it makes me physically ill thinking of my stupidity - me, thinking that you actually had the capability to love me back; but now, in the dark of your light, i can think more clearly. i see that this was just a shallow indulgence that both of us took part on. we are both equally guilty in this. i just jumped in to quickly to call this love. love is something shared by two individuals, right? it can't be. because no matter how much you abuse my affections, i will always love you; much like an abused dog will still always lick the hand of his master. it's my fault mostly; i let myself fall too hard. i let you integrate into my life and become such an integral part of it. i'm not entirely sure what to do anymore. i have a choice to make. Either stay and love a man who does not love me back, or leave - never holding what means most to me. so far, i've been holding onto a ghost; maybe there is some sense in the wrongness of this. only now i've just discovered it.