lonley as ever..and depress only seconds away till i die tonight (will not littlery) i think this might be the end for this love...i wrote a letter to him 2 days ago and it doesnt seem that it helped..the letter was about how i have been feeling and i need him to hug me and let me know that everything will be ok..and i miss it when he would just hug me...bc all we do know he will just stand there like nothing not holding me or anything and hell act like im not even there..and ill try and hug him and he does nothing!!!!!!! nothing at all!! and then i even worte that i miss talking bc all we ever do now is sit and hell be looking through his game mags or on the pcs at school and just recently he got a men mag (the one w/ mostly eith naked girls) and he says its nothing....WE DONT EVEN SPEND TIME TOGETHER ON THE FREKEN WEEKENDS!!! *sigh* i had talked to my friend andy about this well bc hes a guy and he is practcly the closes thing i can trust and that i can talk to around this hell hole!! well i have school tomorrow and i still need to do my hw so i better go i guess...its just that i dont know what to do any more...im sick and tired of always trying and hes not even doing anything to make ends meet! *sigh* maybe patty is right i should dump his ass..even though in 5 days it will be our 1yr and 5 month anaversery...maybe its hard for me bc hes my first boyfriend..and who knows probably my last too..well night people

why is when they fucken promise they will call you and fucken dont!!! he fucken knows i was upset yesterday and he fucken promised me!! i fucken hate him...well no but ugh!! BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?!?! I BET YOU HES FUCKEN TALKING TO FUCKEN CARMEN O. WRITE LETERS BACK FORTH TO HER!!!!!! I FUCKEN HATE HER!!! I JUST WANT TO FUCKEN DIE...I HATE MY FUCKEN LIFE....maybe he doesnt love me anymore...he says he does but i dont know anymore...god i need someone to talk to i need patty, gladys, alex, ricky, and kim...i just need someone to talk to who i can trust..fuck damn it...why does he do this to me...

i thik im losing him...it hurts so bad...and what hurts so much more than that is that i dont have anyone to talk to...it feels like patty, gladys, alex, kim, ricky...everyone...just dont want to be my friend anymore...it hurts...it truly hurts so much!! it feels like i have nothing to live for now...i still dont like his "friend" i thik they have feelings for each other and such...today during lunch i wanted to cry he said something really fucked up to me in front of a couple of people in the schools libary and you know what...IT HURT!!! i just wanted to just call my dad and tell him to pick me up so i can just go straight to my room and lock myself in there and just fucken cry...i dont know what to do any more...i mean i love him so much...but im not happy anymore...i havent been for awhile...and i think i know what had trigger it...june 2, 2003...the day Gladys and i goot into some stupid argument and i just felt like dying i think thats what have set me off... im feeling so stress out from my family, school and now work... god i need to get out more...i dont know maybe ill just save up to buy myself a guitar and teach myself how to play and maybe and hopefully that will help me out...hopefully..i just want to die..life truly sucks var pagina= document.location.href; var re = new RegExp ('&', 'gi') ; pagina= pagina.replace(re, '(AmP)') ; document.writeln(' '); document.writeln(''); Kimberly Locke Lyrics

I HATE MY DAD I HATE MY MOM........I HATE MY FUCKEN LIFE...MY BOYFRIEND DOESNT SEEM TO LOVE ME ANYMORE...MY FRIENDS SEEM LIKE THE DONT WANT TO BE MY FRIENDS ANYMORE...I FUCKEN WANT TO RUN AWAY FROM THIS FUCKEN BULL CRAP!!!!!!!! I WANT TO CRY MY HEART OUT AND SCREAM SO FUCKEN LOUD THAT BLOOD SPILLS OUT...POURING INTO MY SO-CALL 'TRAGIC' LIFE I SOMETIMES WONDER IF ITS EVEN WORTH LIVING ANYMORE.... i mean come one we end up diying anyways so whats the fucken point...i dunno...god i need some therapy...and coming from me...DUDE it means i do..bc for all my life i was force against my own will and i FUCKEN HATED THAT CRAP..then i stopped in 9th grade and i serously think i need it again...or at least anti-depress pills...but yea

ehh..bored...

