this will be a short one, as my hands hurt a lot today. the scars from the surgeries are healing well, but the insides still flare up. it'll take time for that to diminish, but at least my hands aren't nearly as bad as before. im back to work again, and the only person who realises COVID hasn't gone away. there was an outbreak when i was out for my surgeries, so i fortunately missed that - but nothing has changed. im a high-risk person, so i do what i can to stay safe, but it's frustrating being alone in it. John's son just signed up for his 'graduation time-slot'. it's his final year of school, at the end of which he plans to move out. five more months until freedom!!!! i am giddy with excitement; being able to remove the cabinet locks, not having to be on guard whenever he's here, and to not have to hide our devices anymore are all going to be an amazing feeling. maybe i can start planning a road trip. whee!! this coming Saturday, John's son will be by his mum, so im planning a surprise 'party of two' for John and i: a karaoke night. i plan to set up a YouTube playlist of songs we both like to sing, make some slips for us to write our 'requests' on, and dress as if we were going to a posh spot. i might even decorate a bit. John works so hard, and he always is so thoughtful and appreciative; i really want to do something special, and as we both love to sing (we met at a karaoke night), i think he'll like it. what kind of surprise would you love to have from your partner? PS June will mark the 10th anniversary of leaving my abusive ex-husband. i may throw a virtual party, lol. but what a difference a decade makes!

BIDEN WON, BIDEN WON, BIDEN WON!!!!!!!!, BIDEN WON, etc. i am so happy Trump will be leaving, i haven't the vocabulary even in multiple languages to properly express it. (maybe think of like Russki Mat*, but a glorious & relieved version instead of just 57 ways to declare you shagged my mother.) in other news, my health is getting better. ive lost over 5 kilos this month! & ive just tested negative for the bacteria that took me out for so long. i will be returning to work on Tuesday barring unforeseen circumstances. im due to schedule carpal tunnel surgery in the coming weeks, so im not certain how long my return will last, but i am going to do the best i can. we've been setting up for the hols to make things feel more cosy round here, & it has lifted my spirits a lot. our tree is up & decorated, & ive got most of the decor i plan to use set up already. until John's son moves out, there's not enough room to display everything, and i typically go with the same items every year; however, ive made the space this year to put out my Rudolph stuff ive had since 2002(!) that has otherwise been relegated to plastic bins. our floor is carpeted, so when our very large dog Max does his high-jumping 'potty dance', it might knock some things over - but it's a manageable price to pay after 18 years. bonus: i found an old record id thought had been binned ages ago. score! this is what counts for entertainment in our house these days. ^_^ ______________ *Cyrillic is still not supported? bleh!

had a right heap of tests yesterday at the doc (they got back to me after all) & am hoping i am now much closer to results. i had, among other things, an EKG done; due to COVID, the equipment was brought to my room, & it went much differently than EKGs have for me in the past. i basically ended up flashing the worker, who couldn't have been more than 25 years old, for 10 min straight. handsome kid, and possibly the son of my mum's new best friend...oi. i am not remotely prone to exhibitionism on even my best days, so that was a lot of awkwardness. he was extremely friendly; however, in an odd way, i think that might have made it worse. still off of work for now - at least through the week. Election Day is next week [cue scary music], so if my sickness doesn't improve by then, i really hope at least i'll be able to celebrate a Biden-Harris win. we all need to end this awful year on a good note, & more Trump is about as bad as it could get. i cannot even imagine the damage he is capable of doing with four more years when he has absolutely -nothing- to lose. politics are such a polarising topic these days, and i probably should avoid bringing them up altogether. it's difficult when they play such a huge role in life here, though. in the States, & possibly on a global scale, the divide only grows: the basic spectrum in the States has shifted much to the right, especially after Regan (though i suspect it began with the mass exodus of Southern Dems to the Republican Party in the '60s, when liberals/progressives were in favour of Civil Rights & desegregation and conservatives were not), so even moderate conservatives (Hillary) are misidentified as being part of 'the radical left'. someone like Bernie Sanders is widely considered a 'far left' politician - when, in actuality he is, historically speaking, a mid-level Democrat. everything is so skewed here, & facts have become a novelty (often, a derided one!), so it's not surprising the country seems divided. historically, all great powers fall eventually; it's a shame humans haven't figured out the right way to co-exist by now. ANYWAY. enough about that. it snowed here on Sunday, and though it's early, i am happy it did. everything was gone by Monday arvo, but snow is magical, and i was needing the emotional boost after everything. the holidays are coming, and im excited! we always get an early start decorating for Christmas (usually, we set up on 1 Nov or at the first November week-end), and it still passes so quickly. i definitely met my match with John; my own tradition was to set up over Black Friday week-end (i stay home because it's too people-y out there!), but he is even more keen! which is not a complaint, i must add; i actually love it. a surprise just arrived: my air swing-walk fitness equipment! due to my disability, & especially now with having been extra poorly, ive had a tough time getting active again. where i live, it gets too cold for 'sane' people to want to walk outside; and i don't like going by myself, even though i love winter walks. pavements are hell on my joints, and ive wanted a machine like this ever since i was a kid & my mum had one. she ultimately binned hers cos she never used it, & i wasn't old enough for her to have the patience of saving it for me upon moving out, so it's been up to me to get one again. now ive finally got a little money, i went for it; poor health has a high price tag, so i feel it's worth the investment. even if im skint again, haha. John's going to help me set it up when he wakes from his kip (he's not feeling well these days, either), & im excited to use it! i know it'll be extremely slow to start, but im hopeful it'll help my recovery as long as i don't overdo it. on a fun note, ive managed to acquire two items from my 'Some Day' list in the past year-and-a-half: my Smart car, & now my Gazelle. id say im doing pretty well, all things considered. ( 8 even though my health isn't good at the moment, & i am frustrated by America's political climate, i do still have a lot of great things in my life. we can pay our bills without too much trouble (it's tight some months, but we make it work); i have a wonderful partner who brings joy & laughter to my life; i have a sweet, loyal dog and a seemingly immortal cat (he's aged 14 but still acts like a kitten!); i have a home we are steadily improving; and i have great friends & support. what more could a person truly need in life? i am very lucky - and i know it. ( 8

