my nose is still all congested tho. agh. but everything is fine. right now my parents are at the nursing home, trying to see if she can get into somewhere better, or to an assisted living place. i've been sick almsot 3 weeks now, and i went to the doctor and got meds, it just didnt help. i might actually like a boy. not quite sure yet. i keep sleeping for shit most nights now tho. and our power went off and on last night. stupid power. well off to shower, and watch shows i missed the past few days, and then babysitting. meh.

someone i know was involved in a car accident saturday night. going over a hill too fast, going airborne, winding up the car flipping a few times.. flying out the window... and the car into a ditch. his hip bone got shattered. he is to be on bed rest for 3-4 weeks. andi n a wheelchair for 3-4 months. thats gotta suck to spend most of your senior year in a wheel chair. at least he wasnt as bad as he coulda been. he coulda hit his head on a boulder. he was 6 inches away from it. yes he was having some memory problems, but he should be okay.

well i suppose lately i've just been feeling left out.... im finding stuff out from other people, who you'd think your supposivly good friend would tell you... if you ask someone out, and are together with them now, wouldnt you tell your good friend? if you im them and tellt hem something, wouldnt you think they'd answer you and not sign off... orw hen they figure out plans for a day, wouldnt you think they'd tell you.... instead of you finding out from your sister, or from reading it online. whatever. i have no actual real friends right now. thats how i feel. how many people talk to me anymore? BESIDES one person who lives... in a different state. yes.. thats lame. whatever.

i had a fun time in eauclaire. i was gone 7 am sat mornin. til 1 am monday morning. lol. i had fun we got lost in minnesota coming back from teh mall of america. and it was just nice being out of the city. sure the long car ride sucked, but it didnt seem that long, it was about 3 1/2 hours... but was supposed to be 4... haha i swear the driver didnt speed. well today going to applebees. and shit is just confusing with me right now so i'll leave it at that. <33333333

so i redid the colors on this journal and stuf.f... its not that great, i was figuring out what was where, i will make it not so... brightish another day, until then, have fun with these pretty colors... found out today... my grandpa is in town... the one who was out of my life the first like 15 years of my life. then came into it, for a few weeks left it for a year, came back for a few more months... left it for a year or w/e im bad at math, i havent seen him since im 16 and im 18 so what 2 years... and now hes back in milwaukee, and maybe for good... he came to go to a doctor or something ehre cuz shits wrong with him, of course... who isnt there somethign wrong with in my family... lol.. hes been back ni town for THREE MONTHS and my dad found out today, he saw him walking down the street and stopped by him, and he said that, he didnt call us cuz he didnt know the number, he coulda stopped by. we been in the same house and had same number for like 14 years. hello... dumbass. i dont ilke him. hes a guy i will never love even if he is my grandpa. and my grandma is really bad too in the nursing home. 62 or something years old in a nursing home, and her memory is terrible. well in a few weeks ima go up to eau claire to visit my crysta, i miss her. :-)

well i havent writen in here in a while. i have been up to absolutely nothing. except sleeping til 11:30 everyday. and saturdays working. tonight im going to see the emily rose movie. hopefulyy its good, otherwise imma be pissed cuz it would be wasting my time.... seeming we are going to see it at like 9:30, when friday nights i hate stayng out late... cuz i gotta be to work by 9 sat morning.. well ill update later

r.i.p puppy.... zoey is now put to sleep.... :-(.... 13 weeks old

we got a new puppy like 2 weeks ago. i think. well now shes sick. she has the parvovirus. which can get really bad before it gets better. we think she might had had it, before we got her. but shes getting treatment for her. so hopefully its good. my grandmas brother called us tonight, to see how shes doing... since someone finally got ahold of him... and he finalyl got a hold of us, after her being in for what, 12 days. or something. but maybe she can get out this week sometime, depends on her title 19. and if she can get into a nursing home.

grandma is doing fine. she didnt have a stroke then. but she has had a few small ones before i guess. and once shes outta the hospital shes going to a nursing home. she really realy needs to. she needs the help. and she needs to get out of where shes living at now. shes so much more happier at the hospital than she is at her house. so a nursing home she should be fine too. im going to state fair today.

grandma had a little stroke sometime today (wednesday) and is now in the hospital. oh boy...

so things with my grandma arent looking to good. we have to watch her with her meds, to make sure shes taking them when shes supposed to. and everything. her doctor also wants her in a nursing home along with us. but the question is, when she gets put in, where is my stupid cousin going to live? and what are they going to do with that doggie? her memory is so terrible though. the doctor asked her if she was forgetting things, she said no. then they were ilke dont lie, and i guess she said yeah. then they were like what year is it? and she said 1983. how terrible is that. then they were like no, she was like... 1993? how do you live thinking its 22 years earlier than it actually is? if thats how it was she'd only have 2 grandkids right now. not...10. and stuff.. its just... i dont know, my sister is going down there right nwo to make sure she gets her prescriptions filled, and makes sure she takes them, and makes sure she eats before taking one of them, its sad how she has to be monitored to take her medication other wise she will forget. its quite depressing. im sorry but if i was her i'd be happy to go into a nursing home to get help. would she rather die because she isnt doing what shes supposed to? ugh.. i dont know. tomorrow i am going to iowa with susie though. i'll be back late friday night, if not then saturday after 5 because i work 12-5 saturday. wow. i wont call in sick this time though. okay... yeah

