I'm still alive, surprisingly.

I'm still alive, surprisingly.

I'm done here. There's nothing for me. http://obscurrity.livejournal.com/ bye assholes.

Best news: Corey got a boyfriend! Hahaha loveeee it. I've been busy. I'm taking weight loss medicine even though it's a dumb idea. (I prefer not to call them diet pills) I'm going to Warped tour. The only bands I really want to see go as follows, Comeback kid, Against me!, HORSE the band, Casualties, Anti- Flag. I'm getting in for free, who fucking cares if I only want to see a few bands. Also, CHEAP CLOTHES! It's on August first. On August 7th, I get to see CBK [AGAINN! =D], Murphy's Law, and..GORILLA BUSCUITS!! Reunion show. It's going to be amazing. The only reason I'm even on this right now is to charge my ipod, and now I want to lay down, relax, play a little video games, and smooooooke. "The only belief I hold, is that one should believe in nothing."

I've been super bummed and lazy all day. I had a ton of shit to do, but I got my period earlier and I feel like fucking hell. I feel like a giant balloon, no wonder I gained 3 lbs..I was about to go full out Nazi on myself.. I don't think I've EVER been this bloated, it's the worst feeling. So I'm fasting through this period. I ate tomato soup today, along with an air head. PEER PRESSURE. Plus me and Mike smoked a joint while watching Battle Royale, which we didn't get to finish because he had to be at work at 4. Siiiigh. GOAL: Loose 10lbs in two weeks or less. It's been done before, I can do it again. I've lost a lot more than I've even expected. But really, I don't care. I want to lose more. My face is slimming down and I went down over 2 pants sizes. It's a good feeling. I'm getting really crampy again. Shits weak. =[

I probably won't be writing much this Summer.. I've been really busy and I will probably continue to be. I love this diary, and I have every intention of keeping it because I've gotten through a lot of shit with it. On a happier note, I smoke more pot than I ever have. I have a drawer full of bluntwrap wrappers that I am saving. At this point, Since about June 10th I've smoked.. about 42. Give or take. And that's not counting hits of General Lee. Made a hoodie today: Love it. Merin is moving out in August and So is Mike. =[ I am NOT going to be happy by myself. Agenda for this week: Monday: Dentist appointment at 10. Shauna crashed here. Tuesday: Hung out with Shauna. Washed my puppy. Don't know what else..? Wednesday: I have a ton of shit around here to do. WORK. And hopefully Ashley's stopping by after work. [insert blunt] Thursday: More quality Ashley time hopefully! And Corey? Friday: Working probably. Saturday: WORK!? Sunday: COREY? I don't know I miss him. Anyways, That's all that's really going on. I'm going to attempt to update about once a week. I want to remember this summer. Oh yeah, when I get 65 or so free bucks... I'M GETTING MY SEPTUM PEIRCED. Later.

Did lunch with Kyle today. It was lovely, he really cheered me up big time. Cutie. Mer, Mike, Corey, and Dave were all HUGE fucking douchebags today. I am through. "I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me." --Hunter S. Thompson

I hate everything going on in my life. Today was the last day of classes. HE might be coming into my life again. No not Kyle. I have some 12pm tests but then I'm done with school for the summer. I don't like driving massive trucks with hemmy engines.

So I got the job at Zumiez. I'll get my hours Monday or Tuesday. Monday is my last day of classes. I'm pretty overwhelmed with shit lately, but honestly.. I'm trying not to let it bum me out. Mike is still living here and it's helping me get through a lot. I haven't gone a day without smoking in over a month. Pathetic. I'm living my life based on blunts. So this is the first time I haven't been too busy to actually be BORED. HOLY SHIT. I always tell myself I'm too old to be bored, and theres always something I can be doing. But really, right now I'm bored. Not going to camp this weekend, which bums me out a little bit. Just because I always have something to do up there.. AND I LEFT MY FUCKING GAME CONSOLES UP THERE. I might go up. Perhaps. Done for now.

First and foremost, I suggest everyone who has never listened to Knights of The Abyss download the song Dragonpie, because it is the best fucking song. Anyways. My dad moved out after a brutal fight with me, and good riddence. He's been gone for two days, and I feel like a weight has been lifted. I've never honestly hated anyone, but I really looked up to him.. And he crushed me. (literally, and figuratively-the abusive bastard) Mike moved in with us. Another good thing. Me and Kyle are over, and done with. I couldn't take things, so I ended things last night. He was there for me through the bullshit with my father, but there was too much wrong with the relationship we had.. and it had to be stopped. I'm a brunette now. With nice big streaks of blonde in the front, I am considering taking a picture, so yeah. Knights of the Abyss are so fucking good. Some weights have been lifted, but overall I'm still pretty bummed. OH! I'm probably going to get the job at Zumiez. Pretty fucking sweet. I'll probably write more later, but I'm sort of thirsty and I'm coughing up buckets full of phlegm. oh hi, I'm a mess, and I'm convinced I don't look that ugly.

