WHERE THE FUCK IS MY FRIENDS LIST

So today was my 1st day of beauty school. It rocked. I can give manicures and kick ass hand massages. Also I start at Subway tomorrow. Fucking joy. A job AND school. Amy's growing up so fast. Heart. I did something awhile ago and what I did I thought was a good idea at the time, now it's eating away at me. I dislike it a lot. I hate the feeling but that means I have to dissociate myself from something that I don't want to in order to feel better about myself. We all make mistakes. I have ugly red nail polish on right now...*vomit*

Well my fucking freedom just flew out the fucking window. I start school today at 8:30AM. Beauty school. I hope they give me all the supplies today because I want to do up my hair a little. Also I got the job at Subway and I start Wed. Yesterday morning I woke up and went to IHOP with Josh. He's playing for Exempt now, so he's all excited and what not. He tried to get me drunk on Afterschock. I love it's cinnamon goodness. Then Kris came over my house and we went out to the mall and checked out Antony's restaurant, but I'm not going to even be able to go because I'll be working Wed. Then we take my sister to 8th grade orientation where I ran around making fun of skater kids. A little chubby boy kept stalking me waving his tongue at me...I was scared. All in all it was an interesting time. I went to sleep early because I have school. So no more trips to IHOP at all hours of the night...pshhhh ya right I'll do it anyway. I like putting people under my Harry Potter love potion.

Last night I went to a show. Saw a bunch of people I wanted to see. Didn't give a damn about the music. I got in free. It's all about who you know. Then off to IHOP. Nothing better than ending your night at IHOP. Then again my night didn't end there. Oh no. Holly and I went to Jeremy's and it was interesting to say the least. He wants me, but can't have me. Just because I said so. Speak of the devil he's calling me now.

Real emotion just set it. Tear drops are falling on the keyboard. [Imnothappy]

So ya Wed. group got together at Jojo's. Apparently in like 92 a plane crashed into it. They have fucking good soup there and I want to go back and have another bowl. Then we went swimming at Alicia's and I decided to be a whore and swim in my bra and a pair of shorts. What I wasn't expecting though was David showing up. David and I were kind of messing around for awhile then I played a joke on him and he got pissed off at me. Then one day online he apologized. Well then he shows up and I'm like "oh god." Well at 1st I was trying to stay away from him. Then he grabbed me and I was like no, you're mean and swam away. Well of course my ass went back to him. We ended up flirting the remaining time in the pool. Then we went inside and played pool. He came and sat down by me on the couch thing after we we're done and scared Josh out of trying to give me a massage. So we we're sitting and cuddling for a little and he kisses me. I'm like OK...then he does it again. Then I do it. Then I started thinking, about how this was going to turn out. He's going to leave and it will probably be a good while before I see him again. Also I told myself not to take this seriously because I KNOW he would be a terrible boyfriend. Then I looked down because I was quite sad of this because I do like him. Then again I don't. Then again I do. AFTER ALL THAT SHIT, I.GOT.CHERRY.COKE Even though I don't have a bf, I had a cherry coke. Sucess.

Yesterday, show in the streets. I was tired as fuck from staying up the night before and also the drinking so about 4:30PM I get a call that Radio Silence is on in 10 min. so I fucking dash out of the house. Luckily I made it in time and rocked out to my favorite local band which I plan on seeing Friday again. I see lots of familiar faces. Meet lots of people. Eat a hamburger. There's this girl whose name on myspace is Cunt. She looks like a koala bear, and she also looks fake. Therefor I must be as mean to her as possible. So now me and Vinnie are friends again, and that rocks because he's fun to talk to. Also everyone thinks I'm dating Ryan [Emosux]...or am I...Brian, you tell me. [I finished the 6th Harry Potter book] All I want right now is a cherry coke from IHOP. Is that so much to fucking ask? JB is back with Camille now. I said a lot of hurtful things to him, all of which I meant. I hope he has fun pretending he's in love, and when he's fucking her...hope he's thinking of me. I saw Max downtown. It made me notice couples. I wanted to hold hands with someone and have them wrap their arms around me...however I could do that with half the guys that were there, I just wanted it to be real.

