well.. today is thurday and there is NO SCHOOL tomororw .. wicked excited about that.. WOO.. I can't stand school .. ANND i still do not have my permit WTF.. Um . .Chicago is in .. 12 DAYSS! im excited : ) well .. time to go but I will leave you with this .. he looks at me, i fake a smile so he won't see. but i want, and i'm needing everything that we should be. i bet shes beautiful, that girl he talks about, and she's got everything that i have to live without. he talks to me, i laugh cause it's so damn funny, that i can't even see anyone when he's with me. he says he's so in love, hes finally got it right. i wonder if he knows he's all i think about at night. he's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar. the only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star. he's the song in the car i keep singing, don't know why i do. he walks by me, can he tell that i can't breathe? and there he goes, so perfectly. the kind of flawless i wish i could be. she better hold him tight, give him all her love, look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky. he's the only one who has enough of me to break my heart.

I wish you only knew how good it is to see you -Foo Fighters- My problem is you made me melt and I don't want to be frozen anymore. -Incubus- By the way Every little thing about his face Fills her up The image so pleasing it could never be erased Here to stay Embedded in her mind She wishes they could be together all the time By the way He says things, the tone, just to hear his voice She can't explain The sound so exciting to her a perfect choice Here to stay Embedded in her mind She wishes they could be together all the time No Doubt- why do I say I'm fine when it's obvious I'm not? why's it so hard to tell you what I want? why can't you just read my mind? why do I fear that the quieter I am the less you will listen? why do I care whether you like me or not? why is it so hard for me to be angry? why is it such work to stay conscious and so easy to get stuck and not the other way around? alanis morissette- "Its like I kept waiting for you to come and tell me that you wanted me too. And I finally see im waiting for the impossble to happen, so dont blame me when I move foward with my life. Don't get mad at me when I find someone else- someone who thinks about me the way I thought about you...." --dawsons creek I still love you and I will forever We can't hide the truth We know each other better.. they'll look at each other, exchanging glances, but not talk to one another because they're afraid of taking chances.. You don't say it But it's in your eyes All the fears of good-bye But I can promise You'll always have a place and a way to my heart And now I think that you should know That you've got e v e r y t h i n g That I've wanted for so damn long And that I wouldn't hesitate to trade away everything If you tell me that I'm not wrong So now I think that you should know That I've been waiting for you Since we sat underneath the stars as I held you in my arms Killing just another summer night It's funny how the best things happen sometimes And how I'll always remember those endless nights a few things that remind me of him....

I miss you *I miss being overwhelmed by you* And I need rescue I think I'm fading away But I keep thinking that you'll wake me up with a whisper in my ear I keep -hoping-that you'll sneak in my room So I wait and I wait And I run old scenes through my tired head I miss you *I miss talking all night lone with you* And I need this to find a way to your home My love can you hear me Have I been hoping loud enough, wishing hard enough Can you see me when I'm asleep all alone - alone

I used to make the light shine for you, The sun has left my sky. Velvet walls surround my sorrows, I've sacrificed my pride. Giving up on me, You're giving up on me Giving up on me, You're giving up on me. I've laid myself to sleep tonight I know you've played out everything in your mind. And now you throw it all away, A shattered memory that you would stay. Through thick and thin with me, You're giving up on me..... it's been a LONG time.. 9 days till christmas Cant waitt Baby all i want for christmas is you.. S2

Hmmm It's been awile since i've written in here .. so much has happend.. You light me up and then I fall for you You lay me down and then I call for you Stumbling on reasons that are far and few I'd let it all come down and then some for you Pretty baby don't you leave me I have been saving smiles for you Pretty baby why can't you see You're the one that I belong to I'll be the embrace that keeps you warm For you're the sun that breaks the storm I'll be alright and I'll sleep sound As long as you keep comin' around, oh pretty baby And I know things can't last forever But there are lessons that you'll never learn Oh just the scent of you it makes me hurt So how's it you that makes me better -pretty baby- It's always times like these When I think of you And I wonder If you ever Think of me 'Cause everything's so wrong And I don't belong Living in your Precious memories 'Cause I need you And I miss you And now I wonder.... If I could fall Into the sky Do you think time Would pass me by 'Cause you know I'd walk A thousand miles If I could Just see you Tonight And I, I Don't want to let you know I, I Drown in your memory I, I Don't want to let this go I, I Don't.... -A thousand miles- I Love you .. :

