Dear infatuation, you do not see me, Die here beside you in see-through obscurity.

I'm starting to fashion an idea in my head Where I would impress you with every single word I said It would come out insightful, or brave, or smooth, or charming And you'd want to call me

is there something wrong with me?

Here I rest where disappointment and regret collide Lying awake at night (up all night)

My heart hurts.

I had one of those moments tonight. Those moments you only see in indie flicks where there will be an active scene when all of a sudden it flashes to an aerial shot of some kid lying still on the floor or in bed and the only noise comes from the ceiling fan and the kids lungs. You know, those movies where the setting is usually in a trailer park or Oklahoma or some other desolate area that no one really prefers to be, with a storyline about how they have all of this potential to change their shitty life into something worthwhile. It felt something like that.

all these things, should make me happy, should make me happy to be home again. all these things, should make me happy, should make me happy to be alone again. but love is not these belongings that surround you though theres meaning in the memories they hold a breaking heart in an empty apartment was the loudest sound I never heard but i'll be fine if i don't look around me that much for whats gone if only i could wait here just a little while and let time pass in my room

oh what a night.

fuck you. your all the same. thanks.

sigh, smile.

i always do this. it seems that im a professional.

"in dreams, emotions are overwhelming" -- the science of sleep

im so frazzled right now, i cant handle this feeling right now. im so stressed im getting headaches from it. im tired of being a wallflower. im so sick and tired of feeling that way.

in exactly 4 days, i will be a full fledged College Student. i will be living in Orlando! okay. in 5 seconds, im going to panic. five four three two one -- breakdown.

i never realized how affected i would be from this. today was Scott's funeral. it was so unbelievably sad. i dont think ive cried that much in a very long time. i cried more on the drive home though, and i cried even harder once i got home. the eulogy's were all amazing. but Erika, Alana, and his sister Whitney's were by far the best, and funniest. i miss him. i dont know why im so affected by this. we havent talked in so long. but he was going places. he had an amazing future ahead of him. and it has been taken away so quickly. i saw them carry the casket out of the church. that is when it hit me that this is all so very real. i hate that this is real. i just cannot fathom that i will never see him again.

So before you point your finger Get your hands off of my trigger, oh yeah You need to know this situations getting old And now the more you talk, the less I can take i feel like that sometimes.

sigh.

(when theres nothing left to burn you have to set yourself on fire.) God that was strange to see you again Introduced by a friend of a friend Smiled and said 'yes I think we've met before' In that instant it started to pour, Captured a taxi despite all the rain We drove in silence across pont champlain And all of the time you thought I was sad I was trying to remember your name... This scar is a fleck on my porcelain skin Tried to reach deep but you couldn't get in Now you're outside me You see all the beauty Repent all your sin It's nothing but time and a face that you lose I chose to feel it and you couldn't chose I'll write you a postcard I'll send you the news From a house down the road from real love... Live through this, and you won't look back... Live through this, and you won't look back... Live through this, and you won't look back... There's one thing I want to say, so I'll be brave You were what I wanted I gave what I gave I'm not sorry I met you I'm not sorry it's over I'm not sorry there's nothing to say I'm not sorry there's nothing to say...

What a Beautiful smile Can I stay for a while?

ive been feeling very selfconcious lately. ive gained alot of weight since last year. i have to stop eating so much. i need to get out more, exercise more. i hate that i have no motivation for anything. i want to do things, but when i go to do them, im all like 'oh i can do it later' or whatever. i fucking hate it. i am going to go on a successful diet & exercise regimen from now until prom.