking to me i just want to tell him how much he means to me and how much i love him but i dont know if that is right and i bite my tongue, shed a few tears quiet enough for him not to hear. I love you Daniel. and nothing will ever change that!!!!!!!!!

Hey. Im here.

yall i just got dumped today by a guy that i felt that i could spend the rest of my life with. yeah yeah he lives in indiana and im in Nc but it was all on his parents...they told him he had to. which really pisses me off because he will be 19 the 21st of this month and his 15 yr old sister gets more then him. they treat like like a 13 yr old. its all bull shit. so i dunno what im going to do. he made me feel so good about my self. i so didnt expect this at all. i cant eat...and i cant get that look that he had out of my mind. and hearing him cry on the phone made me feel like shit. it made me feel like killing some one. QUESTION: WHAT IS MY PURPOSE ON THIS EARTH? id really like to know. because whenever i find something that makes me happy something bad happens and i lose it. i cant stand this anymore. i lost Zach and now Daniel. I will get Daniel back. he didnt break up with me due to lack of interest like Zach did. When i graduate high school im moving, and i will get back with Daniel. i will...and im sure he would love that. I try to talk to some one about it...and they leave me. I cant ever talk to any one about how im feeling but they always come to me with their problems but when it comes to me they cant stay and listen because they have too much to do. so i build it all up and then when something major like this happens i lose control and i think of morbid plans to killing my self but first the people that hurt me. well i quit with this writing shit down for tonight because i have ran out of tears.

i havnt written in a while, just because im sick of all the bull shit that happen in my life and between the fighting with people and crying i hadnt had the chance to write everything down. so i dunno. valentines day sucks for me. even if i had a valentine nothing can ever make me feel special. while every girl in our school walks around with roses and teddy bears and balloons, i walk around with nothing and alone. i wouldnt want that shit sent to school anyways its more romantic for your bf to show up on your door step with the roses and a kiss. oh well...im sick of complaining...something has to go my way soon.

i swear im so pissed off at the people here. I have to fucking buy my own car, pay for my own gas, AND fucking pay my own insurance. Their parents buy them nice ass cars bay the insurance and give them gas money. Im really fucking lucky to get 30 cents for a pack of gum. i mean its good that im getting that responsibility and even if they wanted to pay for it they dont have the money for it. it just sickens me. AHHH gah. i want to scream....AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH....i still dont feel any better about the situation

...fucking mean to me. im like the sweetest person ever, im down to earth with you and i wouldnt do anything to you unless youve messed with me, my family, and my friends and then you better watch out. but the guys that i like are all like yeah i like you to but then are dicks to me. im fucking getting sick of dudes...and i thought well ill just go to girls...shit she was a bitch and i dont know what to fucking do to be happy. i need a guy that will treat me like im the only one that he see's cuz its like i get a bf right and im ignored..."yeah yeah im listening..." as he is staring down some other chick....i dunno what to do i just know that i need to figure it out quick and if any one that reads this wants to comment on what i should do then please give me a hint or something!!! if you want to talk im here...AIM luckyXthirteen84 and Yahoo! starry_nighty.......give me some pointers

please dont play with my heart....

omg im so tired!! last night i worked 4-10 and then i got up at 7:30 to be back there at 9 and then i worked till 4 and then after i got off work i layed around for a bit still not able to relax and then my friend Kristen called me and she was like Jermy and Robbie are going to meet us at walmart get ready we will be there in a little while. I sorry to say this but i like her bf jeremy. i dont know what was up with robbie (my blind date) he annoyed me. Kristen dont even like Jeremy. but she dont want to tell him that. BUT UH GAH we saw wesley, tyler B., jennifer, melissa and her bf up there it was so much fun after that cuz they were all fucked up. i was lovin it! haha Im kinda pissed off because this girl named Brittany keeps cheating on wesley and one day on the bus he was laying on me and we were talking and i was like why are you still with her and he said i dunno. and i told him that he deserved better and he was like i know....but he is still with her! and they dont even do anything out side school its like they arnt even a couple. BUt i love Wesley i really do he is my best friends brother...but i dont care i would love to be with him, i would never do him wrong.i just wish that he would see me like that. oh well. im going to bed because i have to get up at 930 and go back to work at 11....bye yall

tonight i was all excited cuz i would get to talk to Sky. yeah well i got online and he was being all ill towards me cuz one of his friends and him got into a fight...and i tried to be the helpful friend i am and ask him if he wanted to talk about it and he was being a jerk....i didnt do shit to him to deserve that. that was bull shit. I just wish that i can be as careless as most people!!! gah

omg im talking to the most sweetest guy that i think that i have ever talked to. WE have so much in common. and he looks fine as hell too. His name is Skyler. man....i just wish that we lived by each other. i think that i would be so happy right now!

