Well, this is just a stream of thoughts, so here it goes. This past year has been like a living hell for me. I've been through just way to much, and I dunno how long I can keep going on like this. It feels like I'm stuck in time, without anything. Like I'm fading away by the second. Like roses dying because summer is over. I've fallen back into a eating disorder, because I just don't care anymore, and things are getting out of hand. Funny how things change, one minute things are fine, the next they're not. I don't even remember a day that I've felt happy. It's just every morning getting up, and looking forward to more problems. I can't even like into a mirror, because I can't handle the truth. I can't look at a knife, because those same stupid suicide thoughts fill my head. I was never like this, I just kept it all in, and not doing what I do now. It's weird every time I try to eat.....it just doesn't go down. I just feel..trapped I guess. I just feel like a damn mistake, because nobody cares what I think or what I have to say. I can't stand living in my home, because of all the arguing and screaming. It gets bunny old, after a while. There's days where I just wanna die, but I know I can't let down the people that do care about me. I know that I need to eat and everything, but it don't work that way. I can't force myself to do any of it. There's so many days that I just cry myself to sleep, I know..dumb right? I just wish I was perfect, beautiful inside and out. That's just a dream though. I can't see how I can love the people that mean the world to me, but I can't even love myself. But my heart is just ripping more and more, feels like people don't even notice..or they just don't care. All that I want in my life is some damn happiness, and love......but that seems so unreal, after years of not having it. I hide in a world of fake smiles and laughs. Telling people I'm alright, when I'm not. I don't know what else to do, because you can't save me from myself.... You can't make my broken world, right. It's all up to me I guess, and I don't even know where to begin......so yeah..there's my thoughts and feelings....