well well well i havnt been on here in a very very long time!! i thort id turn up and c if everythin was still goin lol im its kinda hard ta say wats goin on seen as alot of thigs have happnd nd i cant memba thm all.................yeh

tht sounded so stupid..... "im goin out wit kc yay!!!!!" sounds pothetic lyk im 12or sumfin ....god.....

well well well... yeh i dunno that was random... im goin out wit kc YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! he he ... yeh.. he a lil stoner/alcoholic......tis tis.. but i luv him... and he needs a hair cut.... o well.....

havnt had a entry in so long.iv just been busy and mum wont let me on the comp which sux and then wen i do get 2 so on im nt aloud on 4 long. ummmmm lets thik of sum stuff that happind in my long time away ummm. every1 convinced me 2 go owt with sam i didnt nna go owt with him i only wanted 2 b m8s but yeh it just knda happnd. went 2 sum party can realy memba much just that he told me he luved me 1 WEEK AFTA WE STARTED GOIN OWT i wasnt ready 4 tht so in my drunkn state i told him i luved him 2.which was a BIG mistake coz afta tht he wldnt stop sayin it nd i didnt luv him bak ..... tht carryed on 4 lyk 3 weeks thn we went 2 this party and i went off withowt him and told every1 tht i didnt luv him and shit lyk tht .... he obviously found owt and asked me the next day if i liked him ... and i said no nd that i not wanna go owt with him nemore!!! i felt like such a bitch but i spoze its better than leading him on and thn breaking his heart later on

lots 2 talk bout i neva go on the net now *crys* and i cant talk now coz i gotta get off mer!!!.....

i failed all ma exams im soooo guted but thn its not lyk i studied iv got 1 more week of skewl thn we hav holidays!! then after that theres only 4 weeks left then its the end of 5th form and i hav my real exams.... IM GONNA SUCK!!!! ................... i just head the otha day thats brads leaving 2 go 2 aussy somtym soon so i wont EVA c him again!!!!!!*CRYS* and he will neva kno my love 4 him ...... mel luvs brad 4 eva is that sad or wat..........

i hav practice exams.. english and art 2moz ... soooo not fun... going 2 fail.. well u c i havnt learnt nethin all year i think its coz iv changed skewls not a kewl idea o well i lyk ma new skewl betta arts gonna b ok it no realy an exam its just coz we not goin 2 class thy makin us make up 4 it my m8 paul is moving away its his last day on fri. i dont want him 2 go im scard he gonna do somethin stupid a few months ao he tryed 2 kill him self i dont want him 2 go away and do it there in the art exam 2moz im gonna try talk him out it but i dont think itll work --------------------------------------------- the whole brad thing isnt goin newere.

hey havnt been on here in ages things havnt rely changed much ae just had a few m8 probs but i got ova them my big prob is brad.... i realy like him... but there no way it gonna happen he so damn sexy bonnie thinks we make a good couple but yeh i dont want any1 2 kno i like him thy would go on and on boutit and id neva hear the end of it. iv only told 3 pplz bout it jazz nicole and kelsie i dnt hav 2 worry bout thm tellin coz i trust thm and nicole and kelsie dnt go 2 ma skewl i got 2 sit beside him in the year book foto !!! lame i kno but yeh ..... it stupid tht the lil thng matter.... y is it that we likepplz tht we hav no chance wid i dont think he will eva like me tht way....*crys* im gnna get a foto of brad 1day mayb ill just use the year book foto

me and ma m8 claire hav been sleepin in a caravan latly man its fun we hav everythin we hav a tv dvd ps2 fridge cd playa it gr8 ....we borrowd it off daves sista ... and wev been in it a week and jasmyns stayin 2nyt we gona sneek out and hav a bita fun lol fun fun havnt got much 2 say ae thigs are gr8 we seen d the otha day she was in a car and start abusin us so we just did it rite bak!! lol fuk she a slut ... tlk 2 brad 2day .......fuk he hot ... but i could neva eva tell him tht ilike him .....

well....nuthin much has happend latly ae..... i went 2 new world (supermarket) the otha day and i was at check out and guess hu walked past .....TIM!!! ....he looked at me thn looked away ...then looked at me again and smiled as if we were jolli gud m8s .. i gave him the evils ...thn started talkin 2 claire ... i cant b bothard with his bullshit he says we r goin out thn dosnt rng me or talk 2 me .... im the only 1 makin an effort!! so i just inore him now i cant bothard with it ..the only ting is is th i realy do still like him.i dunno y i no it stupid but hey .... i realy ant help it andthe guy i like now ... i dont hav anychance with he soooooo fukin hot and we talk and stuff but thereis no way he would even think about likin me and im not gonna say 2 ne1 tht i like him the only 2 pplz hu no r nicole and jj and thy betta not say nethin ...i realy wish he would take notice of me .. i ned a bf i need 2 take my mind off tim because nothin is happinin i think thts y i keep thinkin bout him i think i just wanna b with him coz i need sum1 its not like i cant go with out a bf. coz i can tim was only my 2nd bf eva!! and well i dunno i just ...want 2 feel luved .....i try my best but no guys are interested in me i dont no y andifthy r there guys i would neva go out wid ... jj is tryin 2 set me up ith bret and sam but i dont wanna go out with sam he not my type and i dont realy no brt but he dusnt seem my typr etha i dunno i go on about alot ....u all prob think im weird .....dont listen 2 me ...not lyk ne1 eva dose.....................

hey wat ya alll up 2 havnt been on here in ages im at skewl shouldnt realy b on but o well ill b quick im sposed 2 b lookin up sunscreen fun fun!!!! illprob cum on 2nyt and do a betta entry just thought id say hi .....plz say hi if do read ma diary!!!!!