have you ever feel so lonely? no one to talk to not even your love they just seem not to understand you.. ♥ im still depress as it seems.. hopefully seeing my friends on friday will britten my day up...*sigh laters

why does this hurt? i try and try yet things never seem to get better they just end uo fusked up it near end and all you say to me is nothing i want to trust you and love you forever yet when ever i see a certain person i get filled w/ rage dont get me wrong love i do trust you its her i dont but times do show signs that there is no love and so i cry i cry till my heart bleeds the heart i gave you the heart that you were to take care of and yea you just throw it away like a yr book lost in time like the one i asked you to sign then you just blew it off but SHE asked you to you oh so quickly signed and so i say to myself is this really love at times i believe its not b/c I have to ask that Question to myself....whatever did happen to us? is there still an US? or what? my heart is full w/ ach and yet you seem to make it filled more w/ ach...theres times i just wish there isnt an us and yet many times im so glad that theres an us...but why must you play w/ my heart when you know i have a jagged history of trust and love while i start to rot you just sit there ignoring the pain that is within me...is it healthy? i ask of you and you reply is what healthy? as i reply huh oh nothing... but is it healthy? do you even care? about me? i wonder what would you say is you actully took them to read this, my thoughts, my pain, would finally see the pain im in? will you love? what would you say? how will you act? and yes i am depress if you must ask...

today im depress once agian...i want to do something so bad yet i wont... i was close to doing it 2 days ago... but i didnt.. 9 more days of school and things seem to be shitty w/ me and the guy i love so dearly, well reight now im watching One Tree Hill, and yea jimmy eat world is playing and its making me feel more depress.. well part of it is b/c i miss my friends from LA, i need someone to talk to who lives out here and understands me...and Ju..it feels like he doesnt even love me anymore.. i want him to go w/ me to some picnic and he complans that we never do things on the weekend and i had inveted him and he said sure and once out he found out it was for this one thing he back out on it...i want to cry so much and then theres drama w/ my mom and me...ONCE AGIAN...ugg..when will this end? i hope soon..NOT The relationship..the depression..well i better go and keep to my word for pat, gladys and alex.. oh and rick..yuo laters

ehh..... yeas i know i havent been on for a while, well i have news for ya poopoo heads.. eh eh poo-poo heads eh heheeh uh anyways im talking to RICKY!! again!! and hes gone gay and im talking to KIMI once again and omg heres the BIG drum roll...I HAVE A B- IN HISTORY!!... I KNOW CRAZY HUH!! man i was as sock as you were i mean come on im the one to be failing history!!oh and im gonna go see sin city w/ KIMI, ANDREA, DESIRE, BRENT AND, CARRY so yea whats new w/ you?

discover what candy you are @ quiz me

so yea here i am at school.... yea yea i know this late!! its 5:20 pm!!! well heres the deal im helping w/ my school drama play.. so if you live in Bakersfield close to East Bakersfied you should come like at 7 and watch guys and dolls..so yea im bored... yayness liz is here cool oh patty im updating just for you!!! happy:D so yea well i got a new cd its the used oh yea!!! well i went to the mall w/ julian yea we just walked around oh yea somebody is playing SUGARCULT!!!!!!! oh yea its time to break down lol jk well yeasterday i was on a firld trip so yea ill write more later i have to go and help out so yea laters yalll i miss you patty and gladys!!! ill try and call you peeps later ok love yas!!

