there is so much to say.. that damn drama has started again...Grant is talking shit about how i didnt buy her an ipod, and britty is saying that im fabricated.. what loosers waste time talking about me..im not ever worth talking about.. thats why i left the damn high school and went to college is to get away.. i have no idea what they want from me and im not about to go and ask them... fucking retarted.. I dont know if jessica considers me her friend.. i tried to be nice. i emailed her saying sorry and all that shit.. but i didnt get the response i was looking for.. and no i didnt steal her bestfriend... its laame. i think that she was like what the hell am i supposed to say back to that?? i dont know either. i tried and i dont know myself what to call her..and grant and danielle and britany and carlee and jenna and mirah and kim .. the list goes on and on... i just dont know its not that i dont care because i do, i wouldnt have tried to talk to them if i didnt care.. but thats how it goes.. i dont have time to mess with the babyshit....i will just take my pictures and clean my car.. laame!

i hate what she is doing to me. I hate who she is hanging out with. i hate why shes doing this. I hate how i am reacting. I simply hate it! The one and only bad thing...I cannot do anything about it..

I have so much to say!! college is kinda boring.. no parties or anything yet.but itll come. the classes are super easy and boring.. its so hard to sit through them!!!!! but its difficult because i need to get a 4.0 because this is the real deal here. no slacking, but then its sooooo hard not to because its easy.. but whatever i start at jcpenneys tomorrow morning. i excited about that! but it will be different because this is actucally my first job.. kinda because all summer i worked for my aunt but it wasnt like a job.but it was?? confusing?? very! so at penneys i work in womens! so i dont kno whow much per hour i work but i know i get a 20% off employee discount! i know i will work a lot because i work every night except monday and wednesday! but im going to change that so that i cannot work tuesdays adn that i can work on monday and wednesday. confusing yes! so i have to dress up tomorrow! but i need shoes!! shopping!!! i think im going to go to payless! he really pissed me off tongiht.. i dont know how much more i can take!! i really dont

I dont really have much to say besides im uber swamped with homework... not a good deal!!! so i better got to doing that.. its so weird that im considered a college student. .. i dont feel like one.. to any extent. :) i work at JCPennys now.. so i got everything going for me, but i dont want it to get screwed up!!!

once again im back! a long summer it was indeed! but an uh-maz-ing one!! i made soooo much dinero.. its crazy.. it was different being up there! it was weird! but at the same time i acomplished a lot that i wanted to.. i had some rough times.. but i made it.. i worked soooooo much you dont even know.brad pissed me off the other day but whatever. i cried when i had to leave because i was so used to it. for 3 months thats what i knew then i have to come back here. when i didnt even want to come back anyway. it just bites. tiffany is something else that whole shit with jake sucks.she is stupid, she sucks at life! you dont even know but if you were her you wouldnt hang out with someone that punches you in the face. i know i wouldnt. laame. then she calles me to inform me that she is hanging out with my friend.. who shouldnt be her friend.. but is.. i dont even fucking know.. i had too much to drink.. ugh.. she just pisses me off all of the time.. its insane. i HATE her and she CAN go die. she causes sooo many problems and it really sucks because we have to still be around it even thought she doesnt live here anymore. laame. i started college today. its uh-maz-ing. totally different that high-school. i love it but im afraid that i will be loaded with too much homework.. we shall see.! so i gave joanna 500$ for her birthday. so that she can buy her camera! mhm that was uh-maz-ing!! i have sooo much to say but so little time..

i dont even understand!! i really hope that it all works out because im not there anymore..and i talked to my mom last night about getting one and i was crying and she was crying and it was emotional i hope she makes the right choice with this.i dontn know, well i dont really know much. i started my second job last night.. wow was it crazy!! but its much dinero...and i am working all the time for my aunt and its really exciting. i went to college registration today!!!!!! wootwoot

So my FIRst check is 646$$!! wootwoot... i had a good day, i love the horses..i am happy when i think about him... :) i cannot wait to see my friends again.. i am going to make a book for them.. it will be uh-maz-ing!! they will cry! i am excited...i will cry. 646-550= not 200$$ grr. i took pictures today with a slr camera!! OMG it was uh-maz-ing! i know that is what i am going to get..now yes......i felt so alive while taking those pictures.. i love it!!

