It's been a few years but I plan to start writting again. I think I had some pretty good blogs in here... you guys seem to enjoy it since most or my posts have between 100-600 hits on them. Anyways. I woke up this morning to find Jackie dead. He was at the end of the bed on the floor, in the corner. And his body was still letting out strange breaths and noises but he was gone. I still wrapped him in a blanket and lifted him as if he were a china doll and placed him on the bed. Poor Jackie cat. And there I sat with this poor lifeless body, wrapped up, in my lap. I had loved this cat I swear more than any other human or animal. Not to say I have never loved nor cared about an animal or human but this little guy was my everything. You see Jackie had been an ally cat. Straight up raw and rugged ally cat. I had descovered him while I was a child living in a condow complex with my mother. It was winter and he was sitting a few houses down under some bushes cold as anything. He at one point got a small nip of frost bite on one ear. When ever i'd get home from school, before my mother would get home from work... i'd let him in to warm up. I'd even give him a bit of food. A year passed and we were about to move to the country. Throught out the time that I had lived there, I has asked many neighbours who he belonged to and would every so often try the number on his collar which was always not in service. 4 of them had told me that Jackie had been there for about 4 years and didn't belong to anyone. He was a stray they all took turns feeding. On the day my mother and I were moving, it was the last load of stuff and I asked her if I could take this stary cat with me. At first she said no, like most parents do. I asked and asked and finally she gave in. Ticked off she told me "fine. find that stupid cat but you have 15 mins and we are leaving." I ran everywhere calling this cat and looking in every place he liked to go. Finally, after 20 mins, I found him and scooped him up. He was not impressed and had no idea what was happening. I jumped in the car with him and we drove off. That cat and I were together ever since. He was one of the greatest mousers i'd ever seen. He at one oint brought me home a baby rabbit, small weasel (trust me those things can mess up or kill cats), numbers of birds and mice... the list goes on. We trusted each other too. So much trust, I have never really and don't think still trust anyone or thing as much as I did that cat. I knew all his meows. We'd even argue with each other. He had such personality... And I knew he loved me. Don't get me wrong, he could have left at any point and went back to being an ally cat. But we had an agreement and as long as we let each other be free and come and go then we'd always come back to each other. I'd always try to go out in the rain or hail and search for him. I hardly gave up untill I found him. I loved the way he smelled. Every animal did. Dogs would always try to come up and just sniff him. He was so other worldly at times too. and LOVED the out doors where he could be free. Even once a dog tried to eat him and when I grabbed the dog he saw I had her tight and yelled at him to run, and he did. He ran and trusted me that he'd be safe. For at that time he had to run right under the dogs legs. But over my dead body would I have let that dog get him. Sorry dog, but talk about animal instinct. I would have wrecked her. Luckly nothing happend. And the dog was fine. And honeslty a good dog. She just hated small animals and had gotten out. I feel sick from crying so much. But I know i'll get over it one day, or at least one day the pain will be dulled. My instinct, like most animals, tells me to slink off alone to be sad and alone. However because I am human, this isn't a good idea. You see when humans get sad, all maners of thoughts creep into their heads and nest. You never know what will come of it. When the darkness creeps in it can get very dangerous. And esspecially because we like to feel to know we're alive, that means pain doesn't hurt so much. So you see alot of things can happen. That's why I feel it's safe and good to be around people off and on. And let them feel like they can and are helping. I think that is all for today. Not my best entry but give me time. I'm just sad my best friend died. You know something though, it wasn't that bad finding him dead. I knew I could handle it and get his body where it needed to go, and I would like to think that he trusted me enough to die at the end of the bed instead of asking to go out and never seeing him again. -Ashley Bunneh

It was about last year and Dave took asked me to help him cook for an event. His dad (as far as I canremember) and him had been a part of this group since forever and they were short staff to help prepare the food. Anyways, while we were setting things up and getting ready for the event later that day, Dave decided to show me around the lodge. It was a pretty big place and had plenty of added on sections from years of remodeling. The main section of the place was the original and you could tell, the wood was different, there was little hidden spots for storage... Big windows... everything. Anyways so here Dave and I are exploring this place with no one around (and honestly we weren't supposed to be exploring) when he takes me downstairs... into this small hallway. He opened 2 doors... and as he flicked on the light I started looking around the long twisty tiny hallway, we now had to duck slightly to walk along it. There were stairs everyonce in a while on either side going up somewhere. "This is secret" Dave told me, "The reason it's so long and strange, and in a second you'll see how big it is, is because it used to be used as a small gun range back in the day. VERY few people know this is here nevermind get to come down here." he started flipping on switches as we walked past the stairs and without a word started to climb one of them. I fallowed a little worried about these passages getting any smaller but i had seen him flick on lights and saw light coming from above where the stairs all led to. As I surfaced from underneith my breath caught and i held it scanning the surface of one of the biggest train models I have ever seen. It was huge! and talk about detail! tiny little deer in the tiny forest on top of mountains and even an egal wirh a nest here and there... telephone post, trains... that could move and switch directions and rails and do whatever you wanted... small lakes, houses, kids sledding. EVERYTHING! It was amazing! It was like something in a dream. I was so estatic about the whole thing. I wish you all could see it. I can't really describe it much better but please know that it was amazing and I was speachless which is VERY hard to do. All of a sudden we heard a noise from up stairs and both of us started turning off the lights and realized someone was coming in the lodge. we sped up sairs (as casualy as you can while being quick) and met one of the elders of the group (don't worry not a bad group but i rather not tell you the type otherwise it might give away this placce's secret location) He didn't seem to notice as Dave and I put on out best halos above out heads. I swear if you were to look upon us at that moment we would have looked like 2 children pretending they hadn't just stolen some cookies. Anyways I told Dave I wouldn't tell anyone... but a year and some odd months later I did write it in here,,, so I hope you enjoyed it. :) Later Days! *~Ashley~*

