well... as a continuation of my last entry:
i called my cousin and told her that i couldn't believe that she had believed what i told her. haha. she said that she still believed it, and i said " fine... believe what you want.. i still can't believe that you fell for it." i kinda feel like a bitch for doing that though. i really shouldnt lie to family, but she asked me... so i had to lie to her either way... if i didnt... i would be completely insecure around her. yeah so..
i was just on the phone with my boy. oO0oOooh i love that boyy! :) anyway... my life is still a GIaNT mess and i dont kow... i am just annoyed by life... dont worry... i am not going to do anyhting drastic.. i guess i will just have to cry myself to sleep for a few more nights.[[as if it were only a few more nights...]]
- i am worried that this diarymay have gotten exposed... as to who i am... so i will probably make a new one soon... just thinking of a name.
well, i went to my grandmother's house last night to spend time with my older cousin. I think i told her some things that i shouldnt have. I really... REALLY... regret it. I think that i am just going to tell her that i was kidding last night, even though she probably wont believe me. Whatever. I guess i can just hope that she believes me. ARG. well, what can ya do? i guess sometimes.. being honest doesnt pay. I didnt want ANYONE to know what i told her. I just wish i could take back time, but then again.... who wouldnt. well... yeah, and the boyfriend, yeah.. is at his dads.. like away from me. GRrRrrRrr. And well.. his phone is off and no one is picking up the house phone. i guess im kinda worried, which probably isnt really good for someone who went to bed @ 4 o' clock, and woke up @ 8. whatever... what can you do.
"I'm a lion hear me ROAR!!"
AM I LOST?
I dont know. Things are really beginning to freak me out. i am worrying a lot. well.. it has been a month now since Danielle has died, and i am still not over it. Vacation starts this week though and i am glad. I absolutely need this vacation. It is going to be good to get a chance to just relax and be alone, but at the same time, i dont get to see my boyfriend until thursday. that kinda sucks... a lot. I am really kinda pissed that my life is like, falling apart. I really need a chance to fix it, but i dont know how. I need some time to think things through.
has anyone else felt this way before?¿
*It sucks.
_-Thanks 4 Reading-_
Okay, well.. at the moment, i am having a tough time.
.............................................
1.) Danielle is dead
2.) PMSing...
3.) My dad is going away, so i have to stay with my mom. [me & my mom DO NOT get along.]
4.) I am worried about the Boy.
.............................................
I guess i am doing alright though. I mean everyone has their little sob stories! I will be alright. My dad deserves a weekend off. He is so great to us. He does nothing but do EVERYTHING for me and my brother, whenever we ask. I guess i really dont thank him enough. I know that i don't get along with my mom, but i can make a little sacrifice for my dad... can't i?
Danielle, she's gone. She is really gone... Like forever. I've known her since... kindergarten and she's gone. I have cried alllll day, you so wouldnt wannt to see my face right now... god, youd be afraid. No one knows what happened, but everyone has been hysterical all day. She is soo sweet, why danielle? DANIELLE!? god.. only the good die young. I know we werent like awesome friends, but i have known her forever... and... she's... gone.
How are things?!
Things that are good...
*boy isnt sick anymore
*boy's mom is talking to me
*went to the semi
Things that arent so good...
*fighting with my mom
*Fighting with boy
*semi got screwed up
well my mom said something about his mother, who, like i said is like a mother to me.She called her [[his mom]] a skank! i was SO upset with her for that, well right after she said it i was going to his house anyway.I was upset. he noticed. I told him that nothing was wrong, but he kept asking, and i told him i was just upset at my mom again. well... he asked why, and ididnt want to tell him. He kept asking anyway and i ended up
just saying that my mom insulted someone very important to me. He asked who. and kept asking when i didnt want to tell him. He started naming people and he knew by my reaction it was his mom. UGH! i told him to promise not to tell her, and he promised. Well, my dad was on the phone with his mom one night i guess, and said i was upset with my mom... again. And after she got off of the phone she started asking him [[the boy:)]] why. she started
saying how i should stop being mad at my mom and whatever, and he just said to her, "She was sticking up for you" so she bugged him for days how.. and he told her that my mom called her a name. [[i never told him what she called her though, just a name..]] so she told my dad. And i wasnt supposed to tell him [[the boy]] about what my mom said. So my dad was mad at me. It was then though that i got really upset. HE PROMISED ME! I was devastated
ive always trusted him. I cant trust anyone like i trust him. so when my dad yelled atme, i was upset.. HE HAD TOLD! it was then that i realized that i didnt have ANYONE! so i told him i was dissapointed in him for telling his mom. and he wouldnt apologize because "she had the right to know" but hes sorry for breaking his word... i was really upset with him for it, mostly because of the fact that i knew i couldnt talk to him like i could before
ive always trusted him. I cant trust anyone like i trust him. so when my dad yelled atme, i was upset.. HE HAD TOLD! it was then that i realized that i didnt have ANYONE! so i told him i was dissapointed in him for telling his mom. and he wouldnt apologize because "she had the right to know" but hes sorry for breaking his word... i was really upset with him for it, mostly because of the fact that i knew i couldnt talk to him like i could before
so he got mad at his mom for telling my dad, and then his mom got mad at my dad, and then my dad got mad at me! well... so i was talkig to him [[the boy]] about why i was upset because i kept getting in trouble for things that werent my fault, and he said that his mom didnt want to talk to my dad, my bro, OR me ever again. and that HURT. i dont even understand why shes mad at me... i didnt do anything... did i?
I am just really hurt
having NO ONE in the world to trust really hurts. he says he'll never do it again, but i dontknow. this really hurts me,and maybe i am over reacting... but it really hurts. I have no one... thats clear now.
*The New Girl*
♥
Hey, i guess i am the newest to Sitdiary! Well.. i am home early... its 2:o4. We took finals so we got home early. I have been here doing nothing for uh.. id say an hour or two maybe. Yeah... well i am having a fine day, except my boyfriend is sick. It sucks, he went home early... before finishing his second final so, yea. and it figures that today i can go over his house.. and he is SICK! So his mom is home. And she is mad at me, and my family, so i dont think i'd really be comfortable over there anyway. :/ well... my day is going no where fast and ... the highlight of my day so far is right now... I just ate a whole plate of cookies.. [[haha]] and i am listening to the radio... feeling REALLY guilty that the boy is sick, because he has been trying to get me over his house for days, and now hes home sick.. with him mom, who's mad at me. I dont even want to call there because she told him that she doesnt ever want to talk to me ever again... :(
*The New Girl*
♥