MY BOOK IS OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUY

I mean honestly! What the FUCK???? I'm so calling No-No up and having a bit of fun out of this disaster.... I mean what the hell is wrong with males?????

Remember what it was like. Appreciate what has changed. Let your life be effected. Do not ignore the fallen. Respect those gone from us. And NEVER forget

Mwahaha! He's gone! *laughs evily* You know it's bad when only after three days I'm happy the brother is across the country... but you try sharing a hotel room with him. *growls some* Such a jackass. I will be happy if I never share a room. Well... no I guess I don't really mean that. But come on! The TV should NOT be on at 7 in the morning!!! Any who... family trips always remind me that I so don't fit into my family. And now with the... thing... happening at school I don't fit in with the friends either. Not that I ever really did, but now more so than ever. And ew. My mother read my mail the other day. Like she doesn't invade my privacy enough? *clutches cell phone* The day she starts listening to my phone messages is the day I'm walking out of this house. And not coming back. I wonder if I can lock my bedroom door from the outside... and she's so inept she wouldn't be able to figure out how to unlock it... On the side of me doing stuff wrong... or being a bad person... it became clear to me just how freaking cynical and mistrustful I am. I mean I knew I was, just not this badly. So there's this person who hasn't done ANYTHING for me to mistrust them about and yet all I do is silently question the motives of said person. It probably didn't do much to help that one of my friends slightly agreed with my logic, but said friend didn't take the leap I did. He just said the person was sweet. Which I guess might be part of the problem. I expect people to have mistrust full sides. There's flaws in EVERYONE. little ones and every person has one MAJOR flaw. And I've found this person's little ones... but they're so small they hardly matter. I keep expecting the major flaw to show it's head and it hasn't... so it puts me on edge. Makes me question what the person's hiding that their flaw hasn't put out it's ugly head, even for a second. I use to think I was getting better at the whole trusting people thing, having faith in them and all. But what I realized when my friend noticed the same things as me about this person and didn't reach a conclusion even resembling mine that I haven't. I give "trust" to people as a way for them to prove me correct... that I shouldn't trust them. The thing is I do have faith in people. I have faith that even the cruelest of people has an nice little streak in them, but life has beaten in down. But I don't have faith that at the end of the day they won't hurt everyone in their way of survival. I don't believe that if it suits there need they'll betray everything and everyone to get what they need. And I don't want to be like that... so mistrustful that I'd be willing to ruin friendships and destory dreams for the future in a simple quest to find the truth. Because that's what it comes down to. It's not that I don't trust people to keep secrets or anything tame like that. It's that I don't trust people. I think people rarely tell the straight out truth. I don't think people just say things to say them; I think they have hidden motives. The sad truth though? Most minds can't even think that far ahead to pick their words to create a certain reaction in those listening. They don't think about the thoughts that could float in other's brains. Most people just are self-centered in their thoughts. They want to say something so they say it. They want to do something so they do it. There brains just don't work well enough to have hidden motives. Anyway... before I log off an go back to my homework, I'd like to apologize for being such a crappy friend that I'd think these thoughts. Maybe the people involved don't know I'm talking about them. Or maybe they'll figure it out if they watch and listen to me too carefully. Or maybe nothing will ever come of it. But I'd like to apologize anyway. Which seems to be a theme on this blog of late. But that's part of growing, ain't it? Figuring out your own flaws and deciding to change them. And that's why no matter how old you are, you can grow. Because you can change. Loves, Laters, and all that Jazz! Happy Labor Day!

i'm gunna be a senior! i'm gunna be a senior! i'm gunna be a senior! i'm gunna be a senior! i'm gunna be a senior! i'm gunna be a senior! i'm gunna be a senior! i'm gunna be a senior! i'm gunna be a senior! i'm gunna be a senior! i'm gunna be a senior! i'm gunna be a senior! i'm gunna be a senior! i'm gunna be a senior! i'm gunna be a senior! i'm gunna be a senior! i'm gunna be a senior! i'm gunna be a senior! i'm gunna be a senior! i'm gunna be a senior! i'm gunna be a senior! i'm gunna be a senior! i'm gunna be a senior! i'm gunna be a senior! i'm gunna be a senior! i'm gunna be a senior! i'm gunna be a senior! i'm gunna be a senior! i'm gunna be a senior! i'm gunna be a senior! i'm gunna be a senior! i'm gunna be a senior! i'm gunna be a senior! i'm gunna be a senior! i'm gunna be a senior! i'm gunna be a senior! i'm gunna be a senior! i'm gunna be a senior! i'm gunna be a senior! i'm gunna be a senior! i'm gunna be a senior! i'm gunna be a senior! i'm gunna be a senior! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA Yay? *dances, laughs, and runs away* call me to see how it goes! (if you're interested that is...) i'm gunna be a senior! i'm gunna be a senior! i'm gunna be a senior! i'm gunna be a senior! i'm gunna be a senior! i'm gunna be a senior!