Sitting here with my paperclips hanging in my ears, and my purple hair tied up in a bun... and my boyfriend asleep in the next room... I write. And I think about way back in the day and how things have changed. Man how they've changed. I read my old blogs and all the memories come rushing back. Recently One of

"What if the only reason we can’ t walk through mirror is because our reflection blocks us What if they are protecting us What if they know that the other side is horryfing and painful and they are trying to keep us from ever crossing over You may be on the wrong side of the mirror Maybe you are the reflection" That boy... it's been years and like a stray cat he creeps back into my life over and over. You know the one. That cat who you always thinks is long gone or lost... or dead somewhere. Yet, he always seems to show up one day out of the blue. Usually scratching at your door. Every few years he pops up and says hello, never tells me where he's been or what chick he's with this time. Probably some tattooed freak of a girl. freak meaning the type of girl she is, not the fact she's tattooed. He always says it's better if he stays away, that i'll be safer. That our lifes are so different. I think he's just afraid that i'll know some of the monsters from his past, or see the demonds that lerk inside him. Or worse... that our demonds can play together and our monsters have crossed paths. I'm just babbling here. But i will say this: no matter how mirror like our lifes are or where we come from or where we are going... i care for him alot, i care who hurts him and when he hurts him self. I care that he checks in so in the end i don't worry. ANd you know he's never called me a bad name or said bad words to me... not even once. He's barked at people to stay away when lack of respect comes our way. He's a sweet heart. And i rarely get a chance to say that. Anyways... it's 6:34am, time for bed... go touch your mirrors kids, and see if you can tell which side of the mirror you're on... and don't worry about that stupid stray cat you lost.

As i open the medicine cabinet door in the bathroom and let my hand glide across some of the perscription and vitamin bottles... i think to myself "i'll just take one for my jaw" you see i have these little blue pills the my doctor gave me to help not grind my jaw at night. Honestly up untll now itt's worked pretty well. And to be honest i've never been the "get hooked" type. I've been taking them off and on for about 3 years now. I never need them for long. However i still have these little oval shaped blue pills that get me right fucked. I've had the same pill bottle for... are you ready for this?.... 10 years. No joke. these little guys make me halusinate like you wouldn't bileave. The worst part? i can't remember my trips. I honest to god need a baby sitter if i take them. Not for anything big! I just don't want to fall and hit my head mostly. Anyways if i take half i can remember my trips... so obviously i take half. My had picks up the first little blue pills but i stop... and i just stare. Stare into the cabinet as if something else was in there. As if i needed a sighn. A thought trickled threw my head... a faint thought enterend into my brain and with great hesitation my hand slowly reached for the second bottle of blue pills instead. Tucked behind some neocitron and malitonin there lay the 10 year old pill bottle. Label worn away to nothing. And as i opened it and poured the contents out, the thoughts off all my trips from these little chalky blobs rushed through my head. I thought about all the things i had been trying to file away in my head, about al the things i had ever gone through. I took out one half pill. It's powdery contents crumbling slightly in my hand. As i closed the cabinet i stared at the reflection in the mirror... i looked at my soft, shiney, purple hair all pinned up with a few strands trickling down my neck... and my tan i had gotten from the days off i had spent on the beach with my new friend. When i looked at my reflection... the strange part was i wasn't scared. I wasn't scared that maybe i could easily turn into my mother - addicted to prescription meds. I wasn't afraid i could turn into my dad - addicted to everything. Or even my brother - MIA in his sweet socisio path world... i was pround of my self for knowing when enough is enough, and stoppping things that i was "born into". I, even if no one else was, was fucking proud of myself. I took the half pill, looking down at the pill bottle noting to myself i could have taken the whole thing, or even a cocktail of pills... but i didn't. In fact as i sit here waiting for that little blob to kick in, i'm still checking on my boyfriend asleep in the next room, dabbing his head and neck with a cold cloth so he doesn't over heat. good night all, and just please try not to let your selfs get carried away with pills and shit. know your limits. Later Days *~Ashley~*