OMgosh...woot i talked to him.. ahhh.. its just so exciting. its been rough... really rough. but wonderous at the same time. i am very excited!! i guess i dont really know why but just being here is fun. I talked to jessica last night..while going home, and sliding on the road and going into the ditch...wow that was very scary...i don teven know...a water bottle fell down and got stuck behind the break, so she couldnt stop.. holy cow...so i have officialy figured out what im getting joanna for her birthday!! wootwoot...mhm its pretty sweet if you ask me adn you will ask me so im telling you that its pretty sweet ahead of time.

This it lame! It finally works again! But once again im back..but at least nobody knows about this .. or so I think. mhm. It has been a crazy last few weeks and I am here in the wonderful town of Oak Grove. Wootwoot. I am having a wonderful time,,, we went 4-wheeling yesterday and today when we went we found a new trail and it was uh-maz-ing!! Although we did get stuck once..hehe.. so lets talk about BRAD.. shall we.. mhm.. I think I will keep all of that.. not fou anyone to know..except me and brad…I took the horses out again,,,its uh-maz-ing because I call them and they come running .. its uh-maz-ing. I like brushing them down.,,, they have more brushes that I do!! lol well. Things have been crazy besides that.. I started work last Monday and I DID get that second PCA job.. I work everyday (first PCA)..and Monday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday with Lisa,,(second PCA) . So im quite busy! I love my job though,, im soo excited to go to texas!! Im going in like 3 weeks!! Wootwoot…it is going to be uh-maz-ing! And I am excited to see everyone again. And its disappointing . with Jessica I tried to talk again that may have been a mistake on my part. But at least I tried… its her choice..whatever., I don’t need to be around that anywho. And I cannot stand how she talks to me like nothing has happened. So much has happened and I don’t want to be her friend anymore.. I don’t want to. Gosh ..She must not understand what that does to a person.. I just don’t understand..its really hard for me because of some things, to let things go and friends go, fights go, just letting everything go.. but I am working on it. I m up here to work on things..to take a break from everything..relax. But I still have that problem ,, my self.. im not very happy with that situation. But no more of me complaining. I have been looking at SLR cameras. I think I have chosen a Nikon D50. I want to buy Joanna a SLR camera for her birthday.. we’ll see. I don’t even know if she likes the NIKON D50…..maybe…I will have the $$ and I don’t want to move to the next level of picture taking without her….mhm…gosh she is suck a good friend, she deserves it!.

ok so today went like this -get up, late as usual.tiff yells at me to hurry up.i get to biology and as usual i have those little mood swings..one minute i am happy and the next im not..its crazy..but we keep talking about how many days are left in the school year,which is 5. that is really exciting but i am leaving to my uncles house in 12 days. -go to spanish and cram for a wicked grammer test with preterite/imperfect.which by the way went horrible.there pretty much goes my spanish grade for this term. -health, we had to start the sex-ed unit.which is not bad except the people in there thought some "termonology" was pretty funny.which they can grow up -comm. i got to talk ______________ again.which is cool.but im still not sure... jessica and i went to the library and got a few books from agatha christie.thats cool. i cannot ge tmy car unitl thursday, whick kinda sucks but i will get over it. i am going to get a mercury couger later this year so hopefully that will happen. but who knows... more later..

how do i get rid of the pain? BAYSIDE Where will I be When there's pain as far as eyes can see I'll stand in line for days and nights, for making up lost time And this is how it feels So now I cut these loveless wrists My head sure hurts today I'll take another twenty pills and try to make my troubles go away So now I cut these loveless wrists My head sure hurts today I'll take another twenty pills and try to make my troubles go away Away I once felt strong It wouldn't last for long I wrap my hands around my neck Kill myself again Cut my arms with the biggest knife that I can stand Why waste time Lifting my head Keep it down And save face instead Why waste time Lifting my head Keep it down Save face instead I once felt strong It wouldn't last for long I wrap my hands around my neck Kill myself again Cut my arms with the biggest knife that I can stand It's more than I can stand