First off, I'm drunk as I'm writing...well sobering up if you will. Secondly, I LOVE BEER Last but not least, I had fucking fun. So now sit back and relax while I recollect what the fuck went down. Alright I start off waking up not really wanting to go to the show because I was tired...I WOKE UP TIRED. Imagine that. Anyway's I say fuck it and go. Moment I get there Manda comes running and hugging me. We want each other. We're hot. So like ya, the 1st band was Colonial Sanders Revenge. [Psychobillyownsbitch] Loved em. So I don't know things happened fast so I end up on the back of Kirkwood's car during a break tossing a few back. Perry is there and I'm making out with everyone. I was the make out whore of the night. So let's see who did I make out with...TOO MANY FUCKING PEOPLE. I made out with girls, boys, and boys who like boys but make out with me because I'm fucking hot. I was also running around asking people to give me oral and I'd give them a quarter. So I ask this dude in the band Ohio River Rats. I find him to be quite the looker. And sure enough he has no clue what I'm talking about. I get home at like fucking 5AM and check my myspace and there's a message...BWAHAHHAHAA from him whores! All I got to say is fucking making out is the shit. And I think I'm insanely in love with the same sex. I got a bi chicks number. I think it was sweet tho, I was the center of EVERYONES attention. Because I'm [AmyfuckingLee]

I went to a place me and my mom tend to go if she wants to, you know, talk to me and shit. Well everytime we had previously went my [now ex boyfriend] Max would call. Max would call all the time. I felt so wanted, so adored. I love that feeling. I'm a selfish bitch and I want everyone to worship me, and in a sense it seemed like Max did. When I look at the phone now...I'm not the same. I don't really get the feeling of fucking pure bliss going through my brain. I don't get to answer and feel all special. I'm nobody's anything. I take it back, I'm way too many peoples desire. Sure in a sense that's kind of fun, but after the day is done it's nice to curl up to a nice book, look up and smile at the ceiling, glad because you know someone is out there who you are bound to. On a bitchier note. Wait a minute...I have nothing to bitch about. Oh god I better not be going...dare I even say...*cough* emo *cough* God this was back in the day

I was sick for the past 4 days or so and I've come to notice a good outcome of it. I didn't eat hardly anything, and all I drank was water. My middle name is vanity so of course I'm loving that effect. My appetite has decreased drastically. I bought one meal at Taste of China and it's taken me 6 meal times to devour it, and I'm still not finished. I love the feeling of not eating. Not the pain that you endure but the thought of your body eating itself in order for you to become what the world see's as [whatyoushouldlooklike.] It makes me smirk. I've been putting on a show for the mirror and it has been showing me it likes what it see's. I like what I'm seeing. A change. A drastic one. I almost never want to eat again. This is the beginning of a beautiful friendship between me and my body.

Well I feel a lot better, but my throat is still a raging bitch. Then Wed. group was OK tonight. Didn't seem as fun as it has, but it was nice to be back together again. Then Jeremy, Kris, and I cut out and went to the mall where we walked around and reminisced about Washington Square Mall taking the security guard cardboard cutout display thing-a-ma-fuck and putting it in front of the fountain. I wish I would have gotten a picture of that. Then we end up in the parking lot playing Mary Had A Little Lamb on our car horns. My idea of course. It worked out rather well too. So we end up driving around with Kris and I take a spotlight and flash it at drivers...because I can. Oh and don't forget the pedestrians. I want to go to a strip club soon to get in touch with the softer side of Sears. A myspace rant: WHY THE FUCK DOES EVERYONE FEEL THE NEED TO WHORE THEY'RE FRIENDS OF SO THEY'LL WHORE THEM OFF ONLY TO RECIEVE MORE LOW CLASS SHITTY FRIENDS. Myspace, a place for fucktards. I had fun tonight, as my get well present.

Bitch, I could never love you. Myspace Message From Brandon: i hate this. you being so close, but yet so far away. i can't see you and im going insane. i haven't fallen in love, which is good cause then you'd never get rid of me, but i do really like you. you're always on my mind. it's crazy, i met you, partied with you, made out with you, bought you food, and lost you all in the same day. crazy. im trying to stay single anyways, cause i get hurt everytime i try to be in a relationship. nobody has done to me what you did. you did just enough to make me want to come back to you. later love i think i could fall in love with you though. you seem to be perfect. *Back to me* I know, I am perfect, and you're not. Please stay single and do the world a favor. Also what's with guys named "Brandon" obsessing over me. I'm also surprised that this schmuck doesn't get my obvious hints that him and I, will never happen. It's been three weeks since I've seen this kid, can't he tell that THAT'S a sign. Band camp is going on for all the Reitz kids. I miss that shit so much. It got up to 105 degrees today and I told my mother I feel sorry for them, and she said "but you wish you were out there." Damn right I do. I miss being Captain, the center of attention, the one everyone listens to. Color guard was everything to me. I still break out my saber and dance around the living room half naked to drum cadences. Now a storm rolls in. I smile. Perfection.