Dear Jordan, I want you to get speechless when i step out of the shower, water dripping off my body, making it shine smooth and soft. I want you to love the way i always want to wear paperclips as earings because i feel it definds some hidden corner of me. I want you to adore the way i always want to do things on my own and refuse help but sometimes, and only sometimes!, I need it from time to time. I want you, when you come into my room, to scan it and breath in my sent. I want you to hunt like a kid for a new item or something you never noticed before and wait with great anticipation for the story that goes with each object you find. I want you to laugh at how much i secretly love my stelettos and often try to look for an excuse to wear them. I want you to get that shy and excited smile on your face when you notice me checking you out. I want you to hold me like you always do... like you'll try and protect me from whatever tries to get me. I want you to put up a fight and then eventually let me help you when you are wounded or sick. I want you to kiss my forhead good bye when you leave and i'm fast asleep. I want you to want to make your own life better because i bileave in you and you know that. I want you to get as excited graduating (if you actually didn't drop out) as you did when you fist sighned up and we went out for dinner to celebrate. I want you to take care of me when i'm sick and run to the store for orange juice at 8am because i can barely get out of bed and not only do you know that i am so thankfull but you can hurry back to see that look of adoration on my face. I want you to talk about the things you want to do in life, the things were going to do in life and the things that you've learned. I want you to support me. I want you to respect me. I want you to love me. I want you to be there for me when i tell you i need you and when my world is crubling. I want you to be able to say sorry. I want you to know that i adore you. I want you to be able to remember all the rest of the things you love about me and want nothing in return from me (even if i have alot to return). I want you to want me to do better. I want you to light up when you see me. And through all these wants... even if it never happens again... even if in the end you can't stand the independant, bad spelling, sassy, caring bunny that i am... i want you to know that what i NEED is me. I can get through life with or without you. .... but the good Jordan... the one that i know and like so much and try and stand by through all his shit.... That's the Jordan that i want. sincerly, the one who you hurt, the one who you claimed you loved, the one you may never say sorry to, -Ashley

Sometimes when your're really drunk things enter your head. Things that probably aren't the best isea. Wether you are a dog that eats the hot dog from the table (even though you haven't done that since you were a puppy) or a hunman who thinks it would e a great idea to sleep in the park "because it's too far to walk". Etc, etc, Things happen and people forget. But it must get tiresome when it's an over and over again thing that happens. Bad stuff I mean. I personaly have had a bad run in withthe "reds" which is a term Audrey Hepburn used in Breakfast at Tiffanys which is a great movie by the way. ^^^^^ i like how i never finished this post, damn. looks like it could have been a good one.

Sometime life forces us to make decisions that lead us on paths we aren't sure about. Sometimes it leaves us missing people we really shouldn't be. Sometimes you can find your self having all sorts of relationships with different people. Sometimes you can have yourself a Romeo and Juliette, a Love Me If You Dare(great movie by the way), a dirty little secret, a lost cause, a religous difference, an old soul, a young soul, a rich, poor, actress/actor, china doll, bad ass, rocker, nice guy, and even something that can never be... i'm sure there are more but these are the things that come to mind on some relationships that come about... But I think it's alright to have these relationships in life. They're yours. and no one can really get it except you and the people your with. I don't regret any of them, and I don't think i ever will. I won't apologize for anyone I have been with or still have something with. Tonight i'm torn between a few of those people and one of them I regret is coming over to the house in an hour. At that point i'll be stoned solid on sleeping pills and NightQuil and will barley know him to be an illishion or something of flesh and blood. At this point I don't care.... now if you'll excuse me... I must go and see where the night takes me. Who knows? maybe he'll change is title into a knight in shining armour.... Later Days

First off i'd like to start by saying: Welcome back Sitdiary!!!! I'd like to continue by saying that i feel pretty good tonight. I just finished putting out the fire in my backyard and by chance decided to try this site again and i am so stoked it's up again. I unfortunatly got to run into my current ex (Jordan), his ex... siome chick. this is the second time she's been in my house, mostly because she is friends with one of my room mates - Mike. Who is moving out at the end of April here. My other room mate or as we've taken to calling her - my Wife [side note: not actually married] is currently in the process of brining home... or going home with some shirtless guy she met at a party. It doesn't bother me one way or another since she's sworn off sex and men for quite sometime and just honestly needs a good lay. it's currently 3AM and I still have my soup to eat and smoke some weed (just started this year, i've been sompletely anti-drug up untill now.... but only weed) and go the fuck to bed. A friend of mine, Ty has decided to take me to the comic book convention here in calgary and he's picking me up at 11am. Later I will have to work at 5pm at an Irish pub i work at and give my notice at the other pub i work at lol. SOOOOOOOOO much has happend since this site went down. Actually even far before that. I'm sure the details will slowly surface but untill then I am quiet content explaining the present state of things. Now that i've updated alittle lets get on with the meat and potatoes of everything that has happend within the last few days: I met this cute little Punk boy named Dan. He seems very old school and is 23 like me. He has a very decent job and a car and rock out like crazy. He's smart and funny and i've had a small crush on him for a few years. I happend to mention this to a girl i work with and she is actually room mates with him! who would have guessed? she claimes he's never had a girlfriend and another girl i work with too who's known him for years claims the same thing. I'm so nervos. I guess well see what happens though eh? oh! my current ex jordan (dreamy native... like actually a fucking studly native boy) just decided to text me after seing I was online. I hope it's a deent conversation. Last time we talked he actually came over and took care of me which was probably a mistake but he was so cute and slept on the couch because he said he fugured he hadn't earned the right to sleep in my bed with me again. See? he's got a brain in there somewhere. hmmm I honestly think that's all for now. I'll be sure to start writing in here everyday :) Later Days! *~Ashley~*