aka 'recovery diaries, pt...2(?)' i had a couple decent days going before i tanked again. trying to schedule what will be my 3rd (!) COVID test, in addition to full blood labs & possibly more specialist consults. i haven't slept a full night, or even for more than 1-2 hours at a time, in at least a fortnight, and it seems it's all hitting me at once today. im also having more COVID symptoms, enough to be worrisome; though it seems like -everything- is a sign of Coronavirus, i have only been tested before due to possible exposure - not so much because i was convinced i had it myself. i am used to having allergies year-round, and autumn always hits me hard where migraines & bronchitis are concerned (though it's still my favourite season); & ive stayed in, kept washed, & masked up, so i felt i was a lower risk. this time, im not so sure. John's workplace continues to see a spike in daily confirmed cases. Though he's always taken as many precautions as possible & takes this seriously, he is -not- told who tests positive (legal reasons); many employees are of the Trumpian 'masks violate muh freedoms!' opinion & do fuckall to stay safe or promote cleanliness [facepalm]; & management itself is pretty rubbish at getting to sanitation in a timely manner. im living in WI, US, so you can surely imagine the clock ticking for all of us. if you live outside the US, be grateful. anyway, im awaiting a call from the doctor to schedule everything i need, and i really hope they'll get back to me *before* the end of the day (it's only gone 1030, and i left my message ~30 min ago, but This is America). thankfully, John has been amazing through all of this. he really is an absolute gem of a partner; i honestly cannot imagine there are many people like him at all in this world. he is intelligent, sweet, thoughtful, honest, kind, patient, supportive, compassionate, funny, silly, & appreciative - everything a person ideally wants in a partner. i come with lots of baggage, and he is more than happy to help me unpack. he has quite a lot of baggage himself - but he has handled everything well, & it's made us stronger both individually & as a couple. i am very fortunate to have him in my life. he makes every day worth living, and he always knows how to make me smile & laugh. ive had to go through so much in my life completely alone, with little (if any) support, & he has more than made up for what i hadn't got before. he is probably the most honest person ive ever met, too - which was at the top of my list. in fact, the 3rd or 4th day into our relationship, we actually had a conversation about deal-breakers and our expectations for & with each other (we are both 'long-term' types, no flings; hate games; prioritise the truth over everything). we knew from the start exactly where we stood with each other, and we have continued to grow together ever since. i think when you find someone who has dealt with as much shit from people as you have, it's easier to be on the same page. haha. but we both were able to learn from our experiences in positive ways, & we are both always committed to improving ourselves, so we had a solid foundation from the start. life is often a very bumpy, very fast ride - but ive learnt how to not only appreciate the good in it, but how to look for & find that good in the first place. as difficult as the past few years have been, and 2020 in particular, i can honestly say that my 7½ years with John have also been the most fun and genuinely happy. the challenges were some of the worst ive ever encountered, but being able to get through them with John at my side has truly made it all worthwhile. ive also learnt some of my most valued lessons, including how to be a better person and partner, myself; how to be my own person, & how to share that - rather than impose it - on others; and that life may not be easy, but if you can find someone who is willing to help you 'unpack' your own baggage, and you are truly willing to help them do the same with theirs, you can overcome just about anything. ^_^

