Inspirational Quote of the Day: Come, Armageddon, Come

The only thing that surprises me more than the fact that I always seem to come back to this place is that I remembered my password right away. What is it that makes sitdiary so special? I have no idea, but skimming through my old entries brings back a lot more memories than anything else. Weird. Anyway. Thanks for archving all this, whoever may be in charge here now!

Every time I come here (and that only seems to happen when I'm home alone and drunk) I'm amazed this thing still exists. I wish it was Monday so I could go out and play in the dirt. I miss the place and the people and I wish I could just stay there forever. I hate the though that it's only three more weeks.

again

to do: - eat healthier - stop blending in all.

My fish are starving because I can´t log in on facebook. Too much fear I might spot what he´s been up to. Just seeing that small picture makes my stomach turn. Social networking is a curse.

I really, really like that mood-thingy. I just click on anything that comes up, but today "liberated" isn´t that far from the truth. I feel sort of happy for the first time in... forever, it seems. Everything makes me sad still. Trains, tv shows, words, songs, food, places, that carpet... everything, basically. But no stupid sobbing today. For the first time in over two months. Honestly, I´ve checked. More than two months. It can´t be right to be that sad for more than two months. This has to stop.

Could it be time for bed now? Please?

Just not quite as funny. But that might just be a question of time. I cried in I Love You Phillip Morris today. Something seems be going very wrong. Or maybe the constant sleep deprivation ist starting to make me really crazy.

You know what? Life really does go on. And it feels like the funniest thing ever.

Now it has happened: people I hardly know have told me that I got cynical, pessimistic, and hard. Things have gone way too far. And while I´m pretty sure I never was of the happy-go-lucky-type, it seems I wasn´t always like I am now. When did it start? And why? And how come I can´t remember? Scary as hell, really.

So why do I miss those the most who have hardly been there at all? All the beautiful maybes.

Just in case you were wondering what I was up to. And yes, I know you really weren't.

tonight chèz overrated: after all, things could be a whole lot worse, right?

so here we go again. i need to get out of this flat. i need to get away from that job. but i can´t just quit, because, well, that would be quitting. i can´t let them win. i´ll have to sit it out and pretend i don´t care. even if it kills me, and right now i feel it might. i went down two dress sizes, which is nice. if i manage to grow a bit i could start a new career as a supermodel. no, really, with a good make-up artist and the right lighting anything is possible. what´s not so nice is that twitchy shaky nervous thingy, and that i´m constantly on the edge of bursting into tears. but i guess that´s what several weeks of what feels like no food and no sleep will do to you. might this be a case of if it doesn´t kill you it will only make you stronger? somewhere at the back of my head i think it might be, and the fact that i can somehow imagine a time when all this will be in the past alone is very relieving. it must mean that i´m doing a whole lot better already. apparently i only ever write here when things are going downhill. that makes me sound horribly sad and whiny, i´m afraid. i am not always like that. just look at the long gaps between my entries and imagine i have been awfully happy and cheery there. i don´t even know why i bother, but of anybody ever happens to read this thing, believe me: i´m not always like that.

while I usually drink to remember tonight I drink to forget. why the hell doesn´t that work?

Justevery time I end up in front of the computer on a saturday night, alone and a bit drunk I feel the overwhelming need to visit sitdiary, even if it´s all broken. why? no, really, it is not a rhetorical question at all. why this desolate place with no backgrounds and no people I know? why? ...omfg look at all the features this thing has. now how do I make it behave?

I think I went straight into manic mode. I would worry if I wasn´t so hysterically happy.

Need to look up "recalcitrant". Hope it's not something too embarrassing. Last two weeks were very good. I read. I knit. I watched tv. I went shopping. No grocery shopping, the real thing. Beautiful. Work again tomorrow. Not so beautiful, but not that bad either. Boring, mostly. Car is back home and running. They even washed and cleaned it. Excellent service. Should break something more often. Ipod also works again. Yes, kids, sometimes violence is the answer. Of course all music's gone and the battery is dead so I can't take it off the dock, but whatever. hmmmm... title seems to be too long. It should be "fate", but I guess any noun will do. All. Need to take beer out of freezer now.

Flying pumpkins now. This place just freaks me out. I am sick, people of sit.diary, and that is freaking me out even more. I haven´t left the house since wednesday, and that was just to go to the doctor so it doesn´t count, and I´m starting to go crazy. Now, I´m not even really sick, but of course I can´t go anywhere as not coming in to work all week and then hopping merrily around town wouldn´t be much of a good idea. I might have cabin fever. I have ironed. (i haven´t ironed in months) I have cooked. (yes, real food) I have sorted out my entire wardrobe and put about half of it on ebay. (so far everybody´s watching, but nobody´s buying) I am almost through with the first season of star trek. (i never thought i´d say that, but it´s not that bad) Now I´m knitting socks.