So my life has now come to, Corey time. Ashley time, (when her schedule permits) Kyle, (same as above) smoking pot and trying to hide it from Kyle, JOB HUNTING, smoking too much, running numerous laps around my house in a frenzy, chasing wild dreams while trying to keep sane and occupied. So far, I've been somewhat depressed. Things with Kyle are speratic and he is.. Sensitive.. I miss manly men who grunt and say things like "WHOA! that's so metal dude!" I am basically missing when I was happy, for a short lived amount of time. I skip school on a regular basis, and I don't eat. (correction, I TRY not to eat) I've lost around.. 34lbs, and I plan on continuing on this pace. I hate most of my friends, and am drifting from two that I once held closer than the rest. Ah well, we're growing apart and I'm going to have to realize.. I am different from them. Maybe so different that we can no longer relate. Well, my birthday was decent. Corey succeeded to projectile vomit in my room. I tried to be there for him through the traumatic experience, but there is only so much I can do. I drew him a warm bath and he wore my clothes after. HA. He's over a foot taller than me. He wore my blue pajama bottoms with little penguins on them. Cute. MOST IMPORTANTLY: I, HANNAH, AM SEEING GWAR AND THE BLACK DAHLIA MURDER JULY 13TH AT THE SOUNDS OF THE UNDERGROUND TOUR. I have never looked forwar to something so much. I need a job. I am big, back, and I look young.

It's my birthday. Mike got me a new bowl. It's name is Reptillian SCUM. I got an Ipod. I have yet to find a name for it. Life.

I FINALLY got DSL. fuck yes.

I am content with life lately. but, I do not like how I can't change the menu colour. it changed itself to blue, and I can't change it back.. I'm exhausted, and tomorrow is St. Patrick's day. this should be interesting.

All I'm really going to say right now is, I'm sick my lifestyle. I want- no, I NEED change. I wish I could move. I want to dye my hair, blonde is too hard to manage. I want our relationship to go farther, I need more. I just need this all to change, I'm bummed.

SPRING BREAK STARTS.. NOW! :D Kyle and me had some drama, but it's all worked out and we're better than ever. I'm doing better in school, I made "honor roll" this quarter. MY PARTY IS TOMORROW. There is going to be over twenty people here tomorrow. eh. I'm about to go get chinese food. After I eat I think I'm going to hang out with Shauna and Paula. I hope. Other than that? nothing.

I have been really busy lately. Friday, Ashley slept over. Saturday, I went out with Kyle and her. And then Kyle came back to my house and we watched Mean Girls. Hah. I saw my half sister Sunday. She's a lot like me.. She gave me a bootleg copy of Stay Alive, and is giving me the Hills Have Eyes. I'm pretty excited about that. I'm having people over for my birthday Saturday. I'm pumped. Other than that? Nothing really worth putting in words. [shrug]

I look ill. And why is my hair so much more greasy than usual? I don't get it.

I really don't have a lot of time to write. But, I wanted to before I go do work and sleep. I am so incredibley sick, yet yesterday.. I went to the showww, Another Breath, First Blood, Comeback Kid, Ignite, This is Hell. Fucking. Amazing. Show. First Blood's set was so fucking amazing. Still can't believe my parents let me stay out all night, I was still[and still am] super sick. Oh well. I feel like shit, and I have to do my work.

This is going to be a long, dreadful entry. I have a lot to say. And the only thing I have right now are complaints. I am coughing uncontrollably. And yet still, I smoke. My head is spinning, and everytime I attempt to walk I feel like I'm on all sorts of drugs. In a bad way though. With every movement, theres a sharp pain inside my skull. It sort of feels like there are little worms crawling around in there when I'm sitting, and when I stand, they get angry. I haven't been this sick in I don't know how long. It's fucking brutal. It's quarter after nine. I've only talked to Kyle for twentyish minutes today, and he said he'd call back. I'd LOVE to just go to bed. But I want to talk to him before I pass out. I have a fever. My head is burning. I have to go to school tomorrow, and it WILL, INDEFINITELY, suck. I'm still mad at Corey for being an asshole to me last night. [Wait! one good thing.] Ashley stopped over earlier for a couple minutes to check on me. (And get her things back that she left here.) I love her. She's got the same flu/bug/virusy thing I do. Which is good in a way, and bad. It means we can still hang out and not worry about getting eachother sick, because we are both stuck with it right now. Sweet? I don't have that many hydros to keep me buzzed and painfree through tomorrow left. I just had the worst sneeze ever. And I don't think I have much of a brain left. My parents are noticing my great loss in weight, and are trying to force feed me and get me to take vitamins. The vitamins are probably a good thing though, so I can never get this thing again. I have more angst in me right now than I ever have. OH YEESH. I'm seeing my half sister for the first time in ages Sunday. I am nervous. She has been through rehab 3 times for drug abuse. It scares me that whenever I'm fighting with my father he tells me I am just like her, and am going to wind up like her. The last time I saw her.. I'm pretty sure I was around 9? She's 32 now. I am drooling, and my head is getting harder and harder to hold up. My eyes aren't even open all the way. I need sleep.