ive thrice attempted to change my colour settings, but this vomitous palette is bloody stubborn. the Prefs are correct, so maybe it's on a delay. i hope so. i am atrocious at keeping in touch with people - which, in a journalling sense, includes myself. I was in a fuzzy near-sleep state when SD popped to mind (sans provocation, from what i can tell); so here i am: typing on my phone, squinting at the tiny print and inflaming my carpal tunnel, out of a sudden attack of nostalgia. i'm attempting to recover from a life-threatening bacteria contracted via an antibiotic i was recently on, so that's what's new. John has been amazing, as usual, helping me to get what i need and to provide solid support & encouragement. i finally feel like i'm improving; a month of being so sick takes its toll, but it's autumn (my favourite season) & i have been able to rest & relax, so i am actually not complaining. stay home & read, watch telly, & play phone games for a month whilst having a convenient excuse to avoid other humans? yes, please. plus, thanks to modern technology and amazon smile, i have like 99% of my Christmas shopping done already. i am chronically flaky, so to have everything sorted with not just a day or two but full months in advance is a fantastic feeling. there's no guarantee the wrapping itself won't be last-minute (let's be honest here), but progress is progress. now, i just have to work on not giving John his gifts early. we are both consistently terrible at that with each other. it's true that giving is often more fun and exciting than receiving; we can never wait to see each other's reactions to Something You Are Gonna LOOOOOVE So Muuuuuch! and always get so impatient awaiting the day. we've improved somewhat over the years — otherwise, we have nothing to open at the hol itself — but it takes effort. it certainly helps that we've had 7½ years together to practise, haha. the US Pres election is coming up soon, and i keep vacillating between cautious optimism & angry despair. we need to make critical thinking matter; America is not 'great', and i am no longer convinced it ever truly was. the country had some shining moments, e.g., the New Deal and the prosperity which accompanied it, but its population (the ruling class, especially) has always prioritised money, racist ideals, and individualism so far above intellect, compassion, equanimity, and collectivism as to see only the faintest vestiges of any. the fact that a bloody -virus- could be politicised at all, and that public health and safety could be causes people actually oppose and protest(!), completely eludes my sense of understanding or logic. wearing a mask is just above putting on pants on the scale of discomfort, and both are simple AF to do if you are an able-bodied individual. you don't wanna wear it cos it infringes upon your rights? ok, well, not letting me shit on your front lawn infringes upon my right as an earth-person. i shouldn't have to wash my hands before cooking your food after cleaning my cat's litter box with my bare hands; my skin is extremely sensitive and hot water hurts, so it infringes upon my right to personal comfort. that's how these fvckers sound. anyway. Biden isn't whom id have chosen for the nominee, had i my 'd'ruthers, but i would at this point take a poo-flinging tamarind over his bloated orange human counterpart any day (and over Kanye. bad Kanye, no vote for you) and am quite chuffed about Kamala Harris, so that's where my votes went (i voted early). ok, enough politics. i hope anyone who reads this (and even those who don't) has a great weekend & stays safe. COVID is still a threat, so mask up & flask up! with water, of course. ^_^

If you can't handle me at my trouserless-iest, you don't deserve me at my blanket-burrito-est.

I've redone my colours, because they were just too bright. But a big chunk of them aren't changing, in spite of my settings. Aarrggghhh.

I've decided to have a bit of fun with my colour scheme, as the brown - whilst one of my favourite colours and reminiscent of the best of the seasons, autumn - has been unchanged for years, and I felt like trying a brighter update. It's a bit day-glo for me, but I'm trying to expand my comfort zone slightly. Plus, sea blues and greens and beach themes feel peaceful to me. I need as much serenity as I can get. It was also very grey today, as it's been for some days, so maybe this will speed the sun's return. I've a busy week ahead, and I'm wondering how I'm going to accomplish everything I need to. In addition to tidying and sorting everything from the move, I've also got commissions for a tattoo design and a flood of mini felt foods (which I design and hand-stitch). I love working on these art projects, I just don't always know where to start. Where the tidying is concerned, I just own too many things! I've done a fair job of collecting a donation pile, but I'm finding I still have a long way to go in terms of reducing. Speaking of which, another area I need to again focus on is losing weight. Between Dec 2016 and Dec 2017 (in fact, year almost to the day), I worked incredibly hard and lost 7st 4 (just over 100 lbs). Unfortunately, the hols ended up being a bit rough emotionally, and this year has been one of the most taxing I've ever had; I got off track and started making poorer food choices and 'found' again 1 st 6 of what I'd lost. I've resolved to correct this, and I know I'll again be successful, I just need to properly apply myself. This sort of public declaration is another way of ensuring I follow suit.