Pulling the leopard print blankets off of my face I wake up to the smell of some fucking boy fumes left over from my buddy that stayed over the night before. I crawled to the bathroom after tripping over clothes and shoes... at least I didn't step on my belt again, bullets fucking hurt when you step on them. Bathroom is a mess... skin and ink still in the sink from the night before when Rav got his sleves finished. I throw water on my face and look around... leopard skirt, skinny-jeans, studded belts and converse with some make up throw in for good measure all over the place. I go to the frige after pounding back some water... just as i thought, a few rotting tomatoes and a beer or two... well shit... might as well drink the beers... that'll fill my tummy right? Fucking lame is what it all is... it's been Halloween for 4 days (or a week for me) i throw on some skinny-jeans... black of course, bullet belt and studded belt, hooters wife-beater and some spider web converse. ughhh i'll have to work tonight. I could always go in half cut, no one will notice. Plus I am the assistant manager after all :P Fucking god damn lame... drinking for a week and the real reason is, it's because of my boyfriend who hasn't called in 7 days. His phone is broken and he's been busy working and moving downtown. I on the other hand work two jobs now, 7 days a week and i'm studying to go to school for some hardcore stuff. Yet I can still find time to fucking call him and hang out with friends. Clearly something is lacking right now and clearly i need to sort this out with him. I guess i'll have to wait another week for a phonecall. When we broke up he first time i went on a 2 month binge and managed to pull myself out of it. This time we're still together and i've started early. we'll see what happens. Fucking phone! it won't shut up... Ramones ring tone playing over and over... it's my work... they don't know any of the codes for the computer... now it's my muslim friend wanting to go for coffee... and really? all i want to do is keep drinking. BAd idea eh? meh... i'll be sober today. we'll see what happens next week... I wanted one more year of this shit... this fucking do or die bullshit... eveything is changing though.The punk house is getting shut down... everyone on the block got evicted and in a month or two they are tareing everything down for a hotel. Fucking hell. Janel at the other night's house party told me her and I should move in together... it just might save me from somethings... I should take her up on it. Anyways, I gatta go meet Pretty, my muslim friend and save everyone at work from going crazy haha Later Days and Happy Halloween *~Ashley~*

The Devil as it were, comes in all shapes and sizes i've learned, wether it be the food we eat or the girl at work we see almost every day, bad luck on loosing a pet, a mean phrase or coment made by someone, a disease, a common cold, clothes, money, etc... Now at the same time, all those things can also take the place of something more good, well needed or even well deserved. What's important here is to keep your glasses on so you can find the silver lining in anything. And yes I do mean ANYTHING. Now I know most of you are strating to think about the worst things to prove me wrong, but I have to ask why the hell you are searching so hard in your head for something bad? Do you really want to think that hard about all those bad things that you know exsist in the world or has just recently happend to you? Take pride and find happiness in the smallest of things.... think back to those days where nothing went right, yet something happend, just one small thing to make you start smiling. Those are some of my favorite days. And remember "look next door, the person next to you probably has it worse" This all came up at the prime time of 4:12 AM because I realized eating tuna at this time is really not good for you - Devil= food. I also had had a long day of 12 hours at work. Man moving boxes around is tuff yet it helped me get my mind off some of the less exciting things from earlier that day. Like for example one of the cashiers... I had made the fatal mistake of making the comment "... and I had to use the last $40 to bail my cat out of the SPCA holding cell, so now I have no money to last me through next week. I think I have $4 left." - Devil = bad luck and money. She then decided it would be a good idea to one-up me (which may I say she ALWAYS seems to do to everyone) "oh I only have 35 cents in mine." I wanted at that point to call her out on the emence amount of bullshit spilling from her lips. First off she had stayed with me for 2 months rent free and she didn't pay a cent for food. Then she had recieved a cheque from the goverment for $1000. Just over actually. Now She is not my girlfriend therefor I don't give a shit what she chooses to do with her money however that last comment was bullshit. Anyways I decided to spend my last bit of money on a begal - silver linning= i get one last meal. My tummy thanked me later for that choice. I later recived bad news that one of the other girls at work (who had been VERY ill for about a week now) is getting tested for lung cancer - Devil = Disease. I feel for her in such away that is an actual nothing. In fact, I don't feel anything. Now hear me out... Everyone sees this as a horrible thing. It changes lives... and it's always ina bad way. I however have never experienced Cancer of any sort (although I honestly expect it in my later years) so I can't really know how to think or feel about the subject. Therefor I feel.... sad yes but nothing realisticly. (on a side note I have also known 3 people who have had cancer and beat it. Devil= Disease. -Silver linning = Disease beatin fuckers!) All I could think of after learning this horrible fact was that the girl who always one-uped everyone hadn't said a word about how she was feeling sick. Finally! although she keeps bringing up the topic of when she had cancer and how she might have it again but she probably won't see a doctor Devil= sympathy and stupidity, Silver lining= having the ability to cut the conversation short. Another girl later came on shift who had filled in on her day off for the girl who may or may not have lung cancer Silver linning = people giving a shit and helping. She is always so happy and we tend to feed off each other for finding good things out of bad things -Silver lining = positive thinking. Also my boss bought me fries near the end of the long shift and came in to help me - silver lining = good deeds. also the chick who's all happy and one of the guys i work with told me my skin looks alot better and less acne - Silver lining = nice phrase. I also told one of my good friends who had just broke up with her boyfriend that when she got back from work we would make Guiness cup cakes - Silver linning = helping a friend. Sean also came back into my life recently... my leather wearing boy. The only boy to ever break my heart. we are having an other date this saturday :) - silver lining = luck, the right place at the right time and fallowing those deep and hidden feelings. Anyways i'm starting to get sleepy but I must say I have the urge to play piano, go to dance classes again, and start working out. I'll keep my purple hair and continue to skateboard and meet new people. And even of Trevor and Erica don't remember that I recently was the only person who stayed by their sides and gave them my house to live in and held them while they cried about their friends dieing and me feeding them and everything... I don't mind because I did it for them without knowing or expecting anything back. I hope I helped :) Where I am now -silver lining = everything happens for a reason *~Ashley~* LAter Days!