ok im offically pissed.... but you know what its ok... no if he doesnt reply to my e-mail or doesnt call me im going to ignore his damn ass today and tomorrow and when we go back to school ohhh hes gonna know im pissed...but yea anyways i need more guy friends so i can ask them for their opinions on some stuff that need to be answered anyway im gonna go later

eh im here and yea... my friends are no where to be found.... man i need some more friend so i can hang out w/ them on the weekends...anyways im trying to figure out how the hell you put crappy song on here anways later

eh my diary needs spiffing up.... and yea well today was a field trip and i missed Julian VERY mucho...yes indeedy... i want to call him but hes sleeping... i hope my poor baby is alright... he hasnt eatin all day and he sounded sad... so yea.. i miss him so much and i love him to death.. well i better be going im going to target w/ my mom in a bit so yea laters.........................

aww man im like totaly buzzed.. well not really... well im here at lauras house agian i went to church again and yea well we went to the $1 movies today and saw oceans 12 it was awsome.. so yea and we saw her friend Katie, shes awsome... shes thinking of adopting me as a sis.. yea well after that we went to the mall and today i ACTED LIKE A GIRL!!!! OMG SCARY!!!! anways tomorrow laura and i are going to school to work on our civil rights project and yea.. OH!! patty and gladys might meet her next weekcuase like yea she might come down to la w/ me to vist my mom and then we might go to Tops or pharos to have a pastrami sanwich.. so yea well i must go to work on her myspace and i must find my friend damaris and ask her for her friend eze s/n so i can give it to my friend Jonny cause like he wants a man and yea i got a feeling that they will be perfect for each other and yea but she really likes eze so i doubt that she will alow it lol anyways i must go and try giving julian a ring and I WANT TO CALL ALEX TO WISH HER A HAPPY B-DAY AND YEA AND PATTY AND GLADYS BUT MY PHONE IS DYING SO YEA :( BYE BYE!!! oh and my v-day was great and thrusday Julian sorta broke my heart he got me pissed and said something stupid but yea its pretty much better but not as how i will like it to be so yea laters!!!

well im here at my friend Lauras house i went to curch w/ her and it was fun and now were making brownies and cookies for our friends and yea well i better go cause yea lol the kitchen is in flames lol no j/k its not in flames love ya!!

well today was tiredness... been tired today...well right now im whatching Gorege Lopez - why you crying...LOL ITS FUCKEN HALARIOUS!!!! lol *tears of laughter* oh god...well things are ok... im just looking for some good songs to download...so yea.. any suggestion of what songs i should download? i got a membership on napster so yea :)