WATS WITH PPLZ AND BEIN PERFECT???????? H8 2 BREAK IT 2 U BUT IT NOT GONNA HAPPEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thing are goin gud ...(apart frm the stuff in london thts soooo nt kewl). im on skewl hols now its soooo gr8. now every1 can get ova the stuff thts happnd this term.we can all settle down and mayb thing will b betta nxt term now tht d has gone not tht i dnt lyk her but she seemed 2 b he 1 hu brought on all the problems. i went 2 the doctor again 2day. i found some lumps on my neck again ....she sad tht im gonna get real sick again. its unfair i always get sick and it just had 2 b on holidays.and i was plannin on partyin hard all hols ....dont sound lyk thts gonna happn. i havnt been up 2 much latly i was invited 2 a party ...tht i was realy suprise bout ae. it was justines party .( she lyk in the "popular" group ....lyk i talk 2 her and all but i didnt think she lyked me much ae but thn she invited me so i was lyk score.but none of ma m8s lyk her and didnt wanna go so i decided not 2 i rely couldnt b bothard neways.i ended up havin a few m8s stay ova and we watched dvds we had fun neways. i spose if i did do i could hav bustedtim wd sum otha girl ( coz he would hav been there he m8s wid all thm pplz. butiu cant b bothard wid his shit no more iv givin up) lisa wants me 2 go 2 sum party fri nyt i dunno f ill go ae depends if i feelin ok. i spose if i go theres a gud chance tht tim will b there 2 i dunno if i can b bothard ...but thni wold sooo luv 2 piss him off my bein there there is this guy i lyk he lives accross the road ( sounds lyk its cumin out the movies) hes realy hot all the girls want him but he a playa. i kinda talk 2 him sumtyms lol its was quit funni the otha day me nd claire were in the lounge and we were playin singstar ha ha we were actin lyk idiouts and shakin out buts wen guess hu walked past CHRIS!! and i turned rould and he just pointed at me and laughed (not in a maen way) lol it was sooooo funni i txt him sayin we playin singstar dnt laugh!!! fuk it was funni .. i realy dunt no wat 2 do bout him i kinda gave up on him 2 we got on real well wen i moved here and i walked home with him afta skewl a few tyms but thn he just stoppe talkin 2 me ... i think its coz every1 found out tht i thought he was hot ...but come on every1 dose i herd frm sum1 tht he used 2 realy lyk me ...but i dunno if tht tru ae o well .ill get ova him ....he seems kewl but guys a ass's sumtyms...take tim 4 example ...neways im gonna stop writin ....this is qite long

i havnt been on in ages ...nuthin much s happinin ae its the first day of holidays YAY!!!! actully i had skewl 2day but yeh no mre skewl 4 2 weeks ..havnt got much planned ae im havn claire,jasmyn,jazz and ashlee stay ova 2moz were gnna hav a movie nite just 2 b diff ....i think we mite get singstar pop out!! fun fun ......we strange..ash said shed bring sum wine ... yum yum ..we decided not 2 hav much alchole this weeknd were gnna hav fun wid out it ..(we much neways) lol. nxt fri im doin this thing 4 the hospital were we act as if we were in a bomb site or sum shit like tht and the doctors hav 2 determin wats wrong wid us or sumthin ... itll fil in a day lol ....and the last week im doin a hair dressing corse for 4 days itll go on my cv so thtll be gud ... it was gonna cost us like $600 but the skewl will pay 4 it so yay!!! i was watchin tv last nyt and it was interupted but the report about the bombs in london!!! its soooooo sad how can pplz do something like tht. it was on tv all nyt and was on wen i woke up this mornin .... i couldnt belive it. some pplz realy dont care do thy .how could some1 do somthin like that ... im not even gona go in2 it coz ill b here 4eva ... im gonna hav 2 go now neways mum wants me 2 go and go the dishs .....yeh ....great...o the joys....