So i'm sitting here at Ship and Anchor (which is a pub) and realizing that life, once again, in a short time, (mainly the time frame of a weeked) has taken an intersting turn. Dusty is an old friend of mine, When I was dating Danny we lived together. We also lived together last year too but he took off. He contacted me a little while ago and we hung out. The thing about Dusty is he's a Nazi. Yea, judge me if you will however my friends have always come in all shape and sizes and just because of their life style or what gang they are in dosen't mean i'm going to drop them. My friends are there for a reason. All in all he is an amazing guy but his choices aren't always the best. ANYWAYS, so the other night when we hung out he ended up kissing me near the end of the night. I was a little confused because last time I lived with him he said we'd only ever be friends. Aperantly he's liked me for a bit. Meh. He's a good friend and i've seen him with girls and he really is an amazing boyfriend to them but I just could never date a nazi. I mean now he's getting shot at and his buddy got stabbed the other day. fuck. Not my cup of tea and it honestly never has been. I'm glad he's ok and i'm glad he's back. Rav (the arab metal head) I was dating for a little bit here is going to Edmonton to live. Damn... but whatever... life goes on. He really would have been too much of a handfull I think. He's awesome but I would be too much of his Barbie and I really wouldn't be able to do anythign else. Kassee (who turned muslim) had a sex dream about me the other night, which I still have a crush on her so I was a little excited about this. But she was really messed up and thinking about it all day and basically I think she still has feelings for me. Meh. She made her choice and was a bitch to me. She told me she'd wait for me and not even a month later she was off doing something else. *sigh* Everyone else in between, like always, I seem to be their horror doll and their fantacy girl. It's fine because I have excepted this a long time ago. Always a rag doll never a china doll. Well i'm off to ponder and listen to music and get looked at by older highclass men who happen to be in this pub. *~Ashley~* LAter Days!

I am so mad at him... Sean, that stupid fucking punker boy. He broke my heart the other day. Made me ball my eyes out in the back room. I don't know what to say... he came in and i saw him grab beer from the cooler and turn and walk to the conter... an dlike a child i cried. WHAT THE FUCK I WAS JUST TALKING TO HIM AND HE DLETED HIS ACCOUNT OR SOME SHIT FUCKKKK i was going ot reply with this I didn't think I would react the way I did to seeing you in there. *sigh*ok here it is, not like it matters. I had been in one of the isles all night doing tags and the one time I actually looked up to scan the store I saw you grab the beer out of the cooler and leave to the counter... Lauren (chick with blue hair) saw you and saw the look on my face and said "oh shit... is that.... him? fuck." And i ran into the back room before you could see me and balled my eyes out. So i gues in a way it's good you didn't say anything cuz i still would have cried. I thought i was passed that but aperantly i'm not. I know we weren't together that long but I guess you broke my heart in a strange way. honestly i didn't think that was possible. I feel really fucked up. I don't know what to say. you have every right to buy shit from where ever you want... but yea. i'm hurt you didn't say hi, it feels like you want nothing to do with me at all. I have no clue any more. meh whatever it is what it is i guess. I'm just really confused. whatever i'm going to bed ill write in this shit later. stupid fuck. *~Ashley~*

Wow. First off all i ended up cleaning the entire wearhouse and cooler by myself and by doing so aloud myself to become very peacefull. i was very happy over the last two days working my butt off for more than 8 hours just to clean all the boxes that the stupid wearhouse guy, Elric, decided to leave when he walked out on us. he reallywas useless. So after i left i got this msn thinger on Facebook and it was Nic's girlfriend (Nic is one of the guys i work with) and she says "are you at work" to wich i reply after much delay "no" she then proceeds to go on about how she is going to kill me and all this crap. i stoped reading after that shit. But anyways aperantly i find out from Lauren... who i am now calling Bats since i found out that's her nick-name her roomate gave her (Lauren is a goth) ANYWAYS... so Bats told me that Katie (the girlfriend) came into the store and flipped out going on about how i fucked Nic. aperantly she dumped some product on the ground and Nic twice removed her form the store and the cops were later called and Nic was put in hand cuffs and Katie was thrown into the drunk tank for the night... and the store was closed early... holy fuck. LAdies... really. I just want to say to all of you out there that would pull this crap.. grow the fuck up. Seriously. I don't want your man. He is with you for a reason and if you can't trust him then break up with his sorry ass. On a good note i'm excited for Char to see the wearhouse... and for Jake to get me fucking food. he has been promissing me food for a few days and hasn't done it. ugh. But yea... i'm fucking tired. i'll write in this more later. Later Days *~Ashley~*