I'm actually posting again, and in a timely fashion. This must be madness! I'm on my phone, which I'll likely never do again because it's cumbersome, but I was in the mood to write, and at what better place than this? It's blissfully quiet round here. Hunter is outside exploring our new city (which is more like a town, really, but it has aspirations, and who am I to kill dreams?), Linus is sleeping next to me on the couch, John's daughter is staying with her grandmother for some months (incredibly long story, but it's for the best), and John's at work (the only negative in this scenario). I definitely value my alone time, anyway; and I've a migraine kicking in, so the solitude is especially welcome. I've been reading a book called « Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking », and I absolutely recommend it. I love to read and learn, and I've become increasingly introverted over the years. I think I've always suffered social anxiety, I just took great pains to conceal that - and to convince myself otherwise, as it were - but I'm much more comfortable these days occupying myself and vocalising my preference for keeping things low-key and/or one-to-one. (I have an account on Goodreads, and I'd set a reading challenge for myself this year to finish 52 books; this is my 38th, so I'm quite ahead of schedule, but reading is one of my favourite pastimes. If you'd ever care to suggest a title or author, please do!) This weekend, we plan to have a little fire in the back garden, and I'm looking forward to it. We bought some tiki torches for the deck, and John's as enthusiastic as I am to decorate with a mid-century Hawaiian/surf theme. We've got classic '40s and '50s film stars and diner décor throughout the house; but this was a seasonal residence for the prior owners (their summer home), and the location and design make it feel like we're perpetually on holiday, so why not have a little Polynesian Party atmosphere outside? Our internet is going to be set up tomoz, which is almost a week earlier than originally scheduled, but I've got to tidy our living room so the technician will be able to accomplish something. We've got about 85-90% of everything put away since moving in on the 10th, but this last bit has felt interminable. We've been working so diligently for weeks, the lazy greys have set in, haha. Time to get to work!

I was looking for an account of mine on Google when this came up in the results. Yey! In other news, my memory has not improved. This has been an exceptionally busy year, with April being the zenith thus far. I've just turned 34 (though sitD doesn't realise that yet. Shh.), and I had an introvert's dream of a birthday: quality time with John, a trip to the bookshop, a film at a quiet cinema, and an excess of cake (OK, that one is everyone's dream). We've moved house - literally: We bought a house, and it's half a block away from what I call our supa' fresh sea (Lake Michigan, which makes all other lakes seem like puddles. No salt, no sharks, win win), and we can even hear the waves over Hunter's incessant teen-aged hostility!* ;) Our internet isn't connected yet (they couldn't get us in for a month!), so I'm using the WiFi at Big Apple Bagels right now, & I pop to our new library when I can (though, admittedly, I get so distracted by the books I forget to go online). I've distanced myself heavily from Facebook, as I don't have the time lately, nor the patience for the influx of superficiality or reminders that Trump is president (in my head, it's peripheral at best; I try to pretend that didn't really happen when I'm feeling especially stressed). I'll try to spend my time here a bit more (where have we read that before?), as it's a much more calming influence & I'm at the point in life where I need to embrace my introversion instead of trying to conceal it. I hope all of you are well out there! ________ *Hunter is John's 14-year-old, who lives with us.

friday, 9 october 2015 | 0845 cdt ___________________________ Wow, I'd forgot my password for some years only to remember today that it was literally the simplest thing ever and that I'm a total dunce in that regard. I mean, seriously, for me: simplest. ever. This place is not quite a dead zone, but very close to it. I remember the beta days when Scott was still developing it; he was incredibly innovative in a lot of ways, though hindsight is what typically leads to proper appreciation. It's amazing how time re-prioritises and manipulates life. I wonder if anyone will see this. I wonder if my crap memory will keep sD in its forefront for a bit so this doesn't sit here capping off years' worth of writing like a lonely ship in the fog. I wonder if I'm gunna hate what I wrote here five years hence. I wonder how much wood a woodchu...never mind. Uhhhn. It's kiiiinda early for me, which means I'm in my pensive state. Soz about that. Like probably everyone else here, I've defected to Facebook. It took me quite a while to get into that thing, but now, I'm actually forcing myself a break for awhile cos I can't handle the constant barrage of what I perceive to be stupidity and insensitivity. Who knew that nearly everyone in my town was a xenophobic, emotionally- and intellectually-stagnant arsehole? (Ok, that was a trick question: I did! But it's much, much worse than I'd thought, so. You know.) I guess it's that time where I actually update this thing! So. In 2011, I left Mike, who was horribly abusive (like, I have anxiety disorder and full PTSD now). It was one of the best decisions I've made, and I'm undoubtedly still alive because of it. I was smart enough to not procreate with him (so there were no custody bollocks); though he took it upon himself to do within a few months of my leaving with a girlfriend I'm pretty sure he had before I'd left, so everyone say a prayer for that poor child. I've gone through a lot of changes, but they're primarily good ones. ( 8 I'm now engaged to an amazing bloke, and it's autumn, and I'm happy. That's extremely succinct, but it's really what counts for me. I still have struggles, but I'm handling things much better than I used to, and life is no longer a chore; I actually enjoy it. We've just moved, also, and I love our new flat. It's fantastic. I'm also extremely happy that it's the last quarter of the year. For me, October-December are absolutely the best months of the entire twelve, and I get pretty giddy over this. I'm not a fan of gore or that end of Halloween, but I do love the holiday for all of its jack-o'-lantern and batty charms. Thanksgiving comes after that in the States, which to me is really just a food-laden precursor to that ultimate bastion of cheer, green-and-red decor, and fairy lights: Christmas! My goal this year is to not give any gifts in my little fam until the holiday itself; I get so excited that I end up turning it into almost a Hanukkah-style holiday by just giving one here and then one there...repeatedly, and to the same person. I'll focus on the decorations and hope for the best. I think this is where I'll end for now. I'm about to pass out, since I didn't get nearly enough sleep last night, so goodnight...morning...whatever.

