why does my life always fuckin suck, theres so many ppl thats screw me ova, n all becoz i let them, n i hate myself 4 it, recently its been danny, who fucking bullshit lines i fell 4, he seemed so genuine n the fact that ive known him on n off 4 over 3 years made me think he wudnt screw me up, but no, 2 much 2 fucking ask 4 a male 2 b honest, i told him i didnt want a relationship n sex wud do me, n he came at me wiv all the shit, i really like u , things wud b gud, n telling me hed b 'gutted' if we neva worked out, yeh of course we fucked, which was pretty gud n then i neva hear from the cunt again!! nuthing less than i expected by why tell me the shit!! i dont fukin wanna hear it!! fucks sake!! why do guys feel the need 2 tell shit like that, its not like he didnt know the score, a shag was gonna happen, so why tell me things 2 fuck me up n make me wanna b with him, why do guys do that?!!?! maybe its just me it happens 2!!! grrrrrrr

I failed one of my assignments!!! but i passed one 2!!n there rnt ne results 4 one of them n i dunno why!!! but looks like i have 2 resits so far!! god i suck!!hehe o well one pass is ok i guess!! i soo need 2 work hard on my business assignment!! or im totallllly fukked!! xx

I keep having fucking lesbian dreams, n they r always the same i start fucking a guy n sum how during it he fucks off (not that i remember how or why he leaves!) n theres just a girl there whos naked, i kiss her n touch her tits n go down on her!!! its so annoying, its always the same!! grr i need a shower...im ttiirreedd..................

Last nite was such a great fucking nite, even tho we got kicked outta welly!! the bouncers r so mean n over react so much! wankers!! it was narly closing time neways so it wasnt that bad. in the club this random guy told me his pin number 4 his bank card and asked me 2 put it in 4 him!! n then he was like oo ur nose ring looks cute! he was so drunk!! he thought he took a tenner out but had like 40 quid! he was quite cute tho n kissed me on the cheek bless him!! random drunken guys r cool!! I fell out with both juztin n sam coz i rang them at like 3 am n they were both ded pissy with me, n sam was being well queer with me so i dont think were mates at all nemore, n juztin just blocked me again, but il give it a week n say sorry n he will chat 2 me again. It was a really mad nite after we got back, there was 4 of us n we spoke 50 fags in like 4 hours!! it was crazy, aswell as smoking so many fags in the club, my throat fucking hurts!! i made paul teach me a feew cords on my guitar n hes eventually gonna help me learn 2 play a full song, it was funny coz i made him eat 5 mini rolls n he was nearly sick!! n then got every1 2 near on the seats near the window n 'let of steam' by shouting 'you facking caant' at the top of their voices, when a cop car went past!! luckily our house it like far away from the street!! every1 had a gud time tho, even tho tom n stuart were talking politics in my room 4 like hours!! Stuart fucking pissed me off n was like randomly cuming on 2 me n rachel n saying m n him needed a chat! i just ignored him in the end!! Tom n stus convo was sooooo boring so we just listened 2 tunes in the kicthen with out them, every1 was wrecked in it was fucking, playing 'the hoff' at like 5 am full blast as craigs birthday song!! god we suck so much! i had a big argument wiv sam on msn, n then went 2 bed at like half 8, n i awoke at 9 oclock 2 this mental fucking bitch screaming that our kitchen needs 2 b clean by 10 o clock or were all gonna get reported, so craig fucking stumbles in 2 my room n mumbls sumthing like ' kitchen, clean' n i had 2 get up! sophie cum in 2 gloat at the fact she wasnt hungova/still drunk n that she had had numerous hours sleep! she was wise n stayed away!! I havent really dun much else 2day, tom left pretty early after dying 2 get breakfast at 10 oclock n me n rach were like noooo, but sophie was well up 4 it, then every1 went back 2 bed but i cudnt sleep so i didnt get 2 sleep til 7pm 2nite n woke up at like half 11 but im still knackered!! im watching quizmania tho coz i love it!! n im prob gonna fall asleep pretty soon!! xx xx