He's on facebook chat and i don't think he cares... my heart is pounding and I still want him... why did he have to give this up? ugh! - there... i logged off for abit. my heart is still going. I hope I get over him fast. stupid boy. Stupid leather wearing punk rock boy. fuck. In other news... Jared is not really talking to me... he's pretty much voted off the island. And when I called into work today Drake was nice enough to actualy call me a loser untill I decided to come visit everyone atwork. yea i'm lame... but everyone was happy to see me and Drake demanded that next friday i come watch him spin (hes a DJ... techno... yea) so i said i'd try my best. meh i don't know. I need to keep getting out so Sean isn't in my head all the time. oh! aperantly Russ (my new landlord) called Jake and hopefuly i'll get the ok for my new house soon? yay! It'll be tightfor money for a bit but hopefully soon things will be good. "Imiss your hair pins on the rug... aka your bullet belt on my floor" I adore him... please make it better. I think it'll get better in time. Later Days! *~Ashley~*

She is such a lying bitch... and i'm such a stupid bitch. bitch She told me a long time ago... she texted me "i'm jelous, im jelous your with him." THEN!!! she told me on the phone "I will wait for you" so my question is why do girls lie? why do they say what they don;t mean? I have NEVER done that, and when it comes to peoples emotions i would never. As for Sean... I adore him. He will ALWAYS be my leather wearing boy. I'm sad after only four months im heartbroken. I feel like a train wreak. and yet here i set texting her and feeling shitty becasues i still have a small crush on her... when i think really i'm just trying to fill the void with something so that i won't think about him anymore. I cuddled with Jared a week or so ago... and I loved it... but it made me miss Sean more. Call me old fashion but i need that closer and that ending... I need that hurt, the burn and the stiches... I am me. I am who i am i love black and whites, I can't spell worth shit, i love surprise kisses, I love simplicity, I can handle anything gross, I wanted to be a sniped since i was 7, I like girls and boys, I can love more than one person, i am capable of love, i hate real relationships, I don;t screw around, i NEVER wear the same socks, I like beer, I love to be seen, and at times i hate when people look at me, i am one of the few girls that love their bodies, at the age of 10 i was requested for modeling, I want to go on a road trip, i work the best with chaos, i run at times, and at times i stay to grounded, i don't bileave my mother or my father always loved me, i always say what i mean, when i say "i'm ok" it really means i'm not... i'm always ok... it's just other things that aren't lol... i'm sure there are lots more... but those are what i can think of off the top of my head *sigh* Later Days *~Ashley~*

So the other day i decided to go to starbucks before i went to work, mostly because i was saposed to meet Jared there but he had to bail and then i invited Christy down and it turns out they both showed up at around the same time haha. RECAP: so Jared is this guy who used to go to the starbucks in bridgeland for ever and he used to like me alot aperantly. i always thought he was a dick cuz he would never say anything to me and just look away disintrested. But it turns out that (since i've been going to the ship - a pub- for like 3 years and he works there, we would see each other from time to time and he actually always liked me... anyways one of the girls at starbucks thta i know told me this and i thought it was very cute. aperantly he loved the way i dress and he saw me all punked out open a door for someone with coffee haha so i gained brownie points wiht that.... but yea so that is Jared. Christy is friends with my friend JAke and im going to be moving in with her and jake and out of the house im in now with lexi and jesse. anyways, so yea we hung out untill i had to go to work, and that was awesome but before they got there, there was these two guys watching me and they wouldn't stop and they continued to go on about how amazing i looked and how even my bone structure was amazing. i was flatterd but wow they were older and they seemed so in awe about me, no matter what i did. So later after Jared and Christy showed up we kept chatting and after the two guys finally left i figured that i was in the clear but no, a older guy sat down across from us. He would NOT stop watching me, just fixated on me. it was unreal how many people were in awe, not "damn girl your sexy" but seriously in love with every part of me. anyways even Christy and Jared were a little confused by how many people were looking at me like that. And the guy ended up drawing like 8 pics of me, just sketched me out... and then came up to me after and i swear almost fell to his knees and said how amazing i was and how i was so dramatic in every thing i said and did, that i stood out and i should be an actress, that people always are watching me because i have carisma and that i have good presence.... he went on about it and finally said "i know i don;t seem like much telling you this, but hopefully i have changed your life a little and one dya you will remember me..." it was so cool and i told him i swore i would try out as an actress of some sort. and i won't back down from it. more for him than me. but you never know what might come out of it. anyways even later when i went to work people continued to come in mezmorized by me. I must have had it going on that day or something. It was amazing and strange at the same time. haha Anyways, poor Fish keeps waking up cuz my bedroom light us still on and travis is passed out and i want to rile him up a bit haha.... ill wite in this tomorrow and tell you all about my bad day i had today andthe great one ill probably have tomorrow. LAter Days! *~Ashley~*

So the medication had been working wounders. The only problem is, my mom had to use some of her food money to help me pay for them. I realized how important blue cross really is. On the other hand i really don't think me paying $30 would be practicle since i hardly EVER get sick enough for real medication. i think i have 2 more days left and then i will be able to start skateboarding again. I got a second job :) it's at the jewlary store. Actually it's at the same one Llama works at. I start next week. i hope everything goes well. I have no experience but im sure i'll learn everything fairly fast. I'm going to try and hold down both jobs. I know it will be hard but i'm sure i can do it. And i'll be able to save lots of money and actually have food in my fridge :) Travis is saposed to pop over here and sleep over tonite. He better hurry cuz im ready to go to bed soon. Ugh. it's been three hours. I'm a little excited to move in with him at the end of the month but a little worried too. But say la vie lol. No matter what i think it'll be a grand adventure. I really do need to hang out with Emir very soon. But i have no money untill next month. It's going to be tight this month comming up. But after i'll be home free. I just have to keep being optimistic.... In other news... I have a huge crush on this girl. But she dosen't know. I don't know if she'll ever find out. ANYWAYS... Travis just got here, so im going to go Later Days *~Ashley~*

