so. I haven't really written anything worth reading in a while, have I? idk. i guess i just really have no motivation lately. things have been rough, as of late. and from what i can tell, its only going to get rougher. but meh. it happens. I can deal. and if not...who honestly cares? idk. I just hate the way things are going right now. prom was friday. it was good, but at the same time it sucked, for 2 reasons. 1) jenni was supposed to be here by then, and she isn't...i don't know if she even will be coming... 2) ...i miss her... i didn't think it would be so hard. i thought i was moving on. i mean, i know i'm not over her, but... its just so hard :/ i saw her in every couple on the dance floor that night. particularly, in this one lesbian couple. every time i saw them together, i thought of her... this isn't right. she was supposed to have been there, with me. but she wasn't...and I'll never be with her... ugh. friday was also the seniors last official day of school. all of a sudden, most of my best friends are gone...i mean, its not a new experience for me, but it'll never be easy. i had to say goodbye to the habit seeing them around school, and pretty soon i'll be saying my real goodbyes...many will be for good. I think those will be the hardest people to say goodbye to; the ones i know i'm more than likely never going to see again. Ali, one of the first girls i ever had a crush on...and sarah, who is fricken awesome, and chelsea, and darcie, and kris, and shane, and sean, and cassie, and amanda, and katey, and abby... these will be the ones that are hardest to say goodbye to, the ones i've gotten attached to, but probably not enough so that i'll ever see them again. thats when i'm going to lose it...the good-byes are going to kill me :/ then, saturday, scott was talking to this wicked homophobic girl...and it got me thinking. no matter what, no matter how accepted it becomes for two girls, or two boys to be togehter...there will always be those who are against it. there will always be people out there who will hate you for what you stand for, rather than just loving you for who you are. which is really too bad, she seems like she could be a nice person if it wasn't for that... then sunday i went to an all-american rejects concert...it was good, except... they played dirty little secret. i knew they would of course... it just kind of got to me... :/ that was our song...that was her song...it kind of hurt to hear it, in person. i miss her. and now...idk, i'm so out of it lately. everyone seems to be changing, moving on, leaving their pasts behind. leaving me behind... barry has his new posse now. we barely talk. kims gone...because of me... scott and doug are leaving at the end of the summer for college, both in different states. jenni...is drifting away... sarah's all...idk, shes got her own group now too... kylie and I had a falling out today. I think thats probably it for us. things just don't click between us anymore, i guess. once she decided she wanted rachel back, she didn't need me anymore. fucking figures. I was so worried about hurting her...i was insanely afraid of it... and in the end, she ended up being the one to hurt me... i'm trying so hard to fit in, to find my place. i'm trying so desperately to hold on. but i seem to be slipping... and this time, i don't think anyone will be there to catch me :/