It's amazing... three updates in three days! I'm just soooo bored.... Anyway... my rents are leaving to take bro to college. He got an apartment this year. My question is what are they going to do when we BOTH go off to college? My money is on they go with him *nods* But, I must say... no matter what today is a good day. *laughs and dances* It's his last here untill Winter break! (well except a brief stay for my godsister's wedding. So I'm up hiding in my room while they freak out with last minute packing. I should be reading my A.P. book... but here I am not doing that... Also um... I just want to make this clear... this is my area to rant. I really don't mean offense by what I say. I say it when I'm pissed off. I appologize to people who took offense to some of the stuff I said in older entries (you know who you are). Another thing...I actually wrote something halfway decent. *sighs* My teacher totally screwed me over. But I'm starting to love it again. Which is good because when I wasn't writting there was like this huge gap in my life that NOTHING would fill. It was making me a bit.... depressed. Which I'm so not going to be anymore. Rock on, FUN! Finally... I NEED a speech topic for this year... I'm thinking Cultural Misunderstanding... but *shrugs* I'm having issues getting started on that topic. Which means I should consider a different one. Any suggestions? Please?

I'm in a 90's music mood. And... I have the Pina Colada Song stuck in my head... "If you like Pina Coladas And getting caught in the rain If you're not into yoga If you have half a brain If you'd like making love at midnight In the dunes on the Cape Then I'm the love that you've looked for Write to me and escape." TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The SurveyName:LauraBirthday:Too close to the 4th for enjoymentBirthplace:The place with all the hippiesCurrent Location:Um... where the hippies now lawyers/doctors settle?Eye Color:BlueHair Color:BrownHeight:sooo don't care...Right Handed or Left Handed:RightThe Shoes You Wore Today:Jimmy Chou (don't hate me! I'm a shoe person!)Your Weakness:Green eyesYour Fears:Ha. Like I'm stupid enough to shareGoal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:Living.Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:Omg (especially since I don't use it in real life...)Thoughts First Waking Up:Shit! I'm late!Your Best Physical Feature:Well I like my nose.... but consider how much people stare... my eyesYour Bedtime:*snorts* riiiightYour Most Missed Memory:LovePepsi or Coke:neitherMacDonalds or Burger King:um... ew? Nation's baby! Or at other house Big D'sSingle or Group Dates:depends on the guy and the group and the activityLipton Ice Tea or Nestea:ewwwwChocolate or Vanilla:*pouts* vanilla seeing as how i can't EAT chocolateCappuccino or Coffee:again, ewwwDo you Smoke:noDo you Swear:sometimesDo you Sing:YesDo you Shower Daily:Yeah... unless I'm sick (which happens a lot so I do have to mention it)Have you Been in Love:No. Not even close.Do you want to go to College:YesDo you want to get Married:NoDo you belive in yourself:For the most part. Somethings hell noDo you get Motion Sickness:NoDo you think you are Attractive:um... pass?Are you a Health Freak:Fuck noDo you get along with your Parents:FUCK noDo you like Thunderstorms:um... loud noises? no... they actually scare the shit out of me...Do you play an Instrument:noIn the past month have you Drank Alcohol:noIn the past month have you Smoked:noIn the past month have you been on Drugs:noIn the past month have you gone on a Date:um... not by most people's definition.... I'm weird like that....In the past month have you gone to a Mall:No. We don't even really have a mall. We have a shopping area. And I hate shopping...In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:No. I like the cookie part. And that's not worth a box.In the past month have you eaten Sushi:noIn the past month have you been Dumped:Actually... I've never been dumped.... huh... hadn't thought of that before... In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:noIn the past month have you Stolen Anything:noEver been Drunk:noEver been called a Tease:not to my face *grins evily*Ever been Beaten up:um... pass?Ever Shoplifted:yeah. When I was littleHow do you want to Die:not a question I think I should answer right now.....What do you want to be when you Grow Up:Anything that has to do with writingWhat country would you most like to Visit:IrelandIn a Boy/Girl..Favourite Eye Color:GreenFavourite Hair Color:*shrugs* black i guess.... I don't really careShort or Long Hair:shortHeight:*shrugs* taller than me... that's all i askWeight:healthy?Best Clothing Style:comfortable, but knows how to dress fashionable for an occassionNumber of Drugs I have taken:noneNumber of CDs I own:jeez. You want to count that many?Number of Piercings:Ears only (one more year till I learn if I really want the tongue...)Number of Tattoos:noneNumber of things in my Past I Regret:Nothing. There's things I would have changed. But I don't regret themCREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