---------------WHAT IS------------------ [x] Your most overused phrase on aim:"psh! whatever!!" [x] Your thoughts first waking up: "ugh... i dont want tp go to school, i dont want to get up!!" [x] The first feature you notice in the opposite sex: physical? their hands [x] Your bedtime: between 9-12 [x] Your most missed memory:my friends from LA ------------IN THE PAST MONTH DID / HAVE YOU-------------- [x] Gone to the mall: no [x] Eaten sushi: *drools* YES! [x] Been on stage:yup today this morining in drama class [x] Been dumped: Nope [x] Gone surfing:yup [x] Made homemade cookies:yup [x] Dyed your hair: Yes -----------------HAVE YOU EVER------------------ [x] Flown on a plane: yup.. to my uncles wedding when i was in 6th grade [x] Missed school because it was raining?: no [x] Cried during a Movie?: not that i can recall [x] Ever thought an animated character was hot?: yea... isnt that normal? [x] Had an imaginary friend: whoa!!! whoawhoa!!uhhh.......whats that? [x] Cut your hair: uh yea!! [x] Had a crush on a teacher?:OH YEA!!.. *sighs* MR. GENZ!!!!(8th grade science teacher) [x] Been caught "doing something": uhh.. um.. the verdict if out... [x] Been called a tease: hahaha yea by julian! [x] Gotten beaten up?: nope [x] Been in a fight:yea -----------------THE FUTURE------------------ [x]Can you see yourself marrying someone you already know: yea mi amor [x] Age you hope to be married: 26 [x] Numbers of Children:2-3 [x] Descibe your Dream Wedding:at the dock of the peir or in the forest or at the graveyead...i dunno someplace EXOTIC!! [x] How do you want to die?: of old age [x] What do you want to be when you grow up?:Actress, or a computer graphics designer [x] What country would you most like to visit?: europe, paris, england, -----------------OPPOSITE SEX------------------ [x] Best eye color: brown [x] Best hair color:black, blue, something crazy like i guess [x] Short or long hair: long is sorta sexy >< i dunno -----------------NUMBER OF----------------- [x] Number of people I could trust with my life: 4-5 [x] Number of CDs that I own: TOO MANY TO COUNT!!!!!! [x] Number of piercings: 2 for now [x] Number of tattoos: 0 [x] Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper? coulpe of time hheehe mostly becuase of the schools newspaper :) [x] Number of scars on my body: WAY TO MUCH!! [x] Number of things in my past that I regret: so many and yea not enough ----------------RIGHT NOW ------------------ [x] Right Now Wearing: underwear, bra, jeans, socks, shirt and a sweater x] Drinking: CoFfEe!! [x] Thinking about: the next question and Julian [x] Listening to: my tv ---------------IN THE LAST 24 HRS------------------ [x] Cried: no [x] Worn jeans: Yes [x] Done laundry: no [x] Drove a car: no ---------------DO YOU BELIEVE IN-------------- [x] Ghosts: yes [x] Destiny/Fate:sorta [x] Angels: no not really [x] UFO's:WOAH!! MAN DID YOU SEE THAT UFO!! IT JUST FLEW PAST HERE!! [x] God: no ------------FRIENDS AND LIFE------------------ [x] Do you ever wish you had another name?: FUCK YES!! GAWD TO MANY PEOPLE W/ MY NAME [x] Do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend?: Yes [x] Do you like anyone?: as friends yes [x] Which one of your friends acts the most like you?: none of them..im the one who acts like them..lol [x] Are you close to any family member?: HAHAHA *crying* haha thats a good one!! [x] What's the best feeling in the world?: not feeling anything is the best [x] Worst Feeling?: feeling [x] What time is it now?: 6:14pm and then... If I were a month I would be: August If I were a day of the week I would be: friadys or saturdays If I were a time of day I would be: 5-7 pm If I were a planet I would be: pluto If I were a sea animal I would be: seahorse, or a memaid If I were a direction I would be: east If I were a piece of furniture I would be: the picture you put up so you can just ignore me as you walk by me If I were a historical figure I would be: dead If I were a liquid I would be: wine cooler or vodka If I were a stone I would be: thrown at people If I were a tree I would be: dead one If I were a bird I would be: eaten by a cat If I were a flower I would be: A Black rose that bleeds If I were a mythical creature I would be: vampire If I were a musical instrument I would be: drums If I were a reptile I would be: a reptile duh!! If I were a color I would be: bruse If I were an emotion I would be: mixed If I were a sound I would be: a nuculear warhead If I were an element I would be: Water If I were a song I would be: a shooting star that destroyed us all by A stattic lullaby If I were a movie I would be: Empire Records or Breakfast club If I were a book I would be: cut or ginger bread If I were a food I would be: sushi If I were a place I would be: graveyard If I were a material I would be: silk If I were a taste I would be: jones berry lemondade If I were a scent I would be: a rose If I were an article of clothing I would be: a bra, because im suprotive... If I were a certain part of the body I would be: ...the neck If I were a facial expression I would be: smile If I were a subject in school I would be: drama or computer graphics If I were a number I would be: 9 and then... 01. name: Jessica 02. single or taken: taken 03. sex: female 04. bday: JULY 4th 05. sign: cancer 06. siblings: Andrew 07. hair color: red/brown/black 08. eye color: Brown 09. shoe size: 9 10. height: 5'4 relationships 01. who are your best friends?: Patty, gladys, ashley 02. do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: yesssss fashion | stuff 01. where is your favorite place to shop: thrift store 02. any tattoos or piercings: no/yes specifics 01. do you do drugs?: No 02. what kind of shampoo do you use?: store product.. its cheaper :) 03. what are you most scared of?: losing Julian 04. what are you listening to right now?: television 05. who is the last person that called you?:my dad, so he could pick me up from school 06. where do you want to get married?: exotic place 07. what would you change about yourself?: my esteem favorites 01. color: red, green, dark blue, black 02. boys' names:bam, reese. cory, dameon, and ricky 03. girls' names:liz, beth, 04. subjects in school: drama 05. sports: swimming have | you | ever 01. given anyone a bath?: my bro when he was a baby and my doggie 02. smoked?: yes and i regret it 04. made yourself throw up?: yes. 05. skinny dipped?: no 06: ever been in love?: Yes 07. pictured your crush naked?: yea 08. cried when someone died?: no 09. lied: yup 10. fallen for your best friend?: yes and that basterd was Ricardo Ibarra 11. used someone?: no 12. done something you regret?: smoked current 01. clothes: jeans, shirt.. 02. make-up: eyeliner. blue mascera 03. annoyance: mr hall, my mom 04. smell: melon and cucumber 05. favorite artist: dont have one 06. favorite group: Group? jack off jill, slipknot, static lullaby 07. book you're reading: little rock school desegration crisis 08. dvd in player: that 70's show season 1 09. color of toenails: Blackish purple do | you | ever 01. sit on the internet all night waiting for that someone special to IM you?: no b/c he gots no internet so i wait for his call 02. save conversations: i cant :( are | you 01. understanding: I try to be 02. open-minded: Yea 03. arrogant: no 04. insecure:i dunno 05. interesting: I guess 06. random: yup 07. hungry: LOOK THE HUNGERY HUNGERY HIPPOS ARE DANCING!! 08. smart: haha thats really funny.. 10. hard working: i dunno 11. organized: No 12. healthy: sorta 13. shy: most of the time 14. difficult:if you make it difficult 15. attractive: Julian says i am but i say im not 16. bored easily:YES! 17. messy: OH...... YEA!!!! 18. responsible: most of the time 19. obsessed: nope 20. happy: at times 21. hyper: depends when im hyper 22. trusting: yea people trust me who | do | you | wanna 01. kill?: Carmen 02. get really wasted with?: No one.. 03. get high with: life 05. talk to online: my friends 06. sex it up with: heh ..hehhe random 01. in the morning i am: tired. 02. love is: heart breaking 03. i dream about: werid random thing 04. sexual preference: Julian which | is | better 01. coke or pepsi: niether..dark coke makes me gag 02. flowers or candy: BOTH!! 03. tall or short: Tall.. opposite | sex 01. what do you notice first: their arms and hands 02. last person you slow danced with: at school w/ Julian 03. worst question to ask: i dunno