life has certainly been busy these past months. i can't believe how quickly time passes, and yet it does so far more quickly every year. i have to keep a log of all of my health 'issues' for the next few months & then take it to both a women's health specialist (to make sure i've no tumours in my uterus) and a neurologist (to make sure i've no tumours in my brain, either). i'm not fond of either idea, cos i don't want to get tests done and hear bad news. which is, really, a terribly obvious & typical sentiment, but i feel like saying it anyway. other than that, i love our house; i love autumn; i love my friends; i don't really love my job, but it's better than nothing (which is common round here, unfortunately); i am excited for the hols. i wish i could put something more interesting (or at least elaborate) here, but it's time for bed and i'm quite tired. figures that i'm concise when i shouldn't be & long-winded when i need to be concise, yeh? ah, well. hope you're all swell! (=

donna reed is soso pretty. mike and i got together with some friends of ours tonight (all married couples; we're in the club now) and had a sort of pizza party. we'd planned it some weeks ago (we're the only couple of the three without progeny of the human sort, though does linus count?, so it took some schedule manoeuvring to set up) and gave it a go. we all made a different sort: friends M & N made the starter, a cold veg pizza, and dessert, a fruit pizza; friends H & J brought one of the main, a vegetarian pizza from papa murphy's (a takeaway-and-bake, as H is prego & had overslept on her after-work kip, thus having inadequate time to cook), which was still pretty sweet. mike & i made the other two main, as we couldn't decide: one was half-bacon/half-grilled-chicken with basil, light marinara sauce, and a mozzarella-stuffed, garlic-&-butter pizza crust; the other was grilled chicken with bacon, spinach, mozzarella & provolone cheeses, and a white, parmesan-alfredo sauce. they turned out reeeeeeeeeeally well & thank god there were other people to help us eat it, cos my eyes were bigger than my belly as it was without also having to share. as happens with every new attempt that i end up thoroughly enjoying, it made me wish i could open up a shop, pizza this time, & experiment all day. i love to cook. donna-reed part deux: tomoz is easter & i was asked by mike's aunt to handle the pudding this year, as she apparently loves the desserts i make (which is not a compliment so much as it's because i've a terrrrrrible sweet tooth & prefer to make desserts above other things, hence i've had lots of practise). after considering my options, i decided to go with an oreo cheesecake. a few points of disinterest: a) took it out of the oven a bit ago and it looks & smells deliiiicious; b) i didn't mistake coconut extract for vanilla this time (as such, there was no need to attempt to quickly blot it with paper towel & fail because it's all liquid anyway & then sadly over-compensate with the actual vanilla extract), so no-one will wonder what 'that extra ingredient-i-can't-quite-place' is; c) i used whipped cream cheese instead of brick because i figured it'd not require softening (i'm lazy), so i'm curious about how the texture will be; the batter was COPIOUS because there was already so much air in there, so this is gunna be a thick bastard of a cake...unless it turns out light & fluffy because of all that air in there, which would be rather swell after all. as happens with cooking, it makes me wish i could open up a shop: one that sells pizza and cheesecake, & so i could experiment all day. it'll be called 'the last supper', cos it may well be after all that heavy food. on a completely separate note, i'm going to have the cat's rear (attack) claws taken out. i can't stand it anymore; in three days, he's scratched me as many times (interestingly enough, three lacerations per swipe...three is the magic number) and has drawn fair amounts of blood every time. third one's the charm and when that tax return comes, hallelujah. i am not a fan of de-clawing cats; i know it's cruel, painful, & deprives the animal of one of their core modes of defence. i really didn't think i'd actually do it, but i just can't take another sodding scratch-fest. we only had his fronts out & i'd figured that would've been fair, but time and time again he resorts to the remaining claws. keeping them trimmed & filed doesn't help at all. i've not had this problem with other cats; linus just is a brat that way. i'm not going to open up any shops on this one. so, erm, wow. it's april already. in two weeks' time, i'll be 27; when did the other 26 years happen? i honestly think that children have it best, cos as soon as a person comprehends the concept of time, the clock starts ticking faster every year: (time for reflections!) when you're a kid, a five-mile drive could take five minutes or five hours; who the hell knows? 'i'm a kid, i don't know how that shiz works. i'm in a car and can barely see out the window; we're either going three miles per hour or eighty, how am i supposed to know? i'm too busy thinking about the mighty morphin' power rangers & how i'm gunna cause a scene in the store's check-out queue until you buy me a milky way dark candy bar cos i'm starved & haven't eaten in five hours due to this damn infinite car ride! guraaaaaaghhhhhhhh!!!!' when you're a kid, your worst nightmares are of someone stealing all your toys, or of retrospectively-cute vinyl aliens hiding in the basement, or of a packet of your 'snorks' fruit snacks coming to life & trying to eat you. when you're a kid, you can get out of something by whinging, because people just assume you haven't had your nap yet & actually encourage you to take a few hours' kip in the arvo -every day.- unlike at crap work, where you'd be sacked for doing such a thing. speaking of sleep, it's time i got some... sunday, 04 april 2010 0013 CDT / 0613 GMT / 0713 CET

