So i'm ill and have been feeling really bad for ages. Then adding onto that i've got so many people having a go at me, annoying me and acting like friends when they're clearly not. First, all my friends never talk to me. We meet at the tree at break and lunchtimes and me and Holly always end up sitting there doing nothing. Sometimes we go off walking and we talk for ages. We walk round school and when we walk past the gang they give us weird looks. After about 5 or 6 times around they ask why we're ignoring them and i nearly lose it. Me and Holly just say 'we're not'. It's weird. Whenever we're replying to them we always end up doing the same or saying the same. Second, on MSN they never talk to me. I have to start conversations with them. Nicola never really talks to me anyway. Sam G noticed how much she'd been ignoring me and was apologising loads, she's a true friend. Whenever Katie's on she only talks to me to ask questions about our business. Holly comes on, and then disappears almost instantly though if she does stay on she doesn't talk for long. And i asked Amy if everyone liked me, honestly. About 3 minutes later she replied that i rocked, not really answering my question. Third, Mark keeps bugging me. He wanted me to sing one of my poems in a guitar solo for his music performance. I said maybe cos i wasn't sure. The poem's in copyright anyway. Then all he does is annoy me and lie to me, getting me to say things to other people and get them to hate me. I block him and he goes through my friends and he bugs them so much that my friends make me unblock him. I do for a minute and he annoys me. I can't take him anymore!! Fourth, Thomas. I never went to him for anything. I told him to leave me alone because he still loves me and he asked if i wanted to go out with him. I told him to leave me alone and i ended up swearing. He then decided to blame everything on me. Say that i 'used' him when convenient then pushed him away. Yeah i pushed him away but that's because he was always getting too close to me. He said that i moaned to him about my problems. I may have attention seeked but never to him. I'd post it on my online diary and he'd see it. If he can't take it then tough. Now look at his latest email: ' Actually, if you can remember, you came back to me asking if we could start over. The only reason I gave in was because I knew you needed help! I thought I could give you the help you needed. Obviously, I was wrong. You turned down my aid, and pushed me away. Just like you push away everyone who cares about you. You've changed. You used to care about people. Now you're just another heartless monster. You are no better then those fuckers at school who torment people for amusement. Only difference is... You hurt people who care about you. You hurt people more. I fell in love with you, but not as you are now. I loved you when you were caring and considerate. Not this pathetic little child I now see. You've lied to people so often, you have started believing them yourself. Like a shield, to hide who you are. I know, deep down, there is still that young girl I once knew. I was right about you, you did need help. You still do. You need help, to see through the wall of lies, and false images. To be who you were. Somewhere inside of you, there is the girl I loved, scared and alone. Trapped in the darkness. All I did was offer her a light. A helping hand, and a friendly face. You need help, now more then ever. You need help, before it's too late...' I know you're gunna see this Thomas and i know you're gunna swear at me and whatever but i don't care anymore. Fifth, off the subject of friends i've been ill since Wednesday. I missed 2 lessons of Karate. 3 vital Science lessons that i need for my test next Thursday. 2 English lessons that i need for my essay. 3 ICT lessons that i need for my ICT SPB. 1 French lesson where i'm supposed to have a test. And i'm not sure if i'll be alright for Monday. If i miss Monday i miss 2 lessons of Music where i'm supposed to do my performance. I can't miss any more school! On a brighter note. I just got asked out by a guy from my year. He kept hinting he liked me but he asked me out. Don't really know how to feel now...