i had such a horrible day! ahhhhh i just cannot stand her very much longer. i hate it. and there is nothing i can do either. there is just so much pain that when you do explode it is horrible. liek today for example was one of those exploding moments. i just dont understand it Was my t-shirt, it was mine, and all i asked was for her to take it off but she couldnt even do that.it just hurts so much that she is like that adn all of the things i say to her, she says back and that its all my fault..ahhhh i just cannot wait to move! to get out of pure hell will be nice for a change..i am really excited! ill have money from the coolest job in the whole world and im going to get an slr camera, a laptop, an ipod, a new cellphone..i will be able to do all of that and i will be happy, i dont know if it is me or if it is her, or what i just dont know.! i have found an amazing artist that painted beautiful asain art, im going to put in my room, when tiffany leaves and ill get black furniture, and paint my walls a lavender color. it will be really nice.. i hope.. i got a car this weekend. that is pretty cool, it is a 94' ford taurus.. not the coolest lookign cars but it will be good until i get a different car next year. im wantign a mercury couger..but we shall see what happens. there is seven days of school left. that is REALLY exciting. we get our year books on friday, the year has gone by sooooo fast it is amazing.i will get the letter from ridgewater.. I HOPE TO GOD THAT I GET IN!!!!! i think i like a certain someone but im not sure..is that weird? i think it is but whatever...

i have some problems with people and i dont really know how to handle them...grant kinda made me mad,,he was talking about me.and i totally kinda understand where he is coming from but then again i dont...i mean half of the things he was saying about it were not even true..but it did make my day when he drove past screaming out his car window,,it was funny, but he should watchout for those mail boxes...or other passing cars..that would not be good...Jessica, i have absolutly no clue..i try to talk to her but she says nothing is wrong, but im not stupid and i know she is upset, and i dont like this bad vibe or whatever you want to call it!I dont know what else to do because there is really nothing more i can do...im just thankful for the few really good friends i have.. .joanna.jessica.casey.sophie.lauren(my cousin).dont get me wrong i do have other friends but only with these people have we had these HUGE laughting fits joanna, jessica- st.cloud, godfathers casey-cabin, camping sophie- my table, stcloud, the farm... i dotn know if they know how much they mean to me... i am going to the cities for sure now. i talked to my aunt and everything is good..im really excited!!!!it will work out soooooo good!!! it is crazy! there is only 8 days of school left!!that is extra creepy!! this year went by soooooooooo fast, literally i was just counting down until christmas break and counting down springbreak, but now it is almost the end of school!!!! Even thought im, not moving it still kinda seems like i am..i realld dont know hwy, im only going to the cities over the summer and whatevfer but i i do this pseo thing, i will not be at the highschool at all..almost..i will get a letter next week if i get in..pray for me that i get in because it means sooooo much!! it is REALLY IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!!!!!