its now 12 oclock, ive been u ova 3 hours!! i was awoken sooo early by james, but i guess we did need 2 get our bank details in 4 the house so its gud, only dave has 2 do his now n were all sorted, he has a busy day tho so im not sure when hes off 2 do it. Its craigs party 2nite n im excited even tho we havent been shopping 2 get all the stuff i got a few balloons n stuff yesterday n i had 2 buy another heluim balloon coz i 4got 2 take the one i bought 2 b inflated! how dumb am i!! ive got a lecture at 2 n i cant b arsed 2 go but i really shud , ive not been 2 uni 4 2 weeks since the start of the semester so i really need 2, i just wont go 2 tutorial!! coz it sucks he asks u lame questions n i wont know the answer so im not going!! i havent been once yet so o well!! i just cant b bothered AGAIN 2day 2 go 2 a lecture, i dunno if unis 4 me or not, but ive signed 4 a house so i guess it will have 2 be!! i mite just change course tho, do english or sumthing if i can, i think if enjoy that more, but i dunno if they will let me, ive gotta make appointment 4 fucking gay pdp neways so i may aswell as when i go, il have 2 contact the woman/bloke 4 it *sigh* i think were ment 2 b off 2 welly later on after craigs party 2 nite but i dont wanna go there, im trying 2 save money and also not drink so il have 2 c if il go. well i need a shower n 2 get my self mentally prepeared 4 the bordem xx

Everything went ok at the hospital and im glad that its all sorted now, me n sam kinda fell out 4 a while but thats all sorted 2, we can both just put it behind us. Ive just signed a contract 4 a new house 4 next year and im so excited, its great n its only like 20 mins away from uni so its kool and im saving like £1,600 a year!! http://www.aps-system.co.uk/clubeasy_student_search/property_detail.asp?town=Hull&yeartosearch=1&area=&rooms=4&page=1&propertyid=30 My house!!!! amazinly cheap! yay! i havent really dun much else 2day, just got sum stuff from craigs bday 2moz hopefully it will b a gud nite, n his friends r ment 2 b cuming up so it shud b gud, n phils mates n rachy so it will b a laugh. ive got 2 go 2 a lecture 2moz :( i really cant b arsed 2 go!! i hate lectures!! Im kinda sad spohie isnt moving in wiv us, but i doubt she will b far away every1 else is like 5 mins away so its gonna b gud next year, n its closer 2 welly so no more taxis!! im excited bout living wiv rach it will b fun but im miss every1 else, but we can have gud times coz she likes welly n spiders n i can do girly nites 2!! neways i need 2 update proper n il do it soon coz im off now!! xx xx xx

New year, new dairy. ive decided to keep a dairy again, hopefully everyday, part from days im not online which shudnt b that often. My life is at a really sucky point rite now, having just found out be4 xmas that i was pregant n having an abortion is a great way to start the new year, but by wednesday it will b all ova n i can move on from that chapter in my life, only 2 ppl know, so i wont have 2 keep thinking bout it when ppl see me and i wont have ppl asking me all about it so its gonna b ok, i mean im upset but ive not let myself get involved in it really so its not as hard as i thought this situation wud be, its just a bit stupid fucking mistake thats gonna go away. I wasnt gonna tell sam but i got drunk last nite n it happened, n i think he had a rite 2 know but i didnt really want him 2 know but he does n things rnt really that strange between us n i can finally let go from him now n that will be gud. I havent really dun much today i missed my lecture coz i wasnt awake by 1 o clock!! so i havent really dun that much 2day n i doubt il go 2moz so just a chilling day 2moz aswell :) i was gonna go out 2nite but i cant b arsed so il c all the guys when then get back if im not asleep coz im pretty tired n its only 11 pm! it was great 2 cum back 2 uni n c every1 , ive got a gud feeling about this year, its gonna b a gud 1 i can tell, n i really hope its gonna be Emmy x x x

I cant sleep to dream of ur face Haunting vision of the one thing i hate Take away all ur lies Just leave me here to die Dont wanna wake to the sound of ur voice Listening to you was my pathetic choice One that u begged me to make Yes, it was a mistake Dont ask me to question my feeling ever again Dont ever ask me to call you a friend You can not see How you've hurt me Thinkin of yourself once again You can not believe That il survive when u leave Dont even dare say your sorry I didnt ask to feel this way Didnt ask you to lie to me and say you felt the same I didnt ask you to invite me in, get inside of your skin So cast me aside, you've payed your games Tore up my heart, stopped the burning of the flames Dont ask for another chance to be my friend, u've fucked it all up once again, you've broken my heart before, least i can truely say that I dont love you anymore

You, you said this wasnt the end You, said it was real, but it was only just pretend And now i know, who you are I never wanted to I knew we shudnt of taken it so far I cant esacpe These memories I just retrace All my unfilled fantasies You brought me lies And opened up my eyes to what was real And what i feel I feel nothing for you now