wow, i don't even know how in hell to use these text-editor things. bye-bye, arial narrow, i'll miss you. i'll just type and see what happens then. soz about the tremendous gaps.i've been meaning to write in here for ages but haven't been online much (apart from a random mobile facebook update or check of the weather). as shouldn't be even remotely surprising, time hasn't been any more forgiving now than it was last year. i think as we age, time actually is relative...by way of speeding up, that is. oh, the winning lottery numbers. if i played the lottery, i wouldn't have picked those numbers anyway. work has been . .. 'worky.' it isn't good, but it's not terrible; in this economy, i'm just glad i've got something. not everyone we know has been so lucky: e.g. mike's dad, who just got permanently 'laid off' (better than being sacked for unemployment filing, anyhow) after having worked for the same company over 17 years. there was no warning for him, either; management went up to him near the end of his shift the other day and was just like, 'okay, so uh don't come back next week mate, kthxbye.' how daft. at any rate, they have enough money saved for when they're pensioners, but it's still unfortunate as they've got to first make it to that age. that's the closest to home, but we've been hearing about a lot of stories like this lately. economic rebound, my arse. we've been busy with friends and fam lately & are looking for a house between engagements. married life is quite swell; it's, in a way, not terribly different than before, other than we get on better and haven't got to deal with dating pressures anymore. no-one's lost the plot yet, but it's still new, hahah. for valentine's day, mike surprised me by having flowers delivered to me at work; it's a varied bouquet & he was sure to order fresh bulbs, most of which were closed when the parcel arrived. he's not too keen on flowers as 'they die right away', but he knows i love them, so he figured he'd buy me some to last a bit longer. it worked quite well; they lasted for a few weeks. (=so thoughtful, him. (= <3 since tuesday and for the rest of this week, i've off of work. the firm lost a huge project, so there's not much available until next week. i'll be one of very few people there from the sound of it, but it's nice to have a few days until then to tidy up, to finish a few things i've not been able to, and - most importantly - to relax a bit. i'm keen to lay in tomoz, as i couldn't today; the maintenance guy had to take the annual look at our central air system, so i'd had to be up early for his arrival. (not proper to answer the door in just a pyjama top & black lace pants...though i suspect mike thinks otherwise, hahah.) i've had a lot of doctor exams over the past two weeks. still awaiting the results, though i was told that i'd receive a posted letter a fortnight hence if everything went well. i actually am hoping i've not jinxed myself here; it'd be nice to not get a phone call for a change. i wasn't told about when or how i'd receive the results from the blood-work i'd done on tuesday, but i think that's what i'm most fretting over. if nothing else, my blood pressure is good. (= anyhow, i guess this was really a whole lot of nothin'...but it's still an update. so much time passes that i tend to forget the details in the interim. we've a pretty busy week-end planned, and who knows when i'll have something interesting to write about again. i can't even manage that now. =P cheers & be well! ps. how do i make this font look smaller? tried editing the html but didn't work. it's too big, like a monster attack by gigantic poisonous letters. pps. entry: wed., 10 march 2010 23:(30?-)something CST.

