All Righty then... So this is now public...And it's no longer an actual "diary" here im going to take requests of Icons & Layouts. If you have a request tell what you want by leaving me a comment and feel free to add me to your friends list.

Edit... Love Is So Fucking Pointless

Dream - Heather Milling He is perfect. He loves me. It feels so real. But it's not. Dream. We laugh together. We are together. But we're not. It's just a Dream. Love or lust? Like it or not, He isn't real. It's all a Dream. Dare to dream? Scared to fly. Afraid to die. Dream. Realitly is better then a dream? No, Dreaming is better then reality. Because then we're together. Then, he loves me. I'll dream on, forever. Dream

*sigh* I have a question... When do you know your really truly inlove? And if in that one momemnt in time you know your inlove, how do you react if the person you love doesn't love you? Maybe they did but somthing changed their mind. What do you do? What can you do?*sigh* It feels so hopeless... I'm back in that mood again. I hate this mood but if I get the mood all the damn time maybe somthing, someone... or some fucked up power out in the world is trying to tell me that I have a point. Or once again maybe i'm just plain crazy... I don't know what to believe anymore, I honestly feel like i've lost my hope no, my Faith to believe in anything anymore. So in other new i've decided to give up on one of my crushes b/c I know he doesn't like me in that way and I feel stupid for trying. *Sigh* one down 3 to go... I Need to get over one of my other crushes b/c it's not healthy for me to want this person anymore... I hate being hurt.*sigh* I also wrote another poem today so i'll be posting it as soon as I type it out. Well I think i'm gunna go i'm not really in an updating mood right now...so I guess for now ~*~Razor Blades & Pocket Knives-Emo Slut~*~

No Poems today *sigh* More On what I wrote in my other diary So Kaitlyn came late to class, and she wrote me a note asking me if i wanted to get high, and I said yes and she asked when and we said Lunch but then she said she didn;t wanna go high to drama so that got fucked, then she said she was goin to the mall after school and said we should do it there but I had no money so I couldn't get to the mall *cries* So she's either gunna get high with Brad tonight or get high with me tomorrow I told her to do what ever she wanted to...I donno i'm not as much as a stoner as I used to be... Sooo on another subject....I'm completly fucked up about the concept of "love" i've dated ppl b4 and its ended badly but my last ex really fuckin hit me and it scares the livin' shit outta me that sum1 can hurt another person that badly. Their has been times where I havn't wanted to get out of bed b/c of the pain I feel. When I see him with her I can actually feel my heart hurting and again that really scares me. Now im not say that i'll never get over him and I want to stalk him b/c thats creepy and it won't help anything it will make things even worse then they all ready are. I said somthing to my best friend the other day "i'm not fighting over him i've given up on love with him and ima find sum1 who really loves me and i love and has some of the same intrests as me and i may not find him tomorrow or the next day or the next month, year what ever but i will find him" I plan to follow my own advice but I don't know whats gunna happen I guess i'll have to wait in see. So I have a crush on 2 posbily 4 guys *i'm such a slut eh=p* well i'm really bored and I wanna talk to danielle soo i'm done so for now ~*~Razor Blades & Pocket Knives-Emo Slut¢¾~*~

Tired - Heather Milling I quit being your yo-yo I quit being your bitch I'm sick of lying And I'm tired of trying. I'm tired. Together forever? Whats forever? How long do I have to wait? I'm so bored with time I'm tired. Spred my wings and fly? I can't I'm so tired. Close my eyes. For the long nap I long for. Its to easy that way. I'll walk on. Tired.

Tears Of Goodbye - Heather Milling I walk a lie. I always cry. He's gone now. Tears Of Goodbye. Why did he lie? Why didn't he say goodbye? Why did he hurt me all those times? Tears Of Goodbye. Scars fade. Cuts heal, On the outside. Inside, The cuts are fresh, Blood still pours, And the scars never fade. My smile has gone away. Tears Of Goodbye. I'm dead to him. He's alive to me. Life is my burdden. Love is my sin. Tears Of Goodbye.

Broken Toy - Heather Milling He played me like a toy. We brought each other joy. He promised to never break me. What a lie. Broken Toy. Something happend to us. A newer model tore us apart. He wanted something new. I just wouldn't do. Broken Toy. He made a plan. Followed through. Break my heart. For something new. Broken Toy. He broke my heart. He took my joy. All this for a newer toy. Broken Toy. Alone I sit. Sharttered heart. He doesn't care. I was just his toy.

Ever Feel - Heather Milling Ever feel like even though you both agree your friends till the end, your not? Ever feel like you could never be replace, But you are? Ever feel that forever, Just isn't long enough? Ever feel like you've had enough? Ever plot the perfect plan? Ever feel like it's not enough? Ever Feel like shes slipping away? Ever wish it was still the same? Ever feel she thinks your lame? Ever Feel?

Perfect Girl - Heather Milling Perfect Girl walks up tall. Perfect Girl feels so small. Perfect Girl with the perfect life. Perfect Girl holding the perfect knife. Perfect Girl so afraid. Perfect Girl dying to change. Perfect Girl is so alone. Perfect Girl feels like such a clone. Perfect Girl screams and shouts. Perfect Girl just wants to walk out. Perfect Girl is tired of perfect. Perfect Girl.

Alone She Crys. Broken. She Wishes She Could Spred Her Wings And Fly. But She's broken. Her friends tell her it will be okay. She just wishes the pain would go away. She feels so broken. He broke her heart. He broke her wings. He moved on and left her. Broken. She sees his new love. She crys into her gloves. She's happy and calm, On the outside. Inside, She's broken. No one knows how she feels. No one really understands. She's Broken. Will it be like this forever? Never, It can't be like this, Can It? She walks on. Broken.

Hello*waves* This is Heather[mcrbaby] and this is my new journal that is only for a select few to read. It's more personal, The events happend and the stories are true. I'll also be writing my poetry in this account so who ever i decided to let read this please tell what you think =) -Heather