HOLY SHIT haha i guess this is the first real entry in awhile folks I've started to notice that i do infact drink quite abit. Yes it took awhile but i've noticed As sad as it is to say, thats all i really had in the past. I had no one really there for me besides my friends. My friends are the best i could ever ask for. But we drank ALOT, seriously we probably created new jobs for the economy lol. We went out all the time, tore down ever bar we went to, had laughs, danced, met new people, reconnected with old friends, good times. But the days after always felt the same, wasted.... i'd rather not look at myself being wasted the night before, i look at the days after as the wasted... Like today, I wanted to skate and finally get out to a few good spots and parks something i haven't really done because of school and such. But I feel shitty and hungover and don't feel like moving. I hate that feeling I always have. Yet i've continued to drink and drink and drink Cassandra, she's noticed i drink alot too, and that bugs me, im not mad at her, but it sucks being looked at for drinking alot, i know she doesn't consider me an alcoholic, but it still sucks being looked at like that. Its not her fault tho, i really do drink alot, and i say over and over "oh thats it im done" but i ALWAYS end up going out again... i really gotta slloooowwwww down tho, and i think today made me realise it finally, drinking takes away what i wanna do and disincludes some of the most important ppl in my life.. So hopefully i will stop drinking as much, im really hoping i do, i'll say so much money and do more thigns i wanna do if you ever read this cassie, im NOT mad at you. You may not realise this but you've prolly changed my life. I really doubt i'd ever go anywhere with the destructive rate i was going before i met you. So i enternally thank you for that. i can atleast look at last night as a fun night, it really was, had a great time with my friends, thanks guys im glad we did that there will be more times, birthdays and special events, plus the two huge trips i have upcoming whistler and montreal but i think its time to close the random outings chapter, im not saying they will never happen again just not as much as the past its been fun -Adam

It kills me not to know this but I've all but just forgotten what the color of her eyes were and her scars or how she got them as the telling signs of age rain down a single tear is dropping through the valleys of an aging face that this world has forgotten there is no reconciliation that will put me in my place and there is no time like the present to drink these draining seconds but seldom do these words ring true when I'm constantly failing you walls that we just can't break through until we disappear so tell me now if this ain't love then how do we get out? cause I don't know that's when she said I don't hate you boy I just want to save you while there's still something left to save that's when I told her I love you girl but I'm not the answer for the questions that you still have and the day pressed on like crushing weights for no man does it ever wait like memories of dying days that deafen us like hurricanes bathed in flames we held the brand uncurled the fingers in your hand pressed into the flesh like sand now do you understand? so tell me now if this ain't love then how do we get out? cause I don't know that's when she said I don't hate you boy I just want to save you while there's still something left to save that's when I told her I love you girl but I'm not the answer for the questions that you still have one thousand miles away there's nothing left to say but so much left that I don't know we never had a choice this world is too much noise it takes me under it takes me under once again I don't hate you I don't hate you, no so tell me now if this ain't love then how do we get out? cause I don't know that's when she said I don't hate you boy I just want to save you while there's still something left to save that's when I told her I love you girl but I'm not the answer for the questions that you still have I don't hate you I don't hate you, no Saviour-Rise Against Truly the song for all the past of mine to the entry before this, if you DO ever read this, you dont care or remember anymore, so now i can't as well i dont hate you and i dont need to save you, but im saving myself, its done and over with have a nice life with him dont haunt me anymore please and thank you. I dont hate you..... I dont hate you no... to Michelle, I Love You Girl But Im Not The Answer no matter what we wwent through, and im glad you finally found someone to treat you right so this is it sitdiary haha its all over i have no need anymore for these old feelings, maybe i'll drop ya'll a line but until then if you truly care you know how to contact me PC :) :D ;)

