Valentine's Day I hate Valentine's day... Everyone all flitting around, curling up cozy with someone else... It reminds me just how tired I am. Tired of hurting...tired of caring... tired of all the people poking and prodding and insulting me..tired of being a marked man, tired of heading shitlists, tired of being desired dead simply for being me. I'm tired of the crushes...tired of the desire, and the lust. Tired of people trying to "make it better" and then throwing my words in my face... Tired of the claims that they understand, tired of wanting someone to understand... Tired of hearing people warned behind my back that they shouldn't listen to me, I'm only looking for a reaction. Tired of being warned not to fuck up again... he's giving it another shot, he can't survive a second time... Tired of no one thinking about my needs... Tired of never thinking of my own needs. Tired of the photos... Tired of needing them to prove my existence, to show I came from somewhere and look, here's my mom and dad and sister and they didn't really want me, but that's not the point, and doesn't my mother look happy here? They were happy before me. ...and this is my brother...and that's Dominic and here's my dog and my ex...I'm really real, I swear, don't try and tell me I'm just a fake, I did come from somewhere, but no, don't throw them away, I need them to prove I'm alive. Tired of looking at the bottle, musing over a sedative or even...maybe...no.. not heroin... I can't survive withdrawal a second time. But god DAMNIT! Just a little... to make it all sky high and wonderful. I'm tired of the world... And I'm tired... of wanting the one person who makes all of it go away.... Because I can't have him.... And that pain... is tiring.