it's the end of the 4th week of my 9th grae year and i'm already depressed. I just figured out that i have no friends, i mean i have friends but noone that actually knows me inside and out i mean that really knows me, i have sum1 real close to that but none knows y i act the way i do. y i'm mean to a lot of people or not necissarily mean but really snappy as if i can't stand them or why i'm loud outgoing and outspoken. I don't think i've heard the word good friend come out of any of my friends mouths' for a while if not ever, I don't know why but this makes me feel unappreciated like the only reason that im really around is to protect my friends from some nigga dats messin wit dem or sumthin. I don't feel like anyone has taken da time out to listen to my real problems but no matter what i've taken da time 2 listen 2 deres even if it's da stupidest simplest shit i've ever heard. It also makes me feel mad because i have noone on earth that truly loves me, sure there's one person everynigfght that thinks of u but sumthin tells me dat 1 person may not be sum1 that i truly like or care for. and if they are they don't have the balls tro come and tell me. idk my i'e been through so much shit in my life it's hard to believe that , that i have friends at all. sumtimes da way i treat other ppl is da way other ppl treated me and i guess dats what makes me so mad. dat i can't break da cycle,. and i'm intimidating to everyone i meet. idk whats wrong with me but at this point of my life i'm ready to quit t quit tryin 2 make friends 2 m,ake dudes like me to impress which i don't really do i jut sum1 2 listen to me to understand my point of view and to help me out in my life. I want ppl 2 stop sayin dat since im da youngest in da class i deserve to get treated like a baby or sum BS like dat im more nature dan most if not all da 9th graders and it kills me when dey sat stupid shit like dat. im tired of russell actin like he's some damn superior ad keep tryin 2 test da waters wit me, im tired of cameron actrin like a damn fool all da time and actin like he still in da damn 6th grade, grow da hell up, im not sayin omg change cause we're in high skool jus change because u need 2 in 4 years we gonna be out and on are own and trust and belive u cant be actin like u belong in da damn circus. im tired of my day 2 day life. I'm tired of everybody just assumin im a certain way and not askin me shit i'm tired of da fact dat everyboi i like will probbably never like me back, im also tired dat although sum ppl r spose to be my friends dey be doggin me. i'm tired of tryin 2 leave in my own fantasy world and avoid all da shit of my regular life. i'm jus tired and depressed, i just want high school 2 b over i jus want sum caring loving real friends, i just wnt ppl to c me