Well, I'm leaveing early tomorrow morning and it almost seems... surreal. I'm excited but a little sad all at once. There are people here I'll miss very dearly, but its not as if I'm not ever coming back to visit. Saw Travi and Diana last night. It was good to see them again. I forgot how much I missed seeing them regularly. I see them together and smile inwardly, because I know my brother has found someone he truly, and deeply loves. I can see it in his eyes and hear it in his voice when he is near her. I know that feeling myself. I have that in Pat. But I digress. The drive is going to kick my ass, I know, but I'll do it because I have to. Because I WANT to. I want to be back there. A new phase of m life is dawning and I know it. So like the fox I laugh and smile and move on. ~Ravenfox

Well, life here is good though I miss haveing regular internet connection, though hopefully that will be soon remedied. I'm happy in love and work and life in general. I couldn't ask for more, except for maybe this godforsaken cold to go away. Its been a week already! My voice is gone! Bah. Oh.. and I'm pretty sure I'm allergic to the ENTIRE state of PA. *chuckles* I work with toddlers everyday and though its supremely tireing its the best job I could ever have. Well I hope everyone is well. I miss you all and think about everyone all the time. For those that have the number, my cell is back up. ~Ravenfox

I Am A: Chaotic Good Elf Ranger Druid Alignment:Chaotic Good characters are independent types with a strong belief in the value of goodness. They have little use for governments and other forces of order, and will generally do their own things, without heed to such groups. Race:Elves are the eldest of all races, although they are generally a bit smaller than humans. They are generally well-cultured, artistic, easy-going, and because of their long lives, unconcerned with day-to-day activities that other races frequently concern themselves with. Elves are, effectively, immortal, although they can be killed. After a thousand years or so, they simply pass on to the next plane of existance. Primary Class:Rangers are the defenders of nature and the elements. They are in tune with the Earth, and work to keep it safe and healthy. Secondary Class:Druids are a special variety of Cleric who serves the Earth, and can call upon the power in the earth to accomplish their goals. They tend to be somewhat fanatical about defending natural settings. Deity:Solonor Thelandria is the Chaotic Good elven god of archery and the hunt. He is also known as the Keen Eye, the Great Archer, and the Forest Hunter. His followers respect nature, and only hunt when needed, but are quick to defend the forest from intruders. Their favorite weapon is the bow, and they tend to be extremely talented with it. Solonor Thelandria's symbol is an arrow with green fletchings. Find out What D&D Character Are You?, courtesy ofNeppyMan (e-mail)

I've been moveing through my days as if lost in a fog. Everything seems clouded over and voices seem to echo distantly. Theres this dull ache in the center of my chest that won't go away till I'm back there. There. Home. Funny how I think it as home already. Home is where the heart is they say and I know what that means now. I miss him so much. I've always felt since I was young there was something important in me missing. I could have easily lived my entire life without it, not fully knowing what I was missing, and been alright. But now.. finding that, feeling completed in a way I never have in my whole life, just to be seperated again is mildly aggravateing in the very, very least. I've always been a romantic, and life has made me a bit of a cynic on top of that. So I always had hoped things like love at first sight were possible, but the cynic always said that was only in fairy tales and childrens stories. But.. after months of talking.. after growing so close and becomeing best friends.. upon seeing him my heart skipped. And after that first hug I knew. I loved him. A love which only grew as time passed. A love that evolved. And I knew I had found what I had spent most of my life looking for. I found my other half. Say what you will, I know it must sound odd to most. But.. everything feels more real around him. I've always had this little thing where when talking something over with someone if I could see myself doing it, I knew it would happen. And with the people I'd been with in the past I would look into the future and there would always be blank spots after a certain point. Not so with him.. I see it all. Its not scarey, seemingly seeing my life passing in front of me. Its comforting really. Empowering. After 21 years.. I've found my other half. And once I'm back with him, the fire inside me will burn brighter and more steady then it ever has. Till then I walk the mists. ~Ravenfox

