RAWR GOD DAMNIT!!! this made me seriously cry...it's a letter from Victor. "you ever feel like the only person you have is the only one nobody wants you to have? that's exactly how i feel right now, i'm so pissed off i'm ready to fucking explode, my mom yelled at me the whole way home, she fucking started yelling at me about you and my grades, i can't fucking take it anymore, i don't blame you for thinking my parents don't like you, i'm thinking they don't like you, i don't even think they like me anymore, my mom makes me feel like shit, i feel like the only reason i'm here is because they want me to be a part of the family that we used to be, and i'm sick of it, we will never be like we were, that got all fucked up a long time ago, and they just expect everything to be ok, if we asdl;kqwiofsf i don't even know, i can't talk to any of them for very long, it just doesn't work, i don't know if it's me but i feel that way, i feel like the only think i do is get fucked around, and i have no clue what i did to deserve it but it sucks!! i wish i could go back in time and just fucking vanish completely, so that no one could ever know who i am or was, yes, even you, i hate to say it but all i do is dissapoint you and i feel like shit, nobody understands me and how much i love you and they probably never will, i'm so sorry, i wish i could make things better but i can't do you know what that feels like? it hurts so bad, the only person that i completely let myself open up to is you, and all you do is suffer, because i give so much of myself to you only to let you be dissapointed, why did you ever come back to me? all you do is get hurt, it just makes things so hard, the only one that wants us to be together besides us, is your mom, fred doesn't NOT wants us together, he's just kind of there, my mom claims that she likes you, but the way she chewed me out today, i doubt it, my dad-who never says anything all of a sudden doesn't want you here cause he's a fucking stupid, ignorant, stubborn, one track, don't give a fuck asshole, he never even asked me how i felt about what happened or if we were back together, or if it was ok with your parents, he just said no! i don't want her in my house then he didn't even have the fucking guts to tell me why. he's so fucking UGH! i don't know, if you're gonna fucking say shit like that, you at least better have a fucking legitimate reason, and the balls to tell someone why you made your decision, do you know how much it hurt to listen to that fuck say that to my fucking face?! "no, i don't want her in my house" i wasn't even talking to him, i asked my mom and he just said no and my mom was like "well" and he said no and she got the weirdest look on her face, i've never seen her face like that before, and i looked at my dad and said why and he said, "i don't want her in my house" i felt like he just pointed a gun at me and shot me in the fucking gut! i just lost my breath and went numb with anger, i wanted to walk up and fucking knock his ass off that fucking chair for saying that, and the tone he said it in was like "i don't give a fuck what you think, it's not gonna happen" god damnit, my fucking hand is numb and i'm going crazy! i feel like i have no control over my life, and any time that i think about me i get fucked over there's nothing i can do about it! this letter probably makes you feel like shit, and i'm so sorry, i love you so much, and you make me feel so good, i just wish that everybody could see that and fucking leave us alone! everybody makes it so hard for us to be happy, i swear the way everybody acted after we broke up, i felt like secretly nobody wanted us together, everybody was like, "ooh, it's ok, you're better off, there's more girls out there, it's not the end of world" they never even thought that i still might love you. going out with daniell was the stupidest thing i ever did, did you know that two days before we got back together one of daniells friends told me that she still likes me and wanted to get back together, how fucking stupid does she think i am? i'm so fucking sick of people, the only thing i care about is you, it's all about you, from here on out, i can't take it, i feel like i'm in a war, and i'm the only one in the fucking army, and the only thing i want is to be happy with you in my arms, and if everybody can't accept that then fuck them, i don't give a shit! god damnit, i gotta calm down, i just broke my fucking pen and all i have is this fucking purple one, at least you like purple...right! i'm sorry, i just want to make you happy and i don't know if i can anymore, i just wish i could make you feel the way you make me feel, maybe i do, but i don't feel like i'm making you happy, i seriously am doubting myself, i'm sorry, i'll write you a happy letter later, but right now i'm pissed and hurt, and crying, so i love you and i'll call you later, bye =( Love your retard: Victor James ♥ ps, i love you so much!" ugh, that was the sweetest thing ever! even though it made me cry..and the fact that he was pissed and hurt when he wrote it, not to mention crying...god, i just love how much he stands up for himself, and me. he thinks he's dissapointing me, and hurting me, but he's not..he's far from doing that. i love him so much it's sickening. =P =[ sorry it was sooo long...he writes alot most of the time =) and that whole "love your retard..." thing, that's an inside joke, he's not really a retard... =P