Why do i always fuck things up. i had a great friendship wiv a really great guy n its neva gonna b the same i always wreck things wiv ppl n i know its my own stupid fault but im used 2 guys wanting it, i very rarely meet a nice noraml respectful guy, n i did, but he has a g/f n i pushed it 2 far, n i think i pushed it 2 far 2 go back. Normally i wudnt care n just think fuck him off but its different there was actual friendship there n its not the same nemore n i dnt think i will b again,im glad, in a way, that he didnt take up the offer, but i just wished i neva offered it in the 1st place coz its makes things awkward n strange n i hate it, i just want it 2 b the same n us have a laugh takin the piss outta each other n stuff, n now its like forced its not like it was b4, last nite was shite n i wish it neva happened n i dunno wat 2 do 2 make things different now. N so im sat in my room pissed at myself whilst every1 else is enjoy there self n im not likin it, i hate it, fuckin hell why do i always screw up so bad ....grrrrrrrrrrr xx xx xx

i have had such a mad time!! ive only been here like 3 weeks! its fuckin mental n i love it. Everyones settled in now n weve jus been gettin pissed up most nites, nicking barriers n road signs n putting them in our kitchen! its all gud fun. There was also an incident wiv a fire hose, fucking foamy shit all ova the fucking kitchen!! but it was funny stuff, every1 in my house is amazin n theres paul, stew n andy who ive met and they r ace 2, and fays friend marios! but every1 else is boring as fuck round here, they neva cum 2 join in wiv our fun but we always have a gud time so screw them. Last nite was pretty funny, started off as a quick nite in the su 4 the quiz every1 got a bit 2 merry n started fuckin drawing all ova my arms n legs 'bastards'!! *bangs fists* n i also nearly choked paul wiv a cocktail stick but it was an accident n i said sorry!! after that happened we went 2 get sum booze from jacksons, n then we went 2 subway n waited fuckin AGES 4 the guys 2 get sum food, one of the serving persons checked me out tho, n he wasnt 2 bad so that was ok. Cuming out i saw guy, who'd id just sent a mad random txt 2, so i kinda hid my face, but it got sorted out later on. After we cum back we nicked a sign that said 'pedestrains, plz use other walk way' n put it outside fayes door!! which marios took home wiv him! n then i had 2 eat a manky 2 day sandwhich coz i had a fag first, stupid fuckin contract!! n then the fire hose cum out later on n i got fuckin foamed 2 fuck!! My first few weeks have been fucking amazin! n im so happy i chose 2 stop in taylor courts coz its ace!! Im so annoying a Juzin rite now, 4 sum reason hes not talking 2 me n i cant even remember doing nething really nasty 2 him so i dunno what his problem is i really want him 2 cum c me tho, n ebs cumng 2moz which remembers me i need 2 txt her times so i best get going xx xxx xx

I had my first full week at uni last week n it was really gud, the ppl on my course dont seem mega friendly but the ppl who i live wiv r fuckin amazin every1 is so fuckin friendly n its just so much fun the past week has gone so fast, n past in pretty much of a blur, i have been pretty drunk!! but i know im enjoying it n i love it!! the only thing ive hated is not having my hair straighteners!! *cry*but they r rite here wiv me now so all is gud!! have 2 update more in a bit godda run xx xx xx

oooo its leeds 2moz!! i so cant wait, gerard way here i cum!! =) hes so fit n i cant wait 2 them all play live. i havent really had much 2 update just lately so i just didnt bother! im off 2 hull soon, like a week n a half n im totally shittin it!! i went 2 look round the other day n it seems ok but mega busy n super scary 2 b honest, but il deal! i went 2 look round birthdays in hull in its really small, wiv a big massive clintons opposite which is way mental, i mean there r three floors!! it cud of b placed a lil better! its not really as big as i thought it wud b but thats gud coz then i wont have 2 work 2 hard!! lol im so lazy. im so bored rite now, no 1 decents online n saz is at work til 5 so i dunno what time im gonna go round 2 jamies, that reminds me i need 2 check the bus times! im bored, i wanna talk 2 juztin =( every1 else just pisses me off but he neva does, i usualy piss him off!! im so nasty sum tyms!! or as he calls it 'pissy' lol that always makes me laugh, but we always sort it out! thank fuck! supose i shud go get my things ready 2 take 2 jamies n then find what time 2 get a bus, i hate buses!! n i need 2 ring sazzzzle 2 luvvy xx x xx

i cant help the way i feel im sorry if thats not enough for you i neva asked to feel this way neva wanted you 2 go away i guess that its just fate i can only say im sorry for what i did and why i did it im so ashamed thats why i hid it and that it took place from the start i dont know why, i guess its fate is it 2 much 2 ask u not 2 hate me dont stare at me wiv distant eyes and then you ask me why dont ask me why i dont know n i guess i neva will all i know is im am sorry for what i did and why i did it i dont expect you to forgive me the pain i caused may be to much to live with and if u want me to leave then il go il grant you ur every last wish but lifes to short to hold a grudge and u know what i did will haunt me you know where i am shall u need me. . .