SHADOW & STITCH says: so i tried to copy it, is not exactly the same, but is the idea of your eyes what i was trying to catch... first: because I think that through eyes you can read people in a different way than just talking and I find you very interesting when i see your eyes... i dont knwo why i still have to find out why! but the few times i have got the chance to see you i find you very interesting second: fuck!! just because they are freaking beautiful!! Go n-ithe an cat thú is go n-ithe an diabhal an cat. says: awww your making me bluch blush* SHADOW & STITCH says: haha are you serious?? Go n-ithe an cat thú is go n-ithe an diabhal an cat. says: si SHADOW & STITCH says: wow haha, but, do you feel good about it?? I mean, me making you blush Go n-ithe an cat thú is go n-ithe an diabhal an cat. says: si SHADOW & STITCH says: cool because it made me feel good too haha I wanted to make you smile, so, if you did smile let me know Go n-ithe an cat thú is go n-ithe an diabhal an cat. says: i did i had a big grin on my face the whole time SHADOW & STITCH says: haha for real?? great!! thanks for sharing your smile haha and well just to finish the long explanation haha... as you can see your hair makes some kind of connection of every element in the drawing... well it is to let you know that i put them alltogether to give them to you!!! and haha... naaaah thats all! Go n-ithe an cat thú is go n-ithe an diabhal an cat. says: haha im still smiling SHADOW & STITCH says: seriously thank you! for the smile Go n-ithe an cat thú is go n-ithe an diabhal an cat. says: jaja your welcome SHADOW & STITCH says: :D ha i finally stop talking anyway im glad you liked it lo hice con mucho cariño! Go n-ithe an cat thú is go n-ithe an diabhal an cat. says: i do, alot. but i have to go to bed cuz i am very sick but i will try and talk with you later SHADOW & STITCH says: yes you are!! haha sorry about it! Go n-ithe an cat thú is go n-ithe an diabhal an cat. says: thats ok SHADOW & STITCH says: ok and I hope you get well soon please!! hehe dulces y oscuros sueños niña!! haha bye ok sorry you are sick! haha i meant to say: sweet and dark dreams girl! bye Go n-ithe an cat thú is go n-ithe an diabhal an cat. says: later days and good night

