So I brought my acoustic Fender back up with me to school when I came back here from the weekend at home. I haven't touched it since July or August, mainly because it was my birthday gift from C, and I'm terrified that it will just bring back all those horrible emotions. He was supposed to be the one to teach me how to play, too. All I know how to play is a few notes & chords whose names I can't remember, and the opening of Adam's Song by Blink182, which perpetually reminds me of C. But I've decided that having this beautiful brand new amazing acoustic guitar is something I should take advantage of. I already know how to read music, which is a plus. Why not do something with it? I'd love to learn how to play REALLY well. Like Keith Urban, who I'm listening to now. Or Jack Johnson. That'd be fantastic. But right now, I just want to know the basics and be able to do it. I think in some strange way, it'll be part of the healing process, f getting some closure.. moving on, teaching myself, letting my fears and worries just drop around me, dissolving into nothingness like they should have long ago. Maybe I'll even find someone here on campus to help me learn. I could use some help to stop fumbling around with frets and strings so much. That's so weird to think about. Finding a new teacher. A replacement. That hurts SO much. Ironically, I think it's exactly what I need to do.