i guess i forgot that music picks me up. i couldnt get up. i think it must be the pot, i wont even get up to do something unless i smoke before, okay this is why i stopped smoking. nahhh its the holidays getting to me. oh god and what did i get myself into last night???? im your girlfriend??? i dont feel anything! says one part of me.. who was the girl who thought she was in love with you last night??? who the fuck is that and why is she getting me into this. its all so unfair. my head feels cloudy and i want it to be cloudier. i want to be away from you now. youre not the same guy i first met. and you obviously cant learn anything from me because im absent mindedly dealing with you. what do i know though, i freak out and get negative, well see. maybe i can just straight up be like dad, can i please just smoke one bowl? ill smoke you out. no no. im hating on christmas, i was a ball of energy untill holiday depression shot me down like it always does, last year i just partied right through it, this year im working and sleeping through it. christmas music in the shopping stores makes me sick, i like the french christmas music at my work though. something tells me in january im going to get all gnarles barkely like i do periodically.