Finally! (Please don't kill me). I really don't have much to say. But I just wanted to put this out there because I don't really know how to tell anyone, but this way I don't have to tell a person. I can tell everyone. My dad has some sort of liver disease due to his drinking. The doctor ordered him to change his lifestyle aka stop drinking. We all know that won't happen.... so what now? also because the site is being tempermental i can't change my age. *pokes at it some* so apparently i'm still 16.... go figure

So. Yeah. I think I'm going to tell my supposebly two best friends that i don't want to be friends with them anymore. They haven't been treating me well at all this year and I'm tired of being treated like crap by them. It's been over five months since either of them got me out of this fucked up house. And I can't stand it anymore. I'm just clinging on two something that doesn't exist anymore. And I refuse to be ignored by people who are suppose to be my friends. It's bad enough that my mother forgets about me. My friends shouldn't ignore me too.

My friend is officially gone.... i'm leaving for chicago in a couple of days for a choir competition... I'm not sure when I'll be back on the 'net scene... so this is a goodbye of sorts... for now

For some reason my mom and I started talking about my parent's seperation way back when I was little. She felt the need to remind me that one of the conditions of getting back together was that she never mention his drinking problem. Which is ridiculous, because how can you live in a house with him and not mention it? But that's that's beside the point. I stupidly made the comment that I didn't understand why she was still with him. I mean don't get me wrong. I love my dad. He's an amazing person... so long as he's not drinking... but most of the time he is drunk. And a terrible person to be around. So I do wonder why my mom puts up with it. And she answered... because of you. She apparently would need to leave the state in order to be far enough away from him, and that might even not be far enough. Why would you ever tell someone that you're the cause of so much pain? That will scar me more than her leaving ever could have done.

One of my best friends, who I've been best friends with since I was 3 and half, is moving. what else is there to say? bad karma? when does my good karma get to come??? *curls up in a ball*

Okay. Sorry everyone! I know I know I haven't been on at all. At all all. Everything in my life's kinda falling apart so I had to deal with that stuff. One of my best friends (and yes you can have more than one) tried to kill herself. That same friend's sister tried to kill herself. I'm on the verge of not being friends with two of my best friends because we're continuely getting in fights. My English teacher thinks I'm not a good writer... which pretty much just kills me because that's want to do with me life... write. I'm getting four (that's right FOUR) C's on my report card My parents are constantly yelling at me My mom doesn't thing I'm going to get into college My dad doesn't think I'm going to do well on the SAT's A.P. tests are coming up My first SAT is April 1st My Calc final is in two and half weeks I fell and my left leg is bruised. I mean from hip to knee and my ankle. My elbow is scraped along with my left hand. And I broke my little toe AGAIN. which to someone who has never broken a toe it HURTS. a LOT

I have been sick since last monday and it sucks. Like really sick too. Like where i was in so much pain it hurt to move, stand, sit, sleep, do anything. kinda like that day i woke up delusional... anyway i'm a bit better now. back going to school at least. ew. term paper due tomorrow. it took my five hours to write because i kept getting distracted.. *sighs* it should not have taken me that long. i'll post it soon

I should be studying for finals or writting my term paper. but this is so much more fun. You reflect the wisdom of the spirit. You shine asa wise and anicent sage who values intellectamong the most. Your spirit brings guidence tothose around you. You have accomplished yourstrength with age and time. Don't let your wiseadvice go to waste. Share it with all who arewilling to listen. Please rate high;-) Reflections of the Spirit? brought to you by Quizilla - What is Your Inner Angel - brought to you by Quizilla You are the Angel of Light. Good Traits: Your actions revolve around the kindness in your heart, because you know the true value of what there is to all that is good. You also keep faith in your beliefs and try to make choices that other people must choose from, because your main goal in life is to teach people how to choose right from wrong. You are also a child of great beauty and serenity and take pride in the task God had given you in life. The task of saving people from the power and Satin and the road to hell. Bad Traits: Though you may be helpful and kind, there are times that you prevent people from learning the lesson they must learn themselves, because you wish to teach them yourself. You must then learn that with the constant help of you, the people you are aiding may not learn what they need to learn, so they will become too dependant on your kindness and fail to teach themselves the lesson that must be taught if you are not around. Please learn to have more faith in God's children. ^^ Your Best Friend is Most Likely: The Angel of Nature

Tomorrow. January 12th. Probably one of my saddest days all year. *sighs* One of the hardest to get through too. I pretty much feel like there's a huge hole in me.... Tomorrow is the third anniversary of Peter's death....