i just dont know right now. everything with my grandma is just... so.... idk things are just getting worse and worse with her. and the only people that want to help her is my mom and dad. its quite sad. oh and family that lives 5 hours away. my 16 year old cousin is a repeat of her mom. she is ugh. why would you go home drunk and stuff with a black guy at 2 am, to make your grandma get even worse? yeah treat the person who took care of you almsot your entire life.. like shit.. i dont know... tomorrow my parents are going to the doctor with her, and talking to the doctor about stuff, things are just getting bad now. her memory is just terrible. how can you stand livnig like that. its just so sad to see. its like when you talk to her, you are talking to a wall or something. half the time she wont answer you or somethin.. its just, sad... i love her. the first step is to get my cousin away from my grandma. second step get my grandma into a home where she can get assistance and someone to make sure she takes her meds, seeming she takes half of what shes supposed to, so now wonder shes a mess. her liver disease is bad. her memory is worse. her depression could be even worse. my aunt that lives 5 hours away, is going to look into a home out there for her, it would be best for my grandma to get away from my cousin and aunt, two people who are making it worse for her living in that house. and that dog she cant handle, its way too hyper for her. and its just a puppy at the most 3 months old. matty, now this is part of whats wrong with me, but just a little part of me... only other person i ever worried about healthwise was my brother at the beginning of the month, but hes been fine ever since then. and my om told my aunt that once my grandma dies, she sees that the only people on my dads side we would still probably talk to sometimes, is her. the rest are SHIT. my mom hates how the people are on my dads side of the family. how are you not going to help your mom (my grandma) when she needs it the most? ugh. im sorry... im done now...

i got 4 hours of sleep last night. woke up at 6:30 showered... and went to the fair by 8:30... walked around for almost 8 1/2 hours before we finally left. im freaking TIRED. and i only saw one person i know. kyle. heh... i just saw him sunday. and now today. i skipped work today. how lame am i? i could have just told them i didnt know i worked. since they did call me... and left a message on the answering machine letting me know i worked today and to give them a call back after that message, which i just checked now... but ya liek 20 min after they called, my aunt called me in sick. lmao. cuz they couldnt hear the ppl around teh fair.. rigtht.. id ont care im not going to last much longer there at all. and i need a shower... lol

meh.... i dont know anymore.

ugh. one thing i dont like... guys... i mean i like them. but i dont like when ones i dont like... like me.. and have to see me flirting or just having a fun ol' time with my friends.. idk... im tired... i need sleep.. the lock in tonight, was boringly fun... saw carlos again. woot. and saw cassy. shit, not listing everyone i saw... night

im not in a good mood anymore. once again. i just feel depressed. and i dont kno why. nothing is around to make me this way. maybe babysitting is just draining the fun out of my life... :-

ive been so much more better lately. i dont like any guys right now so its so much more easier. i did get to see my ex chris tonight though. that was nice. matt, i wont let things bother me anymore. and i'll try getting sleep. i dont get a whole lot of sleep anymore. its 1:06 am. im about to go play some video games. WOOT! im a loser already spent 7 hours playing. then a hour online. then a hour out with chris. now another hour online. now going to play some video games. lmao. adios.. matt... this weekend what are you doing? i dont babysit friday. and i most likely wont be working again this weekend. or im free anytime after 6 during the week. and before 1:30. well idk we'll talk sometime.

im a little better. not sure though. if i knew what was bringing me down, i would be able to feel better. but i dont, so i cant. last night i went to bed at like 10:30... but didnt go to sleep til about 2:30... and woke up atl ike 10:30 this mornign to a person calling my phone which sounded like a wrong number. i was pissed. but during those four hours i listened to 3 msi cds, 1 system of a down cd, and i think disturbed cd... not sure if there were anymore cds. it was ratehrn ice. and i was coloring in a coloring book, and i cant remember what else, oh i spend a good amount of time reading a cosmo magazine... full of interesting facts. my dogs are happy now, since my dads finally home.. got home around a lil before 8.. they are usedta seeing him around 4:30-5 at the latest... they will be happy to see my mom too.. everyone decided to have stuff to do, and leave me home with the dogs. sassy ass bitches,.. my life is just a big blob. ic ant be happy. well i can. but i cant. i cant fall for a guy again. maybe i'm just looking at the wrong guys. but the last guy i started to fall for, i havent seen in 2 months. and havent talked to him in over a month.. hes ungroudned now i think though. but its not like he likes me anymore anyways... *sigh*.. kind of sucks.. oh well.. i think i still have feling for my ex.. well both of them.. but nothing can happen with me and them again anyways.. they all are happy with there life.. one just broke up with his g/f, one is gone all summer... working at a camp, with his ex g/f unless its his g/f again.. idk.. my life is pretty boring... theres a hella lotta skateboarders over here.. too bad they werent my age... or i dont think they are anyways... ohwell.. im sort of turning into the girl i used to be. getting more into the music again. like msi and punk and stuff...i probably wont dress how i usedta tho, my family likes the way i dress now more than before... babysitting wasnt that bad today... ugh....

i dont know whats wrong with me... im just so.... blah... idk... i love my friends to death. but need time away frmo everything. ugh... idk...... matt i heart you... i'll go start reading that story of yours now..

everything is so ugh lately... my grandma.. my cousin... mydogs... friends.. people... ugh... frolics wasnt that bad... today nto sure whats goin on yet... just plain ugh.... i dont know if i should go to the birthdya party or wait to see if somone is going to call me or not... idk... ugh..