Yay its my b day! im finally 17! and i can also go and see rated R movies by my self with out my parents. HaHa every girls dream!! but anyways i got to go and do my thing. ill write later

man today is just great...its my best friends B day...but i cant be with her. but she is out and about with her BF having fun. and thats all that matters....i dont know why im so hyper...but when i figure it out i will let you in on the secret!

last night i couldnt sleep, at all. i got up at 5:45 am and i felt fine till i got to school. And who knew a sugar free gum could make me wake up. then at lunch i had a sun drop and i was bouncing off the walls. too bad no one else was feeling the same way. i think that i get my energy from the people who have none. i think i just suck it all up. while im walking around fucking around and cheesing like there is no tomarrow every one is moping around like today is the day that they are goin to die. oh well. my best friend is leaving me. she is moving to Burns High. I dont want her to leave me. I dont know what i will do with out her there with me. I will be nothing. Just watch when she leaves my grades will drop. She is the only one who keeps me going at school. Oh well. My b day is comming up. I cant wait. I need some money. and fast. its weird...sarah's b day is 7 days before mine and her moms b day is the same as my moms b day. Its a weird coinsidence. Ill write when something else happens or when i feel like it. lol

man i love my friends...the ones that are true to me. i hate the people that are like nice to you to your face and then turn around and are totally disgusted with you. AH god i just want to rip their pretty little faces off their head and make them eat it. LOL. I think that im going to stop talking to Amy. I dont know what it is but she is different around me lately and i dont like it. so im just going to just stop talking to her like she is my best friend. I call her every night and like the convo is all about her and not one thing is spent more then 5 min about me...She dont even talk to me in school any more. and then i ask her straight up if she is having issues with me because i want to know this shit but she tells me no....even tho she is totaly acting weird. So oh well.... I really hope that Sarah does come back to school today. I miss her. She is my Bestest Friend the only one that i can some what trust....i hope....but ill write in this bitch what i have more to say! maybe tonight ;-)

its sunday and i have nothing to do. i guess this Jim dude in ohio wants to have a relationship with me. ive talked to him in the phone a lot but i dunno. the age thing bothers me. but i guess i will work this out when i get to ohio. last night i went to Charlotte and i was so fucking bored so i called up Jackie and talked to her like the whole time i was there and my step mom and dad were bitching at me...and its like its free long distance and there is nothing else better to do so give me a break you know? they piss me off with the phone. its free so why do you care how long i stay on it. im keeping it on the charger so that it wont go dead! i told them that when i turn 18 im moving out i dont care if i am still in school. im leaving this shit hole...they said when im 18 i can do whatever i want i tell them im going to pierice my tongue and they said no your not as long as your living under my roof you will abide by my rules...well then thats why im moving out because im going to be 18 cant talk on the phone after 9 and have to be in the house at dark...yeah ok thats going to keep me in the house. they said that i have to finish school and how can i pay rent or what not without working full time.....im going to live with Sarah. her grandparents have trilors and its $45 a week i can do that with a part time job. and i can come here to do laundry and i just got it all planned out. i know its going to be hard but id rather be on my own then living here. so yeah thats whats happening today.

omg i dont know why but im like so fucking happy right now its not even funny. it might be because of the nap. if so i should take those more often. i have a lot of confidence too now. last night i was talking to my best friend Jackie from ohio and like her and this dude Jim (he is 30 but he looks 19) were fighting who would get me in bed first when i came up there.....i would do Jackie first because she is my best friend. but any who. i might be getting a job at a haunted house scaring people....i so hope i get it. well i really dont have anything to write about anymore. so ill write some other time. bye

i finally had a dream! its been almost 2 months since ive had one. i guess im finally over Zach and back to my normal happy state. YAY. i was all happy today and then i got online and talked to Jackie and like now im just all like depressed and shit FUCK this ruind my day....i probualy wont get out and do anything again this weekend, maybe saturday night. but i doubt it because Sarah would rather go to her bf's house after church then spend the day with me. I just hate it when my friends put their bf's in frount of their best friends. i feel left out. I want a bf. but im not good enough to have one....