I want to believe you but I dont. I still think everything you say to me are lies... Today i got so many signs that made me think it was the right thing to do...I really truly think it is what will be best for me...Sure you can think im selfish but I can't stand the way things are right now...when or if it happens I hope you understand...i may set a date...so if things dont change soon im sry in advance....

Why is it that no matter what I do, I am always mistaken, or wrong, or whatever you choose to call it? Why can't I like certain music or people wihtout getting put down for it? Why do I have to put forth all efforts to keep things going? A conversation, smile, ANYTHING would be nice...just to reassure me that someone out there DOES care...but I don't get that often-the only way i do is if I say or do something first. I guess I truly am a burden on everyone and their lives- no one has insisted that I am not... So with all that said I have finally come to the conclusion that I am and will be FOREVER BY MYSELF!!!!

EVERYTHING IS ALWAYS MY FAULT....I AM ALWAYS WRONG...I AM THE FAT ONE...I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT...I AM STUPID....WHY DO I EVEN TALK....WHY DO I TRY TO HAVE FRIENDS....................................................................I AM CLOSE TO LOSING THE BATTLE!

I was suppost to be there. I was played like a fool and I dont deserve to feel like a big piece of shit like i do... I couldnt even enjoy them because i was about to break down. It sounds soo fucking stupid and I know I shouldnt get worked over something soo stupid..But to me this meant so much more!!! So screw you for making me feel like this and making me feel like i had to say shit to you to make YOU feel better... I tried a few things tonight and would have gone farther but was interrupted...Why wont it just happen?? I just want everything to end but nothing is easy anymore so i cant even get out!!!!

Fuck it...why do i continue to try?....I should have learned by now that NOTHING can ever get better. But tonight has just proved it. I hate every aspect of my life right now and the ppl you think are there to help you really end up hurting you the fucking most. So screw it all!!

So i went to the dumbest concert tonight! It started with a drunk guy coming on to me,kt,somer,n sunshine. Then I spilled my coke all over my white pants. Then all the ppl singing were gay and not my type at all. To top it off it reaked of pot the entire time and smoke and then ppl were staggering around and falling. IT WAS AWFUL!!!!!.... I also am currently an emotional wreck. Everything i do is wrong and nothing can ever be fixed so why do i try. I should just realize that everything is always my fault and just deal with it. IF only it were that easy...So now I have one wish...Will it come true?

Why am I stuck with all the bastards in the world?...PPL u think are friends really arent they are just temporary until something better comes along...and family...well what the hell is that?..Im sooo pissed......

Thanks to all who left comments, I tried to take all of them into consideration... I also decided I should try to write at least one entry that was slightly positive so here goes... Today was a pretty good day. I woke up slightly earlier than I wanted but that was ok. Then I cleaned up the house a little cuz it was an absolute disaster and I couldn't stand to look at it anymore. After that I went to the pool with Chelsea and Caitlin. That could have been fun but then it rained and it was cold and so we had to leave early. Then we decided to come to my house and watch movies and eat pizza... Now we are all tired and have to wake up early tomorrow so thats all...

NO ONE understands and I cant stand that...they all basically tell me im stupid and full of shit...I honestly just want to quit and give up....on EVERYTHING!!!!!

So tonight I am suppost to be going to see a movie with Rachael, Devan, and Megan...well now Rachael doesn't want to go because it is at the Erlanger Cinemas instead of Florence and so therefore me and Devan are out of a ride home. So now we are hoping Megan can take us home. However in the mean time I thought maybe my sister could pick me up since she is usually out late anyways. Well I had forgotten she was a bitch and can't do anything for me. To top it off my mom agrees that she shouldnt have to pick me up yet my mom wont do it either because she will be too damn drunk. I love that I try to do everything my family asks me to do and they can never give me anything in return even when its as little as a ride to a theatre. What a family...so now im incredibly pissed and NEED to get away from my home so I think im going to go on a walk...

I am sooo incredibly pissed about soo much right now...I hate Devan for always fucking lying to me and then playing his stupid little games! I hate my sister right now for what she just did to me! I hate that ALL of my friends are getting guys and then always talking about it...I dont mean to sound jealous because im not...but Im sick of hearing about all the guys hitting on them or whatever. I hate that Josh lied to me or KT one....!! I hate that i have sooo many damned problems in my life that I am worrying constantly and worrying other ppl and crying all the time! I just want everything to be like it was a long time ago!!!