Wow its been a while since ive written. Well a lot has been going on i guess. I went to the doc a week ago and it turns out i still have an infection. I am pretty sad well really sad actully im scared i might get an oparation witch the doc says i am well might if these pillz im taking right now dont cure me. It should last me for about 5 more months so hopefully im ok. I get really dizzy sometimes when im exposed to light thats a side effect from the medicine so sometimes i just stay home and go out when the sun sets kinda sad but its a must. Ive been in pain lately so this really sucks. Last night i cried myself to sleep cause i was scared and well i was in pain too. Well im happy and sad so i guess thats what ive been for a long time it goes up and down like a rollercoster just like my life. I did some pretty dumb stuff since the last time i written here. Lets just say i enjoy pain physically like in harmful way. I asked my daddy if he thought i was pretty today. And he said to him im pretty and he asked me why i asked him and i said well i just dont feel so pretty anymore. Ive been maturing a lot lately ive noticed and well ive been thinking a lot about my future and things i need to get done now. Man i had this diary for a long time including poisonstar haha. This diary has helped me a lot. :) even if i dont get comments just writting what i feel and expressing myself. Ive been painting lately and well its happy/sad witch i am and it sucks cause my brother asked me why i always paint death like you sad stuff and i said i dunno cause i really dont know why i just paint how i feel most of the time. I could keep typing about a whole bunch of shit and stuff but im getting tired i took a Valerian and A sleep time tea haha yeah i guess im deppressed i wake up in the middle of the night and hear my name its weird and then i go back to sleep and sometimes i cant and i just lay there listening to music and stare at the seling :*( GOOD NIGHT EVERYONE! Peace Out Love Zo