Well kids, guess what. The fox is moveing. Thats right, put in my 2 weeks today and boy did that feel good. Got a job offer out in PA and its too good to pass up so I'm going for it. Not to mention theres other motivations for the move. My vaction was nice up until the wallet my stuff was in (i.e. Drivers Liscense and bank card) was stolen. Thats right kids, stolen. So, I couldn't fly back. I'm just glad I have insane friends who apparantly love me very much who decided on a whim to come get me. Its now being 'fondly' refered to as the "Great Pennsylvanian Rescue" *chuckles* oh.. and to make matters better, when I got back, I found out that on the same day the wallet disappered, my car died. Luckily it turned out to only be that the connectors to the battery were corroded and only cost $60 with the tow to the shop. So now I have Aiko (my car, and yes.. shes a little japanese school girl thank you very much) back in the driveway and only have the daunting task of packing ahead of me. Oi.. packing.. how I loathe it. I can tell by the end of this the boxes are just gonna get labeled "crap I don't need" and have no rhyme or reason to them. But it will be good to get back to PA. I miss Pat very much since now, hes not only my best friend, but something more. Yeah.. most would find that a bit crazy but I don't care. I've never been so sure about anything in my whole entire life.I know what I'm doing is the right thing for me. I have no doubts about it at all. ~Ravenfox

1. What is your occupation? For 2 more weeks dietary and maint. at a forensic mental hospital. After that, Worker in a childcare center. 2. What color are your underwear? *rae* My aren't we getting a bit fresh. But black if you must know. 3. What are you listening to right now? Morrissey - Irish Blood, English Heart 4. What was the last thing you ate? Tuna Sandwich and BBQ Chips. 5. Do you wish on stars? Sometimes, though.. it gets pretty hot when youre on one, I don't recommend it unless you -really- want something. 6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Dark Midnight Blue if I had my choice, If my friends got to pick it would probably be pink just to spite me. 7. How is the weather right now? God damn fucking hot! Its august! What, you were expecting snow?? 8. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Pat! I mean.. who else do I talk to on the phone. 9. Do you like who you stole this from? Well hes my pseudo brother so I would damn well hope so. 10. How old are you today? 21 though I'm told I look older. Not sure if thats a compliment anymore. 11. Favorite drink? I can firmly say just about anything thats not beer XP 12. Favorite sport to watch? Soccer or Hockey. You get to see such interesting Injuries. 13. Have you ever dyed your hair? Nope, I have virgin hair.. probably one of the last virgin things on me... *blush* whoops.. was that my outside voice? 14. Do you wear contacts or glasses? Glasses. 15. Pets? No.. I miss my dog.. 16. Favorite month? October! It has one of my favorite holidays! 17. Favorite food? Red meat.. gotta love the taste of dead animal. 18. What was the last movie you watched? Mr. Hollands Opus. Gotta love OnDemand 19. Favorite day of the year? Halloween aka: Samhain, Closely followed by Beltaine. 20. What do you do to vent anger? I like to burn things.. you have a problem with that? *snickers* 21. Fall or spring? Fall. Cause it has my favorite month (see above) 22. Hugs or kisses? I won't choose.. you can't make me! 23. Cherry or Blueberry? Raspberry.. so there. 24. Do you speak another language? Not fluently.. unless you count squirrel. 25. What's your dream job? Doing Art full-time. 26. Where's your favorite place to travel? Well.. so far my favorite vacation was PA 27. Who do you live with? For now, frog and sean. After that Pat, his 3 yr old daughter Ari, and Rob. Why do I keep living with mostly men! Whats wrong with me?? 28. When was the last time you cried? Umm.. Last thursay at about 2 am. 29. What is on the floor of your closet? Clothes and other stuff I don't feel like looking at at the moment. 30. What friend have you had the longest? Umm.. I'm gonna go with Travi, beth and amanda for this one.. 31. What did you do last night? Packed for the move and slept 32. Favorite smell? Leather. 33. Favorite Sound? The sound of a child laughing, especially just after you taught them to plot. 34. What are you afraid of? Loseing someone in any sense of the word. 35. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? Plain or Spicy, never was fond of cheeseburgers for some reason. 36. Favorite car? You mean I have to pick? 37. Favorite dog breed? Cocker Spaniel 38. Number of keys on your key ring? 6 39. How many years at your current job? 1 1/2 and thats much too long. 40. Favorite day of the week? Hmm.. Thursdays are nice. 41. How many states have you lived in? *thinks real hard* 5.. soon to be 6 42. How many cities have you lived in/name them? Crap.. um.. Bryan, TX; Winnemucha (?), Utah (i think), ?, NV; Some little mining town, AZ; Pleasanton, TX; Blue Springs, MO; Jefferson City, MO

