im a sensitive mother fucker and still hard as a rock. i push what really matters into a pile of "to do" things. i put the petty things first and make a big sign on my face saying "yeah this is lame but im going to whine about it for a little bit, have sympathy for me my friends" this is a desion i make that i dont completey understand.there really isnt any logic behind these choices, but i guess right now it doesnt really matter anyways.

I love John Lennon. It would be neato if he was still alive. "Love is Free Free is Love"

Im returing to you journal.My others have been unfaithful. Today is a great day, for my favorite movie comes out!Garden State.My mother is taking me to the store so I can purchase it soon. Im getting "itchy feet"I really want to get out of here.Go places and see new things.I cant wait until I graduate from high school.Im going somewhere...anywhere out of this state.This summer Mellissa and I are goign to Vermont for a month.Im so excited for that.Even though Vermont may not sound so exciting to some, Im am very grateful that Im going. Next month Im going to Florida, but Im not as excited.Mell is coming with, shes never been on a plane.We are going to take awesome pictures! Have a nice day everyone. Peace

On the ride out to the Good Table i was really thinking about this summer and how i had nothing to look forward to, besides no school.I was thinknig that I want to take a trip, I dont know where, just somewhere.I want to go Scotland, or Ireland, France or Australia.That would be so amazing. I know it wont happen, so i'll just get a job and go to the beach.Meh, sounds exciting. Peace.

I want this book really bad.Its called Zig Zags and Zen.I dont think i need to go any further on whats its about.

Like Chelsea was saying when shes alone at home she gets in that depressed stage.Thats how I feel right now.I dont know but I feel like my friends arnt really friends.Like im just here for them to hang out with sometimes.Britta and Chelsea are best friends.Alex and Mell.Jessie and that whole group.Then theres me, alone.And then when i here about them hanging out or doing something together, i get sad and jelous.Is that good?No its not, its so lame and dumb and stupid and I shouldn't have even said anything to begin with.But i had to cause thats whats on my mind.I had to get it out, and now that I see how lame it sounds it doesnt help much.So for now i will be alone and try and make use of my time.Maybe I can make somethign out of popsicle sicks?How does that sound?....or mayeb i could go listen to dashboard and drown my sorrows in their words.That would be fun.

"Such Great Heights" I am thinking it's a sign that the freckles In our eyes are mirror images and when We kiss they're perfectly aligned And I have to speculate that God himself Did make us into corresponding shapes like Puzzle pieces from the clay True, it may seem like a stretch, but Its thoughts like this that catch my troubled Head when you're away when I am missing you to death When you are out there on the road for Several weeks of shows and when you scan The radio, I hope this song will guide you home They will see us waving from such great Heights, 'come down now,' they'll say But everything looks perfect from far away, 'come down now,' but we'll stay... I tried my best to leave this all on your Machine but the persistent beat it sounded Thin upon listening That frankly will not fly. you will hear The shrillest highs and lowest lows with The windows down when this is guiding you home This is a good song.Too bad it doesnt really apply to me, but i still like it.The postal service rocks.

well i got my braces off and it feels so nice.I love it.i do look a little bit diffrent too.i am really happy they are gone for good, but tomorow im going to have to get my retainer which is invisline or some shit like that.oh well, just happy i dont have to deal with my braces.

Gah!Right now im thinking about how i lost a friend.What i did i didnt intentionaly do, and for some reason she wont accept my apology,and now I have just lost all intrest in talking to her.Im just going to wait to see if she ever talks to me.It would really make me happy to se us friends again.It really is sad to see one of your bs friends despise you.:(Losing a friend sucks.I guess now I have learned just to keep my mouth shut during certain situations, its def.not worth losing someone.

birdA just randomly said "THE FUTURE" really loud and it was so funny.I almost blew her away with my laughter.