I decided I needed to have a new design that wasn't quite as dark as my other one. I couldn't get rid of all the darkness, but like with the rose, I put a brighter touch on it. I'm pretty happy with it and I think I may keep it as is, unless someone mentions something I should change and I agree. I'm still playing around with some graphics... so those may change soon

OMG! I'm like sooo pissed. I'm researching stuff for my History term paper. And omg!!! The U.S. sucks. We don't even tell the truth in our HISTORY books!!!!!! or websites!!!!!!! Private websites run by ppl in the U.S. don't even tell the truth!!!!!!! all of which I knew already... but still OMG!!!!! this is rediculous. U.S. historybook online account: On January 17, 1893, the conspirators announced the overthrow of the queen's government. To avoid bloodshed, Queen Lydia Kamakaeha Liliukalani, yielded her sovereignty, and called upon the U.S. government "to undo the actions of its representatives." The U.S. government refused to help her regain her throne. When she died in 1917, Hawaii was an American territory. In 1959, Hawaii became the 50th state after a plebiscite in which 90 percent of the islanders supported statehood. it fails to state one, then a VOTE wasn't HELD. two women who were rulers at one point in hawai'i couldn't vote had a vote been held, three the u.s. navy was threating the queen. the queen was held prisoner in her own home the list goes on...... The businessmen who conspired to overthrow the queen claimed that they were overthrowing a corrupt, dissolute regime in order of advance democratic principles. They also argued that a western power was likely to acquire the islands. Hawaii had the finest harbor in the mid-Pacific and was viewed as a strategically valuable coaling station and naval base. In 1851, King Kamehameha III had secretly asked the United States to annex Hawaii, but Secretary of State Daniel Webster declined, saying "No power ought to take possession of the islands as a conquest...or colonization." But later monarchs wanted to maintain Hawaii's independence. The native population proved to be vulnerable to western diseases, including cholera, smallpox, and leprosy. By 1891, native Hawaii's were an ethnic minority on the islands. King Kamehameha III was the one that set up the country to be independent. HE GOT GREAT BRITAIN AND FRANCE TO SING A DOCUMENT STATING HAWAII WAS AN INDEPENDANT NATION!!!!!!!!! President Cleveland's recommendation that the monarchy be restored was rejected by Congress. The House of Representatives voted to censure the U.S. minister to Hawaii and adopted a resolution opposing annexation. But Congress did not act to restore the monarchy and in 1894, Sanford Dole, who was beginning his pineapple business, declared himself president of the Republic of Hawaii without a popular vote. The new government found the queen guilty of treason and sentenced her to five years of hard labor and a $5,000 fine. While the sentence of hard labor was not carried out, the queen was placed under house arrest. TREASON??? after we TOOK her country from her??????? and the worst you ask? 100 years after we destroyed a peaceful nation, in 1993, President Bill Clinton signed a joined Congressional resolution, which apologized for the U.S. ILLEGAL role in the overthrow. The House approved the resolution by voice vote. The Senate passed it 65 to 34. seriously. 34 SENATORS, of OUR Senators, didn't even want to APOLOGIZE!!! after one HUNDRED years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH OUR COUNTRY????????????

Just got a bit bored so I thought I'd write some stuff... Left Behind I met him so carelessly, just the other day. He appears to fear nothing in the world. So I must ask why did he leave? Was I too unkind for him to stay? He left so suddenly I think it was me. I think I too might follow him and leave. I can’t do so though ‘cause I know. I know what it’s like to be left behind. I know how it feels to be left behind with no where to go. Edit: Had more free time.... did some bgs. Here's one I really like btw. check it out. just because. http://www.fictionpress.com/~cylikablack

Um... Happy New Year and all that jazz. Hope everyone had a decent, if not great New Year's Eve celebration. I sooooo have plans for this year. It's gunna be fun and hard. Wish me luck!