Write lots of bullshit that you think Im gonna read Makes you seem so genuine Well a little bit more than you seem I dont believe the shit you say I dont even take it in For once in my life I feel so strong Strong enough to tell you that you are fucking wrong Strong enough to tell you that I really dont give a fuck I really dont have the time to deal with your ‘stuff’ Your ups and downs your highs and lows And all the shit in between All your craps more crazy that a seriously fucked up dream You make me wanna scream and shout No longer do i have ne doubt Your not worth it All the shit youve put me through And I went with it guess I was crazy Oh yeah I loved you I must have been so fucked up Wished I closed my mouth n shut up The first time I caught your sight Yeah, you heard it right I love you Is that enough fucking emotion for you Im sorry Im not perfect maybe every once in a while I am wrong I thought I knew you believed what you said to me thought it was true Then you changed Telling me were not the same dont ask why dont wanna complicate Shit aint that easy Its fucking tough maybe you should fucking grow up learn how to face it rough The hardest shit aint someone not loving you the same amount back Its loving someone so much your gonna crack They dont even know your alive find it hard to survive Only wanting you for what your can do for them Im not a friend I dont mean shit Even tho thats true I actually like it. . .

Fade Away Your eyes meeting mine They see the shallow of my skin Not the deepness within Your smile seeming warm Almost inviting me in Then it begins to fade I’m falling now No-one to ever save me Calling you now Your not returning to me You keep on pushing, pushing me away And today, today I’ll fade away Today I’ll fade away Your words seeming true They weren’t believable I guess I must have been a fool Your touch feeling honest I should of pushed you away Now I begin to fade I’m falling now No-one to ever save me Calling you now Your not returning to me You keep on pushing, pushing me away And today, today I’ll fade away Today I’ll fade away Your smile seeming warm Almost inviting me in Then it begins to fade I’m falling now No-one to ever save me Calling you now Your not returning to me You keep on pushing, pushing me away And today, today I’ll fade away Today I’ll fade away

Your Goodbyes As I sit here bleeding Blood pouring out from me I didn’t realise what pain could be Not from the knife marks Just from your lies Not from the flesh wounds Just from your goodbyes Every time it happens The scars just heal and fade The raw emotion is always in my brain You see the slashes, the open veins You don’t see the tears that fall from my eyes You see the open flesh wounds Brought from your goodbyes Pain, brought from your words Cuts much deeper than any weapon could Make me cry more than seeing all my blood They slit my throat They break my heart The bring me down Your lies Broken trust And your goodbyes

i dont think me n andy r mates ne more, he really pissed me off 2day, i mean i dont speak 2 him that much, or havent lately n i tried 2 day n hes like im off 2 bed coz i want steph 2 wake me up so i can speak 2 her all nite, like yeh thanks a fucking lot, cud at least say hi properly, but i guess its askin 2 much of him coz im not steph. god he annoys me so much, i really dont even feel like speaking 2 him ne more, not that he wud even notice, or care, o well only about a month be4 i leave so it doesnt matter. I like my new diary so much more better, its more pretty n welcoming =) my days been so borin, work sucked n ive got a major cold that i caught of sarah, the whore!! Abby came in 2 work 2day asking bout sarah i swear she is so annoying, i didnt like the way she spoke 2 me, like sarah shud of fucking been like n its too much 4 abby 2 fuckin txt her and ask her if shes still goin 2 b in town, shes suck a dick sumtyms. the only thing keeping me goin is that i get 2 leave work soon,only like 2 weeks n 3 days!! i cant wait! and that im off 2 leeds in like 22 days =) =) wiv sarahs bro =D hes sooo fit!! I feel so mean coz Danny txt me, coz i saw him friday, n kissed him (again) but its so bad coz hes one of leannes Xs, n its just not gud!! even tho i hate leanne, it just mite lead 2 other stuff cumin out bout Wayne, n she still fuckin loves him so i cant even go there coz that wud b bad, 2 of her old bfs!! so not gud!! im scared bout goin 2 uni, i dont think im gonna like it, but hopefully it will b ok but im not 2 sure, i can always cum home so its kool. im just gonna miss all my friends, eb, saz n i wanna c lil eveie grow up =( n my lil 'bro' blowy, makin sure all his g/fs r nice or il knock em out! im really tired, n fukked off at andy so im gonna go <3 Luv Luv x.x.x

Does ne 1 know why the html things dont work 4 me? does ne1 else have a problem wiv this?? i want me cool txt trail back , plz help sum1 <3 Luv Luv x.x.x

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