well im here and obvious enough your there reading this shit.. ha yea.. well my day was eh... well it was an early out today... so yea well theres nothing much left to say other than that ashely and i need to go to the libary for our report and that im bored so dont be surprise to see quizes and survays posted out of no where ***WaRnInG*** so yea => man i want coffee now..man when ever i whatch gilmore girls i get a jones for coffee... and they drink coffee all the time... hmmm concedence? I ONT INK O!!! hehe so yea well im goint to make some icons and animations on my micromedia flash so yea i better go cuase yea COFFEE!!!!!!! coffeecoffeecoffeecoffee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!COFFEE!!!!!!!!

well today i wore my button up shirt and umm... well lets put it this way... Julian liked the shirt... he tried getting fresh w/ me and i had to slap his arm a couple of times lol.. well were starting to hang out inside the building on the stairs so we could just be alone and not hear Laura.. b/c whenever Julian and i kiss she alway says "SLURP!" LOUD! and it get FUCKEN ANNOYING and then to be more of a bitch she'll go up to us and have her head next to Julian and mine WELL kissing so go SLURP LOUDLY!!!!! UGH! ITS SO FUCKING ANNOYING!!!*sighs* anyways well Ash and i are partners for the history day report.. yup... well i have a HIGH C GPA... its 2.71 so yea well i better be off to bed and get my school crap ready for tomorrow so yea laters people.