SHADOW & STITCH says: hey its late! haha how are you feeling?? by the way I have your draw in here sorry i didnt get online earlier, i had to go out, but i told you i was gonna showit to you so here i am Go n-ithe an cat thú is go n-ithe an diabhal an cat. says: yay! well my brother is here but hes laying on the couch thats why i am still up and he brought beer i dont know how to spell it in spanish SHADOW & STITCH says: how to spell what?? cool! beer!! im gonna get one... i think i still have a couple on the kitchen Go n-ithe an cat thú is go n-ithe an diabhal an cat. says: in the kitchen servasa? SHADOW & STITCH says: in, got it ha cerveza Go n-ithe an cat thú is go n-ithe an diabhal an cat. says: yea SHADOW & STITCH says: ohh hmm i was thinking about the drawing my camera doesnt work at all so there are 2 options i can take a picture of it or i can use my scanner or maybe both haha Go n-ithe an cat thú is go n-ithe an diabhal an cat. says: scanner! SHADOW & STITCH says: fine ok i think its ready i tried 3 times, the scanner wasnt working hello?? Go n-ithe an cat thú is go n-ithe an diabhal an cat. says: hi ok lets see im so excited SHADOW & STITCH says: haha well first let me tell you a couple of things... my style is... like very dirty, im talking about how it looks like, a lot of shades Go n-ithe an cat thú is go n-ithe an diabhal an cat. says: haha your worried about what i will think? SHADOW & STITCH says: yeahp of course I am Go n-ithe an cat thú is go n-ithe an diabhal an cat. says: why? don't be im sure ill love it SHADOW & STITCH says: i dunno is just dont make this things very often ... and it looks very simple but is just when i do things by myself i like to express my twisted simple style SHADOW & STITCH sends: Open (Alt+P) SHADOW & STITCH says: ohh and remember it was somehow a composition... everything you'll see has a meaning You have successfully received C:UsersBunnehDocumentsMy Received Filesscan0001.jpg from SHADOW & STITCH. SHADOW & STITCH says: may look very simple but i made it with a lot of passion Go n-ithe an cat thú is go n-ithe an diabhal an cat. says: i love it i actually love it if i wasn't so sick i'd probably cry i don;t think any one has ever done somethinglike that or wanted to draw me SHADOW & STITCH says: ohh wow, i feel really proud im the one!! Go n-ithe an cat thú is go n-ithe an diabhal an cat. says: can i put it on facebook? please? SHADOW & STITCH says: so do you really like it?? Go n-ithe an cat thú is go n-ithe an diabhal an cat. says: iwant to show it off SHADOW & STITCH says: yeah sure! the scanner cut half of my signature haha but its yours now Go n-ithe an cat thú is go n-ithe an diabhal an cat. says: well ill tag you in it by your signature SHADOW & STITCH says: haha thank you! anyway, ahmm i gotta say when you see the ral one looks much better but you'll have that one when i get to see you.... live Go n-ithe an cat thú is go n-ithe an diabhal an cat. says: haha ok SHADOW & STITCH says: someday i will, believe it or not, i mean the internet is not exactly the best way to know about other people, but you've been so cool, i really like you, you are a wonderful person, so I will go to Canada someday and i'll meet you anyway... hmm...I admit, i was afraid you didnt like it hehe Go n-ithe an cat thú is go n-ithe an diabhal an cat. says: why?! tell me about the pic the "draw" SHADOW & STITCH says: i dont know, i mean it shouldn be perfect but i guess i can work harder haha... i like it anyway... it has some mistakes... you are prettier than that for sure! but i just feel it has to be finished like that ok first... i was afraid that the components around the main character (you) pudieran quitarle atencion! argh is just i cant find the words haha Go n-ithe an cat thú is go n-ithe an diabhal an cat. says: hee hee SHADOW & STITCH says: anyway ill tell you that later, first i'll describe it hmm I know you, but i dont know you that much... so i didnt exactly take elements to represent you or your.... essence is the word?? well, you can understand Go n-ithe an cat thú is go n-ithe an diabhal an cat. says: i understand. your doing good SHADOW & STITCH says: so instead of that, i took many elements that i really like because i feel very... identificado... how's that in english?? haha (sorry im nervous ) anyway, I took those elements and i took those elements and i gave them to you (metaphorically of course)... lets say it was like a gift from myself, a very important gift Go n-ithe an cat thú is go n-ithe an diabhal an cat. says: probably identify SHADOW & STITCH says: yeahp thats the word!! Go n-ithe an cat thú is go n-ithe an diabhal an cat. says: awwww SHADOW & STITCH says: and it is important because i feel those elements as parts of my personality, mind and soul so I'll tell you the meaning of every single one Go n-ithe an cat thú is go n-ithe an diabhal an cat. says: ok SHADOW & STITCH says: first, the wolf, it's one of my favorite animals... becasue it represents by itself a lot of things but in me, it represents a loyal animal, but I dont mean loyal like a dog to his owner but loyal to its instincts and senses i may sound like and idiot, but I feel myself like that... very instinctive Go n-ithe an cat thú is go n-ithe an diabhal an cat. says: hmm that makes sence SHADOW & STITCH says: also a wolf is very ..."solitario"... i mean most of the time a wolf goes around by itself... I dont mean im some kind of antisocial dude haha is just that sometimes i think i can do the things much better if i do it by myself, with no help ok about the skull, the "hard rock" skull Go n-ithe an cat thú is go n-ithe an diabhal an cat. says: solitary SHADOW & STITCH says: yeahp!!! eso mero haha Go n-ithe an cat thú is go n-ithe an diabhal an cat. says: lol SHADOW & STITCH says: the skull, is like the inner me.. is how i draw myself most of the times sometimes without the bandana, sometimes im not a skull but a complete normal person, but most of the time i use a skull when I make a drawing of myself.... Go n-ithe an cat thú is go n-ithe an diabhal an cat. says: :) SHADOW & STITCH says: and it represents, (not in the first view) how i am most of the time... how i grew up, lets say my style half twisted, half normal (well only if you think that having long hair and have a passion for heavy metal and hard rock is normal, like I do!!!) Go n-ithe an cat thú is go n-ithe an diabhal an cat. says: haha i like this SHADOW & STITCH says: the guitar has a simple but very deep meaning... music i love music, is my life, and i still have many frustrations around that theme... but im not talking about it right now haha Go n-ithe an cat thú is go n-ithe an diabhal an cat. says: lol SHADOW & STITCH says: but its rally what i love the most, so i made some kind of connection between music and me really* Go n-ithe an cat thú is go n-ithe an diabhal an cat. says: i like that its very artistic and deep in meaning. and i think i like it more because of that SHADOW & STITCH says: ohh thank you!!! tell me when you want me to stop haha because I talk a lot remember??? haha I can tell you a lot of things! for example as you can see, the strings are not exactly straight is string the correct word?? haha Go n-ithe an cat thú is go n-ithe an diabhal an cat. says: yes string is correct SHADOW & STITCH says: ohh ok!!!... we both know that i could have used a rule, but i just made them like that because is how i feel music, it is an expression, so i feel it different every time... with every voice, every instrument, every style, every song, every composer, every note, every sound... so the strings are like waves in the drawing... like many different sequences Go n-ithe an cat thú is go n-ithe an diabhal an cat. says: i understand SHADOW & STITCH says: Ok now it seems like everything is about me Go n-ithe an cat thú is go n-ithe an diabhal an cat. says: jaja no... well i mean i sapose those things a bit. but i agree with what you've said too i like it it has a lot of meaning SHADOW & STITCH says: yeah well also it is as i told you is more like a gift of a very intimate part of myself to you things that i dont share with everybody... but is only until i get to know you better, then i'll make another drawing about the things that you like and the things that you are! Go n-ithe an cat thú is go n-ithe an diabhal an cat. says: awww SHADOW & STITCH says: for example the eye... in this case, i took the eye from another picture of you... I admit Im in love with your eyes but you already know that haha Go n-ithe an cat thú is go n-ithe an diabhal an cat. says: haha