Woahh it's been a long time since the last time since my last entry .. hmm a lot has happend .. hmm i dont even know where to start.. well last weekend was brandon's party i went with cassie and gabby .. And it was fun lol Umm i kept thinking about *something .. though eHh .. Halloween is mondayyy :D :D im So excitedd .. Me and Cassie are gonna hang out prolly at franks lol but im exciteddd !!! and we're gonna go see Saw II .. Im excited about that to .. its gonna be a fun weekend I've had So much on my mind latley idk .. i cant concentrate on anything EhH .. things suck and it is suppose to snow tonight!!!!!!!!! its not EVEN HALLOWEEN YET!AHH jesus .. this weather sucks .. i hate it it freaking cold as hell .. HmM .. what else .. Umm i decided to be my gay fairy for the parade this weekend .. UGH i swear to god if someone has the same costume as me ill go as a streaker .. DAMNIT and so far the people that i heard that are being fairies .. umm rightttttttttt except Emm :D lol .. But yepp so that SUCKS.. onyl 2 more swim meeettts!! ahh yes i cant WAIT for the season to end .. i have a twos meets next week i think and the last one is on the 4th woo .. yess im excited its been a crazy season .. well i'm gonna go do Hw Byee : ) S2 I LOVE YOU BABBBYYY!!!!!!! S2*

heyy havent written in awile .. yeah i've been buisy with swim and band .. and Now school .. i hate schoo .. THERES NO RYANNN! .. blah and i have gay 3rd lunch which SUCKS.. and i hate spanish and i hate freshmen .. the only good thing is my locker lol it hot .. lol anyway .. UmM i have a parade tomorrow .. .. i miss ryan soo much ugh i hate this. . i hate college .. i cant wait till he comes home so i can just hug him and be with him again .. hes the only one that makes me happy .. : ( and i miss him .. (( LOVE YOUU BABYYY! )) andd umm yeah swim is goin good we did time trials today which was ok except we freakin did Butterfly first which i dont like and it sucked up all of my energy .. UGH .. so by the time we got to my strokes Back and Free i was sota tired but i still did pretty good .. Came out in first in back and Second in Free .. which is ok and makes me wonder what i can do when im not tired ? lol i dont want to go to school monday theres nothing i look forward to anymorre .. just nothing .. ugh i miss ryan like you wouldnt know .. its so lonley without him there .. i use to see him all the time and now i dont .. im so bummed .. and The leaves are starting to change : ) im soo excited! i love fall it's my favorite season it's so pretty .. And UMAS is soon .. I hope ryan goes too :D that would be the BESTTT Ekk! lol .. well im going to go .. Bye for Now. Ryan Love you BabY** *hug and kiss* Miss you hunni* cant wait to see you !! :D S2

well today was the second day of Swim I'm pretty sore i think i pulled a muscle too ehh oh well .. the girls are CLASSIC :x ... eh oh i'm their to swim..friends are nice to but i can already tell they are goin to stick together so i probably most likely wont be talking to them much .. But THATS OK 0:) hehe.. Anyway Soo yeah band is sucking because by the time get there i feel like crap im tired and blahh and barely get to eat anything and its hard to hold my instrument up lOL but other than that it's Ok .. I'm not sure how the half time show will go Friday But oh well.. i mean perry has the trumpets freakin RUNNING across the field.. NO LIE.. we look like assholes not to mention i feel like one .. it looks horrible.. But w/e I'll just go with it he'll look like the Bad one not us. Soo i was suppose to go get my glasses today but the freakin lady isn't there WTF.. yeah that sucks now i cant go get them till friday which means i wont REALLY get them until like fuckin MONDAY.. gr that sucks too and i miss ryan a lot.. : ( .. I cant wait i might go see him saturday :D :D AHH yess i cant wait .. it's lonley without him i look at people aways msg's and their like "with the love of my life" "with the boyfriend" "going to (insert name here)(kiss face)" blahh I miss him : ( SO much ehh yepp .. so this week pretty much sucks so far lol well thats about it for now .. Bye bYE RYAN i Love you Babee!!! S2 I Miss you SOO much!! *hug* See you soon!! :D S2 Always--

ehh well .. life is still Sucking without ryan home : ( i miss him sooo Much .. and i don't like hearing him all sad ehh but on a happier Note I got my Cell Phone : ) it's pretttyy :D haha lol I'm so happy i finally have one now. Swim tryouts start Monday thats exciting i hope i make it : ) RYAN I LOVE YOUU BABBEE* S2 ALWAYS