Hmm.. I don't think all this excitement about my trip is good for my heart *chuckles* I REALLY need to find something to keep my mind preoccupied during the day. I swear.. my one day off work has never gone so damn slow >.< Blarg and suchness! I need to invent something.. I think I'll call it the "World Remote"... it can fast forward through all this damn time! Or at least work! Gah... *sighs* ok.. feeling better now. And I wasted all of ... *looks at clock*.. 3 minutes?? Damnation! Screw you father time! Move faster! ~Ravenfox

Amoung the webcomics I read is one called "Least I Could Do" (www.leasticoulddo.com) and in one of the recent news updates the writer announced he had turned 27 and had reflected back on the last year of his life. What came out of it were these lessons, if you will, that he had learned. They really struck a chord with me so I thought I would share them. - Letting go of an incident which happened 7 years ago doesn't mean you forgive, but it does mean you won't let it consume you. - Giving in to anger won't solve much in the long run, even though Anakin made it look really cool. - Swallowing pride to fight for something that was never worth it isn't a mistake. Sometimes the journey means more then the destination. - An occasion shared only gets better after the first time. - Feeling comfortable in your own home is a wonderful feeling, which you'll only truly recognize when you lose it. - Doing yard work can sometimes leave you with a memory that will put a smile on your face when you think of it, especially when it's someone else's yard. - Seclusion isn't the answer; it's the easy way out. - There are many things stronger then doubt and it's up to you to find out what they are. - One person who believes in you is more powerful then 10 people who don't. - If a friend lies to you, uses you only for money and fails you when you need them most, it's time to focus more on people who actually deserve your time, your support, and your love. At least you know her for what she is. - There is such a thing as Karma, even when you need to force it now and then. - Hurt and hate do fade, other better things do not. - It is possible to have fulfillment and enjoyment from your career, but it's not going to happen on it's own. Don't be complacent, make it happen. - There are times that sacrifice lets you keep what you most want. - Family has always been more then simple blood relation and there's always room for one more. - Often people in your life will disappoint you and let you down. Focus on the people who don't and appreciate them on a daily basis. - Cherish that special connection when you find it, because you will find it, and it will change everything. ~Ravenfox

Ok, I know this is a lot of posts for me in one night but I thought I'd throw this out here. http://foxfyre.yafro.com its my yafro account where I post pictures and odd crap I find ammuseing. So for more of my weird sense of humor and a few pictures of me, hop on over. ~Ravenfox

Just a little under a week and a half till my vacation and I can hardly wait. I've never sustained this kind of excitement over so long a period of time. *chuckles* Its crazy seeming when I think about what exactly it is I'm doing. Going and meeting and staying with someone I met on the net, but really, now its more then that. Pat is family. I talk with him for hours at night. And, with as craptastic as work at the mental hospital has gotten, he and his mother have made me and offer I can't well refuse. A home and a job that would pay for college (something I'd actually want to go to school for to boot) upon moveing there. I'm looking at moveing at the end of the summer/ beginning of the fall. I've talked to the boys (my roommates about it) and they're ok with the idea. I would stay until I was sure they could get along ok with out me and my financial contribution. But I need a change. The only real hard part would be telling my mother. I know she'd hate my leaveing. But as I see it I'm an adult and a golden oppertunity has shown itself. I could make something better of myself in a field where I could really make a difference. Education. Pat's mom owns a company that runs a few childcare centers and a childrens educational tool company and in the fall is opening up a kindergarden. And, after my work at the Forensic Mental hospital in the Max and Intermediate security buildings this would be a paradise. I could even get my side art degree and be an art teacher later. *sighs and smiles* It would be a dream. Basically at this point I would go on my vacation and see how I like the area. But for me to not want to move there it would have to be the 9th gate of hell with Satan there standing on a pile of dead babies looking down upon us and laughing saying "Ha Ha Ha, now I have your souls!" and have to pay for gas in gold bricks. Yeah.. the hospital is dicking me around that much. But yeah.. lots of info in one little entry I know but it needed to get out. ~Ravenfox