anybody under the age of 14 should not read this, and if you do, you should not repost this. Just because you were born in '92 doesn't mean you're a 90's kid. It's not like you could remember the original Simpsons. I am sorry but three conscious years of the nineties just wont cut it. You're a 90's kid if: You've ever ended a sentence with the word "SIKE!" You can sing the rap to "The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air" You remember when Kurt Cobain, Tu Pac, River Phoenix, and Selena died. You know that "WOAH" comes from Joey from "Blossom" and that "How Rude!" comes from Stephanie from "Full House" You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons. You got super excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school. You remember reading "Goosebumps" You know the profound meaning of "Wax on, wax off" It was all about "ALLLLLLLLLL THAT!" and, REPAIRMAN-MAN-MAN-man-man-mannn You have pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf. You took plastic cartoon lunch boxes to school. you danced to "wannabe" by the Spice Girls, Females: had a new motto, Males: got a whole lot gay-er. (so tell me what you want, what you really really want.) You remember the craze then the banning of slap bracelets and slam books. You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence...Not... Where in the world is Carmen San Diego? was both a game and a TV game show. Captain Planet. You knew that Kimberly, the pink ranger, and Tommy, the red* Ranger were meant to be together. To the last sentence you said.....hey...Tommy was the green* ranger!!!! *later to be white When playing power rangers with friends you fought over who got to be who............and still all ended up being tommy. You remember when super nintendo's became popular. You remember watching home alone 1, 2 , and 3........and tried to pull the pranks on "intruders" "I've fallen and I can't get up" You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates Two words... Trapper Keeper. You ever got injured on a Slip 'n' Slide You wore socks over leggings scrunched down "Miss Mary Mack, Mack, Mack, all dressed in black, black, black, with silver buttons, buttons, buttons, all down her back, back, back" SHE ASKED HER MOTHER MOTHER MOTHER FOR FIFTY CENTS CENTS CENTS TO SEE THE ELEPHANTS PHANTS PHANTS JUMP OVER THE FENCE THE FENCE THE FENCE he jumped so high high high he touched the sky sky sky and he didnt come back back back til the forth of july ly ly he jumped so low ow ow he stubbed his toe toe toe and thats the end end end of the elephants show show show You remember boom boxes vs. cd players You remember New Kids on The Block when they were cool You knew all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved By The Bell" You played and or collected "Pogs" You had at least one Tamagotchi, GigaPet or Nano and brought it everywhere You watched the original Care Bears, My Little Pony, and Ninja Turtles NANCY DREW AND THE HARDY BOYS WERE THE BEST MYSTERY BOOKS Yikes pencils and erasers were the stuff! All your school supplies were "Lisa Frank" brand.(pencils.notebooks.binders.etc.) You remember when the new Beanie Babies were always sold out. You used to wear those stick on earings, not only on your ears, but at the corners of your eyes. You remember a time before the WB. You've gotten creeped out by "Are You Afraid of the Dark?" You know the Macarena by heart. "Talk to the hand" ... enough said You thought Brain woud finally take over the world You always said, "Then why don't you marry it!" You remember when everyone went slinky crazy. You remember when razor scooters were cool. when we were younger: Before the MySpace frenzy. Before the Internet & text messaging. Before Sidekicks & iPods. Before MIKE JONES Before PlayStation2 or X-BOX. WHEN LIGHT UP SNEAKERS WERE KOOL When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs. When gas was $0.95 a gallon & Caller ID was a new thing. When we recorded stuff on VCRs & paid $3.50 for a movie. When we called the radio station to request songs to hear off our walkmans. When 2Pac and Biggie where alive. When the Chicago Bulls were the best team ever. bill-nye the science guy. MR RODGERS!!!! gulah gulah island When Toys R Us overuled the mall. The Show with the baby dinosour hitting his dad with a pan!!! The soccer cartoon, the kids played soccer, it was all about soccer. The Anamaniacs...or somethign like that...love that show When the original power rangers came on...all the girls wanted to be the pink ranger and the guys wanted to be the white or the green rager act like you didn't watch afro-king BOB ROSS paint happy trees on T.V. DID I DO THAAAAAAAAAT??? smud and yak back. skip it and bop it. Before we realized all this would eventually disappear who would have thought you'd miss the 90's so much!!!!! Your a 90's kid when you read this and smiled and laughed at least 5 of these. if you are a 90's kid, repost *sniffle* makes me miss the good ole days!

ok so i have this option...should i stay here in willmar..over the summer, or should i go there for the summer???i dont know

i am totally confused....blank mind right now..

alright, so last night i might have made a miistake...i think not but HE THINKS SO..he drank too much and was yelling so i went adn took all of his beer and put it by the shed..to give the hint.. i mean its bringing down the whole family! its makign us fall apart..when there are thoughts of divorce, thats not good. i hate this he got really pissed, but they again he had too much to drink, he told me that he didnt think he could get a loan now for my car, that is a load of bullshit...i am seriously going to..ahh its retarted i dont fucking want to talk to him...he pisses me off.bitch my mom is going to get me a laptop...which is cool, i am going to go apply at jcpenney because i am turning 16 on friday!! and i am taking my road test on friday too at 11:00 its irritating because i want to move but now like i said we might not be able to , but i will go live with my uncle anyway!i dont want to stay here, i will not stay here!! today at church there was this older couple getting communion and they were so cute linking arms walking up there. it was nice to see that.

