Wow, it's been quite some time since my last entry...but not that really, considering that a long time can be anywhere up to ...forever. I had a good day today. Highlights include going to Wedding Crashers with Christine, then going back to my house and watching some Rufus Wainwright, and then getting a tshirt I ordered in the mail...but man, Christine is a fun person. I wore one of my funky stripey blue dress shirts today to the mall, and when I walked by a group of people, I heard one of them go "omg, look at that shirt" in a really bad tone...it made me feel horrible. But you know, it's just a shirt, and that's just an opinion, and well...doesn't matter. I can't wait for the end of the summer, though. That's for sure. #1 I'll be able to spend all my summer earnings, #2 I'll buy new clothes and a new bass, #3 I'm getting my hair done really funkily, and #4, HIGH SCHOOL! The music program will be a blast. What I think is odd is that every time Christine and I want to plan something with Jesse and Jenn it always falls through...like, it's almost like we're never meant to do anything together. I'm almost afraid to force any get-together because it might end horribly somehow.... Christine's birthday is coming up! I'm going to see her ride, and I'm staying for dinner at her house...and those are the plans as of yet. Everything else will get filled in, I suppose. Perhaps THEN we can arrange something to do with Jesse & Jenn...yes...mm...quite. So, lately, I've felt very artistic. I feel like getting into painting, or some other form of visual art, but I don't have the necessary supplies, and plus, I don't think I'd have any way of conveying my thoughts on a canvas. I think that's the tough part of being an artist. I really respect people who can take something in their head and turn it into something physical...something that other people can interpret and appreciate. I guess I'm that way with music, although the stuff in my head always sounds somewhat different (and even in some cases CONSIDERABLY different) that what I end up recording, or producing, or whatever...not that I'm unhappy with the results, but--- I don't think that you're musically talented if you're able to play an instrument well. I mean sure, it takes effort, but I think that generally speaking, the talent required to play a music instrument is good coordination...everything else, like good posture, good tone, and flow, are all not talents...those are just skills developed. Just like muscles. So, having said that, what might you ask, is MY opinion of being talented musically? Well considering the way I relate my ideas in couplet form, you should already have it---a musically talented person is somebody who can take something from their head and turn it into something somebody else can hear...or vice versa...taking something they hear and playing it in their head. In a way, everybody is musical...because according to my law, humming a melody from the top of your head is being talented musically. Congratulations world, I just widened the possible amount of famous people to come! -Which brings me to my next point...famous people....ever notice how the general population of young people always aspire to be somebody famous? Or a role model in the least? Everybody has a role model, even if it's a God or a deity. But somehow, everybody who's being looked up to on the most part is just so superficial that it startles me to think that that is what the general population will grow up to be----nothing less than some cardboard cutout human being with a paper heart and a mysteriously marionette-like posture. Meh. I don't care. Not EVERYBODY will end up being that stereotyped. In fact, by the time people reach a certain maturity, most will outgrow the whole cliquey fashions they partook in when they were young...but it always seems like people are divided into two equally segregated classifications - people who care, and people who don't. Everything can be classified as that. And you can't say there are people who are in the median of that...as in, in between caring and not caring. Because (I apologize for starting a sentence with 'because' :P) either you care or you don't, and if you don't care, then you don't do care, which therefore puts you in the latter classification (for those who are lost, this is the 'not caring' section). Anyhow....enough of that confusing stuff...I don't even know if I'm making any sense. And some people might think I picture myself as some super-mature pedestal-bearing individual by saying everything I've said...but that's not true. I'm just pointing out the things nobody else points out. Who knows if they're thinking it, but none bother typing anything. (They just don't care). Anyways...I really wonder what growing up will turn out to be. I mean, I've seen and/or heard of people who did NOT do what their dreams were when they were in their late teens, maybe due to lack of credentials (such as education or training), and maybe due to lack of motivation, but either the case, not pursuing their dreams...and then there's the other group of people I've seen and/or heard of who completely fulfilled their life dream of doing what they felt they were meant to be doing....I want to have the latter, and of course, who wouldn't? I just wonder sometimes if everything I do now affects the meaning of my life, and if so, should I start being careful about what I do and say now? Now, that doesn't mean I don't live my life with disregard as it is, but, nonetheless... Another thing is love. Love means a different thing to everybody. You always hear about somebody you know being in love, or maybe you're in love yourself...but have you ever heard somebody say "oh, you don't know what love is!" I disagree. If love = a different thing to everybody, and everybody has a different perception of the mysterious emotion, then how can one say to another that they don't know what it is? It's like telling an artist he's painting a picture the WRONG WAY...there's just no wrong way....given the artist is happy with the outcome...and, analogetically (yes, I just said that), that translates back into this neatly-compacted statement: Love is something different to everybody, so how can you tell somebody they don't know what it is? You just have to trust that you know what it is when you find it, and if you trust yourself enough, you have to hold onto it. Ok, ok, ok....maybe that's not entirely what the analogy meant, but....just look into it...I'm a very hard-to-understand person, so just run with it. So today was stormy. Not really stormy, but just rainy and generally forboding in the sky. I liked it. But I wasn't in the GREATEST mood until I was just coming in from the rain, so I didn't really grow to appreciate it as much as I should have. You know, I love how random I am with my thoughts. Well, to be fair, it's not really random, but more...uhh....what's the word I'm looking for....spontaneous. Yeah, when I'm older, I want to be happy. (and omg that sounded so corny)...but you know what I mean...I want to build my own house (not literally...these days building your own house means buying land, hiring a contractor, and having them build a house to your specifications), have a nice family, have a few kids with some REALLY funky names, have a nice career....what more would I want? Peace. and Love. And I want to be able to watch the crimson sunset every night from my back porch, holding the love of my life in my arms, with our hair blowing in the wind, but not a cold wind....and getting that goodnight kiss that can never be too perfect. Or the last hug before you go to sleep. Or the last whisper before your ears take a break. Or the last thought before your mind turns off for the night. And then, that last look in the eyes before you know your eyelids are too heavy to stay open anymore, so you just snuggle up closer to each other, feeling each other's warmth, and don't say anything to each other....just express yourself through feelings and holding them...kissing them softly on the forehead, or lips for that matter, and caressing their back with your hand...blowing softly on their neck to give them shivers, and listening to their heart beat to remind you of how real they are. And how you're both human and alive at that moment in time. And just knowing that the love of my life is there, to experience every moment with me, for better or worse, to breathe every breath I take along my side, and to take care of me and have a great understanding for who I am inside and what matters to me, and what makes me tick... that'll be enough -brady (L)