Ok.. in response to one of my comments I'll explain what Phoenyx meant in her comment by 'purchase'. Phoenyx and I have been friends for several years now and when I was about 16 we were bored. And as all great and ammuseing things come from boredom during your teen years so did the 'contract'. Now, at this point in time she was collecting souls from our hapless friends in the form of well written out contracts that even were signed by witnesses to the whole affair. And in the spirit of this I signed a contract. Now, likeing my soul, i did not sign that over to her.I did sign a contract however giving her ownership of me. Since then its been a private little joke amoung our group. Now.. I have a friend in Pennsylvania that I told about this.. and in the spirit of the fun has offered phoenyx one of his best swords and this guy who is sleeping on his couch currently in exchange of that contract. Its really all in fun and something that we still play with a joke about. So remember kids.. boredom can be the bringer of some of your best memories and best inside jokes. And also.. becareful what you sign.. you could end up as a barginning chip for someone to get a nice sword. ~Ravenfox

Well, I'm going away on vacation on the 18th of July. Going to Pennsylvania to visit someone I've never met in person but has become my best friend none the less. I talk to him every night on the phone and its like.. hmm.. not sure how to describe it. But I feel balanced out by Pat. a very yin and yang sort of thing. Very alike in so many ways and different in all the places that matter. We often joke that hes the male version of me and I'm the female version of him. *chuckles* Odd I know.. and sort of creepy sounding to those who don't understand what thats like but its the raw and honest truth. Hes moveing out here eventually. Perhaps after the turn of the year and I couldn't be more excited about that. In fact, I'm extremely excited to be going in there next month. Sometimes when I sit and actually think about it the concept makes my head spin and my blood flow quicker. What I'm doing is takeing a great leap of faith. While I'm 99.99% he is what he presents himself to be, the base facts of it are that this is a move based on faith, pure and simple. And in no way shape or form do I believe this faith is misplaced. Perhaps its in my nature to have such a faith in someone who has become so close to my heart. And no... I'm not claiming to be in love with him. I do love him, but not like that.. at least not like that yet. That is something that has been brought up a few times and we both believe is a subject better broached in person and after we spend some time in one anothers physical company. So right now.. he is simply my friend. Someone I would daresay is like family but just that. ~Ravenfox

Well Mana did 'em.. so I thought I'd follow my owner's lead and do them too... I am 28% Asshole/Bitch.I may think I am an asshole or a bitch, but the truth is I am a good person at heart. Yeah sure, I can have a mean streak in me, but most of the people I meet like me.Take theAsshole/Bitch Test@ FualiDotCom I am 16% White Trash.I, my friend, have class. I am so not white trash. . I am more than likely Democrat, and my place is neat, and there is a good chance I may never drink wine from a box. Take theWhite Trash Test@ FualiDotCom I am 40% Hippie.I need to step away from the tie-dye. I smell too good to be a hippie and my dad is probably a cop. Being a hippie is not a fashion craze, man. It was a way of life, in the 60’s, man.Take theHippie Test@ FualiDotCom

