Last night was somewhat of an adventure. At first I regretted having embarked in said adventure. It had left me very disappointed and upset. Now I feel like maybe it is best that it turned out this way.

My original Monday night plan was to work at the goldeyes and then go to Whiskey Dix after because Devins Girlfriend Santana (awesome girl btw, happy for the two of them) got her Arts Degree last week. I was stoked to go out but on Sunday night Devin informed me it had been canceled. I had invited a friend from the GOldeyes to come with me so i told him that it was canceled too. The next day (monday) i saw my friend at work and told him i was kinda disappointed that we werent going out anymore. He then told me that him, a few ppl from the Geyes and a few PLAYERS were gonna go get some drinks at Hus on First after the game and then go to Whiskey Dix.. So clearly i was totally down for that!

So after work i went home and got ready, I started heading over to Hus when my friend let me know that they werent going anymore.. After Hus they were gonna go to some lame place i never heard of. I hate when that happens! When you get ready to go out and then its canceled. However turns out when they got to this place it was closed so they decided to go to a house party. Well my friend (Rance) didnt want to do that, so me him Brett R and Lizzie decided to go to the pal.

The Pal is a very strange place i must say.... damn i gotta go to work now, i hope my inspiration will still be here when i get back...

Well im now back... 9 hours later from when i started this. I feared my passion and inspiration would die and it has but imma finish what i start.

Back to the Pal: There are some strange people that hang out there on a monday night. About 15 minutes after entering, the booty shake competition began. woo~. There was some kind of competition going on and there was to be 7 rounds of this. We made it through two and couldnt watch it anymore. After the second two girls 'booty shook?' the MC is like 'give these girls a hand, they deserve it, they deseve to be respected'. Really? Youre in a competition to see who is better at shaking their ass. And it is judged by the crowds cheering. Anyways enough about that embarassment.

I was not about to call it a night already. I came out and was still not satisfied with my night. I talked the rest of the crew into going to Whiskey Dix. We showed up pretty late, some time after 12. We get into the club and its paaacked and the music is super good, like the best music ive heard in a club in a long time. I was pretty excited to be there. First thing i had to do was hit the dance floor.

Like i said there was a lot of people in the club. We didnt last long in the area where we were because it was hard to move so i suggested we move to the other side of the dance floor. We did so but when we got to the other side i noticed that Chantal was there.. Dancing.. With a guy. I saw this and i was pretty choked, my heart sunk. I thought i was over her but seeing that really hurt me.

After seeing that i didnt feel good at all, i had to go sit down. So many emotions came to me. Anger thats for sure, Jealousy, Sadness and also confusion. As i sat there wondering what i was going to do, her and this guy come and sit RIGHT across from me. Im talking 10 feet away from me. They sit on this couch and in no time start making out. Which eventually led to her straddling him and still making out. This brought even more emotions out. Somehow i composed myself and i did not confront them. Not too long after i left.

I was so angry. Yes i did go to the bar this weekend and yes i did want to meet girls, so why cant she do the same thing. Well I may have gotten two numbers but, i didnt nor did i have any intentions of dancing with or kissing these girls. Just didnt feel right. Its not because i didnt find these girls attractive, i thought both were very cute, but it just didnt seem right. I still missed Chantal. There wasnt a day that i didnt think about her and miss her. Part of me had hope that one day when she gets her 'life figured out' that maybe we could get back together.

It was still on my mind when i got home, so i sent her a facebook message asking her whether she was intentionally trying to hurt me or if she was just extremely oblivious... cuz like really I was sitting right across from her. She asked me why would she want to hurt me.. thats when i realized yes she was just that oblivious. I told her everything i had witnessed. Her response: '... no idea you were there and i was drunk. i thought we were done'. Which was true, yes she was now a single girl and could do whatever she pleased, but this was all so inconsistent with her reasonings for breaking up with me: 'I need to get my life figured out before i can focus on a relationship; I just need some time alone; We were moving way too fast etc'. After a bit more talk i asked her about those reasons. She told me it was more than that, which all sounded like she just wanted to have some fun before she settled down, in which she replied 'ya. it just seems so shamful to talk about it'. Very true. I understand why she didnt tell me the real reason why were breaking up, that is a rather shamful thing. The truth would have hurt i think a lot more. However it is nice to know now.

This completely changes my view on everything. Any chance we had to get back together is goooone. If i wasnt good enough now, if she feels the need to find other guys, why would i be good enough in the future, and why would i even take her back for that matter. She keeps telling me im a good guy and ill find someone who will treat me better, the same regurgitated crap i hear after every break up. It all kinda hurts, but now i can move on. I dont think i want to be in another relationship any time soon. I might as well have my fun too.. At least for the rest of summer anyway.

I just checked my emails and apparently she sent me a message while i was at work..*checks email* Well its pretty much her trying to explain herself, that she has only been in long relationships and that she needs to know what its like to be alone and not always have someone there, she needs to learn to put herself first for once instead of someone else. Thats probably a terrible summary of it all and i made it sound like she is selfish and conceited, but thats not the way it actually sounds in the message... I dont want to put the whole thing in but the last few lines read: 'im sorry. don't put yourself down for this. its not you. you were great to me. you are a great boyfriend. you will find in time it won't be hard to get over me. you prob hate me for saying that but i know you will take care. i wish i met you when i wasn't this way...'