i do like this song... havent really listened to ratm for a while. but i remember when i was in the lift with tom morello from RATM, i was fuckn shocked, and mum was just chatting away to him... rather funny. i got out the lift only to literally walk into chris cornell from soundgarden. yes, audioslave were doing a concert in Brisbane that night. i didnt go, but i tell you, i'll never forget my meeting with fame... anyway... what was i gonna write? i forgot. as many of my friends know, i have a really bad case of short term memory loss. most probably genetically inherited from my mothers side... bummer. well, i best be off, i'm a real bad internet junkie. is that a bad thing? You are Joey Jordison... you are known as thecrowdsurfer of the band, you are out there eventhough you do not appear to be...also one ofthe fan favorites...Goody for you What member of The Murderdolls are you? brought to you by Quizilla

i hate life, i ahte this shitty thing called existance. i hate the oxygen coming into my lungs, i hate the carbon dioxide coming out of my lungs, because that was once a part of me, and now, everyone else has to become intoxicated by my filth. i hate the blood flowing in my veins. i hate jesus, i hate god, i hate satan, i hate any form of superiority because i feel that we should all be equal. i hate mirrors, i hate reflections of any source. i am DIRTY, i want to be PRETTY. i hate computers. i hate the way people judge others before they get to now them. i hate it when people change themselves to be like other people. i hate feeling, i hate it when my heartbeat keeps me awake at night. i hate the feeling i get in my stomach after i've eaten. i hate the idea of that there is one almighty figure that controls EVERYTHING! i hate the idea of fate, i hate the idea of not being able to control your life. i hate it when i cant sleep. i hate guilt. i hate depression. i hate this shithole era of my life. i hate the thought of suicide. i hatenot having money for pot. i hate my eyes when they flicker. i hate tedious pop music. i hate it when people judge me by the way i look. i hate not being able to be the perfect daughter people want me to be. i hate being awake all the time. i hate the fact that i am different. i hate not being pretty. i hate being fat. i hate it that i am not happy anymore. i hate it that i try to be happy, but cannot manage ut. i hate having to act happy every FUCKING DAY OF MY LIFE to keep people from asking questions and making conclusions about me. i hate the feeling you get just before you need to cry - the feeling i have right now. i hate not being able to express myself in words. i hate it when i smoke too fast for the cigarette paper. i hate being dizzy when i dont want to be. i hate being stoned when i dont feel like being stoned anymore. i hate not being smart. i hate the feeling of bad circulation to my hands. i hate blood. i hate being gorssed out by my own scars that were self inflicted. i hate the feeling of being VIOLATED! i hate being inspected on EVERY FUCKN MOVE I MAKE! i hate being talked about. i hate judgemental people. i hate arrogance, i hate lies. i hate war, i hate fighting. i hate the hatred of people just coz they are different. i hate it when people hate people coz they are not like them. i hate it when people try and change the people who arent like them into something they can NEVER be. i hate being hurt. i hate having to see the word HATE carved into my skin every time i look at my arm. I HATE NOT BEING ABLE TO BE BOTHERED TYPING ANYMORE! FUCK!

Perhaps... just perhaps it isn't death itself that we fear. Perhaps it is just the journey to death that we are most afraid of...

i hate YOU! and YOU! aaaaaand.... YOU! yes you... look in the mirror arsehole! and maybe you can decide whether i hate you as well. :)

8, 7, 6, 6, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.......... i hate people who push infront of you while you are in a line for something. while i was attempting to obtain a chocolate flake sundae from wendy's this afternoon, i had 5 people push infront of me. it shits me!!! just because people have money, makes them better than you, makes them more superior? HELL NO! rich is short for richard. dick is short for richard. that means rich people are dicks. it just shits me when people become ostentatious. I HATE IT! but then again, i hate a hell of a lot of things and it wouldnt be worth it putting down EVERYTHING i hate, perhaps just a small selection every now and then may do... DIE MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG GGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE PEOPLE WHO FUCK WITH YOUR MIND! I HATE PEOPLE WHO FUCK WITH YOUR HEART! I HATE PEOPLE WHO FUCK YOU OVER ALL TOGETHER! FUCK YOU! YES YOU! I KNOW YOU READ THIS! IS THERE ANYTHING THAT I CANT FUCKN KEEP FROM YOU ANYMORE?!? WELL?! IS THERE?!?!?!? YOU WANT TO HAVE A WHOLE FUCKN INVESTIGATION ON MY LIFE, AND EVERY MOVE I MAKE IS LIKE IT'S BEING PUBLISHED IN A CORPORATE MAGAZINE!!!! I FUCKN HATE CORPORATE MAGAZINES! I HATE CORPORATE EVERYTHING! I HATE YOU! GET OVER YOURSELF YOU STUPID SLUT! WHY DONT YOU PISS OFF, GET SOMEONE WHO ACTUALLY CARES ABOUT YOU! WHY DONT YOU JUST FUCKN OD, OR CUT TO DEATH AND GET IT OVER WITH! JUST LIKE YOU TOLD ME TO DO... FUCK YOU! YOU SUCK THEY SUCK GUESS WHAT? GET FUCKED!!!! I CANT THINK OF ANY OTHER WORD TO SAY BUT FUCK!