this will be a bit short (for me), as i'm in need of a nap again. a few updates: on 14 november, mike & i got married. it was a great day! i'll try to get some photos up later today if i remember it. i'll also try to write more about it then, too. it was the best day, though. we got soooo many compliments, the food was AMAZING, and everything looked wonderful. the only thing that could have improved it would be my brother having been able to attend after all. though his internet connection was bad that day, causing him to miss most of the ceremony (via skype), i did still get to see & speak to him, which was nice. (= i was totally confident in our florist/decorator, the staff at autumn ridge, our photographer, and the girl who did my cake; i didn't even worry (which, for me, is no small feat). i didn't need to, though; they did everything perfectly! mike and i (and our families) are still complimented on how wonderfully everything turned out. (= in the negative news: i've got H1N1, aka 'influenza of the swine' and 'awful, depressing, painful flu shiz'. i've been horribly diseased all week and have been fortunate to not have had any major complications thus far (which is miraculous considering my track record with illness). however, as with all ailments i've had to put up with, it's actually been lurking for weeks...[a girl i work with had it the week of our wedding & came to work knowing this &, despite protests from some workers, was not sent home (in fact, the manager said, 'pssh, i'm sure it's no big deal' and actually laughed off their concern) despite having not fully recovered, arrrrghh]; ...however, because mike & i have been sososoooo busy for the past month & rarely home, the full impact didn't come until last sunday when i finally had been able to slow down. i've got zero energy, i've been - and presently remain - home-bound the entire week as i -still- have a fever (that's nearly seven consecutive days now), i've got terrible pains in my stomach (as, unlike the regular 'flu, H1N1 affects one's GI tract), and i'm grumpy because of the aforementioned house-arrest. we'd had plans last night with some friends from out of town which had to be canceled (am seriously gutted over this), so my small world now really is just mike, the cat, and i. if it weren't for facebook & msn messenger, i'd probably have gone comatose. i'm starting to get dizzy spells again, so it's off to bed i go. at least i have a legitimate excuse for my laziness this time. =P

i'm gunna have to see if i can remember where i left off here; it's been...as usual...quite some time since i've written. it is honestly due to being busy; since i've got a bit of time off of work, i suppose i shouldn't be lazy now. i'll try to section this off: the wedding is approaching so freaking fast, i cannot believe it: a month and some odd days. what happened to it being, like, eight months? dannnnnnng. almost everything is taken care of, save marriage licence (which is only good for thirty days as is so must be put off) and paying for a few final bits (which typically are done at the wedding, with the exception of my dress which is being altered becaaaaaaaaause.....of the next thing on my list to mention). the flowers are ordered and will look awesome; the cake design is finalised and will look awesome; my dress is being worked on and will look awesome; all of the things i've been worrying over pretty much are handled. there are a few odds-&-ends, of course, but i'm confident everything will be sorted as best as humans can sort. i'm expecting a glitch or two, so i'm faring pretty well presently. second list-thing: my weight. i've lost 40 lbs / 18+kg since july and have no intention of stopping; it's longggg overdue. it's not -for- the wedding specifically, though that's a nice byproduct; i just got sick of weighing double what i should and decided to finally kick my arse in gear. i've been counting calories (it's not that bad, honestly) and trying to walk & exercise as much as i'm able without over-doing it. drinking primarily water also, which also helps. it's been an interesting journey and not always easy, but i've been overweight my whole life and am sick of it. so the photos in my header are new (yes, i'm really that.pale.) and i'll post something for comparison: at the globe theatre, london, on my birthday - 19 april 2008: about a month later, visiting a friend in the netherlands: (^i don't have any pictures of me from the rest of the year, unfortunately) and then a few days ago on 1 oct 2009: i may be geeking out (specs instead of contacts due to eyes hurting, and my face is at an odd angle), but at least i'm getting somewhere. i've still plenty of progress to be made, but i've (for once) no doubt i'll reach my goal. i've kept this going much longer than i've done any other attempts; and this is more of a lifestyle change, which better suits than a crap 'diet.' it also feels really cool to have a figure other than 'sack' for once. ;) third thing: i've been writing poems again for the first time in years. with the exception of an extraneous three in 2006, i've not written regularly since 2004 and prior; there's a long story behind why i've started again (okay, not that long, just not in the mood to waffle on it), but it's positive and i'm really glad to have taken it up again. i hope the content has improved since i've last done, but i will say it's different at least. i'm hoping to get enough going that i can publish a book & i've got a few avenues to explore with this. we shall see what transpires. i've got plans for this eve and have spent today being lazyyyyy, so i suppose it's about time to make myself presentable. hope you're all well in internetland. ;)