yay things in ma life r gettin betta .....but some are gettin worse!! iv just found out tht ma step grandma is gnna die and only has a few weeks 2 live .... i no i dont know her well and i ..well... she wasnt th best gran i still dnt want her 2 go ... its sad she has cancer but wont do cemo. 1 gud thing is tht wev sorted out ma friends problem shes now left skewl and has no qualifications but she dont care .....as long as she happi and not doin nethin stupid. shes inthis corse thing its kinda lyk skewl so yeh . me and timgot back 2getha ....but i think he dnt lyk me .. he dusnt anna talk 2 me or do stuff wid me and we i txt him i just get short answers lyk he dnt wanna txt me ... i toold him wat i thought and he just said ...shell we do sumthin thn..... so i was like ok an we were sposed 2 do sumfinm yestaay but thn he desided nt 2 ..... im gnna call him 2 nyt and try sort stuff out .....i went 2 ma m8s party on sat lol we had soooooooo much fun me and this girl lisa seriously laughed 4 15 hours straight lol i no it dusnt sound possable but it happend ....fuk i think it was coz we had WAY!!! 2 much suga and we only gt 1 hour sleep lol god !!!! fuk it was fun.... i also aplyed 4 a hairdressin corse in the skewl holidays!!!! i hope i ge in its only 4 4 days but it should b gud and i get credits 4 it ...me and me m8 clair are gnna do it!!! fun fun!!!.... we are gettin our imunisations 2 moz 4 manigacocal B or sumfin i realy cant spell .... i realy dnt wanna i hate injections its gnna hurt..... im nt lookin forward 2 it at all.....help........

i put a pic on, did it work....

well im at my dads house its ooooo borin hes not even here i dont c the point in cumin but its gettin away from mum so o well.dads at the rugby its the lions tour so thts all any1 cares about at the moment its like the biggest thing i dont see wats soo great about it its just a big grup of guys running round beatin each otha up but o well dad likes it. im stuck here(at dads )with my bro my stwp bro and ma step mum i dont think she likes me much shes always ignorin me and gets kinea catty wen i say stuff bout gus( step bro) its not my fult hes spoilt and its hard not 2 say nethin wen he gets everything and u get nuthin and thts not all hes so ...well i dont no how 2 put it he 9 yr old and cant use a knife and fork cum on its not like hes a retard its just tht megan (step mother) dose it all for him she cuts everything up so he dont gotta ....god im goin on u all probthink im a spoilt brat hu just cant stop goin on about how her life sux wen realy it not tht bad .....ill shut up now

i h8 being sick its sooo stupid..i had 2 go 2 the doctor 2day.it ended up being a fuking therapy session all i wanted was sumthin 2 stop me being sick and wat do thy do go on about my life and how fucked up i am. my mum spazed this mornin wen i told her i wasnt goin 2 skool she neva belives me weni say tht im sick she thinks its just a way 2 get outa goin 2 skool ...(well most of the tym it is but u no)on the way my step dad tryed 2 talk 2 me about my attatude and all tht crap. dnt get me wrong hes great he funni and if i want sumthin i usually get it but its so anoyin wen he gose on about how i shouldnt tret my mum the way i do.but the thing is y should i treat her as if i luv her wen she cant even speak 2 me as if she cares the slitest for me. she treats me as if im 8yrs old im not aloud 2 do nethin .. im not aloud out at nyt im not aloud 2 c tim or my m8s.thn she wondas y i go and sneek out the window well think about it bitch if u gave me some freedom thn i wouldnt go do this sorta shit ...well not as often neways. im goin 2 my dads house 2moz..fun fun...nt. me and my dad get on ut we dont hav nethin in common hes always tryin 2 get me 2 move in wid him but ineva do tht would mean changin bak 2 my old skool and thts sooo not happinin all girl skools fukin suck ...theres no fun lol ....... fuck sake im tryin 2 type and my parents and bro are watchin sum fukin shit movie and hav the thing up full blast thn get shit coz i type so loud fuk sake i hardly hear myself think (dosnt help wid the headach) now if it was music hu cares (well as long as its gud music) but no its sum chick wid a rely high voice tht realy gets 2 ya, god o well ill leave soon go 2 bed .....nice worm bed.......

tim is my x well.... i realy dont know wat he is we tryed talking about it but well we didnt cum up with a conclusion i realy dont know wat 2 do with hm should i stay with him ...or should i leave him. u c tim cheated on me well thats wat i hav been told i confrunted him bout it and he said it didnt happen so i belived him then i kept hearing it so i kinda just stopped talking 2 him people told me he wasnt worth it so i ended up hookin up wid sum random guy ...thn he found out an accused me of cheating we talked about it and he understood tht i had a reason (kinda) i know it sounds realy petty but i realy dont know wat 2 do iv been txtin him 2 ring me but he dosnt and i rang him the otha nyt and he said he had 2 go and tht he would ring me 2moz but he didnt ring me ..i cant ring him coz im banned frm the fone at the mo (fukin mum)so i realy dunno wats happenin i just want him 2 tell me if he realy wants 2 b wid me ....he dosnt seem 2 fuk this is lame ill shut up nw.....

things r gettin a bit betta im tryin 2 change everything at the mo ....changin colours is hard.. aniway.. my day.. well i spent the whole day at home 2day coz i was sick ..well actully i still am sick ...it sux there was nuthin on tv and i was all alone *crys* mayb i should introduce myself im mel im frm nz ...and thts bout i nuthin else 2 say ...my life consists of a load of shit ...guys( soooo sick of mine!!!)....fightin m8s ...and well...wrist slitting ..... i dnt realy know wat 2 say iv neva realy had a diary...