Hello all! So this is my first diary entry ( I hope someone reads it! haha) The main reason I have decided to make this diary is because im having a major head fuck at the moment and was hoping that someone might be able to help me. I think I might be gay. Its nothing new. Its been with me for a long time now. The first time I ever slept with somebody I was 14 years old and I had my first partner. A girl called Natalie. She was beautiful and the first time we slept together it was on my living room floor and it was mind blowing! I will never forget it. Me and natalie stayed together for 6 months until she started taking alot of drugs and we had to end the relationship. The next time I was with somebody it was a lovely girl named millie. I was 16 at this point. and it never crossed my mind that I might be a lesbian i just kind of went with it. I didnt exactly hide my feelings but I never thought about them.It was just normal for me. After a very adventurous year with millie we went our seperate ways and I was alone once more to ponder my feelings about girls. I began pushing these feelings aside and had sex for the first time with a guy. I must say I quite enjoyed it, but it could never compare to previous liasons!! Ever since then I have only been with guys and pretended to enjoy it. I got into a relationship with my partner now Jay. We have been together for 3 years and although I love him, im not IN love with him and I still have very strong feelings for girls. I cheated on Jay about 3 months ago with a girl that I was working with at the time called sian. We had fantastic sex in a rented hotel room and I totaly regret this. Jay has been such a wonderful partner to me and he would do anything for me. I want to be with a woman but I cant break his heart. I know how much he cares for and loves me. I feel that I just want to forget these feelings that I have for women but I dream about it, I think about it all the time. Its who I am deep inside and I know this. Its killing me to keep this a secret.