Perhaps words ARE over-rated... pathetic they are, just like me. I don't know what to write. I have a sore eye. My right eye on the bottom eyelid is slightly inflamed to the point where that when i blink, pain radiates from the point of inflamation, down the side of my cheek and ends just at the bottom of my jawline. Try not to step on rusty nails. i cannot say that i have experienced this personally, but it looks like it would hurt if one was to do so... I had a strange dream last night. i was walking along in someone elses garden and looking at the abnormally large flowers growing out the retaining wall. i picked a few and noticed the smell, until i felt this searing pain that was located at the base of my left foot. i stopped, dropped my hand-picked post of flowers and peered down. i had three deep cuts at the base of it, each oozing out blood at the rate it came out of my wrists on that night in May. i found a tissue and mopped up the enormous pool of blood that was located on the base of my foot, only to realise as i was doing this, the same three cuts appeared on the inside of my left wrist. yet these were bleeding at a much faster rate and the blood was spilling drop by drop on my posy of flowers... i woke up and came to convince myself it was real... yet i looked fown and all i saw were the scars in the same positions as the cuts in my dream...

Pathetic I know, I’m often like this. My moods often fluctuate. From one extremity to the next. It’s ridiculous; the variety of emotions I experience every day. It changes perhaps a little too often. I feel excited one moment, the next, I’m angered and wanting to cause carnage, the next, and I’m back again in the pits of depression, feeling as if I will never escape it. Perhaps I shouldn’t be trusted. Perhaps my actions will never make an impact on the society. Perhaps I AM destined to be lonely and destitute for the rest of my pathetic existence.

hello... i'm very hungry. i want food, but there is physically no eatable foos items left in the house - which sucks a lot of cock... this is a rather pointless entry, as i cannot think of anything of importance to say, so this is more of a rambling than anything. yesterday was good, had band practise, i reckon we'll end up doing pretty well i spose. we have a few gigs planned in the near future which will be good so yeh... um, what else. yesterday was shit and good. i dont feel like getting into the shit part coz it all feels too real. i need a drink... i might toddle off now.

my stomach is churning. i hate the feeling in my stomach when i've eaten. it feels strange. my stomach doesn't seem to like me much at all at the moment. my hand are cold and numb, i like numbness. bring me the numbness i desire. because i dont want to feel like this anymore. i wish i could express myself more, but i dont know whether i can. i cant think, and i'm sick of having to hear everyday about how pathetically imperfect i am. although YOU might not be able to see it, or feel it, I DO!

Broken Glass, Shattered Frames, Don't YOU realise I just want to feel again? I'ts cold, I'm shaking - PLEASE make it stop. I don't like this anymore. God stop this shit, I don't want to feel this. This makes me feel, pills make me numb. I want to stop it all, it's YOU who has won... I broke it again, it slowly sealed back up, I split open my knuckles to stop the pain. Dig it in deep, scrape away, My only chance to be a little girl again. God make me pretty, hide away these scars. This makes me feel, pills make me numb. I want to stop it all, it's YOU who has won... An infantile effort, all in no use, I hide away, so that YOU have no proof. It's insidious, pathetic, keeping from YOU, the pain I felt, the dreams you screwed. God, it's the silent Despair, agony and pain. This makes me feel, pills make me numb. I want to stop it all, it's YOU who has won... these are my personal lyrics, and if you fucking use them for anything, i will fucking hunt you down and slit your motherfucker of a throat! FUCK YOU!!!!

distillers... i love Brody Dalle. I wish i could sing like her... So, what happened today? Same as everyday i spose. Wake up, look at the clock, turn over and think 'well, fuck me dead' and go back to sleep again. Morning sucks, every day kinda sucks but there seems as if there is nothing that we can do about that now can we? It seems as if you have hurt me. I feel hurt. I wish to be better. I wish i could live up to your standards. To feel and think like you. To be like one of you. I want to be perfect enough for you. I want to be happy again. To feel and think like i was as a little girl. The innocence that once was, is now no longer. People aren't always very nice, people die when they aren't nice, yet sometimes this is not the case, sometimes people die because OTHER people are not nice. There are thousands of examples in the world even now where people are like this. It sucks... plain and simple. Drowning in haunted sleep. Unaware that my empathy for you leaks into what you keep. Possesions ruined tonight. Stir the next passion for what you have become is only in my dreams.

Last time this went badly wrong. I would like to forget my past, concentrate on the furure. I would like to forget this all. Forget the pain, the agony, the hurt I feel for every second of every day. My last diary, too many people I knew were reading it, too many people knew me, I didnt like that. Why do I even bother? Dont ask me that question. I want to feel again. I want to feel like i once was. That little girl is inside me somewhere, somewhere... It hurts to know how people feel about you when they pretend to be someone else. It hurts a shitload. It hurts to feel as if i cannot love others, or receive love from others. I dont like it at all. Where is the innocence? Where am I? I feel, but cannot express. I see, but can't quite explain my visions. I want to have the power to overcome these things, to live, to feel, to be. To be a person again...