Listen to your heart-Roxette I know there's something in the wake of your smile. I get a notion from the look in your eyes, yea. You've built a love but that love falls apart. Your little piece of heaven turns too dark. Listen to your heart when he's calling for you. Listen to your heart there's nothing else you can do. I don't know where you're going and I don't know why, but listen to your heart before you tell him goodbye. Sometimes you wonder if this fight is worthwhile. The precious moments are all lost in the tide, yea. They're swept away and nothing is what is seems, the feeling of belonging to your dreams. And there are voices that want to be heard. So much to mention but you can't find the words. The scent of magic, the beauty that's been when love was wilder than the wind. (the bolded stuff, is the parts that I can relate to...which is, most of it.) --------------------------- Bobby and I are not together right now. We are on a break, quite an extended break. And, it really hurts. But, I understand why he did it, and I love him for it. I love him for caring so much about me, and wanting to protect me. But, I miss him like crazy. I get to see him and give him hugs during school, and when I stick around for awhile after school. But, in reality, I don't really see him much. We talked on the phone for hours, three nights in a row, last weekend. And, it was just so absolutely wonderful. I loved it. But, yesterday I got pretty upset, and said some things I didn't mean to him. But, then, due to some weird circumstances, I got to talk to him alone. He let me cry on his shoulder. And, he talked me through everything. He told me that he loves me, but he doesn't feel comfortable saying it right now. And, that he doesn't feel comfortable kissing me either. But, he said that that doesn't mean that he doesn't still love me, or that he doesn't wish he could kiss me. And, stuff like that. He said, it's because we're broken up, and it just doesn't feel right. I guess that I can kind of see where he's coming from. But, it still kind of hurts. But, anyways, we sat in my mom's car, and I cried. And we just sat and look at eachother for quite some time. I could almost hear him thinking... That's how connected we are. We can talk to eachother, without even saying a word. And, I told him I love him, even though I knew he wouldn't say it back. I didn't care. Then, I reached for his hand, taking my chances at getting rejected. But, he held my hand. That made me feel better. And, just one of his fingers could be touching me, and I'd feel safe and secure. It's just...being with him. And seeing him, and being able to smell him... He told me that I can't let go of the past that we had together, and the future will come. He told me that he still wants forever, but forever hasn't started yet. He always knows what to say, to make my heart jump. Teri and I are fighting, right now. Her and I were both being bitches this last weekend. And, we got pissed at eachother. But, she just said some super cruel things. And, I got sick of being beat on, and getting made fun of. So, whatever. And, I feel sooo akward at school. Because, the whole group, hangs closely around Jacob and Teri. And, Teri give me dirty looks if I get within 10 feet. She laughs at me as she walks by. And, at moments, I really would like to strangle her. Grr... But, anyways. I started Freshman year. It's been almost a week... woo. And, yeah. I have really easy classes though. So, atleast B honor roll, here I come! hehe I talk to mainly older people. And, i'm completely fine with that. Because then, I'm pretty well protected. I'm not a 'stupid fucking freshman'. heh And, I have Bobby and Robbie looking out for me. And, I know that Jacob and Brad would still back me up if I got into trouble. I was sick today. Eck. I feel like shit. I'm not really sure what I have though. Stayed home from school today. Slept and played with Riley. Oh yeah, I got a hampster. I named him(or her it's too early to be able to really tell) Riley Fae. hehe Cute name, eh? But, I know that naming a hampster Riley, really isn't the greatest memorial. But, I'm planning to, at some point, do more for my baby. But, my hampster was born around the time that I lost Riley, so I thought it pretty fitting. But, I'm weird. So, that could explain it too. heh I'll love Bobby forever. I'll wait for him forever and a day if I must. I just hope that he'll be okay, and he'll get everything worked out, and be okay again. Then, we can be a happy couple again. :) Love always, Amelia