Heres a thought maybe the past 5 years really are all my fault maybe i am the one thats caused all the pain and suffering to myself and others good old life altering decisions, dont get me wrong theres been good far more bad heh.. in 5 years maybe we'd try again... thats not going to happen, your better off anyways, he's actually going somewhere me? i wander around, wondering if I will ever get another chance at happiness but hey karma hates me so i doubt it but its ok, i have good friends, they will take care of the next 10 years then its all me wonder whats going to happen? i think i already know i'd say the dumb shit i've done since that night back in late 2007 but i dont think you need to know hell i wonder if you will ever read this it sucks haha, your the only one i'd ever give it all for still, i dont care one chance i'd take you back we'd actually do this right but thats never going to happen i am at peace with that, always know that i just wish there was another you out there though i doubt thats possible, well its actually IMPOSSIBLE, but you prolly know what i mean aha.. if you ever do read this your going to hate me... please dont, maybe i'll finally feel better having written this this is all over the place, i used to think i was a great writer, you did as well.. oh well, everything has to end sometimes.. please dont actually read this, its fucking retarded, here i will be blunt im not over you, im never going to be by the looks of things and im doomed :) but alots happened, i've changed i can admit these things now, instead of bottling them i hope you two have a great life.. let me know how things are we can still talk this really is dumb on my part ugh fml ahha this is 2 years over due almost well actually yeah it is 2 years now.. alright im going to end this i just wanna know tho do i get another chance? not with you per say but do i? or do i stay alone? you tell me im tired of searching im gone goodnight goodluck because mines run out

its gone, im done, fuck it, im never gonna find ne one again, i dont have it in me to try anymore, theres gurls who like me and all i do is blow it off, im just gonna keep drinking partying working and such, its what im good at, no seriously fuck it im done, i dont have any intention on being with anyone and even if i do theres like some some hole in my head fuck i actually do, i feel like utter shit, theres a gurl that likes me and im fucking breaking her heart cause i cant decide if im ready or not to try again and i wanna be, i just cant get over myself. there you go, to all you who said it your right I CANT FUCKING GET OVER MYSELF FUCK ALL YOU.

Current Music: bada bing! wit a pipe!-Four Year Strong Mood: laughing lifes funny, last gurl i actually liked wanted to get with me apparently for real shes a good friend now so o well, plus shes with a good and they're prolly gonna get married its not who you think either cause i'venever been with this gurl in my life roflcopter

Current Music: See you in hell.. Aiden Feeling: the worst in awhile I set my friends on fire. I know I've lost control, I see you've lost your smile as this life takes its toll. See you in hell-aiden i haven't felt this way in a LONG time, go back to entry 346 and i feel that way... ish well aren't lifes little taunts cruel? then again i brought this on myself..

Current Music: The Shock of the Lightning-Oasis Everyone should listen to this song, glorious, amazing, breathtaking? all of those Schoolwork has been piling, UGH!, but we're all working for the weekend, which will hopefully be spent in Kingston, drunk with some good friends having some good times I got my feet on the street but i cant stop flyin', my heads in the cloud but atleast im tryin' come in come out tonight oh for all of you wondering, im no longer 17 haha thats almost 2 and a half years ago, im now 19! love is a time machine, up on the silverscreen... all in good time! shit i really dont have much to say i no longer have any real problems with anything or anyone in life? but thats a good thing, everything worked out great. so christina enjoi because i am off to reclaim my lost time, time to live without care! im going in this time machine to that silver screen dream farva

Current Music: No It Isn't=Plus 44 Current Mood: Wishing this had have happened sooner I get it now I understand anything i want is at my grasp what i've done in the past, everything, i have no regrets because i've learned i would like to apologize to all that i've hurt, well most of you, one person in particular, and no dont go thinking this is me saying "come baack to me" or something cause no, its over and its never gonna or was never ment to be.. lifes gonna get better now just gotta think like that anything i want is at my grasp im actually pretty happy right now.. for once..

this thing is pretty gay man, shit is so boring right now drinkin all the times gettin lame too idunno what else to do..

current mood: why the fuck do i bother So once again i make a dumb decision im going into reclusion for awhile i think goodbye

Current Music: SLIPKNOT Current Mood: Done Done with trying to ever find that other its not ment to happen end of story just gonna keep doin what i do, minus the trying to find her part too old to change too young to fade away no more never again thats it im ending this right now

Current Music: KSE Current Mood: who gives a shit? Not Me:) nah im not really carin anymore, i see my friends get with some gurls at parties and shit and im just like fuck it. to be fair i waspassed out at one of those parties and the gurl i wasgoing for went and did some other guy at the last one great fuckin slu's o well its gonna be a lonely summer but i just dont give a fuck i just dont have much else to do right now lame

Current Music: Velvet Revolver current mood: YO BITCHES AINT SHIT yeah thats pretty much how ifeel right now I am done with gurl drama right now like fuck imma just sit back chill, skate and chill with my REAL friends who haven't tried to start shit so fuck lets fuckin chill yo!