Days swiftly come and go. I'm dreaming of her She's seeing other guys Emotions they stir The sun is gone. The nights are long And I am left while the tears fall. Did you think that I would cry, on the phone? Do you know what it feels like, being alone? I'll find someone new Swing, Swing, Swing from the tangles of My heart is crushed by a former love Can you help me find a way To carry on again. Wish cast into the sky I'm moving on Sweet beginnings do arise She knows I was wrong The notes are old, They bend, they fold and so do I to a new love. Bury me (you thought your problems were gone) Carry me (away. away, away...) birdA and I use to sing this song all the time last year.

If your child ain't all he should be now This girl will put him right. I'll show him what he could be now Just give me one night. I'm the Gypsy - the acid Queen. Pay before we start. I'm the Gypsy - The acid queen. I'll tear your soul apart. Give us a room and close the door Leave us for a while. Your boy won't be a boy no more Young, but not a child. I'm the Gypsy - the acid queen. Pay before we start. I'm the Gypsy the acid queen. I'll tear your soul apart. Gather your wits and hold on fast, Your mind must learn to roam. Just as the Gypsy Queen must do You're gonna hit the road. My work is done now look at him He's never been more alive. His head it shakes his fingers clutch. Watch his body writhe I'm the Gypsy - the acid queen. Pay before we start. I'm the Gypsy - I'm guaranteed. To break your little heart.

I had a good mothers day.I think it may have been the first time my mother and I actually got along.It really was nice to talk to her, and laugh and kid around.I do miss her, and even if I dont show it, I do. Some times i think what my life would be like if my parents never got divorced.It's nice to dream about the thoguht of having a functioning family.But its best this way i guess.

Im chillin with chelsea right now, we are going to walk around the old port today.One of my favortie places here in maine.Last night we watched Big Fish with her dad.I thought it was going to better cause Tim Burtons the man,i was kinda dissapointed.But i cant wait untill Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory comes out.I heard he was directing it, and Johnny Depp is going to be the star.Gahh.Well im out.Peace.

Im leaving school right now.Just to go for a walk.

Im at Neala's house right now.We watched The Wall. I have been being a bitch lailty.I have been so overwhlemed with everyhting going on in my life.And I dont mean to take it out so bad on my friends, but when I get irriated, I'm going to let them know.I know that I shouldn't have as much as I did.I hope that we can clear things up cause I really don't think this sittuation we are in is worth losing our friendship.I love them so much, i just take things to personaly sometimes.Like this time.I hope things do get cleared up soon.

Last night I went to my first late night Detention for 3 hours and I did all my homeworl.I do feel accomplished. And the addicted feeling is twards someone i just cant leave alone.That I still have on ym mind, but dont want to.When will it stop.I don't want this person talking to me, yet i do at the same time.I need to make and effort to stop or something.Good Bye.

This is a poem my dealy beloved birdA wrote me. Whitten is her name Giving people sars is her game She can claim her fame I had a dream she burnt her house to a tiny flame Sometimes Whitten is a dipstick But she wears pretty lipstick When Whitten says that she is fat I want to hit her with a baseball bat She use to have an old cat Whitten knows my baby Pat Stupid brothers make fun of her When she gets a car she will throw them on a curb Josh dumps stuff on Whitten When she freaked out at him I thought she was going to suffocate him with a mitten Whitten is super cool You never really see her drool Her, Chelsea, Jessie rule I hope they never drown in a pool Shake it ,Shake it, Shake it Like a polariod picture Love, birdA

I am eating food at chelsea's house with birdA.Tonight is going to be awesome on acount today is the best day of the year.Jessie and Danielle are coming over here later, then we might catch up with these guys from out school who are major preps but what to give us stuff for free. Maybe ill write later, but for now i want to relax and eat.

Friday night was the Posion the Well and Thursday concert.It sure did rock. I moshed and it was fun.Ian and Issac were throwing rocks at my window that night,so they came in.We all went to Ians house, then back to mine.Issac stayed over that night with us..and it was weird, but fun. In some ways everything is going perfict..but then i think past my socail life and it sucks.I hope my parents learn soon that i really do need them.