So JB tells me he wants to get back with Camille. You know what, I give up on him. He's fucked up anymore. He says his biggest fear is being alone. Settling on Camille won't get you anywhere kid. He even says himself the sex is lame. I know it's not all about the sex, but come on, that's all he ever talks about. Him being a night person, cars, and being a swinger. Dear you are not a swinger. He's going to call me tomorrow. I don't really feel like arguing anymore. Maybe that's because I'm running a fever. Things might change tomorrow. Myspace Message From Brandon: do you know who brian xxxxxx is? i have a party of his to go to thursday. i really miss you. we HAVE to do something soon. what do you have going on tomorrow? maybe i can at least stop by to see you. later love I'm trying to avoid this kid. It's hard seeing as he messages me at least 30 times a day. I don't love you kid...I'm also not your love. Back off a lil bit, kid.

I had a dream last night about a show. Radio Silence was playing, but I never go to see them for one reason or another. There was always something pulling me away from it. When I eventually get to it, It's over. I think that's similar to how my entire life is. There's something I want, but I have trouble getting it, and when I do I don't want it anymore. This pertains to relationships as well. Relationships...who needs them? No one. Who wants them? Everyone. I keep getting sick. It's really starting to piss me off. Also Rogers...I have to go by there tomorrow. I really want to start going there Aug. 9 but it doesn't look like I'll have enough money. Money sucks. I never have any.

Random thought: People that repost gay ass chain mails need to have a cigarette put out in their eyes. I'm glad JB is away from here. Here's a few reasons why. [1] He ruined my weekend. [2] The Sara girl calling every five min. makes me hate his ring tone. [3] He fucked Camille, and I had the pleasure to see titty sucking. Thank God I was drunk. [4] He frustrated me. [5] He walked away when I clearly stated "if you walk away, I'm not talking to you anymore." You want to get with me bitch, don't be hooking up with fat chicks. Makes you look lame. Tonight I had a good time hanging out with B-Tard. We hit up the Hacienda, and went to his house, where I made him clean his room. B-Tard also told me shit that JB said. I don't know what to think. JB is looking desperate in my eyes, and I don't have time for desperate people. I haven't had one problem with JB until now. Also his grandmothers pills went missing. Oxycotten. Which she tried to blame me for. Which also makes me wonder...did JB do it? I'm going to pry it out of him. Until then, who knows what's up with him. Also I'm wondering...WHY DIDN'T THAT BITCH SHARE? I hope my one group of friends can get their act together...or no more Wed. hang outs for me. Sluts.

Girl meets boy...girl messes with boy...boy goes back to Tennessee. Tis a sad story. But I'm the author. I've fallen for the young one who lives far away. Why do I do that. I'm just fickle like that sometimes. Liking him is futile anyway. When an older brother who has deep feelings for me as well is thrown into the picture, mass chaos is insured. *CHAOS* Mr. JB decides to date some "chick" named Sara. That's all I knew. Oh but it was so much more than that. I come to find out this girl is a fucking moron. So I proceed to spend the night at JB's and when I wake up...next to Lance...I call him. Says were going to go meet that Sara chick, but I'm cool with it because she has Internet. So she tells us to meet her at the McDonald's on Burkhart. We're there like 45 min. and we call her and she said she "fell asleep." Wtf, she said she was on her way. So we proceed to go to her house but she's being a dyke and we end up at Burger King on Morgan for 2 hours. In this time I screamed, cried, and had an aneurysm. So I ask him to take me home and never talk to me again. So he says "fuck her let's go to your house." We get there and she calls and he leaves. FUCKING RETARD. I hope he gets herpes in his ass. He's on my shit list at the moment. So is Sara I HATE STUPID PEOPLE >.<

Alright last night I went swimming with, + Brian + Angela + Jeremy I have nothing for Brian. *Sexually* So I thought. You know what happens? I start thinking with my vagina. I liked him touching me, and kissing me...well at least the cunt did, I was mortified. Once I snapped out of my quick trance that didn't last THAT long I retreated to the other side of the pool where I poked my eyes out with a snorkel. We all make mistakes. I'm really good at making them. Tonight : Buffalo Wild Wings...probably with a few more cats. "Let us not give into temptation"

This world is full of fucking morons. ----Die---- Hows that for a 1st entry