Current Music: SLIPKNOT IM FUCKING HAPPY LOOKING OVER OLD ENTRIES I REALIZE DAM I WAS FUCKING STUPID FOR BELIEVING HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! I WAS RIGHT I WAS ALWAYS RIGHT, I ALWAYS KEPT THAT FAILSAFE IN MY HEAD AND WILL CONTINUE TO "NOTHING IS AS IT SEEMS NOTHING WILL GO THE WAY YOU EXPECT IT, IT WILL ALWAYS GET SCREWED AROUND NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO IT WONT BE GOOD ENUFF PEOPLE=SHIT DONT FUCKING JUDGE ME" i love all my friends honestly, this is morely aboot ppl that have proven this statement to me so its time to yet again, start anew fuck how many times do have i done this? guess thats life the ability to adapt

Current Music: No It Isn't-Plus 44 Current Mood: blank/im a dumbass Please understand This isn’t just goodbye This is I can’t stand you This is where the road crashed into the ocean, It rises all around me and now we're barely breathing A thousand faces we'll choose to ignore Curse my enemies forever Let’s slit our wrists and burn down something beautiful This desperation leaves me overjoyed With fading lights that lead us past the lives that we destroy I listen to you cry I cry for less attention But both my hands are tied And I’m pushed into the deep end I listen to you talk But talk is cheap And my mouth is filled with blood From trying not to speak So search for an excuse And someone to believe you In foreign dressing rooms I’m empty with the need to Curse my enemies forever Let’s slit our wrists and burn down something beautiful This desperation leaves me overjoyed With fading lights that lead us past the lives that we destroy Please understand I lay rotting where I fall. I'm dead from bad intentions Suffocated and enbalmed, and now all our dreams are chashed in You swore you wouldn't lose, then lost your brain You make a sound that feels like pain So please understand This isn’t just goodbye This is I can’t stand you so i went out with her, it was... the most fucked up thing ever, but we always held on, 3 months of hoping/holding on now i ended it... for good this time apparently shes moving back to nova scotia cause of me, dunno if i believe that but hey if so thats life.. so Why Have I Screwed Up Everything Again? :(

Current Music: Brand New man i read some entry where i had a date like a month ago I DONT REMEMBER WHOM WITH what the fuck i gotta lay off the drugs and shit lifes weird right now but a kinda good weird the warped tour lineup sux, if i do go see every time i die next month im not going to warped i'll go to ozzfest ya, i wanna go to wakestock too i think im buying a bench press machine next pay, i gotta get back into that like now works picked up abit which is good still want a second job fuck i love brand new and alota new shit it amazes me how i was with someone for so long and how i think im over that now but cant really keep something together well i kinda decided who i wanna be with i think.. im not 100% yet but im pretty sure, i kinda fucked shit up tho with us so it'll take time hell thats all i have is time ezz im goin to play zelda

my cars dead again, fuck that shit 500 more dollas o i really like someone and it aint that chick in my last entry aha shit is so fucked right now im baked

Current Music: Heart Shaped Box Currently: not single? current thought: her so we went out, broke up and now she wants me back.. hmm.. but do i TRUST her? i mean it is HER all the stories aboot HER all the things said aboot HER she HERself even admits to them ... WHY CAN'T I HOLD TRUE TO MY WORD FOR ONE GODDAMN TIME? WHY? I SAID ONE AND DONE, NO THAT JUST DOESN'T SEEM TO STICK DOES IT *sigh* i really DO like her i wont lie and im pretty sure she really likes me why would she come back? "if you love something, set it free, if it comes back to you, its yours, if not it wasn't ment to be" k i dont LOVE her cause i'll NEVER love again BUT what do i do now?

nuff said

Current Mood: fast Current Music: Alkaline trio:) Current thought... the new year has been alright, god one of my ex's is a whore lmao she just drinks and makes out with everyone, ha i kinda wished she did with me but then again i don't.. maybe i do... unnnnnnnnnnhhhhhhhhhhh fuck i smoke dope likea mafucka now lol dont really drink much nemore ever since my "badenture" hahahhahahahaha newayz had a date last night, went really well happy aboot that:) i didn't think i'd ever touch this again because of old feelings, but i realize now what i may want or wanted prolly wont happen now if ever so fuck it, imma live life cool beans? word.