It's been five months since you went away You left without a word and nothing to say When I was the one who gave you my heart and soul But it wasn't good enough for you, no So I asked God God send me an angel From the heavens above send me an angel to heal my broken heart From being in love 'Cause all I do is cry God send me an angel To wipe the tears from my eyes And I know it might sound crazy But after all that I still love you You wanna come back in my life But now there is something I have to do I have to tell the one that I once adored That they can't have my love no more Cause my heart can't take no more lies And my eyes are all out of cries Oh, God God send me an angel From the heavens above send me an angel to heal my broken heart From being in love 'Cause all I do is cry God send me an angel To wipe the tears from my eyes Now you had me on my knees Begging God please to send you back to me I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep You made me feel like I could not breathe Now all I wanted to do was to feel your touch And give you all my love But you took my love for granted Want my lovin' now But you can't have it Oh, God God send me an angel From the heavens above send me an angel to heal my broken heart From being in love 'Cause all I do is cry God send me an angel To wipe the tears from my eyes Oh God, send me (God send me an angel) An angel (wipe the tears from my eyes) Oh baby send me an angel from the heavens above send me an angel (God send me an angel) From being in love (send me an angel) Oh God, send me an angel send me an angel (send me an angel) Ooohhhh..

You know with each day that passes by, I pray to god I'll never forget who you are. You mean everything to me. I love you Ooooh Ooooh Ooh I pray You were in my dream Before I even knew that there was a you and me, Now I can't wait to see your smile, When I wake up each day, It makes it worth while With the kinda love you plant inside, Specially with a heart so empty as mine. All your soft tenderness is the one thing that I don't wanna miss. I pray, When it's time for me to say goodbye I'll never forget looking in your eyes, I pray, That I feel your touch And that God doesn't forget our love, I pray, When I close my eyes, I can still see visions of you on my mind. I pray, That I see you in another life, I pray that you still by my side. Oh I pray. Everything that you give to me, Only comes in a fantasy, It seems like life goes by so fast, But in this time I wanna make it last. (I pray) I hate that we live to die, But only God knows why (I pray) We all have a purpose, And to see you again it'll be worth it. I pray, When it's time for me to say goodbye I'll never forget looking in your eyes, I pray, That I feel your touch And that God doesn't forget our love, I pray, When I close my eyes, I can still see visions of you on my mind. I pray, That I see you in another life, I pray that you still by my side. Oh I pray. [Slow rap:] I wish that I could stop time, I wish that I could rewind, To the very begining of every second of my life. To ask God on my hands and knees, To never let me forget all my special memories. See I'm only promised today, And if it's my time to go, I don't want the love of my life to ever fade away, So one last time Let me open my eyes. To see what my life used to be like. Oh God.

i do not know what to do...i think that i have completly screwed myself over...all of our hopes have pretty much been crushed about moving..meaning that we have to stay here, i told my mom today that i would rather commit suicide than stay at this school. i told her that i would do everything that i could not to stay here!! I dreamed about driving to work, being a pca for my aunt, i dreamed about making new friends and packing and all of those things. But i was upset at first.. but then i thought about it and i was liek hey! this is cool i might actually be happy!! i really did hope to leave everything behind..to start over to maybe for once BE HAPPY. but now it more than likely will not work out.which makes me break down..i wont be able to handle another year here.i picked the wrong classes, knowing that i wouldnt be here i made that mistake, and i practically have no friends. i did the wrong things and the fighting and everything got to be too much and i went througth that "i am always right" phase and that ruined everything because i didnt know how to deal with my problems.i have lost 7 friends, that i really did care about but now they are gone.. i wanted to start over!! maybe i will. dear God, I pray to you right now, in hopes of a new beginning. Please allow us to start over, please give terri the support of selling his business and retirement, please help me and my family through this hard time, please be there for us. Please let this transition work out! Please.i really do need you now.... AMEN