you really got your hold on me you really got your hold on me you gotta get away from me 'Cause you, you want nothing to do with me Baby is this love for real? Let me in your arms to feel The beating of your heart baby The beating of your heart baby Baby is this love for real? Let me in your arms to feel Your beating heart baby The beating of your heart baby In spite of you Even out of view Still I love all of you I do, yeah In spite of you Even out of view Still I love all of you I do, well You, you want nothing to do with me You, you want nothign to do with me

aww man does this suck.. Ryan Left this morning He came to say goodbye and it was soo hard to say goodbye : ( now i wont see him again Until Hopefully September 23 which is Home comming- soo i'm hoping that i will see him then : ) yeah but after he left i cried of corse : ( Ughh i miss him soo much already BLAHH.. I hate college .. Well band camp is going well i guess .. the freshmen are all assholes but other than that it's ok .. i miss seing ryan there getting the music though lol .. But I'm trying to help them as much as i can but i'm Sort of scared to step up and help because i'm not section leader .. Idk.. hmm and now i'm home listening to Skillet and doin a few things on the computer .. and tomorrow i'm going to Pick out my new glasses : * Oh yEAhh haha But their nice i already know which ones i want I'm excited having contacts is a BITCH it sucks ASSSSSS haha but their ok i like them i guess but sometimes they hurt and that's when i wish i had my new glasses because my old ones arent my perscription anymore and they give me headaches soo yeah ... UMM well i'm going to go Bye for NOw S2 RYAN i love you SO much Baby!! and i ALWAYS will S2 Have Fun babe!!!! *HUG & KISS*

well I Ryan just left and we spent the whole night Copying his CD's to my computer well the ones i Liked. And of corse I cried :x I'm going to miss him a lot when he goes to college this SUCKS.. he leaves in 8 days : ( eh.. Well I got an e-mail back from Rob and unfortunatley they aren't playing In october : ( too bad I was excited for a second.. Ohh well they will come back Someday right?? Haha well I'm going to go .. Bye for Now- S2 LoveyouS2

well today was the first day of swimming it was awsome to be swimming again : ) of corse i need to get in better shape than i'm in right now But thats Ok In time. and i'm feeling better than I did Yesturday and I'm goin Camping this weekend I'm sort of excited i guess.. IDK I probably should start getting some stuff ready .. hmm well that's all for today i guess?

i hate back to school time .. my mom like hates spending money like you cant NOT spend money parents SUCK.. yeah today was sort of a bad day .. Except when it was Pouring and i went out in the rain : ) but yeah ryan went to the mall and i wanted him to call me quick before he went and he didn't .. and then he said he would call me later and hasn't .. OH WELL im use to it by now .. Tomorrow Starts swimming i am SO excited :D i can't waiitttt YEP :D i wish emily would swim with me but she wont .. eh oh well i guess i'm going camping with her this weekend it should be interesting lol Haha I'll give ryan a taste of his own god damne medicine i'm not gonna call him at ALL ..see how he likes it .. i mean it is that hard to give a quick phone call .. It hurts too because i Love him idk maybe i'm making this into a big thing and it shouldn't be?? probably .. idk i don't know anything anymore i am so lost and confused right now I haven't been like this in awile and i am .. I feel like no one really knows how i feel and no one understands.. and i feel pain .. and im lonley and Sad blahh .. I feel so Lame when i say stuff like that but i don't know how else or WHO else to talk to .. ?? i wish i had someone to talk to about this But until then i guess i will just spill my thoughts out to all of you a bunch of strangers : ) well .. I'm Going to go do some other stuff .. Byee S2

AHH yess :D i can't wait swimming starts wednesday OMG im SO excited! :D i'm kinda bummed though because i dont get to go with my sister for college ehh but on the other hand i dont have to cary stuff that's way to heavy and hold doors lol 2 & 5 Days- and then ryan leaves in 10 days .. *sigh* aww man this sucks .. why when something good comes along does it always leave?? im scared...