Yeah I know its been awhile, but I just haven't had the urge to write anything till now. Something I've heard alot the past few days, few weeks even is something along the lines of "oh well, I don't have to worry about that, I'm a pacifist". And it got me thinking. I am not a pacifist. I just don't agree with it. There are some things out there worth fighting for.. worth dying for even. And not everything can be solved with words, as much as we like to think they can. I am not a naturally violent person. But, there are some people out there that I would defend with my life.. I would die fighting for them. And pacifism doesn't support that. Think of it this way. You are a parent.. would you not take on the world for your child? To protect them? To keep them safe? *sighs* Sometimes fighting is inevitable.. sometimes its necessary.. if you don't fight back sometimes you'd be overrun by all the evil in society today. Pacifism is a beautiful ideal and like communism, works on paper. But for that we'd need a Utopian society.

You are a Samurai.You are full of honour and value respect. Youare not really the stereotypical hero, but youdo fight for good. Just in your own way. Foryou, it is most certainly okay to kill an evilperson, if it is for justice and peace. Youalso don't belive in mourning all the time andthink that once you've hit a bad stage in lifeyou just have to get up again. It's pointlessto concentrate on emotional pain and better tojust get on with everything. You also are adown to earth type of person and think beforeyou act. Impulsive people may annoy yousomewhat.Main weapon: SwordQuote: "Always do the right thing.This will gratify some people and astonish therest" -Mark TwainFacial expression: Small smile What Type of Killer Are You? [cool pictures] brought to you by Quizilla

I remember running under moonlit canopy through the trees. The grass was soft and new under my feet. His scent strong in the air. I hunted with a smile upon my lips. To catch my brothers and sisters.. to be both the hunter and hunted in turn.. it was thrilling. How I miss those times. Out in the cool, clear night air with them. Touching a long silent and more primal part of my soul. *grins and chuckles softly* I was the kitsu.. the fox. And I was free. I was... wyld. What would you go wyld for?

Its raining today. That soft rain that seems both serene and melancholy at once. It dowses the eternal flame that emolates my soul, but doesn't put it out. Indeed, that flame is burning brighter then it has in what seems like ages, even with the calming effects of the soft storm. I stood in it for a moment, before the cold of the water drove me in. Let the drops, soft and gentle as tears, wash down my face, take away the filth of mundane exsistence. What does it mean that my soul fire is burning brighter, a throw back to what I once was, and look to be again? What does it mean that I can feel the tingle and euphoric fire on my back again? Stronger then I've ever felt? Perhaps I will find the answers. Perhaps the answers will only bring more questions. Perhaps.. just perhaps there are no anwsers or Perhaps I'm simply being.. reborn. As the phoenix, burn to ash to rise again. Because surely, I feel that way now. That after what was the slow ebb of what I was, till only the faintest spark remained that I have been rekindled to become a great pyre as brilliant as the dawn. And so... I burn..

Hmm.. don't quite know what to write.. so I'm writing down my thought process, as random and disconnected as it might be. Glad its my friday.. hmm, gotta go to the bank tomorrow and get stuff straightend out... figs.. gotta paint the figs... I wonder if the boys bought soda.. ooo, gotta but chai on the shopping list.. so theres the dnd book I was looking for.. What the hell happened to my changling book anyhow.. toast.. hmm.. gotta clean the house again... did I leave my book at work? Man I hope not.. why is there an open bag of m&m's there... oh.. just got an IM... bah.. gotta talk to the landlord, I want AC again.. oh.. theres my book... hmm.. what to do for dinner...I wonder if ants see us as god.. miss the wings.. that show on the tumor was good last night.. "I do not have a tumor" *snickers*... mmm.. cloves.. blah...

Ok mana.. this is for you *chuckles* Which File Extension are You?

Well.. it happened. I broke it off with Sean. I just... I needed more. I needed something. It wasn't working. He just glazed over. No emotion, only a few tears, no words. I just... ache inside. But, I know that will subside. It needed to be done. I tried to fix it, but when something shatters, you can never put the pieces back together again. I love him.. I always will. But I just... can't anymore. "I'm aware, that all in love is fair. But thats no reason to make me feel this way..."