does anyone else get cravings for those taco bell cheesy double-beef burritos like mike and i? i think they put crack in those or something, because i am addicteddddd. it's worse than pregnant woman + pickles if i ever get pregnant, taco bell better watch it. (i know taco bell is notorious for provoking scary food stories, but ignorance is bliss in this case.) i spent the past week-end working third shift at ye olde race-track. the event was so mild compared to every other year; we didn't need to call the ambulance service even once, and the sheriff's department actually were able to leave at midnight. amazing. i'm still so tired from the shift change, but i'm back to my normal hours so i'm hoping i'll adjust quickly. i did get a pay rise this year, so it's nothing i can't deal with. ;) it has been so busy round here. we're making progress on the wedding plans, though i'm trying to avoid mike's mum as she seems to think she's got full creative licence. she's got three other kids - one of which being a daughter - and i'm the only girl in my family, yet she acts as though it's her wedding to plan. i've been taking it with a grain of salt, but i've also not seen her much. mike & i are doing things our way (well, more mine, i suppose, as he's not particularly enthralled by wedding planning), so that's that. it doesn't feel like summer at all. the temperature has been 5-15ºC (42-59ºF) during the past few days, and it won't be warming up much during the next few. i actually prefer this quite a bit; autumn is my favourite season, summer my least-favourite. i am not fond of really hot temperatures; while it'd be nice to be a bit warmer, i'm not going to complain about what we've got. my 'regular' job has been well enough. i'm still getting hours. no pay rise as with my other job, but at least i'm still working. payin' tha biiiiillz. i've been so busy, but my mind is sort of fried. there must be something less boring for me to write about, but i can't think of it right now. saddddddd: my brother is deployed again. happyyyyy:we have skype and he got his webcam to work. reallyyyy sadddd:he will miss the wedding. if we can hook up the skype & webcam during the wedding, he can sorta be there - even if not actually be there....which is pretty fair. i love my brother; he's the only one i've got. it makes me really sad that he won't be at the wedding, but mike said we could visit him in CO after he gets back, so that would be super-swell. mike's career is going quite well, and he's been taking classes at the company's suggestion so he can move up the ladder. he's already working at a higher skill level than his title indicates, and it sounds like the company really values him. it's a good thing. (= anyhow. taco-taco-tacohhhhhh BELL. ___________ (not-a-case-of-the) monday, 8 june 2009 1930 CDT (GMT -6)

went a bit photo-crazy with linus a few eves past: (his expression has me in stitches, hahaha) ^looking after his feather toy mike caught him mid-yawn; i think he looks like he's singing for a heavy-metal band. (= ______ saturday, 09 may 2009 2218 CDT

i had my wisdom teeth removed on friday, all four at once in twenty-five minutes' time. i have been on anti-biotics since then; i also had a prescription for some pain pills (they gave me the generic version, oxycodone), and another for ibuprofen (600mg). whilst the oxy. was strong stuff and kept me pain-free, it made me feel really, really ill otherwise, and i would get nearly knocked out. i've just been taking the ibuprofen, though i'm only taking one at a time instead of three (200mg each) and increasing if it's needed. the pills are helping, and it seems like i'm healing up pretty quickly (surprisingly enough). i am so tired, though; i hope i'll have more energy tomorrow. i have to take the pills every six hours, which means i'm on an 08/14/20/02h schedule (aka 8am/2pm/8pm/2am). it hasn't been terrible just yet, as i'm able to sleep during the day, but i've got to keep this going for a full seven days, so this week might be a sleepy one for me. it's gorgeous outside and, for some reason, reminds me of how the weather was whilst in venray (the netherlands). it's been almost a year since we were there, so i'm sure nostalgia plays into it; also, i've still never seen a sky so blue in any country as it is in holland (it's not a myth!), so it follows that the colour the sky is right now isn't a match. still, i think it's something about how the shadows and sun-rays are hitting the brick in the courtyard and how the clouds are snailing along. (yes, i sometimes use 'snail' as a verb.) the air is quite still today, which is a nice change from the rest of the week. it's a quiet day overall, and it feels, atmospherically, a bit like our days in holland. i feel like i'm sitting on the bed in 'het polleke' again, looking out the window and getting ready for another day to begin. (= (on this day last year, we were in trier: it is the oldest city in germany.) as for work, i've still got a job; it's been slow, though. there are some new projects coming in, but they canceled everyone for friday (which i'd taken off for my surgery, anyhow, so no loss there really). i'm hoping one of my favourite annual projects will start this week; it always comes in may, so i know it'll be soon. looks like my battery is getting low; i'll have to pick this back up later. hope you're all well! (= _____ sunday, 03 may 2009 1517 CDT

huh. i'm now 26. (= ______ (+1 Uhr) 19 april 2009 1013 CDT