well today was very buisy went to bed at like 2:00 AM and woke up at 4:55 AM Umm then watched a little Fuse and took a shower then got ready then jen and dave got up and Dave went to get ryan and sean then they came here and we ate Breakfast.. yepp then after that at like 7:45 ish we started driving on our way .. a nice 3 hour drive it was good though because i got to sleep a little and listen to music. Then once everyone woke up we were just about there then when we were all ready to head to the park we had to wait in this stupid line thing for like 20 minutes for this little car thing that brought you to the park when we could have just walked but it was a fun little drive Hehe.. so then we get in and what happends of corse i start to feel sick as we're on our way to the Super Man .. But i started to feel better while waiting. Then we got on and this idk why i was so scared that was the Coolest roller coaster i have ever been on OMG the drop is scary as HELL but it was sooo awsome aw man i wish we had went on more than once but then after that we headed to umm ..this little water ride i think? i dont remember :x but anyway we went on this little water ride and me and my sister we kind of grosed out because the seats we all nasty and we were thinking about how everyone elses sweat had been on these seats and it was nasty .. But it was a pretty cool ride it was a quick line and i got soaked then we wanted to go on this ride thats like the ranging river i was better though. but the line was horrible it was so long and like they had mist blowing everywhere ..and it wasn't even like cooling me off i just couldn't see so that was lame but then finally we got to the ride and it was boring at first but then me and ryan got this HUGE water fall ryan got most of it but i got a lot too it was great we were soaked. After that ride we went to go eat and we watched the batman show .. it was lame .. yep but gave me time to let my food settle before going on anymore rides .. so the next ride we went on was this wierd one that was just like to lines of seats and they went opposite ways and all the way around idk it was wierd. so after that we headed towards the water park and when we got there the amount of people was crazyy me and jen we like .. Umm no.. :x so then we went to go on the Batman and we were like halfway up the line and it started to thunder and lightening so we got some dip n dots and headed home the ride home i fell right to sleep because i was soo tired and when i woke up we were at a rest stop to get gas and had like another hour to go so i went back to sleep and the next time i woke up we were in amsterdam and home i was SO happy to be home and get chaged. so then we all went swimming and jen was spraying me with the house and trying to through me in the pool but i just dove over the side before she could get me in and we played silent tag that was funny haha So after all of that we were about to eat and when jen and dave came back from the store and jen came in crying and i was like wtf? so then i went to go see what happened and it turns out that her and dave had gotten their stuff stolen from their cars dave got ALL of his cd's stolen and his WHOLE cd player like right from the car.. Who does that!? and jen just got one cd stolen she was all upset the rest of the night and then to Top it all of .. my dog shattered a glass dish .. today was fun :p Bye For Now:: ILOVEYOU-

does everyone like that Background yepp that picture was taken at the Midtown Concert hehe (( 5.18.05 )) saratoga winners Baby! :D

well right now im listening to "you should know" it's a good song .. anyway Umm today was kinda of boring i was suppose to hang out with ryan but i guess he forgot because he called me earlier and i asked him what he was doin and he said he was hanging out with derek today .. so yeah but it's cool cause he's leaving soon so yeah i was bummed but its ok so then i asked kristina if she wanted to hang out and she said yeah at 9 cause she was doin something so maybe i'll go at 9 haha we have CRAZY times lol.. i think my mom is going to let me go to Warper tour but now it's up to phil is he wants to take me Idk i'm not going to get my hopes up even though i would REALLY like to see midtown again .. I'll see them in october i Hope ... well i think they are comming in october idk for sure though but if they are you know me and kristina will there haha Yepp .. Good times Tomorrow is Six flags with ryan my sister dave and sean i'm so scared :x but then again i'm like excited and can't wait to be terified haha i already know i have No choice to not go on the rides so i might as well just accept it. but it should be fun yepp yeah so i made a myspace but my space is kind of a pain .. i like sit way better i actually know how to do all of the html stuff but myspace is SO confusing aw man not for me .. well yepp i wish i could go to the Finch concert tomorrow : ( but i'll be at six flags or on my way home i'm kinda bummed but oh well.. Soo i think Varsity starts monday but i'm not sure since my mom hasn't called yet but tomorrow i'll find out I'm so excited to start swimming i can't wait. it's my favorite sport :D Ok well i'm gonna go Bye!*

Ok .. well im am feeling better now .. i've listened to music and now im talking to deamer he's funny and im tried as HELL.. but i'm deff gonna sleep in tomorrow because its like 2 in the morning and i'm going to look like crap but OH well.. what else is new . SOo yeahh im bored and i wish "people" would talk to me and tell me what i did and what i can do but OH WELL.. Be that way GR you Suck LOVE you ryanS2

grr i need to stop thinking as much