i suppose i should update, huh? ;] mike and i went to madison last weekend to visit my cousin and her bf, whom i used to work with. we had an awesome time . . . aside from the insane heat. it was nice to get out of here for a few days, and we went to some great places. there's a restaurant called 'portabella,' under which there's a bar called 'the wine cellar' - which happens to be a really awesome place. they also have the greatest drink ever - 'marilyn's martini.' it is aaaaaaahhhhh-wesome. tonight, we went out with some friends in the city i grew up in; it was a lot of fun, and it was very nice to see them again. i did see a few people i don't much care for, but even that didn't ruin my mood; time has passed, people change, and it's really, ultimately, unimportant in the grand scheme of things. it made me think, though, how, even as recent as a year ago, i probably would've let it kill my night, had i even had the guts to go to those places to begin with. i'd had a lot of issues that i didn't feel i could resolve, and i'd felt uncomfortable and insecure at even the mere thought of seeing people from 'the past.' however, i've really let go of a lot of things in the past year, and i've worked hard to decrease the frequency with which i worry, am negative, and feel self-conscious and insecure. tonight was the first night that i really saw strong evidence of these changes, and i'm really proud of myself for turning my outlook and attitude into something so different from what it'd been for all those years. i must sound like a hippie or something, heh. in related news, the place i work at doesn't recycle plastic, which, to me, NEEDS to be re-used whenever possible. i'm trying to be more proactive and exhibit positive behaviour, so i decided to ask if the owners would let ME bring in something to put plastics in so that I'D do the recycling for them. they agreed, so it'll start on monday! it may be a small thing to be excited over, but i think the little things matter, too. (= anyhow, it's time for bed! hope everyone is having / has had a wonderful weekend!!! _________ update - 15 july 07 - 1553 CDT i forgot to mention another thing that i've been doing lately - weight loss. (= i am fat. like, not 'a bit chubby' or 'rubenesque.' it's not 'just left-over baby-fat,' and i'm not 'pleasantly plump.' (well, maybe the last one is true, but whatever.) =P i don't say the dreaded three-letter-word (omgomg!!!) out of anger, spite, sadness, or any other ill-sounding descriptive noun. it simply is what it is, and if i never change, i'll have to - and do - accept that. a bit of backstory, though: since going on 'the pill!!![dundunDUNNNN]', i've gained weight. i also stopped focusing so much on what i was eating. i've been 'bigger' since many years, just as much by my own doing as well as heredity, but the pill really pushed me overboard. so my 'p-nat' size is a 20/22, my shirt a 20 (damn DD boobs). though i -am- proportionate (the weight's distributed evenly, not just in the ass/thighs or what have you), i'm not particularly healthy. i convinced a friend of mine, who is both pant & shirt size 22 (aka very similarly constructed, heh), to work on losing weight with me. (though i've not set an ultimate 'time' goal, i -have- set a size and weight goal.) so far, it's been going very well - my p-nats are wearing more loosely, and my energy level is UP^^ by quite a bit, as is my mood. i am very excited about this, especially since i am establishing healthy lifestyle habits, as opposed to fad-dieting &c. i've changed my outlook from seeing everything as 'the depths of hell' to being truly happy and contented with all the things living has to offer (which includes acceptance of the bad things, taking them instead as opportunities to learn). one part of choosing happiness is being healthy, so it's just another step forward. if any of you are interested in the progress, let me know and i'll post it. (=